Kareyquilts TT, BL, Lipo & BA

[losingjusme 12]

I want my husband to desire me, no lust for me! Silly, huh?

not silly at all.

[StephC 0]

Karey how does your husband feel about all of it?

[kareyquilts 1]

My husband is fine with the way I look now. I think he doesn't want to see me go through anymore pain, there is the cost, etc. You know I don't think he really sees me physically much anymore. We have been married for 33 years. He loved me when I was heavy and he loves me now. So, I guess there are pros and cons to me not really seeing me that way. Does that make sense? I want him to notice me more now, and he does like my new body (and boobs), but our relationship isn't really based on looks. I think I am truly blessed to have such a great husband. If I want to do anymore PS, it's really for me, because, based on my experience with the TT, it's not going to change much in our relationship.

[BJean 16]

Great posts you all! I'm very impressed.

One thing that I'd like to add to what salsa said is that I don't think we've gone goofy for wanting to look our best, so I don't think we need a shrink for that. However we might want to consider seeing a shrink when we don't give a darn how we look. Often that's a self-esteem issue that we have a very hard time understanding on our own.

I know that to be true because I deal with it even after LB. I am at least fighting it now, which is a big improvement over how I've thought about myself for the past 20 years.

Btw, we just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. I mentioned to my DH that I'd love to get rid of the crepy neck and sagging jowls and he said, what about that string thing, does that work? So I know he'd like to see me look younger too. Hmmm as Desi might say, Lucy you got some serious thinkin' to do.

[StephC 0]

Yes it does make sense about the pros and cons of how he feels about you. Its such a good secure feeling to be loved like that. I've been married 28 years and dh is the same. Infact I think he feels a bit inferior to me now. He's a little older then me and looks alot older so we get the look, like he robbed the cradle. LOL well robbed the cradle a LONG time ago..hehe I think if its just for you and he's supportive then do it for you. I think those who love us most will step in and say hey wait a minute enough is enough!

[juliegeraci 7]

Hi Karey,I had my surgery yesterday and I had a couple questions for ou. How long did you have your drains in. I am going to probably get one of them out tomorrow since I am not draining on the right side. Also, was it strange seeing our belly button for the first time? It seems kind of high to me and I was just wondering if it is just because I am use to being fat. lol

[juliegeraci 7]

I am also bleeding from the belly button. Is that normal? How did you wash your under garmet?

[kareyquilts 1]

Julie: Wow, congratulations! That snuck up on me, but not on you, huh!? I'm impressed that you're already posting. I washed my garment in the gentle cylce with baby detergent and than hung it up to air dry. Not good to put it in the dryer. If it has blood on it (mine did), use some hydrogen perixode. It works great. I had some of my drains for up to 10 days. You really get use to taking care of them. My belly button did not bleed. Let me know what the doc tells you about that. How's your pain? It is exciting to be able to see your privates, etc.! I'm happy for you. It will all be worth it. Welcome to the FLATLANDS!

[kareyquilts 1]

StephC: Sounds like you've got a good man, too. Let me know how he likes your new bod!

I thiink that BJean makes another good point and I'm going to remember it the next time someone makes a negative comment about PS or losing too much weight. Maybe we should consider counseling when we don't care enough about ourselves and we let ourselves go. Right ON! Of course anything cared to excess is not good. Finding the balance is what we need to do. Sometimes, I really wonder how I let myself get so overweight, but I know it's a complicated issues. I'm just so glad that I have a lapband and have somehow made it to the other side. Now to learn and maintain... Lots of great comments to think abuot here!

[StephC 0]

Isn't this whole band/weightloss/ps thing crazy? I mean how it plays with your head. For instance how many of us go shopping and still look at the plus sizes or just still feel like we are that fat person we used to be? Or on the other hand we feel like wow I can't believe I was ever that big and how the heck did I get that way? Or we start questioning ourself on other aspects of our appearance? And then theres the days when we are like WOW I'm looking good? I just think its been a roller coaster of emotions. Don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining in the least. I love my band, I love that I lost weight, I love that I'm going to have a flat tummy, I love that I can walk and keep up with the rest of the family, I love that I feel and look healthy - but dang if it hasn't been one heck of a ride!

[Jachut 487]

I'm wondering if any one out there that has had PS has experienced any of the feelings that I am going through lately? I really wonder if I need counseling or something. Of course, I am also getting ready for my DD's wedding, but I'm a little bit obessed by my looks and about aging. My plastic surgeon is going to do Juvaderm on the little lines around my mouth Monday. Thursday, I'm having Thermage to help with the sagging skin on my face and neck, from age and weight loss. I would like a face lift at some point, but my DH is against it. He thinks that I should accept my wrinkles and be happy with how I look. I feel like I have spent so many years being overweight and feeling unattractive that I want to look as good as I can. I not only want a face lift, but my arms done and possibly my thighs. I would like to feel more at peace with myself and how I look, but I keep thinking about the possiblities. I know that I can look better. On the other side, I so know that looks aren't that important. I don't know why I've become so vain at 53. I've always tried to take care of myself and look attractive, even when I was very heavy. Sometimes, I just feel like I have a big hole is in my psyche that I just can't fill it up. My husband tells me that I look fine, that I look good, but I want him to think that I'm drop dead hot! Probably an impossible goal. It's actually making me very unhappy. I know it's not rationale. I've always been a very service oriented person. Having sponsored immigrants, donated my time to many worthy causes and am thinking about a humantarian mission for our church. I feel guilty about being so self-centered, but I keep making appointments to have stuff done to myself. I would like to age gracefully, I totally understand what my husband is saying to me, but emotionally, I just can't accept this aging process very well. I'm not ready to give up or call it good. To make matters worse, I feel like my hormones have been out of whack since my TT. My ob/gyn says it's because of the fat removal on the stomach. I don't know, but I'm very emotional! Do you think things will level out or should I get some counseling, or is it all right to have all therse procedures done and just don't sweat it? I would love some feedback!

This is common I would think, I know I feel it myself. I'm 40 now and I feel like I wasted my years to look good by being fat, truth is I didnt, I looked great in my 20's and wasnt very fat for very long. But I could have been so FIT, like I am now and I wasnt :tt2:

Anyway, to a degree I think you have to stop and realise that you WILL get old. There is nothing you can do about it and when you look at Hollywood starlets with all their botox and facelifts etc they look absolutely stupid, they just look like women in their mid 40's with loads of work done, which then of course makes people judge them as vain, shallow and stupid. Look at Nicole Kidman. Most of you wont even remember her when she was a young girl, she was a moderate star in Australia before she married Tom Cruise, and she had carrot red, super frizzy hair and freckles, completely flat chested. And she was utterly gorgeous in a very unique girl next door kind of way, with all that akwardness of a very tall girl who was 5ft 10 at 12 years old, it was a very endearing quality she had. She looks freaking awful now, I dont know if anyone agrees with me, but I think she looks like an alien.

I've seen your photo, you're lovely looking! You look like an attractive woman in her late forties to early fifties. What on earth is wrong with that? The trouble is with these things that yes, a little work on the eyes or the jowels might freshen your look but then you think , hmm, well I've done that, I should do my nose, etc etc. I find it with myself, I do want my boobs done but then I think well my arse looks like a sock full of coins, and then there *is* a bit of loose skin on the tummy and before I know it, in my head I'm up to $40,000 worth of cosmetic surgery. And in all honesty, my best feature is my upper body, I have good shoulders and upper arms, nice collarbones and a long neck. If I had a really good pair of tits there too, nobody would ever LOOK below the waist, lol. We really are our own harshest critics.

I know that wont help, you'll still keep thinking about it, but you're not vain or silly, I think its natural to feel that way after losing a lot of weight, we've never BEEN beautiful before! But you are what you are, you will ALWAYS look like you and you will be 80 one day, no matter what you do to your face now. Sooner or later I think we have to stop and realise we are good enough. And I'm not saying you do, but some of us might need some professional help with that.

[kareyquilts 1]

Jachut: Aren't you getting some plastic surgery? I see nothing wrong with getting the boobs done. You've got lots of time to enjoy them along with anything else. Of course it's money, and time... Anyway, thanks for your opinion.

[Jachut 487]

Sigh, yes money more so than time. We're just not at a stage of life where it would be a good idea to spend $10,000 on a pair of boobs. We have 3 kids to educate and put through university when they finish school and I"ve not even returned to work yet! I doubt I'll get anything done, but if I could afford it I would.

I'm definitely not anti surgery, but I think that it can be hard to separate the really worthwhile procedures from worrying about every little detail about yourself iykwim? I'm afraid that if I did go in to have a breast lift, then next thing I'd want a Tummy Tuck, then a bum lift, then I'd start worrying that I was looking old in the face....... Its kind of like opening Pandora's chest, lol.

[TheGh0st 9]

I am also bleeding from the belly button. Is that normal? How did you wash your under garmet?

I bled from my belly button for what seemed the longest time though it was probably only 4-6 weeks. My doc had me dab just a little polysporin on it and place a cottonball over it. I didn't even bother with a bandage as the compression garment held it in place just fine.

[kareyquilts 1]

I'm definitely not anti surgery, but I think that it can be hard to separate the really worthwhile procedures from worrying about every little detail about yourself iykwim? I'm afraid that if I did go in to have a breast lift, then next thing I'd want a Tummy Tuck, then a bum lift, then I'd start worrying that I was looking old in the face....... Its kind of like opening Pandora's chest, lol.

Jachut: Unfortuntely, I'm not swimming in money, but I can afford the procedures and I have opened Pandora's box! Do you understand my quandry better? Hmmm!