No personal attacks

[Alexandra 55]

The moderators had a very interesting and fruitful discussion last night, and in the next few days you will be seeing some guidelines for the future. At this point we're just proofreading and fine-tuning.

But one doesn't need any fine-tuning and is too important to wait. That is the first law of online etiquette: NO PERSONAL ATTACKS.

Please, please, please, everyone, keep the discourse civil. Rumors and attacks must be stopped in their tracks and the only way to do that is not to respond. Moderators really will not be editing or deleting posts so PLEASE think before you post.

Thank you. That is all.

[nightingale2u 42]

Sounds like an excellent plan... it will be comforting to see the moderators supporting each other and working together. I sure hope the board can get back to "normal" even if there are divisions in opinion.

[Debbydo 0]

Wow, I am totally missing something. I am a junkie for this web site since my first consultation last month and I did get the idea this were so heated. I agree with you Alexandra, if we wanted person attacks there are plenty to be found from so call well meaning friends and family.

I've been truly inspired from this site and have gone ahead and scheduled all the consults I needed for presurgery testing and such. I was anticipating this from the this forum for it to be a few month process. But I guess in NY moves a little quicker.

ANyway, Love the boards and the positive,honest and real threads.

Thanks, Debby

bandster in training

242

preopt

[La_madam 20]

Thank You Alex..I am very pleased to hear this, because what I have been wittnessing this week with a certain member attacking another has been absolutely disgusting and so uncalled for. Does this also apply for personal attacks in a PM??? because if I get any personal attacks from any member I will cut and paste it here in the public forum for all to read . I feel personal attacks should not be allowed anywhere in this board . What will be the consequence if another member personally attacks another member? Will they be asked to leave the board or what?

P.S. Alex thank you for locking the Marie as a Moderator thread

[New Hope 37]

Thank you for reminding us, Alex.

[Zoe 6]

Amen. Thank you for your sensible policy. I think the moderators are wise not to censor posts but to remind us to keep things civil.

[Alexandra 55]

Does this also apply for personal attacks in a PM???

PMs are private correspondence and must remain that way. If someone is getting mean in them, the best reaction is to simply delete them and ignore the sender. Another board I'm on (but not a moderator of) considers the revelation of PM content an instantly bannable offense.

[DeLarla 22]

My last post before leaving. Last night the moderators decided that there will be no more public attacks. Yet AFTER the meeting, Moderator Marie publicly attacked me by undeleting ugly things that I didn't want anybody to see. I wrote ugly stuff late last night but then deleted it minutes later before anyone could see it.

So if the moderators decided on no more public attacks, why did Marie start the first one?

[Alexandra 55]

It's totally open as to who "started" the public attacking here. All I'm saying is that now it will end.

[Zoe 6]

Oh dear. I don't know much about what moderators can and cannot do (from a technical perspective), but I think that if someone deletes his or her own posts they should stay deleted -- kind of like tearing up a letter. I do not want to start a feud! But I think the principles Alexandra set out in her initial post here make sense. Let's try to be civil. And if one of us writes a post, then thinks better of it and deletes it for whatever reason, let's respect the writer's decision.

[nightingale2u 42]

The problem is... when you post to a thread... that post is viewable until it is edited by the person that posted it. It is also emailed to all that subscribe to that thread in it's original form. If a person views that post in it's original format... it seems that it would be fair to quote the content???? THis would be the danger of posting prior to really considering the content of one's post.

[Alexandra 55]

Absolutely right, Darcy. That's why it's really important to think before you post. Nothing ever really goes away in cyberspace.

[Banded14yr 2]

Great point Darcy!

I hate when I have to go back and edit my post (I should know better than to post at 3:00am in the morning, I can't spell!) because I know that everyone that posted on the thread will receive another email, except hopefully the second one will contain correct spelling

I use a rule of thumb at work.....If I get a little miffed at a situation and feel the need to email someone or some people, I write the email out, then I just minimize it on my desktop and go get a glass of Water, or go take a walk or find something else to do. Then I return and re-read my email and change it before it goes out. It has saved my hiney a lot of times (I'm sure) because my anger or frustration doesn't get sent out for public viewing and also created a nice "document" for my file...nada, no thank you!

[Penni60 45]

Yes, we moderators agreed to the Attack the idea not the person guideline last night.

SO I was shocked to see all the drama this morning going on. I guess if Lisa had thought more about her issues and wrote it in Word or in a document first she could have re-read it and then decided to post something appropriate. She elected to no do that. We all make mistakes. RIGHT?

In the same respect Marie having just been in a moderator meeting where we also discussed as a guideline "to take really personal issues to a PM" in my opinion she might have chose to send Lisa a PM instead of doing a rebuttal publicly. I know we all get lost sometimes in the heat of things. But there again maybe Marie could have also wrote our her response in Word or in a document first before she posted her issues. She also elected to not do that and again I say we all make mistakes. RIGHT?

All I am saying is there is always a better way to deal with any inflamatory remark.

There

[donali 57]

PMs are not an acceptable place to send attacking messages.

Emails are not an acceptable place to send attacking messages.

Public forums are not an acceptable place to send attacking messages.

Private forums are not an acceptable place to send attacking mesages.

People get angry. People get upset. People get hurt. There are appropriate ways to deal with those emotions.

You can say, "I disagree." "I think you are wrong." "I don't believe this is fair." "My opinion is..." "I stand by my belief that..."

People who send ugly things should not expect that they remain private. PMs/emails/posts imply that you have a trust in the person/people you are communicating with, and they have a trust in you. If you PM/email/post ugly things to someone, you have broken that trust - why should anyone protect you from your ugliness to them??? Only a true friend would do that, and surely you would not send something like that to a true friend.

Keeping ugly things said/done to us a secret is how many of our journeys began. Being abused in private is no more acceptable than being abused in public, just as abusing people in private is no more acceptable than abusing people in public.

I agree with Bright's earlier post on the subject of etiquette - I try to post in a civil manner, and appreciate those who do the same. I will go to any lengths to protect anyone's privacy if they choose to divulge personal feelings/thoughts/information in confidence to me.

All of you can rest assured, however, that if I am ever subject to harrasing/abusive/ and/or threatening correspondence directed at me personally it will NOT be kept private, and will not be tolerated. That is a promise.