Soo Confused

bibo07 · February 8, 2008

Hi everyone.

I am 31 years old, 5'4 and 230 pounds...I just found out a few days ago that my BMI is 39.

I have been married for 4 years and have a two year old active boy. I don't have any medical problems yet...and i say yet because at the rate i am going i am sure i am headed down that route. I have always been a little fuller in the bottom area but I did not have weight problems i think until i start college. The weight just kept adding on. My brothers paid for jenny craig for a few months and for a gym...i am on a roll and then i stop and gain it back. You name it...i have done it. BUT i am the heaviest i have been now...what scares me that i feel that i have reached a point of no return so I keep eating and not caring. I am disgusted with myself...up until last summer, i used to wear a bikini and was pretty confident about myself...NOW i am only wearing baggy cloths and can't even look at myself in the mirror...with or without clothes and it has affected my life with my husband. My period has been out of wack for the past few months...and every time i see my obgyn...he keeps telling me to get the lap band. The last time i was there about 2 weeks ago...i told him i was scared...he said that i should worry about the consequences of obessity. My husband has always been opposed to any surgeries and in fact always tells me i am beautiful and is part of the reason i have been gaining weight i think. I was 30 pounds lighter when we got married. He has horrible eating habbits, but thin and always needs a companion when he eats.

I am sorry i am making this long but i want to correctly introduce myself.

WHen he heard what the dr said to me...he agreed to it. So for like a week, i read online and was very excited about it. A few days ago i went to a see a dr. Though i am American, i live in Kuwait now and my options are a little limited. I wasn't very excied about him, though he took the time to explain, but nothing that i already hadn't read. He told me to come in and do some tests a few days later and wanted to schedule it for next week. I kind of freaked....now my husband is against it...he thinks i will suffer a lot.

I am sooooo scared...but i really want to lose the weight...i am sick of being the fatest one every where we go, between all my friends, not being able to buy cloths from regular stores and most importantly not to lose my breath when i am going up the stairs.

Any information is helpful.

Thanks

bhgoins367 · February 8, 2008

I can understand your fear and concern. I can also sympthazie with your predictment. I would love to have the surgery, but money and insurance will not allow. I believe though if you fear the surgery and are concerned get a second opinion. Not all procedures are good, or bad. Maybe, you can still loose the weight without the surgery. Weigh out all your options then make a decision based upon what is best for you and your husband. You have a wonderful husband who loves you and will stick by you, love yourself also. Weight does not make you less likable or more likable. It is hard being overweight because of the health issues. Take the time you need to make the right decision for you. This decision affects you the most and you will have to live with it. :glare:

bibo07 · February 8, 2008

Thanks bhgoins367.

Unfortunately, the insurance i have here in Kuwait will not cover the surgery either...but my husband and I decided that we woudl take it out of our savings. I have an appointment see another doctor next week in dubai (i have to go there for my visa renewal) so I am hoping it would give me push or the comfort that i need. I feel that I can't lose the weight and keep it off without surgery...although a part of me wants to try again. My husband wants me to try the diet center (like jenny craig but fresh food) for three months before doing this but i know we can't afford both. We wanted to have our second baby soon but i wanted to lose weight first. See I am afraid of the surgery itself...AND the how it will affect my life later...but i really wanted to lose the weight and a lot of it.

I don't want to burden my husband and my family later if i am always unhappy or sick.

Rana Burt · February 8, 2008

Dear Bibo07,

Honey, you really sound down. First of all, I know you feel huge, but you really aren't that overweight. I have just been where you are. Three months ago I was right where you are (and I have not had wls yet either). I am 5'6" and I was at 247. I had never been that big! I went and had a consultation with a surgeon (cost me $175 -cash). He advised RNY (I have to wonder if part of his reasoning is that he makes LOTS of money from RNY as opposed to lap band) My insurance requires 6 months weight loss with a Dr and Nutritionalist. I've done this for 3 months and have lost 25 lbs. I haven't starved. All I did was cut caffeine, cut carbonated drinks, and cut sugar. You have to cut all these anyway for wls or you'll get sick. I drink Water with Crystal Lite in it and I have Decaf coffee. Drinking at least 2 liters of Water a day is very important!!!! The real deal is that whether you have wls or just do it on your own, you MUST decide that you are going to be disciplined. Honey, as we say in the sourth, "just suck it up and put your big girl panties on." (please don't take that harshly - was saying it lightly :glare:. YOU CAN DO IT! You know how to eat. Try to get at least 60 g. of Protein a day and eat healthy complex carbs (fruits, veggies, whole wheat). What I've been doing is taking a Multi-Vitamin and Calcium everyday and I eat something like a banana or Protein Bar (find one with low sugar - I get an Atkin's Advantage with only 1 gr. sugar). You can have a cup of skim milk with it. Sometimes I eat an egg and 2 pieces of bacon or oatmeal with splenda. For lunch I eat a salad with olive oil and 3 oz. of meat or Progresso Lite Soup (only 120 calories for the whole can - I love the Southwest Soup). Then, I eat a grilled meat, starch, and green veggie for dinner. I've averaged about 2 lbs a week and that is what nutritionalists suggest. I know it's slower than starving, but I really don't feel that I'm on a diet. In fact, I may decide not to have WLS because if I can continue to control my eating, the I won't need it. For me, I have not craved sweets and junk - I don't know if cutting the caffeine or the carbonated drinks or the sugar, but I really don't crave junk at all. And I've decided that I like the feeling of feeling a little empty as opposed to feeling stuffed and fat.

Keep your chin up. Check your emotions and find a psychologist if you are really emotional.

I look forward to seeing you move forward!

Sincerely

Rana Burt

I'm for you - please don't be offended about anything I've said - I'm just trying to be straight forward.

TerMur · February 8, 2008

Dear Rana

Sounds like you are doing great. Keep up the good work . I am proud of you. Surgery should be a last resort. It sounds like you are doing great.

Terry

shortgal · February 9, 2008

Do you plan to return to the US? Do you know what kind of band they will place in kuwait? If you return to the US will the Dr's here be familiar with your band?

Do you know that if you lost just 30 pounds you'd have lots of health benefits. I know you wouldn't be skinny, but it would help. You'll have to eat differently after being banded, so maybe you could practice some of the band rules now, like the previous poster mentioned. No soda, chew well, eat slowly, use a smaller plate and a baby spoon or fork. Concentrate on Protein and limit your carbs. Still hungry have a bowl of green Beans or spinach.

I don;t know enough about the healthcare system where you live to give you more advice.

bibo07 · February 9, 2008

Dear Rana Burt,

I started reading your messages and the tears just started pouring out. I was down when i wrote the message...but i have been up and down to be honest.

Sorry for my ignorance what RNY? and you lost almost 30 pounds on it...wow.

Caffeine as in coffee i can live without? diet coke...i don't know i keep saying tomorrow i will stop but i keep procrastinating. SUGAR...can't i have one small piece of chocolate a day...a small piece?

I LOVE Water and drink tons of it...so i am excited that i can still drink a lot of it. IT's very encouraging to hear that you are not craving junk food...i hope i feel that way. for the past few days i have been eating so much because thinking that when i get the band i won't be able to eat...that's so sad.

Thanks for all your advice...nothing you said offended me...thanks for your honesty.

bibo07 · February 9, 2008

Do you plan to return to the US? Do you know what kind of band they will place in kuwait? If you return to the US will the Dr's here be familiar with your band?
Do you know that if you lost just 30 pounds you'd have lots of health benefits. I know you wouldn't be skinny, but it would help. You'll have to eat differently after being banded, so maybe you could practice some of the band rules now, like the previous poster mentioned. No soda, chew well, eat slowly, use a smaller plate and a baby spoon or fork. Concentrate on Protein and limit your carbs. Still hungry have a bowl of green Beans or spinach.

I don;t know enough about the healthcare system where you live to give you more advice.

Of course i am planning to return to the US...i just don't know when. The dr told me that he uses the swedish band here...i did a little search and it's actually very similar to the lap band. I need to ask him if they have the same in the US.

30 pounds...i am hoping to lose more...i don't think i will be too happy with just 30...

Okay starting tomorrow (as it is nighttime now anyway) i will have one soda a day...and then in a week...i will go to once a week...i didn't think of using a smaller plate and small fork...thanks for the good advice.

SO i can't drink ANY soda after being banded?

well being a carb addict...i will need to work on that too...green Beans? spinach? i don't each either...you didn't think i became so overweight eating vegetables...hahahah...sorry i am actually laughing at myself.

I will try to search where i can go here for more info...i will try the english newspaper...

MamaHerm · February 9, 2008

bibo07,

I'm also scared about the surgery. I have to lose 40 pounds before I can schedule it because I am 5'1" tall and weighed 308 in November. I know how you feel about your body. I have been so disgusted with mine for years, and the thought of losing 180 pounds to get to a healthy weight has overwhelmed me, so I've just said, "Forget it! It will never happen!" I have all the medical problems associated with obesity -- diabetes, joint pain, shortness of breath, etc. My pulmonologist has been pushing me to do lap band, so I began thinking about it in about September. He kept pushing, so my thoughts began to change. He said that 180 pounds seems impossible, but it's a mind set thing. He said to break it down into smaller amounts and set goals to lose smaller amounts at a time. I started Weight Watchers and set goals to lose 1 pound a week, so that I would lose 50 pounds in one year. Then set another 50 pound goal and another, so that at the end of 3 years I would lose 150 pounds. I've lost 21 pounds since December 12th, so I'm getting closer to the 40 pounds that I need in order to do lap band. What really scared me is that the surgeon told me that he wouldn't want to do any type of surgery on me because my BMI was so high, and I would be at great risk for complications. I wanted to lose the weight by just doing Weight Watchers, but I know that with lap band I will be more successful. Although Weight Watchers is great -- it's healthy eating -- I still feel hungry and sometimes feel like I could eat and eat and eat.... I want to continue with Weight Watchers after I'm banded because I like the weekly support and weigh-in. I also plan to attend a support group for banders, but they only meet once a month. Between the two live groups and this forum, I think I will have the support I need. Of course, my husband supports my decision, also. I think a lot of my worries and concerns are not about the surgery itself -- it's about losing my love affair with food. I enjoy eating and I certainly enjoy good food, but look where it's gotten me. I am so fat that I can barely fit into the restroom on an airplane. I have to ask for a seatbelt extension, and sitting in the airline's seat is so uncomfortable. In November I could barely fit into the seats at our local movie theater. Now they are better. I have to drive 55 miles to buy clothes that fit me, and I'm in the largest size that the store offers. If I gain any more weight, I will have to order all my clothes online. And there are many other things that I cannot do any more. I'm not trying to complain here. I just wanted you to know about the things that are encouraging me to do the surgery and get this weight monkey off my back. Of course, I will still love to eat. And I will. I know that the portions will be smaller. But with lap band, I will get full, and I won't feel hungry. I'm looking forward to that. I'm sorry my posting is so long.

bibo07 · February 9, 2008

KatieAnn...thanks for your message.

I know exactly what you mean when you say forget it will never happen. That's exactly where i am now...and i hate myself for getting me this far...once i hit a specific weight instead of trying diets and exercising...i started eating more even when i wasn't hungry...just to do it. ISn't that weird?

I am sorry you have medical problems...i hope you get better.

21 pounds is a great start. See the way i see it...when i start losing i will keep wanting to lose more and more and push myself harder.

Thank you so much for sharing with me waht is encouraging you towards the surgery. My greatest fear is that even when i feel full with the band i will keep eating becuase i am so used to it.