Confession Time - Very long

[hopeful1 1]

I am very sad, mad, embarrassed, whatever and don't know where else to go. I need some help. I'm afraid to confess because I can't take getting criticized for making stupid decisions, or no decisions, and not following the rules.

First the confession, I am sabotaging my weight loss. My surgery was Oct. 28 and I've lost a total of about 25 lbs., 5 of that before the surgery. I've been on a plateau of a range of the same 3 lbs. for nearly three months now. My only real loss was right after the surgery. I eat all the time. In my defense my band isn't tight enough. I'm calling on Monday. But it wouldn't matter. I sit and snack on things I shouldn't and eat too much at meals. I don't drink enough Water. I watch too much TV and I can't make myself go to Curves. And I'm getting worse.

Then let me start with my excuses. It's been a difficult three months. My daughter quit her job in December and came home from Florida with no job -- her and her fiance too -- and I've been helping them along financially because no one else could. I'm tired of worrying about that but they have no one else. Then I lost my job of 10 years the end of December, I guess mostly due to a bunch of buyouts of the company I worked for, but probably due to some mistakes I made too. Then my husband lost his job through no fault of his own, the company just ran out of money. We are not broke, don't get me wrong, but the beating my ego has taken over this is terrible. I turned down one job offer, only to have another one fall through. Now the only things that seem to be out there are at half my old salary. So I'm trying to make some decisions about what do to with myself -- go back to school, take a lower paying job, etc. It seems like all I do is sit at the computer looking for a job. My husband is looking too but neither of us is getting anywhere. And we have a wedding to pay for in July.

In the middle of all of this our son-in-law's mother was killed in a car accident. You wouldn't think that would be such an issue for me. But she was very tall and slim and so cheerful. She was younger than I am and I have survivor's guilt I think. It makes me sad to think she'll never see our grandson again and he won't remember her because he's only two.

My daughter did get a good job, but still can't pay all her bills. Her fiance doesn't have a job yet. We're hoping for one on Monday. I have pretty much cut them off to fend for themselves but she owes me/us a lot of money my husband doesn't know about. He's not happy with her choice for a husband -- probably if I admit it neither am I. He'd go ballastic over all this and I can't handle that either.

I know life could be so much worse and I'm not complaining about it. These are just some of the things I've been dealing with. I just can't seem to get my act together and focus on my weight loss. I went through all of this to not succeed. I know 25 lbs. is a good loss, but I'd gained 10 - 15 lbs. prior to going for my first consultation. So actually from last Spring I'm only down about 10 lbs. I'm so embarrassed to see people who know I've had the surgery (which is just about everybody) because I know they're thinking that I'm not succeeding even though they don't say so. I sometimes really wish I'd had gastric bypass like some of my freinds. But I know it could have been so much better if I wasn't cheating so badly and put forth a better effort and it's not really the bands fault.

I don't know what you guys are going to say. You are so supportive of each other. I'm so, so disappointed that I'm not at at least 30-40 lbs. lost. I need some help desperately. Please don't e-mail me at home though. I wouldn't want my husband to read this. And don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. He has his own serious health problems and can't handle anymore stress.

I know I'm depressed but I'm already on medication and don't want anymore. I just want some success - SOMEWHERE!

Thanks for listening.

[Banded14yr 2]

Wow... You've really been through a lot. I'm very sorry, but I'm also very hopeful that with a proper fill amount in your band that at least your weight loss will start again and maybe that will be one less thing you'll have to worry about.

I know it sounds simple, but get a fill.

I hope things start looking better for you soon. Hang in there, I think you're doing great with everything that has gone on in your life recently. You're not a failure, so don't even go there!

[Alexandra 55]

Denise, you've taken an amazing step just getting this all out where you can read it over and ask for help. You've been through and are going through a lot, and beating yourself up is just something you DO NOT need to do.

If you have no restriction you're getting no help from your band. So imagine, if you will, what might have happened to you if you had no band and all of these pressures were upon you. I know I would be gaining weight and have no endgame in sight. (Been there, done that.)

But you have a friend in your corner. Make that phone call and schedule a fill. You're mindlessly eating because it's comforting, and because you have no reason NOT to. When your band is working for you, though, it will make doing this sort of thing a lot harder. And that's the kind of help you need to get your weight loss on its way.

In the meantime, your family is going through a lot and they need you to be present for them. Don't worry about your weight loss--as long as you're not GAINING you're way ahead of the game. You know that when you're feeling better it's a lot easier to do what you know needs to be done, so first concentrate on being good to yourself so you WILL feel better.

This is an important step, and a brave one. I know how hard it is to let it all hang out, even if the only one reading it is you. You're a strong woman, Denise, and the band is waiting for you to let it help you.

[Iluvharleys 15]

I am sorry you are going through so much right now. You have to be totally stressed out! Take some time for you, do something you enjoy. Please do make that call for the fill, it might not be in your budget right now, but it really will be the best thing for you. Please let us know how you are doing. It really does help to come here and get support.

[New Hope 37]

Denise, first thing (((Hugs))) to you! You have a tremendous amount of stress hitting you right now - from all directions. Please be kind to yourself and realize that these are extreme conditions and they will get better. It may take a while, but it will happen.

You may not feel like this right now, but how about making a list of all the things that you have to be thankful for. Sometimes just writing them down and looking at them can really help.

As far as your eating, perhaps keep track on www.fitday.com and see what you're eating and how much. Try taking things one day at a time. Perhaps tomorrow concentrate on getting your Water load in. Then the next day on cutting out the junk foods. Then better food choices. Just a little change at a time. Your band is there waiting for you.

Are you getting any consistent exercise? Just a nice walk can do wonders for lifting your spirits. It will get you out of the house and help you forget about some of your troubles. And it doesn't cost anything.

You may not care for your son-in-law right now. But he is the father of your precious grandchild. And he's just lost his mother in a horrific accident. He's probably looking to you and your DH as family now.

Hopefully he will get a job now. You have been generous w/your monetary support and probably will not be repaid the $$ you've loaned. But I think you're wise in cutting off any more $$. Your first priority should be you and your DH.

Perhaps the July wedding can be postponed or simplified so your expenses can be reduced.

You have done very well w/your weight loss, girl! I have to share w/you, I've been on a plateau since last November. I've lost and regained those same 3 pounds - just like you. But I recently started riding my bike again and making better food choices.

How about coming to LBT more often and "talking" w/us? We have several challenges going on - a weekly weigh-in, exercise, etc. These aren't competitions, but forms of encouragement. After all, that's why we're all here - to share and encourage each other.

I hope things turn around very soon for you and your family. Please take it all one day at a time. If you look at the whole picture, you'll just get overwhelmed. Take care and please keep in touch w/us. (((Hugs)))

[bigmom 1]

Dear Denise,

You certainly have more than your plate full but please I urge you find someone in your area who you can feel comfortable talking to. You tok the first big step in opening up to us and that is amazing but you really need to find some human contact emotional support for all the other things that are going on in your life. You sound like an emotional eater (like I am) and since things are so stressfull everywhere else you are trying to alliviate your stress and fill the emotional void with food.< /p>

I can go on at great lenght about allthe shoulds and should nots but you already know them. Some of the things you talk about you are a victum of circumstances and others you are making your self a victum where it is not you at all. Like you daughters choice of husband.

Is there a carrer center in your area that canhelp you with some retraining or expertise in wht you can look for sometimes these places can help us get out of a rut and see a clearer picture or maybe even try to paint a new brighter picture.

I konw when you start to feel more in control of your life then you will start to take more control of your eating.

I know you can do it give yourself the chance.

We are all here for you. Keep us posted.

[HarleyNana 10]

Denise, it's time for you to put yourself first and take care of you for a change. I'm truly sorry for sad times, but it will matter if you give that fill a chance. It seems your family really counts on you, probably too much, please take the time for yourself, you're the only one who can.

[Penni60 45]

Then let me start with my excuses. It's been a difficult three months. My daughter quit her job in December and came home from Florida with no job -- her and her fiance too -- and I've been helping them along financially because no one else could. I'm tired of worrying about that but they have no one else.

As a mother of a troubled daughter myself it is always hard to see them going through a "rough patch". But I am the first to tell you it can do more harm than good to "fix" things for them. The hardest lesson to learn as a parent is "tough love". I cried myself to sleep every night for a solid month cause I knew my daughter was in a situation that if I made phone call she would be better off. But then I had to ask myself what would she have learned from that? She would have learned that when she has problems or hard times MOM will bail me out.

Then I lost my job of 10 years the end of December, I guess mostly due to a bunch of buyouts of the company I worked for, but probably due to some mistakes I made too. Then my husband lost his job through no fault of his own, the company just ran out of money. We are not broke, don't get me wrong, but the beating my ego has taken over this is terrible. I turned down one job offer, only to have another one fall through. Now the only things that seem to be out there are at half my old salary. So I'm trying to make some decisions about what do to with myself -- go back to school, take a lower paying job, etc. It seems like all I do is sit at the computer looking for a job. My husband is looking too but neither of us is getting anywhere. And we have a wedding to pay for in July.

If you truly aren't in a bind for money at this time then I would take a break till you KNOW what you want to do. I don't know if this is an option for you or not.

My daughter did get a good job, but still can't pay all her bills. Her fiance doesn't have a job yet. We're hoping for one on Monday. I have pretty much cut them off to fend for themselves but she owes me/us a lot of money my husband doesn't know about. He's not happy with her choice for a husband -- probably if I admit it neither am I. He'd go ballastic over all this and I can't handle that either.

I can feel your frustration over the fiance and the money aspects. I too can relate as well. My same troubled daughter made a not so smart choice, in my opinion, for a husband. I can either accept that choice or not. To keep piece and to show my daughter support I chose to try to accept my son in law. It is a struggle every day. Their lifestyle is not something I approve of but then again they are adults and make their own decisions now. They also have to learn from their mistakes as well. As a parent that is also hard to watch. We can only support them emotionally.

I know life could be so much worse and I'm not complaining about it. These are just some of the things I've been dealing with. I just can't seem to get my act together and focus on my weight loss. I went through all of this to not succeed. I know 25 lbs. is a good loss, but I'd gained 10 - 15 lbs. prior to going for my first consultation. So actually from last Spring I'm only down about 10 lbs. I'm so embarrassed to see people who know I've had the surgery (which is just about everybody) because I know they're thinking that I'm not succeeding even though they don't say so. I sometimes really wish I'd had gastric bypass like some of my freinds. But I know it could have been so much better if I wasn't cheating so badly and put forth a better effort and it's not really the bands fault.

I don't know what you guys are going to say. You are so supportive of each other. I'm so, so disappointed that I'm not at at least 30-40 lbs. lost. I need some help desperately. Please don't e-mail me at home though. I wouldn't want my husband to read this. And don't get me wrong, he's a good guy. He has his own serious health problems and can't handle anymore stress.

I know I'm depressed but I'm already on medication and don't want anymore. I just want some success - SOMEWHERE!

Thanks for listening.

I can tell you during my trying times with my daughter I ate constantly everything in site. Now that I am banded, if something were to happen now I can confidently say that I too would be eating badly again but with the knowledge that I would be eating much less. So you have a set back. You have recognized it now. You already know what you need to do to fix it. I won't tell you what you don't already know.

I have been where you are in regards to your family situation. Being a parent is not easy even in the best of times.

KNow we are all here for you and will encourage and support you in anyway possible. I hope you take what I have said knowing it comes from love and support.

[live2canoe 1]

You and I have lost about the same amount of weight - and you were banded a month after I was. Although I'd love a faster weight loss, Iknow that the slow steady approach is better. I didn't really feel any restriction until my third fill. The band seem to be working much better now.

I guess what I'm saying is - and not very articulately -is that there are plenty of other people in your same slow weight loss boat. A good fill helps a great deal - and even though there are others on this board who have lost more weight, faster - we should not compare ourselves to them.

Good Luck - we slow losers need to stick together!

[hopeful1 1]

Thank you guys so much. It really helped just to get it all out and "talk" about it. Just doing that has helped me get up and get more organized with my job search and make some lists already. And yes, Marie -- you're so wonderfully logical -- it will help me a lot to just think of one step at a time, one day at a time, when it comes to re-attacking my weight loss. I do need to visit you guys on a regular basis to keep me on track.

I've had 5 fills I think and I'm at 2.00 cc's. I got the last one just two weeks ago. Sometimes I think I'm not tight enough and sometimes I think I just eat the wrong things. What does it really "feel like" to be as full as you should be? Do you "know" when it's finally right? How much food should be enough? And Dr. Johnell's office is still so supportive. Are you still getting your fills there Kim?

Cutting off my daughter's financial support has been both a burden and a relief Penni. I know before they're totally stable (if ever) I'll give in and help them again and I know I'm probably not doing them any favors. There's just no one else who can help them.

It's their wedding we're paying for in July and it's just too hard to postpone it. Lots of things are already paid for and ordered. She already postponed the original date from February to July. I don't dislike her fiance, I just wonder (do all parents do this?) if she couldn't have done better. Just for instance, he barely graduated high school and she's a college graduate. Thus the reason for her ability to get a job more quickly than him. And unfortunately for him, our first son-in-law, father of our grandchild and who lost his mother, is such a perfect fit into our family. We just love him. He's so hard working, mature and personable. He's a hard act to follow.

I have given a lot of thought to going some other route career-wise and I may just do that if I can hold on long enough. Unemployment checks don't come fast enough do they!

Sorry for the unburdening. I just thought this would be the perfect place for the support that I need for at least one of my problems. I never expected such loving responses about everything else.

[vinesqueen 2]

Denise, something you should also be aware is that there is currently research on stress and weight gain. Some of the stress hormones that we generate actually cause us to gain weight. Not a fun thing. Something about "flight or fight."

One of the companies I worked for went out of business and I wasn't able to find a job that paid even close to what I was making. I finally took at job at about 2/3 of what I had been making. After talking things over with my son and DH, I went back to school to get my university degree. It will take me to the next level. Good luck on your decision.

[the best me 6]

Sorry for the unburdening. I just thought this would be the perfect place for the support that I need for at least one of my problems. I never expected such loving responses about everything else.

Now THAT's what I'm talking about...LBT is famous for that, you just keep coming back here and unburden any ole time. These folks are the BEST!

Keep us posted, and search the threads for info about how a good fill should feel...it's all in here, but the personal touch is great, huh?

[live2canoe 1]

I've had 5 fills I think and I'm at 2.00 cc's. I got the last one just two weeks ago. Sometimes I think I'm not tight enough and sometimes I think I just eat the wrong things. What does it really "feel like" to be as full as you should be? Do you "know" when it's finally right? How much food should be enough? And Dr. Johnell's office is still so supportive. Are you still getting your fills there Kim?

I am still getting my fills from Dr. Johnell (I am very impressed that you remembered that!) I'm at 2.6cc's and finally feel restriction. I can't really explain how I know it's right - I just know that I can't eat nearly as much as I used to - because the band stops me - and sometimes, not in a nice way! Restriction is what this is all about.

Is Paula doing your fills for you? She's great - but very conservative at each fill. I've had long talks with her about being a bit more aggressive with some of my first fills - just to get to point where I felt like the band was working for me.

I hope that with your next fill you can start to feel like your band is working with you.

[Zoe 6]

Denise, I bet I speak for a lot of people here when I say that if I had experienced what you've been going through and had little or no restriction from my band, not only would I not have lost weight, I'd have gained big time. Your last fill was two weeks ago? Did the doc use a fluoroscope so he could view the restriction from your band? If you can comfortably eat more than half a cup of solid food (as opposed to ice cream or even mashed potatoes) at a time, you probably don't have enough restriction to make a big difference in your feeling of fullness. I'll shut up about the medical stuff now -- I'm not a doctor, and don't even play one on TV. Just remember, you can always come here and vent.

[Belle joufflue une 1]

Denise it seems as if you have a lot of stress in your life right now..and taking care of yourself might be last on your list. After reading the posts...it seems as if those who have fills know when they are filled enough..that is to say that if you don't feel filled enough you probably aren't. (Like Zoe..I am not a Dr. either...but just thinkin' out loud.) Would it be within the budget to get a fill shortly? With everything going on-I know it seems like it wouldn't help much-but it may help your weight loss.

In life..doesn't it seem sometimes that everything is going rotton..all at once!? I too have had those sort of days, weeks, and months. It is like everything is going okay, and then BOOM!

Please remember that as long as you are alive..there is hope. This time will too pass, and wonderful happenings and events are just around the corner waiting for you. Notice the small miracles that happen every day..and it will help.

Please keep us posted, and let us know how things are going.

Joan