Lack of support help

[Shadow08 1]

My best friend keeps telling me to just try and loose weight with my own determination. She lost 80+ pounds over the past two years but she has several illnesses and sees doctors weekly. She can't eat due to pain. How can I convince her that I want to loose weight but I am not able to on diets. I have tried 9 different approaches, only to gain more weight back! I just need the support to go ahead with this life changing process... please help!

[IndioGirl55 32]

My best friend keeps telling me to just try and loose weight with my own determination. She lost 80+ pounds over the past two years but she has several illnesses and sees doctors weekly. She can't eat due to pain. How can I convince her that I want to loose weight but I am not able to on diets. I have tried 9 different approaches, only to gain more weight back! I just need the support to go ahead with this life changing process... please help!

Shadow08

1st of all you don't have to convince her at all - this is your decision not her's - Great that she has lost her weight but as you say she has some illness that causes her pain when she eat.

The band is not the magic cure to your food issues - it is only a tool - the band does not make you lose weight all by it's self - only you can do that by making heatlhy food choices and adding exercise into your life.

For some reason ppl think that if you are banded you don't have to do any of the work - the majority of the weight loss acheived with the band is by changing your eating habits - low fat - sugar free - Protein 1st - veggies and starches if any room left. The band helps you control your portions but not what you put in your mouth - you can eat around the band - candy, milkshakes - Cookies - chips all are easily eaten - meat, Veggie, Starches all are not as easy - the band does not address our mentally and emotional issues with food - only we can do this - This is a lifetime lifesytle change not a diet - diets don't work - that being said you have to change your eating and so you do have to work at that - as stated above.

Back to convincing her this is your life - your decision not hers - This board is the best place for support if that's what you need - plus your doctors office should have some local support groups too. But this place is open 24/7 and if you are lucky like I have been - you will meet ppl here would will become your friends for a lifetime.

Good Luck on your journey...

[heartfire 4]

I'm afraid you're just going to have to tell her that you don't want to discuss it with her anymore. You're also going to have to find support elsewhere [i'm finding this board is great for that]. I've not been banded but am looking into it and just started the process [haven't been to the seminar yet, it's on the 19th]. I stumbled on to the site when looking up the band itself and am so glad I clicked on it. I've been finding great information and am seeing how everyone supports others who have questions or need help.

Yes, it would be nice if your friend would be a support for you but if it's not going to happen, then you'll have to look elsewhere and just decide that this is one of those things that you two just don't talk about. It's sort of like my mom and I. I love her to pieces and we can generally talk about everything, and do, except politics. We're polar opposites and I just refuse to discuss it unless it's in a generalized fashion. Sad, but it does happen. Yes, we like the support of others we love and who love us but it doesn't always happen that way.

Have you actually sat down with your friend to explain fully, your thoughts, frustrations and sound reasons why your are doing this? Don't know if it would help but then that could be when you say enough, you've given your reasons and you are talking about it anymore. Just a thought.

Take care.

[Twilight 2]

Shadow,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this could be the start of a trend. Now some are very lucky and have very supportive friends and family. Others....not so much. My friends that I told have all been pretty supportive. My family....not so much. You are going to have to figure out how you want to address the nay sayers. They are out there. If your lucky, this friend will be the only person who you deal with that isn't behind you 100%.

But really, this is YOUR decision. You have to do the research, look at the option, and decide if this is the right thing for you. If you have convinced yourself that this is right, then anything your friends say against it, you should have already asked yourself and answered yourself. Tell them the same things you told that nag in your head. It made sense to you and it will probably make sense to them.

After I told my brother and he shot me reason after reason not to do this, I answered all of them with logical, thoughtful, answers. He couldn't argue with what I had decided because I had truly thought this through. Don't try to laugh off their concerns. Just address them one at a time. If you have done that and they still aren't behind you, you're going to have to be tough and either join them or tell them that this is your PERSONAL decision and you would rather not discuss it anymore.

We are here for you to support you. I know it is nice to have that face to face support, but if this is all you have....well....it's pretty awesome! Good luck. You have some tough stuff ahead. Let us all know if we can help.