Have you told people in OA/FAA about your band? feedback?

[morningoasis811 1]

Hi Everyone, it's been a while since I've been back here and active since I made this post a while back.

I have continued to go to OA meetings at least once a week, I have only told a few friends in OA about the suregery and I mentioned it once in a share. After the share I received warm hugs and support. I too had been feeling like I was keeping this huge secret or not being completely honest. But I've been in OA for 5 years now and I know discussing in depth is definitly an outside issue. Where I was really struggling was people in OA seeing me lose weight (120lbs in the last 1.5 years) and from my shares they know i'm not abstinent. I feel guilty about this. I had success in OA with a 90 lb weight loss over 2 years working with a sponsor and it was amazing, I truly lived the miricle of this program.

I'm really gun shy and had been using my band as an excuse for not getting a sponsor and working the steps. My first sponsor basically let me go for two reasons, 1) she did not have experience with relapse and encouraged me to find someone and 2) she was shockingly opinionated about WLS and basically told me I was going to die and it was rediculous to consider it because of the dangers and it goes against oa.

So in the back of my head i'm thinking that no one will be supportive and I was scared to look for a sponsor who would work with me and accept my band decision.

I am a raving food addict. I feel that since i've reached 160 which is only 10 lbs away from my goal, I have lost my mind. I can't stop eating. It's like everything i've worked on for the past 1.5 yrs is out the window. I'm eating way too much sugar. I'm grazing during the day. I haven't been gaining weight but my disease is getting a sick high off of getting away with getting around the band. I feel really fucked up right now. Everyone looks at me like i'm so awesome now and i've conquered my problems, i'm so thin.... they don't understand i've only conquered the fat. I still really suffer inside.

I have a sponsor now, she knows about my band but really doesn't understand. I'm still not certain she'll fully accept me. we'll see how it goes.

I'm also searching for a Therapist who is knowledgable in the 12 steps and who has worked with wls patients. I know I need the help. I'm trying to work one day at a time to find the strength and willingness to ask my HP to help lift me out of the obsession so I can stop abusing my self with food. I've come too far. I don't trust myself right now.

I know OA is the answer for me. It is the ONLY thing that ever worked for me in the past. I'm just not working it. I wish I had the spirit of a new comer, it seemed so much easier then. Now I feel like I should know better and beat myself up for not "getting it".

[gr8fulmaria 0]

Hi morningoasis811, don't beat yourself up. I am in another 12 step fellowship and I am hearing you say that this is an outside issue. I don't believe that. Anything that affects you and your recovery is not an outside issue! I think and this is just my opinion, but the fact that you aren't being honest may be why you are relapsing with the food. We are only as sick as our secrets. Hand in there, get honest and I believe that you will turn it around. Good luck

[roxiesmom1 0]

I have been a member of OA for going on 20 years now. I was banded last June'08. I have heard such negative comments by OA members during their "shares" that I have only come out about being banded to a few very close OA friends. You'd think that the only thing that would matter to a fellow OA person is a "desire to stop eating compulsively", but the negative comments I've heard in the rooms was distressing. Frankly, it makes me want to go to less meetings. Yes i know that if I "came out" about this to more people in OA it might make things better, but I'm just not feeling brave enough yet.

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

I've just started exploring this web site--I was banded June 18--and I've actually talked about this issue on the 12 step thread and on Christian bandsters. The OA's around me seem to have been taken over by the food nazis and rigid rule makers and enforcers. I don't feel safe at those meetings and stopped attending. Years ago the meetings weren't like that. We discussed the steps and how to use them to address our food issues. Now it seems that everybody's defining abstinance in very rigid ways and they've piled restrictions on top of restrictions. We carry enough guilt without adding reasons for carrying more. I'm going to copy my latest entry from my blog which I wrote on this subject at: IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Saturday, July 4, 2009

God Grants Grace, not Guilt

I spent a lot of time yesterday and today exploring a lapband website. There's a religious forum with a page for Christians and there's a 12-step forum with a few threads for those attending OA (Overeaters Anonymous) and FAA(Food Addicts Anonymous.) After reading many of the posts I came to a not-so-surprising conclusion. Guilt and shame are a way of life for people suffering from food addiction. People seem to be heaping guilt either on themselves or on others.

Christians accuse themselves of gluttony and beat themselves up over that. Other Christians really do say horrible things to them like, "Why are you getting that surgery, why don't you just pray?" Many Christian weight loss groups can have so many rules to follow that most people are bound to fail heaping guilt upon guilt.

OA and FAA attenders get accused of taking the "easier, softer way" if they get lap band surgery for which they beat themselves up. They also suffer attacks from the food nazis who have taken over OA and FAA and and who are addicted to adding food restriction upon food restriction and enforcing rule upon rule.

Guilt and shame have a horrible history of sabotaging recovery and driving people deeper into the food (or any other addictions).

Whether you believe addictions are sin or not (I believe they are brain-based disorders, not sin, that came into this world as a result of sin and that under their influence people do commit sin), beating yourself up over them is a sure-fire path to relapse.

Serenity is extremely important in recovery and those consumed by guilt and self-blame have no serenity.

We need to break the bondage of guilt. Especially unearned guilt and shame. God gave us the gift of grace, not of guilt. I like to say I gave up guilt for Lent.

As far as the rigid rule makers and enforcers--most of these people have simply replaced one type of food obsession with another and their rigid adherance to a code is all they've got. They transfer their internal shame and need for control onto others. It's just another insidious form of this disease. They don't know grace, and hence can't grant it.

Someday, Grace will come again and banish all guilt. He will wipe away every tear from our eyes. Come quickly Lord Jesus.

[Corliss 0]

I have been a member of OA for going on 20 years now. I was banded last June'08. I have heard such negative comments by OA members during their "shares" that I have only come out about being banded to a few very close OA friends. You'd think that the only thing that would matter to a fellow OA person is a "desire to stop eating compulsively", but the negative comments I've heard in the rooms was distressing. Frankly, it makes me want to go to less meetings. Yes i know that if I "came out" about this to more people in OA it might make things better, but I'm just not feeling brave enough yet.

I started out in OA 30 years ago. I went to other 12 step programs from that point and have been happy in recovery from alcohol, mood altering drugs and relationships for many and varying years, one day at a time, but i have never been freed up from the desire to eat compulsively, band or no band. The band has kept me from doing major damage to myself and allowed me to take off a lot of wt. in spite of my active food addiction. It is sort of like harm reduction.

I returned last week to OA, and having the band and still feeling compulsive is the reason I returned. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am a food junkie. As an old time 12 stepper, I am sure that the 1st tradition applies, and I have to place principles before personalities. If someone has a hard time with my personal choice to be banded then they need to take thier own inventory, not mine. I just know that I need this program and plan to take what i need and leave the rest. It is part of why I am here, I have done everything humanly possible to control this disease and I can't.

Maybe we just need to be out about the band and let the chips fall where they may. I know that is my plan. I am not out to convince anybody else to be banded and I have great respect for those who can do it without the band, but for me it was a tool I needed and I believe it is about my powerlessness.

Corliss

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

I started out in OA 30 years ago. I went to other 12 step programs from that point and have been happy in recovery from alcohol, mood altering drugs and relationships for many and varying years, one day at a time, but i have never been freed up from the desire to eat compulsively, band or no band. The band has kept me from doing major damage to myself and allowed me to take off a lot of wt. in spite of my active food addiction. It is sort of like harm reduction.

I returned last week to OA, and having the band and still feeling compulsive is the reason I returned. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am a food junkie. As an old time 12 stepper, I am sure that the 1st tradition applies, and I have to place principles before personalities. If someone has a hard time with my personal choice to be banded then they need to take thier own inventory, not mine. I just know that I need this program and plan to take what i need and leave the rest. It is part of why I am here, I have done everything humanly possible to control this disease and I can't.

Maybe we just need to be out about the band and let the chips fall where they may. I know that is my plan. I am not out to convince anybody else to be banded and I have great respect for those who can do it without the band, but for me it was a tool I needed and I believe it is about my powerlessness.

Corliss

Corliss, I am in total and absolute agreement with you. This addiction is different from all others in that we need to eat to live. And each time we eat we trigger our addiction. I'm not capable of becoming addicted to food plans, carb-counting, weighing and measuring, or any of those other regimens that all too often are just another form of food addiction. For me, getting the band was total surrender to God. It was admitting I am totally powerless over this disease. I'm participating in several threads on lapbandtalk that are helping me deal with the band and with food issues day to day. I'm also writing a blog that is helping me deal with the complexity of issues that contribute to food addiction. I am looking for a local OA group that is non-judgemental and spends its time talking about the steps and recovery as a whole person and not about food plans. If you're interested in my blog you can find it at IF YOUR STOMACH OFFENDS YOU, TIE IT OFF

Some of my earlier blogs really deal with the issue of judgementalism in OA and other food recovery groups. You know the way the program is supposed to work because you've been in other 12-step groups. So have I. If you can attend without the rigidity of many of the people triggering shame in you, go for it. Being open about it and being honest about the shaming some people do in OA might actually make people stop and think before making judgemental statements.

Edited July 25, 2009 by ifyourstomachoffendsyou

[Rolfergyrl 0]

I just attended my second meeting at OA. I went there one week after my lapband surgery and let my surgery be known.

I think that getting the band was my first step in admitting to myself that I was powerless over my eating addiction. Everyone has been super supportive and there is even one person who had gastric bypass in the group too.

This is the one place where you can be honest... and if people aren't supportive of you there...then THEY have the issue...not you!

I plan to be successful with my lapband TOOL... not cure..(smiling)

[ifyourstomachoffendsyou 1]

I just attended my second meeting at OA. I went there one week after my lapband surgery and let my surgery be known.

I think that getting the band was my first step in admitting to myself that I was powerless over my eating addiction. Everyone has been super supportive and there is even one person who had gastric bypass in the group too.

This is the one place where you can be honest... and if people aren't supportive of you there...then THEY have the issue...not you!

I plan to be successful with my lapband TOOL... not cure..(smiling)

Amen.

I pray you do well. I've lost 35 lbs since my June 18th surgery which actually puts me half way to goal. The lapband is a great motivational tool even before it fully kicks in as you go through your fills. I've found a lot of support and mentoring through the I'm here to help thread on the the mentoring forum. I've also been dealing with a lot of my issues with my blog:

http://ifyourstomachoffendsyoutieitoff.blogger.com

A lot of it is basically a 12-step inventory of the contributing factors to my food addiction. Currently I've been working on inventorying my gifts as well.

We all need to do something to help us deal with the addiction. Good for you for finding a group that's supportive.

[sagegl 0]

I have been in OA for 4 years. I had a Realize band on 04/19/10. I have gotten mixed reviews from my fellow OA'rs. Most are positive. A few judgemental-but I figure that's their issue. I work the 12 steps and pray to HP and I believe my HP led me to have the banding- it was not a decision made lightly. I have been attending online meetings through www.therecoverygroup.org and met other OA bandsters like myself while I am recovering from the surgery.

[mominoc 11]

Personally, I would only share the fact that I was BANDED with my Sponsor, one on one... the whole group does not need to know as "sharing" at the group level only needs to address Whether or not you admit that food is out of control and your life is unmanageable.

JMHO

Agree with this. My own experience with OA has been that its good support, but the members do tend to judge. Sorry if others don't agree, but my experience. I will tell a sponsor only. Losing weight, being happy, maintaing weight loss is my goal. 12 steps are great, but due to the judging, I will only tell a sponsor.