I'm a wreck

[vinesqueen 2]

Okay, my surgery is in a week. I’m a wreck, just a nervous wreck. I’m not sleeping, I’m pacing, my asthma is threatening to flare. I’m trying to keep myself distracted, but it isn’t working. Night is worse for some reason. I’ve tried to focus on other thing, like tomorrow I start my horseback riding class, and Friday I go home (a temporary reprieve from my exile). I have a dark chocolate bar softly whispering my name oh so seductively. It is probably lonely. That same bar has been in my fridge since October, so I’m not really in any danger.

And I have a gi-normous math test on Thursday. You would think that would capture my attention, given my l33t m4th skills… (as if)

I wish I could be dancing like jubilant Jamie, dancing around her living room, shaking her booty. But I can’t. Instead I sit with tears. I’m not sure what I’m mourning.

[MeganA 35]

Oh, it's hard. What you're going through is really normal. You are taking a giant leap and it's scary. But, you're going to be ok, and I think sometimes the anticipation is worse than the part after the surgery...at least it was for me.

Do you have any idea what it is that you are feeling? You say you are mourning something..what do you think it is?

Uncover some of these emotions...let yourself feel them. Then they aren't so scary.

Good luck...and like I said before, you are going to be ok.

Megan

[lapbander081004 7]

Vines,

Your ridding the same roller coaster we all rode before you. Relax it makes it back safely. Remember we all would take a second ride on it if we had too.

Your moruning your old self and soon will be celebrating the new you.

We're all pulling for you for a quick, clean and successful results.

[New Hope 37]

O.K., Crystal, slow deep breaths, you don't need an asthma attack right now! There's a lot going through your mind right now...fear of the unknown future, sadness for the loss of your old ways, hope for a wonderful future, and thinking you're going to be the first one to fail w/your band. But your future is going to be so wonderful. You're going to get rid of (or greatly reduce) these horrible health problems, find that you'll be eating and enjoying better foods, seeing that there really is a life out there that doesn't revolve around food, and succeed with your band.

Now, please get out there and have fun on your horseback lessons tomorrow. Then study for that Math test and pass it w/flying colors.

We'll be here for you. (((Hugs)))

[paula 4]

I’m not sure what I’m mourning.

Its that change of habit we are all uncertain of.

Dont worry though.

I wish someone wouldve told me that its not a drastic change... its gradual. hang in there, itll be over before you know!

[claraluz 2]

I guess knowing it's normal probably doesn't help that much, but it is normal. And I can understand why you can't concentrate on math because it's very hard to focus when you are facing even a safe surgery. Do whatever it is that usually helps you relax. Read, write, walk, dance, listen to music - whatever. You will soon be past this. And do let us know how the horseback riding lesson goes. It sounds like fun!

Nancy

[the best me 6]

Our doubts are traitors,

And make us lose the good we oft might win

By fearing to attempt.

William Shakespeare

Well quoted, Vinesqueen. You know the answers, you know you can do this and do it well. I know it!

[kellymoos 4]

Been there......and it is horrible. But, you will be out of surgery before you know it and a skinny little woman!!!! You can do this, we all are proof! Think about riding that horse in a year from now needing bricks in your pockets to hold you down!!!!!

[Mita 2]

Vines,

Like everyone has said you are not alone we were all there at some point before our surgery. Just hang in there and take it day by day.

[donali 57]

Crystal -

You're going to do great!! It is a scary thing, and the unknown changes are frightening, but like Paula said, the changes are gradual. The time on liquids may seem drastic, but hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones who has no hunger until it's time to go back on solids anyway - that's what happened for me (and I'm so grateful!! ).

There is definitely going to be some mourning going on, and when you identify what it is, exactly, you are mourning, you may be surprised.

I wanted to cry when I realized that there were no more "all you can eat" buffets in my future. After I thought about it for a while, I realized that after I was banded, EVERY day was going to be an "all you can eat" buffet!! One where I could eat as much as I wanted and still lose weight. Because, truthfully, most of the time after eating a small sampling, I didn't want anymore. And then, of course, there was the I couldn't eat any more - that was particularly helpful... lol

Twice after I was banded I was really PISSED off that I could not eat more than my band allowed. I laughed at myself, and then thanked my band. At the time it wasn't so funny, but I reminded myself that this was exactly the kind of help I needed.

Congrats on your upcoming date! You'll do great!!

[blossom 2]

Vines, just take it one day at a time. Focus on today. You will get through this!

[Jammin & Losin 1]

Okay, my surgery is in a week. I’m a wreck, just a nervous wreck. I’m not sleeping, I’m pacing, my asthma is threatening to flare. I’m trying to keep myself distracted, but it isn’t working. Night is worse for some reason. I’ve tried to focus on other thing, like tomorrow I start my horseback riding class, and Friday I go home (a temporary reprieve from my exile). I have a dark chocolate bar softly whispering my name oh so seductively. It is probably lonely. That same bar has been in my fridge since October, so I’m not really in any danger.

And I have a gi-normous math test on Thursday. You would think that would capture my attention, given my l33t m4th skills… (as if)

I wish I could be dancing like jubilant Jamie, dancing around her living room, shaking her booty. But I can’t. Instead I sit with tears. I’m not sure what I’m mourning.

Vinesqueen~ Please believe me when I say I know how you feel. I was so upset that I was going to have to get my Gallbladder removed the week I thought I would get my band. Instead I had to have that done first and come home and wait a month to get my band . Still 9 days to go till that gets here.

The worst thing about the gallbladder surgery was it was unexpected and my mother who lives next door to me and has always been here for me was on a cruise when I got the news that my gallbladder had to be removed imediatley. I was so upset and scared and felt really alone (even thou my husband was there with me with all the love and support he could offer) I felt alone during that time without my mother. I had lots of sleep less nights that week and longed to come home without my gallbadder and with my band,but no I have to have two surgerys to get that band.

I think that now that I went through all of that this band surgery its self seems easier to me and therefore I'm not as nervous or upset about this as I was the gallbladder surgery. I've had so many people say they are a simular surgerys that I'm really not scared about it like you are. I guess in a way I've had a trial run you know. That has been better for me because I can be so excited at such a special mile stone in my life. I 'm ready to get this band and start this new journey AND YOU ARE TOO!! YOU CAN DO THIS GIRL! Just think about how you will feel after losing weight THATS PLENTY OF REASON TO DANCE!! GET UP AND DANCE WITH ME!!! LETS DO THE BOOGIE BAND DANCE. This should be a time you feel releived that weight loss help is on its way. I know your scared and I was to,and I'm sure I will still be a little nervous and axious on march 18th my band day. But we will get through this and we will be so glad we did. I'm sending calming (((HUGS ))) your way. Take a deep breath /relax and then get up and dance with me!!!!

I'm here for you if you need to talk pm me okay!! Jamie

[TrishS 3]

Crystal,

I know its hard with this roller coaster ride you are going thourgh, and belive me I get a tight knot feeling down deep in my tummy when I think of my surgery and its not for another month and a half... Just try your best to relax, and if you need to cry then cry.. dont hold it in. And look at the success of your husband and let him be a support to you. You can get thourgh this I know you can!!!! ((((((Hugs))))) and Take Care

[Penni60 45]

Aww Crystal: I just wanna come over there and hug you. IT will get better and you will get banded and you will see changes. Know that I am praying for you and this too shall pass.

[leatha_g 4]

As everyone else has stated, this really is a normal part of the process. Mourning that which was, fear of the unknown. I think, for me, I was mourning the fact that although I am a very strong and determined person, this was one thing in my life I could not beat or overcome with grace. In ways, I felt like I had failed and somehow I had some character flaw that made me inadequate. Occasionally, I still think I want MORE than my band thinks I need to eat, especially if it's something really tasty or one of my old favorite foods, but I have come to really appreciate the fact that I don't have to feel 'stuffed' like I used to or go to bed feeling guilty for having eaten too much at dinner and after dinner, etc. I really feel 'relief' from the burden of food and I can't tell you what the loss of 75lbs has done for my health and general well being.

Try not to let it get you down. Perspective is everything. You are not really losing anything, but weight and the prospect for a terrible unhealthy future. Yes, there are adjustments to be made, but you'll be surprised at what a relief it is to not have 'food' as your master anymore. You'll come to a place where activity takes up more of your time. Buying new clothes, cleaning out the old. Taking walks, riding bikes, dancing, smiling, feeling so much better mentally and physically. One year from now this pre-op period will be but a faint memory in your thinner, healthier new life.