Informing others

[Molly A 0]

I have to comment on this:

I just read a post about a woman that was having difficulty with a co-worker's comments (they were negative) regarding her having a lap band. Then I took the poll and was surprised about how many people keep the surgery quiet or just share with a limited number of people.

Well maybe I just too old to worry about it or it's just me. But, it's obvious to anyone what I look like - I'm obese. And a great number of people are obese in this country. What's the shame? If diets and exercise worked; everyone in the country would be skinny. It's not always what you put in your mouth; it's more complicated than that.

The people that criticize a person's decision to have a lap band, to be a healthier person, are ignorant. Maybe by reframing the interactions with the skeptics will help; realizing that the critical unaccepting people are stupid and wrong. We should feel sorry for them; poor things.

We are the brave pioneers that are making healthy choices and taking action. I'm proud of what I'm doing.

Molly A

[mamato3 1]

I have not hesitated to tell anyone that I had this surgery, and I have only had 1 extremely negative response. This particular person was so rude and insensitive. She basically told me that it was un-necessary surgery and when she found out that my insurance was covering it, she really went off the deep end. She thought it was rediculous that people could have this surgery in the first place and that to have insurance cover it was even worse. She pretty much blamed me and people like me for driving up the cost of health care! I am definately not a confrontational type person, so I just kind of laughed and shrugged it off. I too am very proud of myself for the step I have taken to help myself become a more healthy person. To heck with all of the negative nellie's out there!

[QuasiTova 0]

I tell everyone I meet! Everywhere! In WalMart... at work... the hairdresser... you name it... lol I just cannot contain my enthusiasm and excitement. I have already encouraged over a dozen people to visit my doctor (only after they ask of course).

Also, my reason for not keeping it a secret was because it is normal for people to "talk" if someone loses a lot of weight (especially at my job). I did not want them whispering stuff like: is she on drugs? is she sick? does she have cancer? etc.

I preferred to have them KNOW why I was losing weight, and be encouraging and supportive of my efforts... and they have been :thumbup:

[Ellisa 6]

I don't hesitate to tell people. But I'm not sensitive to negative comments. I probably have an answer for everything. LOL I really don't get many but I treat them as opportunities to educate.

To the people who are concerned about insurance covering it, I say, "well, it covers people who get drunk and wreck/smoke/do drugs, etc. etc. etc." And you know what? No one thinks insurance shouldn't cover those health related issues and I like seeing that, "oh yeah" look. Of course I try to be tactful and not use an issue I think the person I'm talking to might be dealing with.

[annielkd 0]

I had told people... and I do regret it a bit... people do not understand that I still have to work at this. Although I've lost 90 pounds,and had to use great will power, they think it was easy for me... and don't realize the struggle. So, now I wish I hadn't told as many people.

[ParaGirl 71]

I have limited the number of people who know about my surgery. I have always had a lot of shame and guilt over my weight and did not want to feel like I was being judged.

[Molly A 0]

I have not hesitated to tell anyone that I had this surgery, and I have only had 1 extremely negative response. This particular person was so rude and insensitive. She basically told me that it was un-necessary surgery and when she found out that my insurance was covering it, she really went off the deep end. She thought it was rediculous that people could have this surgery in the first place and that to have insurance cover it was even worse. She pretty much blamed me and people like me for driving up the cost of health care! I am definately not a confrontational type person, so I just kind of laughed and shrugged it off. I too am very proud of myself for the step I have taken to help myself become a more healthy person. To heck with all of the negative nellie's out there!

mamato3 - I'm sure you were taken aback by that one! But after giving it some thought I have a few comments (keep for future reference):

1. So according to that school of thought, if a 40 year old individual that had been a smoker developed cancer and needed to have a lung out to save his/her life - the insurance shouldn' pay for the surgery? He choose to smoke afterall.
   
2. You must be against insurance companies paying for people to have open heart surgery unless they have led a "perfect life."
   
3. How do you feel about insurance companies paying for plastic surgery even if it's medically necessary? Like surgery to rebuild a breast after a mastectomy - it really isn't medically necessary.
   
4. So you think it would be more cost effective for the insurance companies to pay for my future health problems rather than to prevent them? Mamograms are preventative too - your insurance company pays for your mamogram, doesn't it?
   
5. You know this surgery has been proven to cure diabetes! So if I develop diabetes, the insurance company would be better off paying for my diabetes monitor, my daily medications, quarterly doctor's appointments with my family doctors, visits to an endocrinologist, specialist appoints with an eye doctor and special eye tests, podiatrist appointments, classes for diabetic diets, specialist appoints with a cardiologist, appointments with a kidney doctor, etc.? And if I need open heart surgery because of my diabetes, they should pay for that too?

Just some thoughts!

Molly A

[Molly A 0]

I had told people... and I do regret it a bit... people do not understand that I still have to work at this. Although I've lost 90 pounds,and had to use great will power, they think it was easy for me... and don't realize the struggle. So, now I wish I hadn't told as many people.

WE KNOW AND UNDERSTAND!

[Kat817 19]

One of the big reasons I chose to tell people was that I remember running into a friend of a friend one day, and she had lost tremendous amounts of weight, and we of course both ask how, and she give the moving more eating less answer---and I felt so defeated!! So much less than her! Of course my self esteem was already in the gutter, but I could not help but feel, I was a loser, it seemed others could manage to lose weight---just not me! I do not EVER want to make another person, feel like they are less for being unable to lose and keep weight off.

In the end-----she had DS surgery----and has since had some serious medical issues---and it come out---but man it made me feel bad at the time!

Plus it is next to impossible to keep it a secret unless you totally tell NO ONE! Not your best friend, not the nurse at your local Dr.----NO ONE!!!! Otherwise it is a simple slip by one person, and it is out, and everyone is upset you didn't trust them enough to share it!

It is easier, for me, in my small town situation, to encourage, and tell all!!!!!

Kat

[socalgal3 4]

This subject has been mentioned here before and as a closet bandster, I just want to say I AM NOT ASHAMED. It is nobody's business but my own and who I choose to share it with. I am a very private person for the most part. It has nothing to do with shame. I support those who choose to tell everyone they meet as much as I support those who chose to keep it private. It is a personal decision just as much as having the surgery itself, the surgeon we choose, etc.

[MargAK 0]

I have only told my family, and no one at work. Although I'm not a shy person, I just don't want to discuss this with anyone except my husband. I find this process rather personal and don't have any urge to tell the world. But, I am not surprised so many people tell everyone! I love my band, too.

[Rubenesque 0]

I'm only 2 weeks out but have only told my hubby and kids (15,20,24).

It has been a bit difficult, especially with my mother but I knew she would worry a lot. I may decide to tell friends later, I'm not sure yet.

The whole lapbanders are cheats thing has always got my goat, even before I looked into it for myself. Society should applaude people who want to improve their health and become LESS of a burden on the health system!!

[010308 0]

I told only a few people about my surgery.... but one of the people that I felt I had to tell told several people where I work. I'm sure she thought that I was being open about it and that it wasn't a secret. But I wanted to get through the first few months of the surgery before I went telling everybody.

I felt that if I was asked I would be honest about how I was losing because I work with several overweight people and I didn't want anybody to feel like they were failures.

This first 6 weeks or so after surgery have been difficult because I'm sure people are watching me to see if I lose weight, and it is only the people that I told that I have explained the process of the healing period and the fills and such so those that I actually told are the only ones that have the explanation of why they aren't seeing me lose weight right now. That bothers me a little. I know the person that told everybody did it out of excitement for me, and that she meant no harm, but I kind of resent the fact that I wasn't the one that got to share this huge decision with people.

As for the lady who has an opinion about weight loss surgery being covered by medical insurance... insurance carriers wouldn't be covering it at all if they weren't a) Being mandated to cover it by the state where they reside... and/or Hadn't found that they were saving money by covering it and therefore resolving the co-morbidities associated with obesity.

There are many things that are mandated by the state to be covered by medical insurance. Some examples are:

1) In the state where I reside it has been mandated that insurance carriers will cover chemical dependency treatment to the current limit of about $13,000 every 24 months. That means that if a person gets a dui and is court ordered to get treatment that's covered by insurance.

2) It is mandated in the state where I reside that all category of providers must be covered, massage therapists, acupuncturists, naturopaths...etc.

3) There is a federal mandate called the Erin Act that requires insurance carriers to cover newborns for the first 21 days after birth if the mother has maternity coverage on the plan, even if the mother ends up not enrolling the child on the coverage.

4) I don't know if it's a federal or state mandate that requires insurance carriers in the state that I reside to cover birth control for women.

5) Although I don't believe it's a mandate, many insurance carriers cover smoking cessation because they know if they can get their member to stop smoking it will decrease the medical costs in the long run.

When I first got into the medical insurance industry 10 years ago the rising cost of healthcare was just starting to be a topic for discussion. People had rich benefits and no realization of how their medical services were being paid. The thing that shocks me is that every year as the cost of healthcare increases and it becomes more and more of a topic for conversation I see more and more mandates requiring medical insurers to cover more and more care. Some of the requirements make sense to me, others don't. But I think anything that contributes to improved health and lower costs in the long run should certainly be considered for coverage.

[Ceradad 10]

One of the big reasons I chose to tell people was that I remember running into a friend of a friend one day, and she had lost tremendous amounts of weight, and we of course both ask how, and she give the moving more eating less answer---and I felt so defeated!! So much less than her! Of course my self esteem was already in the gutter, but I could not help but feel, I was a loser, it seemed others could manage to lose weight---just not me! I do not EVER want to make another person, feel like they are less for being unable to lose and keep weight off.

In the end-----she had DS surgery----and has since had some serious medical issues---and it come out---but man it made me feel bad at the time!

Plus it is next to impossible to keep it a secret unless you totally tell NO ONE! Not your best friend, not the nurse at your local Dr.----NO ONE!!!! Otherwise it is a simple slip by one person, and it is out, and everyone is upset you didn't trust them enough to share it!

It is easier, for me, in my small town situation, to encourage, and tell all!!!!!

Kat

About 1 1/2 mos prior to even getting a surgery date, the childrens pastor at church did a special message at Sunday service concerning getting in shape. Each of the assoc pastors were given a Sunday to discuss something dealing with getting mind, spirit and body right. She told the congregation how she had lost approx 120 lbs over 2 yrs. I listened to her message and felt lower and lower the entire time. I was thinking, how can this person accomplish what I cannot do? How was she able to overcome the difficulties and mental blocks I was unable to conquer? I was depressed about that message for many weeks following.

When I got my surgery date I told my pastor and one of the assoc and asked for them to pray as the date got closer. They asked if they could share it with the staff at church. I told them that was fine. The next day, the childrens pastor called and spoke with my wife for about 1/2 hr. After getting off the phone, DW told me the childrens pastor told her she had had the lapband 2 yrs previous. She has chosen to keep it secret from everyone except family.

I can't tell you how much better I felt upon learning that. I now knew that I was not a loser for not being able to overcome everything.

I work in law enforcement and let me tell you, they are some of the rudest, crudest people you will ever meet. They see a flaw in a coworker and they will push the buttons to get you going. Now imagine being a "fat guy" in the midst of the macho studs, most of whom are ex military. I decided to tell everyone of them. No reason to hide the fact that I had it. Especially as I intended on doing everything possible to lose as quickly as possible.

I also tell anyone who asks. Why should I keep a secret from those that could benefit from it. Also, as Kat stated, why would I want to make someone else feel as I did that Sunday in church? Just doesn't feel right.

To those that keep it secret, I honor your opion and issues. I will not, nor will I ever, put you down for your choice. I cannot tell you what is right for you anymore than I would want you to tell me about my choices. The most important thing is we have made a choice to be healthy. Both for us and our families. I just ask of you to not let others that are going through what we had to go through, deal with those feelings of being worthless because we accomplished something that can't.