The dating game with the band

[Leena 108]

I'd love to know how everyone is surving dating with the band. I'm married but bi and poly, so dh and I have agreed that I can have relationships with other women as well. I told him on our first date, btw I'm bi and really tend to date more women than men. So this is nothing new at all.

Anyway, what is it with women freaking out over me having the band? I was seeing a woman, let's call her N. Anyway N our relationship was going well she's also poly and bi. Anyway she knew I was having surgery, didn't ask what type and I didn't tell her because it was only a few weeks into our relationship. Anyway she knew I was on a diet, exercising and trying to loose weight. N is also obese, not quite as big as my highest, but she's tall so carreis it better than I did.

So a few weeks pass and she notices I'm loosing more weight. So I told her well I did have surgery. Then told her what kind I had. She seemed okay then. But as I got closer to her clothing size she freaked out and ended the relationship. I just don't get it. Obviously there are some nderlying issues on her side.

Well, now I feel like dating while I still have 100+ pounds to loose is somewhat pointless.

Any advice?

Thanks,

Leena

[SherryW 4]

Leena, Unfortunately some friends (dating or strictly friends) do react this way no matter how long you've known them. I guess it's their own uncomfortableness with their own weight issues and seeing someone else succeed makes them feel even more out of control and they have to face that every time they are with someone losing weight. Sometimes, from my guess, they feel like in the end they'll get dumped or looked upon as someone who's losing weight isn't going to think highly of them so before being dumped...they do it. Just a thought anyway.

Sorry you lost your friend...but as they say...one door never closes without another opening. Good luck with your journey.

[catzintj 1]

maybe she is just envious and insecure. you will meet others who are more accepting of you. they are the people with healthy self esteem. good luck.

[sfeiner 2]

Yikes.....I better not tell you what I think!

[jo282004 0]

Hey I Don't Know If You Are Buddhist. If You Are Send Me A Note.

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

I'm pretty far behind, but if someone can't date you at 100+ then why would you want to date that person. If they are geniunely interested in you why would it matter what size you are? Maybe it's diffrent when you are married and dating, I don't know.

As to your friend. Well, if you were her friend because your were bigger than her then fuck her. You deserve a friend thats there through "thick or thin" :thumbup:

[Leena 108]

Just thought I'd update you. Dating in the last few months has gone very well. I'm met some amazing accepting women who aren't at all, even remotely freaked out by my ever changing weight.

I have also become so comfortable in my skin, and I think that has a lot to do with it as well. I'm confident in who I am as a person, and that seems to be all I really needed. This morning I was 203 on the scale and can honestly say I'm very happy with that number. I'm so excited to see a 199 or less and I know once I reach that point I'll be dancing around my kitchen in utter happiness.

It's amazing how loosing weight can change so many things in ones life.

Thanks all,

Leena

[ReadySteadyGo 8]

Well I'm happy for you.

[FeliciaLevy75 0]

One thing no one has said yet, unless I completely misread something, is that maybe N prefers bigger women (what is the term? BBW?). I see conjecture over jealousy, lack of ambition, etc. Maybe it's not that deep... maybe it's just her preference?

Does it make it right that she "freaked out and ended the relationship?" Should it make someone feel better? Not in my opinion. She still should have been adult enough to handle it in a mature manner.

I am not trying to be difficult, just try and consider what we don't know. I just worry when we (and I mean "we" as a broad demographic - WLS patients, successful dieters, etc.) automatically say that someone is jealous or insecure about themselves because "we" are doing what we set out to do. It's a dangerous and ultimately unhealthy outlook to have to set such stringent boundary lines between "us" and "them." It makes dating and relationships even more difficult; we will always be on the defensive.

I know you don't know me from Adam, and I know that I am new here. I am not trying to offend, Leena, please know that. It sounds to me that you are very open. You deserve the same and I am truly sorry it didn't work out.

[cheri52 1]

Just thought I'd update you. Dating in the last few months has gone very well. I'm met some amazing accepting women who aren't at all, even remotely freaked out by my ever changing weight.

I have also become so comfortable in my skin, and I think that has a lot to do with it as well. I'm confident in who I am as a person, and that seems to be all I really needed. This morning I was 203 on the scale and can honestly say I'm very happy with that number. I'm so excited to see a 199 or less and I know once I reach that point I'll be dancing around my kitchen in utter happiness.

It's amazing how loosing weight can change so many things in ones life.

Thanks all,

Leena

:smile: WOW!!! Has anyone on here stopped to notice that Leena has just got to be one of the biggest loosers on here? she's averaging over 4 lbs a week!!! unreal girl. way to go:thumbup: carefull, you may just go poof and vanish ........now that would be a damm shame :smile:

[Leena 108]

Very interesting point Felicia. I kinda have to laugh because I've been dating more lately and every woman I've dated has been a BBW. Yeah I know I think I have a thing for them. I have literally been smaller than each and every one of them. Maybe I'm not as attracted to skinny girls. Right now I'm 194, have made it to the ones, YAY! And still I could care less if I loose another pound. I'm a freakin size 12. Yeah me a 12. Still trying to pinch myself awake on that one. I've taken up running, swimming and most recently karate.

And thanks cheri, I don't think I'm one of the biggest loosers here. I technically still have a lot to go. Thanks though. I'm the worst at accepting compliments and have been on the receiving end a lot lately.

-Leena

[JayTee562 1]

Leena you bring up an intresting point.

I have partner for 7 years now and have gaind A LOT since we got together. As I start my adventure I've been wondering about the port (I think that's what it called) and if any one notices it when... cuddling? He's supporting me but I don't want him to freak if you can see or feel it.

As far as losing weight rapidly for the males of our people group it makes people wonder about our health... you know...JT

[littlefroggy 0]

Before the band I tried dating some but was so unhappy with myself, it was hard to even get out there. I found myself disappointed a lot!

In January, after getting to my halfway mark, exercising daily, and feeling really good about myself, I got into the dating game.

I definitely was looking for something long term, but didn't know if I was quite in the place for that yet, so I was interested in just dating people (maybe getting some action :wink:) and seeing what would happen. I put up a couple of online ads and answered a lot of ads. I ended up going on about 11 first dates in less than 3 weeks! It was my dating spree!

My 12th date... I almost cancelled after so many lousy first dates, but the 12th date was the one! That date lasted about 10 hours! We have been together 5 months now and everything is going really well... what is remarkable to me is that I am still fat! I just had this thought before that I would have to be skinny before I fell in love... or before someone fell in love with me. But I am not, and in fact, had some major issues with the band in February and have lost NOT A SINGLE POUND since then!! I am working on the issues (just refilled again yesterday) and my GF is so supportive.

The dating game works, but dang, it was rough at first... but totally has paid off!!! I have never had such a wonderful relationship! By our 3rd date, which was the 3rd day I knew her, I knew she was the "one". :sneaky:

[kkarryall 0]

JayTee--

As I have gotten thinner you can feel my port more but you still have to press firmly to feel it. You definitely cannot see mine yet, but I still have at least 50 lbs to lose.