Kareyquilts TT, BL, Lipo & BA

[I'm still here 0]

Thanks for the input from everyone. Mommi-hammi: I think that some people are givers and some are takers. Maybe your friend hasn't had any kind of experience with illness, etc and doesn't know what is needed OR maybe she is just a fair weather friend. I know it hurts. I'm not going to tell my friend never mind on the wedding shower because it is about my daughter and not me. I can be a surface friend and play by those rules as long as I know that is what I am to her. I'm not going to call her to give myself some time to cool off, because the more I think about it, the angyrier I get. I wouldn't treat a stranger they way she treated me today. When she left she said, "You know you're not the only one with a life!" And slammed the door behind her. I just don't get it. I know she is struggling with her own feelings of inadaquency but I just don't know if I want to deal with it anymore. Time, I guess.

Geez - well, given her parting comment, I don't think I'd worry too much about her, it doesn't sound like she is the kind of friend I'd want in my life. That was just plain mean.

You know, what you said about some people being givers and some takers is exactly what my friend who stayed and took care of my after my surgery said! I kept apologizing for her having to help me and she said, "Let me help you for a change! You are always helping other people, but then you won't let anyone help you!" That is just my nature - I took care of my sister through her 4 1/2 year battle with breast cancer and that is all I know to do . . . But - on the other hand, my husband's family is not like that at all. I guess we have to just accept that everyone is different, but we still have the power to choose who we want in our lives . . .

[bigbaby 4]

Karey--sounds like your "friend" is jealous. I would suggest that you invite her over and pour your heart out to her, just like you did to us. Remind her of how you were there for her. If she doesn't respond in love then know that the dynamics of the friendship/relationship have changed. She can still be your friend, just not your "best friend". I don't know if you are a Christian, but the Bible says that a friend loves at all times. That means that they are happy when you're happy, sad when you're sad etc.

You two have a history and you can't throw that away. Talk to her openly and honestly and let the chips fall where they may. We all have different types of friends. Some require that we do most of the work to maintain the relationship, while others it is mutual give and take.

By all means, have the talk BEFORE the shower, so that you will both know where you stand with each other. If after the shower, she feels uncomfortable giving it--then LET HER BE THE ONE TO BACK OUT. Don't you cancel it.

Peace and much love to you. Continue to rest your body and your mind.

[I'm still here 0]

Excellent advice given by BigBaby - just be prepared for her not to respond like you want her to, in case she doesn't . . .

[kareyquilts 1]

Well today I wrote my friend a thank you card for the things she brought over and just simply said,"Sorry if I said something to hurt your feelings in my drug induced state. I know your busy. Thanks for thinking of me." --Karey. I'm going to leave it at that for a while. I plain don't have the energy to do anything else at this point. I had a very terrible night. I swalled an anitbiotic and a pain pill and they got stuck. I was pbing and then vomiting for a couple hours. Then I tried to drink some warm tea, thinking that would loosen up my band and I threw that up. I slept almost setting up. This morning I woke up very nauseated and felt like I had motion sickness. I tried to drink some tea and promptly threw it up. I can get a little Water down. My mom made me a protien drink and I was able to get it down. I thought some ice cream would taste good and be soothing to my throught, but after several bites I had that stuck feeling and then threw that up. I've had a few sips of water now and that's it. Have a lot of heartburn and nausea. I called my doc and she said that if it doesn't get better by Friday to call back. My PS who I saw today, said I looked pale and should insist on her seeing me. By the way, I had 3 drains removed today! Yeah! Anyway, I only have half my regular fill and up until last night, I haven't had any restriction problems. There is definetly something wrong though. I just hope my band hasn't slipped. That would be the pits after all this! I haven't pbd in a long time. I know I have some new swelling on my upper tummy from the TT which could be adding to the band tightness, but can't think it's that much. Any suggestions?

[losingjusme 12]

oh Karey,

so sorry you are having restriction issues now... :drool:

even though i didnt have anything in my band, i was tight for a few days, so i dont doubt that you could be super tight..

if your PS suggested insisting, i'd insist on seeing your band surgeon. i hope you have a better night tonight.

at least you got some drains out.

C

[StephC 0]

Karey so sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. Usually hot tea does the trick for me. I have no suggestions but I hope you're feeling better soon.

As for your friend issue - I think you did the right thing sending the card. She may have just been having a bad day - or week, you did the right thing.

[Apples2 19]

Karey..just had a chance to read your post about taking a pain medication and then having trouble. I will tell you a situation I had and then you make the decision based on how you feel. I had surgery on an ankle a few years ago. B/4 I left the hospital 4 days later, I swallowed a pain medication. Two days later I had terrible heartburn and nausea. This persisted another day. Called my GP and he had me immediately go to the ER. The medication had eroded through my esophagas (sp?). I would suggest that you call your local hospital and talk to a dr. or nurse on duty to see if they think you should be looked at. I don't mean to scare you but your symptoms sounded so similar to mine. All I know is I waited too long and it took me more time to recover than if I would have called my dr. when I had the earlier symptoms. I am hoping by this time you are feeling better and there will be no need to be concerned. Good luck

[general_antiope 189]

Karey -

Lots of great advice here with your friend issue. I would just add that 20 years is a good reason to be plain and honest with someone, but 20 years is not a reason to stay in a toxic relationship. She deserves the courtesy of being given a chance to correct her behavior, but if she doesn't, you've outgrown each other.

You have evolved past her by simply getting the lapband. You can tell by her reaction to just that. She's hurt, feeling abandoned, envious, and trapped in her - as you put it - inadequacy. She's being selfish, and that is no reason for you to beat yourself up over it :grouphug:

/hugs

And I hope your band settles down. Ugh I dread taking pills, I was horrible with them BEFORE the band :eek:

Maybe you can smash them in some water-thinned applesauce and eat them that way?

[beckymein1021 0]

I read your post about the pain medication, then lilo's post. I hope you are doing ok - my prayers and thoughts are with you.

Let us know how you're doing when you get a chance. :grouphug:

[kareyquilts 1]

Kate: Thanks for your input. I agree with everything you said. I've done what I could and now she can decide how to react. I cannot be around such negative feelings. There is no reason to be, it's too hurtful to both of us. If my friend can feel better towards me and act that way than we'll continue to have a relationship, otherwise, I'm going to remember fondly the good times and move on.

I ended up in the emergency room last night after continuing to throw up the rest of the day. When I couldn't hold down Water, I knew I was in trouble. My band doctor was a little ticked that I hadn't come in during regular office hours, but I was just trying to do the things that her nurse told me to. At any rate, she took most of my fill out and gave me something for nausea. She thinks I just had the flu, but I don't. I wasn't running a temperture, I didn't have diarriea (SP?), etc. I wish she would have done a barium series to see what my band is doing, but I guess that would be rushing things. At any rate, the stuck feeling is gone. This morning I was able to hold down a protien shake. I'm feeling slightly nauseaus, but doing better. The unfill was interesting with my new lower profile port. She had to try several times to find it. She said that I'm incredibly swollen which makes it more difficult. Anyway, I hope this is the end of the band issues and when I go to get my adjustment back to my regular fill level, that all will go well. I appreciate everyones support.

[losingjusme 12]

oh Karey, sorry you had to go to the ER. :grouphug:

did they have to poke you with a needle several times or did she feel around for it by hand?

[marypetunia 0]

HI Karey,

I'm just getting back online after my Tummy Tuck last week and wanted to see how YOU were doing...so sorry to hear about the issues with the nausea, er visit, etc. Glad to hear you are doing better, it definitely sounded scary and as I was reading Iwas hoping you'd go tot he docotor right away. I'm SO glad I had a bit of an unfill just before surgery as well, I think I would have been in trouble if I hadn't. I'm still babying myself eating very light and lots of mushies and Soups, etc. I'm not that hungry anyways so I figure it will help if I'm swollen to stay on the light side. My issue is with the ost-surgery constipation...still working to resolve that issue! Good to hear from you, I am going to post on the March plastics with an update too. God blessyou today!!

Mary

[kareyquilts 1]

LJM: The band doc felt around for the port , which was a little hard to feel, but she found it. Then she stuck me about 3 times trying to get the needle in. I guess because of the swelling. Feel better tonight.

MaryP: Yeah, you survived the TT! Welcome to the flatlands! My doc recommended Miralax for a stool softener and it worked very well. You just need to do it 1x a day and use it every day that you are on pain meds. I was worried because I didn't have a BM for the first 6 days, but I just kept taking the Miralax and everything turned out fine. Good luck!

[kareyquilts 1]

Today is a good day. I'm wearing clothes! YEAH! Think I will take some after pictures on Monday, when the last 2 drains come out. I tried on my old bras today to see how my new breasts would fill them out. I totally filled out the D cup, but I don't think I'll need to go any larger, which is exactly what I wanted to happen. Think I made the right choice about the augmentation. I guess if I didn't it would be too bad now?!

[StephC 0]

Karey - first of all I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better with the unfill. 2nd I had posted on the other thread about my friend being a bit negative and you said read your thread. I think you did the right thing - have you heard anything from her since you sent it?

My friend started out negative but it really is just her normal reaction to things and after 20 years I'm used to it. As we continued in our conversation and I talked about now that I know it'll be April for my surgery and I'll be back to work full time then, she said well if you have any mailings to do, like the newsletter or billings you can bring those home and I can come down and help you with that. So my point is although I could have continued the conversation in the negative attitude that she had initially started I ignored it and she proved herself the ever faithful friend that she is by offering her help. I'm sure she'll come through for me.