What to tell co-workers

[Rachel In L.A. 0]

After many months of pre-testing and attending other pre-qualification requirements, I have finally been approved by my insurance company and have a scheduled surgery date of March 3. I'm excited... a little scared too... but mostly excited. But here's my dilemma. I know I have to tell my office manager why I'm going to be out of work for 3 to 4 weeks, and that's okay. She can and will have to keep it confidential. But what do I tell my three bosses and my nosey coworkers? I really don't want to let them know I'm having the lap-band procedure done. Embarrassed? Maybe... but more like I don't want them judging me, and then afterwards watching me put any morsel of food in my mouth. I'm sure they're going to be sitting there thinking that if I would just use willpower I could lose the weight blah, blah, blah. So if there's anybody out there who has some advice - or I'll even take a dang good lie to give them - I'd appreciate it. I know my being out is technically none of their business and I really don't have to tell them anything, but anybody who works in an office knows it just doesn't work this way. They will out of curiosity and concern want to know.

[mgordon1 0]

Hi Rachel - I am currently out on leave from my job and depending on how close you are to your immediate supervisor, you do not have to disclose why you are out, just that you are having a medical procedure done and you will be out for xxx weeks. I only told a few of my co-workers that I was going to be out and again, I only told them that I was having a medical procedure done.

[snowbird 2]

Rachel, do you have other health problems so you are foreseeing a lengthy recovery time? Otherwise, 3 or 4 weeks is probably more than you will need.

That said, you just need to tell them you are having surgery of a personal nature, and let them make up in their heads what it is about; if you don't want to say exactly what the surgery is for, that's okay. If they are nosy enough to ask after you say that, just restate the "personal" part.

[linesj 0]

I talked to the nurse about this as I'm still doing preliminaries. Originally I didn't want anyone to know, but then decided my own office could know. The nurse mentioned that you can tell people you had your gall bladder out, but that if I DID tell people, I might find support where I didn't expect it. I thought about it and decided I'm going to go for it and let anyone know who asks. I might just help somoen else find the answer to their problem. As for everyone watching my progress, one thing I won't do is give numbers. "I'm still losing" is enough, not "I've lost 50 pounds" I knew someone who had the by pass and greeted everyone with a number "96" "102" and so on. She is currently the same size as when I met her. My coworkers all struggle with their weight so "I'm doing OK" or "I'm having a hard time" is enough and will gain me some support. I agree, though, it's an extremely personal and individual decision, and much depends on your work place. By the way, I was told one week off work, have you heard differently?

[Sunwyse 1]

Why do you have to tell them? Its none of their business. Go with the 'medical procedure' explanation. Its not a lie, but it still keeps your privacy. After you've lost some weight and they begin to notice - and if you feel confident enough - then you might want to tell them what procedure it was, but really, its nobody's business but your own.

[destiny79 0]

I talked to the nurse about this as I'm still doing preliminaries. Originally I didn't want anyone to know, but then decided my own office could know. The nurse mentioned that you can tell people you had your gall bladder out, but that if I DID tell people, I might find support where I didn't expect it. I thought about it and decided I'm going to go for it and let anyone know who asks. I might just help somoen else find the answer to their problem. As for everyone watching my progress, one thing I won't do is give numbers. "I'm still losing" is enough, not "I've lost 50 pounds" I knew someone who had the by pass and greeted everyone with a number "96" "102" and so on. She is currently the same size as when I met her. My coworkers all struggle with their weight so "I'm doing OK" or "I'm having a hard time" is enough and will gain me some support. I agree, though, it's an extremely personal and individual decision, and much depends on your work place. By the way, I was told one week off work, have you heard differently?

good come back because I made the mistake of telling people at work about my surgery and almost everday someone ask how much have u lose so far, or can u eat that ....

[thistledo 0]

you could always tell them you are having a hernia operation... that's what i told the people i didnt want to share with.

althogh now 3 weeks on andin a lot of pain i think some of them are wondering why a hernia operation is such a big deal... still, that's not my problem

i wouldnt tell many people. i told very few and there is one person i thought would be incredibly supportive who isnt and now i wish i'd never bloody told her... she's turned into a friggin know it all... always saying "well yes, i thought that would happen"

so teller fewer rather than more people.

t

[Turler 6]

I'm in the same dilemma! I am really struggling to tell anyone aside from the boss. I gotta tell ya though, the 'secret' I'm keeping is becoming stressful. Worrying about who will know, who might guess, trying to come up with a lie I can remember, etc. My boss was very kind and sensitive when I told her (just told her Tuesday), and she did say that I might feel better if I had the support of my co-workers. Maybe. I don't know. I don't want to be judged either, nor do I want everyone eye-balling my size every time they see me. I'm scared that if I don't do well with the LapBand (and some don't), then I'm a failure once again. On the other hand, if I do fantastically (like most), then I have to lie about how I'm losing all the weight! UGH!!!

Let me know how you decide to handle it!

[AppleSmith1226 1]

I havent even told friends from work at all ... like people that I am cool with but from past conversations they always downed weight loss surgery one of them being extremely fat herself ... and I dont know what kinda lie to tell ... about why I will be on leave here desk is right next to mine ... I mean we are really cool and stuff but just have alot of different opinions on things. And she herself doesn't care how fat she gets. But anyway I don't know what to say of why I will be on leave.

[Turler 6]

I thought that with LB the MOST time off you'd need would be a week. I am only going to be off work for 4 days. I am having surgery on Thurs and back to work on Monday. For all anyone knows, it will just a long weekend for me. Ultimately, it is our decision whether we tell or not. I don't know that I'm able to offer any good advice since I don't know what to do about my own problem!!!!

[destiny79 0]

I took 10 days off by day 5 I was losing my mind I had to get out of that house.

[life_change 0]

I work in an office and I only told my Director and the other two people in my group. However, since the weight has started to come off, at least ten people have asked me what was my secret. When they ask, I told them I had the lapband surgery. These people turned out to be a good support group and they haven't gotten really nosey about how many pounds I have lost or how many I have to go. However, it feels good when people notice that you are losing. Good Luck to everyone.

[healthyagain 0]

I told my co-workers. I'm a pretty open person and have a friendly relationship with most of the people at work. The people who want to pass judgement are welcome to. I've decided I really don't care. Everyone was really nice and supportive. there were plenty of questions, But I felt they were mostly due to curiosity not being nosy. The office sent me flowers while I was home recovering..And when I came back to work after my leave, The co-workers had decorated my cubicle with welcome back signs and there was a beautiful card with a $100. gift card to Kohls because they said I will be needing some new work clothes eventually. I thought it was really nice and I feel great that I have the support of the people around me. Also, I wouldn't dare fail now that everyone knows...So it's keeping me motivated. I understand everyone's workplace is different and that others would prefer to keep their private lives just that. But being open worked out really great for me.

[Turler 6]

Good for you 'life change'!

I am afraid that working so hard to keep my secret will be harder on me than just telling the truth.

I've already decided that no matter what they know or don't know, I will NOT give numbers! I think that you handle that nicely.

Good Luck

~C

[cookienay 0]

Rachel, best wishes to you in whatever you decide. I can't keep from chuckling as I read these posts because I have been telling anyone who stands still long enough to listen!! LOL

I will be banded probably the 3rd week of this month and am so excited!! I am an ER nurse, and we are all "one big happy family" and the support I have received from my colleagues has been great. We joke all the time that I will be fired for wearing "belly shirts" to work and my new name will be "skinny bitch". But I work with a phenomenal group of people. Hope all goes well for you and whatever you decide to tell or not tell will be the right thing because it is what YOU want to do!!