How to deal

nathenag · February 21, 2008

How do you deal with people's comments that you don't need surgery...you can lose it on your own...there are risks....blah blah blah negitivity everywhere. I have people telling me what I can and can't do like I don't know that you can lose weight without surgery but not everyone can and keep it off. I hate people telling me oh you're fine the way you are, you shouldn't have surgery. They don't understand how I feel or what I've been though the last 11 years bouncing up and down on the scale or breaking that I'm never going to be X number of pounds and then you wake up and you are. People ask me questions and then jump up on their soap boxes. I can't stand it!!:tongue2:

Christal · February 21, 2008

A friend of mine said that to me when I told her that I had made an appointment for my surgery. "You are doing so well, you don't need to have surgery", oh and then on top of that I went to Mexico so people that don't know much about it were freaking out. I quit talking about it and quit telling people about it. I did it for me, yes I had lost weight before surgery. I decided that I did not want to gain the weight back this time like I have every time my entire life. I just went and did it!

Daisalana · February 21, 2008

My husband's exact words are "I dunno.. I think you can do it on your own".

Really, they haven't been in your shoes. My situation, I've been fat my whole life and I've tried dieting in my teens and even if I lost, I always gained it back + some more.

But I was doing it whether he liked it or not, and luckily I just had to tell him "Well, you're wrong".

I was finally in the mentality, with or without support it needed to be done. I was going down a very dangerous road.

girlie2shooz · February 21, 2008

here is my response to others, and my man got it today...............try losing 15 lbs and keeping it off for a year. i could feel the resistance he had for thinking of what that might be like. i feel he now has a better understanding, he has been supportive all along, but now he has a bit of understanding for the weightloss/maintain issue that we all live with. give it a whirl, and if peeps don't like it well that is their dealio. g2s

Jpet · February 21, 2008

For me, I didn't tell anyone but my husband and mother that I was getting the surgery. I didn't tell anyone else -- not my best friend, not any co-workers, and no other family members. For me, it was my personal decision and it was not up for debate. Now that I'm post-op, I'm telling people slowly, but I preface it by saying that I didn't tell anyone pre-op because I didn't want to debate the pros and cons of the surgery. It's a lot easier to tell people post-op than pre-op, in my opinion. It prevents the whole, "I don't think you should do it," discussion because it's done and moot.

However, I understand that not everyone feels comfortable keeping it from those they love. I would simply say, "this isn't a discussion and I'm not going to debate this issue. This is what I know I need." I know -- easier said that done, huh.

MissMom24 · February 21, 2008

I had to get to a point where I just had to ignore it. ALL of it, it didn't matter where it was coming from. Only you know what you need to do and if lap band is it, well then, you go for it. In the end, it matters if your happy, not what others are thinking!

Elisabethsew · February 22, 2008

Having surgery is a very difficult and personal decision. I told only 2 people and never regretted that decision. I only need to answer to myself. Obesity is part genetic, part familial, part emotional, part situational, etc. People who don't suffer this disease simply CAN'T relate. Stay strong!

amc581 · February 22, 2008

:tt2:When I originally decided to have the surgery I was telling all my friends cause I was so excited and all of them know how long I've struggled with my weight, but my best friend has not been completely supportive, but that really doesn't bother me because it's my life not her's and she'll get over it. Now with that said I did make the mistake of letting the woman I sit next to at work know and although I appriciate people's concern I really hate when someone say's your really not that big, not because I have some weird issue, but because this is my decision about making myself healthy and happier in my life and being able to take control, and I don't want someone passing jugement on how overweight I have to be in order to feel out of control or uncomfortable enough to make such a decision. I mean I understand it's a natural reaction for people to try and say something nice, but how about a good for you, or well I hope everything turns out great. I don't really care but it does erk me a little.

kbinaz · February 22, 2008

The answer that usually shuts them up is to say "If I could really do this by myself would I really go through major surgery?"

Another one that they seem to understand is "I am tired of working so hard to not gain it back, I need to know when it is lost it is lost for good and this surgery will help me to not constantly worry that I won't be able to keep it off".

If they are a really skinny person who has never had weight issues, they will probably never really understand it. So keep in touch with other 'fattie's" who know what you are going through!!!

nathenag · March 19, 2008

you all rock, you know I almost let the negitivity get to me. I was going to cancel my consult and pysch eval but they are tomorrow and if I cancel now I'll get a big fat fee and I don't need anything else fat in my life:biggrin:.

Boo Boo Kitty · March 19, 2008

Just tell them, "Thank you, I appreciate that, but I am doing this for me."

I had everyone telling me I was taking the easy way out, I didn't care. Like everyone said they have never been in your shoes, no one should judge anyone else. Human nature is to find flaws and pick at them. Tell them to get over it, this is ABOUT YOU and NOT THEM!

Good luck! :biggrin:

nathenag · March 19, 2008

you know i actually asked my mom if she would pick on me like she does my little sister (who is super skinny but healthy) if I lost my weight and got all thin and she said yes! can you believe my own mother would be such a bitch! she's 46 and like 210 at 5'1" and has be so for as long as I can remember. I think she's scared i'll quit my bad habit and we won't have anything in common anymore.

Boo Boo Kitty · March 19, 2008

you know i actually asked my mom if she would pick on me like she does my little sister (who is super skinny but healthy) if I lost my weight and got all thin and she said yes! can you believe my own mother would be such a bitch! she's 46 and like 210 at 5'1" and has be so for as long as I can remember. I think she's scared i'll quit my bad habit and we won't have anything in common anymore.

I have that Mom too...mine got a bypass 6 months after I got banded because she thought she would loose faster than me. Family can be the worst! :biggrin:

jena · March 19, 2008

I try to remember that the people who do say things to convince me not to do this are doing it out of love. Having surgery is a big deal. Going under anesthesia is a big deal.

I was just talking to a co-worker about her mother. Her mom had surgery (not WLS) and while under she started moving around. They had not given her enough anesthesia. Then they gave her more and it was too much. She was in a coma for 3 months. She's fine now, but it just shows me anything can happen.

So, I've changed my thinking about people trying to talk me out of it because I've made up my mind. My best friend is totally against it. He's of the mindset that if I really wanted to lose weight I would do it myself. However, he is one of my biggest supporters and is going to TJ with me when I have it done.

On the other hand, I was talking to two co-workers about it the other day and they were saying that all I had to do was change my eating habits and exercise more. I was smiling the whole time and when they finished I said, "Spoken like two people who have never had a weight problem in their whole life."

They stopped, looked at each other, looked at me and said "You're right. Do what you've got to do!"

Jena

Ang1982 · March 19, 2008

Thankfully I have never yet had someone tell me that it was "the easy way out" (although I have heard the diet/exercise line once or twice). And as much as ALL of us know it is most certainly not "the easy way" I think if someone said that to me I would probably have to say to them that believe me it is not the easy way but if you feel that it is then I guess I'd take the "easy way" and lose weight and get my health back than struggle YET AGAIN with the "hard way" and remain fat and unhealthy.

But really, it's your body, your Quest to better health if they don't like it they can take their opinion and shove it up their... :biggrin: