I feel like such a failure

[Guest I AM SO HAPPY]

Hello

Just to give a time line, so you know what I've done.

Decided 10/07 to check in to lap band. Went to a seminar, made my decision to have it. Began getting pre op tests, saw the dr 11/30/07. I pleaded with him to do the procedure before the end of the year since my deductible had been met. He agreed to 12/12/07 but I had to lose 15 lbs by then. For various reasons I was able to skip an important (I think) meeting with one of the gals that ran the program and showed up 12/12/07 16.5 lbs thinner. Had the procedure, went home the same day and began the "diet" from one of the print outs I got. 1/3/08 I saw the dr and had lost another 15 lbs and continued on.

Found myself going to a couple of funerals, eating small amounts of food there, no problem. Had some wine, no problem. I continued to "test" myself as I started with bad choices and found out nothing happened. Still hanging on the the 31 lbs lost, I feel as though the band is no longer there. SuperBowl party was totally out of control as far as food and alcohol choices, no problems. scale has now gone up 5 lbs, I see the dr this Friday 2/8/08, begged the appt scheduler to arrange for a fill, assuming the doctor will have me get one.

Just the thought of seeing him, admitting to my poor food choices, admitting to not starting to exercise, I can just see the disgust on his face.

I really don't understand the "fill" process. Not even sure he'll allow one with the choices I've made.

I have done well on diets, loss control and gained it back.

Now here it is, not even 2 months in to this program and failing.

Thanks for letting me get this out and not see disappointment on your faces.

Support is a powerful tool that goes along with this journey and unfortunately I'm on my own.:eek:

[JaxBandster 11]

Dear Lvly

My nutritionist told me that along our journey we are going to take detours and the important thing is that if we do, that we need to get back on track on as soon as possible. Granted, you seem to have taken a scenic route Detour, but the response needs to be the same. You need to get back on track. Those 5 lbs don't have to be back on permanently. They can be lost again and more added to them. You do the same things that I have done in the past pre-band. I do really really well, all gung ho and lose a bunch of weight and then slowly but surely start to revert to the bad eating habits that got me fat in the first place. I am counting on the people I have met through this board to help me remember why I am doing this and make sure I stay focused on the prize and not give in to immediate gratification.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels right???????

So go get your fill, fess up to the doc and tell him you are recommitting to the band and your weight loss journey.

You will do this!!!!

[shortgal 5]

Your Dr. will not be surprised that you can overeat. Please read the thread(posts) about "how the band works" and "How fills work", this will help you to understand.

So just go the appt and tell your Dr about your hunger and how long you feel full between meals. Your band must be slowly filled until it fits YOUR stomach. It can take several fills before you reach that spot and in the meantime to avoid gaining back the weight you lost, try leaning on your willpower as much as possible.

I am in the same boat. Banded 11/27 and don;t have good restriction yet. I was scheduled next week for my fill, but called the Office today and they will see me tomorrow instead. Obviously my willpower is giving out and I need my band to start working to help me.

Don't worry, you're not alone, it's a normal part of the band process.

[bahotmomma 0]

Lvly, You just need to put that behind you and start fresh. Start making the right choices, working out and putting the band to work for you. You can do it, look at the success you have had in such a short time. Have a had a fill yet or will this be your first? Best of luck to you and keep up the GREAT work:tongue:

[panosyk 0]

Please don't feel bad. We are who we are. I truly compare our food cravings/addiction to alcohol addiction. It's tough to be good all the time. Our brains are wired for old habits b/c it makes us feel gooooood.

[KikiVal315 4]

lvly- first off, hugs to you. you're not a failure; we're all human and do make mistakes. you fell off the horse, so what? dust your bottom off and get back on. the important thing to remember is to get back up again. food is like an addiction as mentioned, try to take it one day at a time. i hope you feel better soon! :eek:

[WestCoastFatGuy 3]

Consider this a kick in your @ss to get you going again.

You've lost soooo much weight already. You are amazing! Chalk the bad choices up to stupidity and the Stupid-Bowl and jump back on the lapband wagon. You ARE going to be successful. You ARE!

Now stop beating yourself up and treat yourself right!

Don't make me have to become a lapband stalker! :eek:

[Guest I AM SO HAPPY]

It's been such a tough day for me, actually one of many. My first mistake was telling everyone that I was having this procedure, now when they see me they expect me to be so much thinner.

I know you all understand when you start a diet, then slip off and say I'll start over next week. You don't share this with many people. But this procedure is so much more involved.

Yes, I will face my doctor on Friday and tell him what I've done. I do want to once again commit myself.

It seems as though this will be a great place to come for support and I will visit on a regular basis.

All of you, my new friends, have helped me realize that I need to reach out for support. Something I've never done.

I'll get through my Friday appointment and fill and let you know how it went.

Thank you again :eek:

Lori in Torrance, CA

[Frustrated 1]

Y'know Lori, nobody can beat us up as well as we can do it ourselves. And that's what I see from your first post. And I'm sorry, but I'm not going to jump on that bandwagon and beat you up any more. I don't have to. You've done a decent job of that on your own.

However....... I don't see that you've failed. Honestly. You've taken a step back, yes, but there are many backwards steps that we all take. To keep going back is a failure. You're all set to step up again, right? Right. So let's get you on your way.

Firstly, and I didn't find this out until my most recent fill last week, as our weight drops, the tightness we initially feel from the band loosens because we're losing weight everywhere. Even around that part of the stomach where the band is connected. My doctor told me to expect to be back in there after I've dropped another 20lbs simply because it will be too loose. That's not a failure. I kept putting my fill off because I thought it was either too soon, I wasn't trying hard enough to stop eating, I was gaining weight and was too embarrassed to tell him. That's the wrong way to think. The band is a tool to lose weight. And I wasn't using that tool effectively. Visiting your doctor when you feel you need to isn't a failure. Putting weight back on after losing so much and working so hard isn't a failure. It just means your tool needs tweaking.

You made the wrong choices during Stupidbowl, as WCFG so eloquently put it , but that was one setback. One. Allow yourself to have these minor setbacks. We're not going to be successful 100% of the time. That's an unrealistic goal.

Good luck with your fill on Friday. Don't be afraid or ashamed to tell your doctor your frustrations and setbacks. That's part of his job. And so many of his other patients will have had the same issues, so he'll be able to guide you in the right direction. He's not going to be disgusted with you. If he is, he's the wrong man to be seeing because he doesn't understand the inward struggles this condition brings to its sufferers.

Chin up and hang in there. :eek:

[make33 2]

It was so funny that you said you didn't think your surgeon would allow you to have a fill because you made some bad choices--but m'dear, that's the EXACT reason you SHOULD have a fill!!

"Frustrated" is right--as we lose weight, I understand that the Band loosens and so we need a fill to get it tight again. I just had my third fill and finally got restriction--so sometimes it takes a while to get to a good point.

Try to get going on that exercise--I am telling you that you will be so-o-o glad you did! Besides being good for you, it sure boosts your self-esteem and just makes you feel terrific! (AND it's time AWAY from food!!)

My suggestion to everyone is to start with a Curves--it's a relatively simple circuit to do (8 preset machines and 8 "stations" to walk on), takes less than 1/2 an hour and can have the added benefit of comraderie with other women!!

Good luck on Friday...

[Frustrated 1]

Try to get going on that exercise--I am telling you that you will be so-o-o glad you did! Besides being good for you, it sure boosts your self-esteem and just makes you feel terrific! (AND it's time AWAY from food!!)

I couldn't agree more. It's just as good for your mental health as it is for your physical. For me, if I don't do SOMETHING it makes me feel like I've been lazy for the whole day. Even going out for a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood or on a treadmill gives you something to brag about. "I wasn't lazy today, I walked for 20 minutes!" On the flip side of that, if you don't do anything, your head tells you "I'm lazy, I couldn't even find time to walk today. :frown:"

It really does make a big difference. Even if that difference isn't reflected on the scales.

[imb316 0]

I also had a fast track banding experience. 6 weeks from general meeting to surgery date. I want to make this band work for me since I was not able to maintain long term weight loss on my own. I to struggled with what will the DR think, like that I did not drink only fluids after my first fill etc. My friend who had the surgery 5 years ago told me to just be honest and let the Dr know what she needs to do to make it work. I had my first fill - NO restriction- I went out to dinner that night and ate a full meal. Went for my 2nd fill 4 days later - same thing - I went back a week later and fessed up and demanded that the Dr make this thing work for me. After my third fill I finally have restrictio. We went through this surgery because we needed the help of the band. If the band is not set to work, why not let the Dr know.

[sally123 0]

The reason we all had lap bands put in, was because it is so very hard not to eat. We have all blown it lots of times, otherwise we would not be here. So, just recognize your mistake and let them go and Move on. You will be fine.

[Mischievous1 6]

Hello

Just to give a time line, so you know what I've done.

Decided 10/07 to check in to lap band. Went to a seminar, made my decision to have it. Began getting pre op tests, saw the dr 11/30/07. I pleaded with him to do the procedure before the end of the year since my deductible had been met. He agreed to 12/12/07 but I had to lose 15 lbs by then. For various reasons I was able to skip an important (I think) meeting with one of the gals that ran the program and showed up 12/12/07 16.5 lbs thinner. Had the procedure, went home the same day and began the "diet" from one of the print outs I got. 1/3/08 I saw the dr and had lost another 15 lbs and continued on.

Found myself going to a couple of funerals, eating small amounts of food there, no problem. Had some wine, no problem. I continued to "test" myself as I started with bad choices and found out nothing happened. Still hanging on the the 31 lbs lost, I feel as though the band is no longer there. SuperBowl party was totally out of control as far as food and alcohol choices, no problems. scale has now gone up 5 lbs, I see the dr this Friday 2/8/08, begged the appt scheduler to arrange for a fill, assuming the doctor will have me get one.

Just the thought of seeing him, admitting to my poor food choices, admitting to not starting to exercise, I can just see the disgust on his face.

I really don't understand the "fill" process. Not even sure he'll allow one with the choices I've made.

I have done well on diets, loss control and gained it back.

Now here it is, not even 2 months in to this program and failing.

Thanks for letting me get this out and not see disappointment on your faces.

Support is a powerful tool that goes along with this journey and unfortunately I'm on my own.:drool:

You are being WAY too hard on yourself. You are still ahead with a 26# weight loss! That in less than 2 months! That is amazing. Even if you Detour on occasion, could you have done that without the band? You will get back on the band wagon and drop even more, just hang in there....i've had mine since May and i've only lost 30 lbs and i'm happy to have done that and NOT gained over the holiday's..but to lose 26# in less than 2 months, I would be ecstatic! Just keep active and think thin and it will come!!:tongue2:

[Guest I AM SO HAPPY]

Ok friends...because of your support I am feeling so much better today and it will be quite interesting to hear what my doctor says since all are so different. I am scheduled for a fill through radiology and that may give me more time to ask questions.

But the best part is, I got on the scale this morning and I'm down 31.6 lbs, so I am nearly the same as the last time I saw him. Almost exactly if I remember.

So no need to admit to all my sins since the scale is the same, but will let him know I can eat as much as I wish with no problem.

Thank you all again for letting me know I am not alone. :tongue2:

Lori