Why are YOU Fat?

[Zoe 6]

I'm rereading these posts for the first time in months, and I'm stunned by the depth of feeling and clarity of insight on this thread. Keep your stories coming; if you've been reading but haven't posted yet, please write a few lines about your experience. Why are you fat? You're safe here.

[lady in red 0]

I can tell you that my morbid obesity comes from many factors. The main one is family atmosphere. My first memory of life was being sexually molested along with my baby brother. My parents were teenagers and not very interested in responsibility. The molestation continued for 11 years. I sought the approval and attention of a 30 year old at 16 and became pregnant the first time. I was always at work to pay for my baby and my mom gave him to my older sister at 17. I became a heavy drinker and married at 18. I was by then a full fledged alcoholic. Three days before my 20th birthday I became sober through AA. I spent my 20's in therapy. It helped me tremendously! I gave birth to my second son at 25 and still continued with therapy until the age of 29. I continued to smoke as a crutch until I reached 36. On 4-01-2000 I quit smoking and by 8-29-2005, the day of banding, I went from 155 or so to 280 lbs. Eating had always been my source of comfort, but I was always able to keep within 20lb.s or so of a normal weight. This was only achieved through starvation, diet pills, coffee and many cigarettes. My mom always offered food as a source of comfort and it became a way of life early on. My dad was not in the picture and my step fatheres were alcoholics. My younger brother and sister are both practicing alcoholics and not interested in quitting. I am the outsider because I chose a different life and because I attend church regularly. They will come to me for help, but only on their terms and I don't hear from them unless they need something. It breaks my heart because they will probably die in their addictions. They and my mom are obese as well. My father died 3 years ago from a massive heart attack. He was 58 years old, obese and a heavy smoker and drinker. I had not seen him in 10 years. Fathering was not of interest to him. My brother still wants his approval-sad huh? Well I guess I have cried a river, thanks for listening-or reading. I love all of you, you are all great!

Rose in Texas not a victim anymore!

banded 8-29-2005

[Mrs Sabre 1]

I'm fat mostly because of a non-functioning thyroid glad. My average weight was perfect through the age of 30, when I developed Grave's disease (over active thyroid condition). It couldn't be controlled with medication, and I underwent a radioactive iodine treatment that wiped my thyroid function out completely. I gained my initial 30 pounds in less than 3 months after my thyroid "crashed". It's been a steady progression since.

Throw genetics, chronic depression, and poor eating habits into the mix, and I'm now 100 pounds overweight.

[loopylou 0]

I eat too much and dont move enough.

[miro 0]

I have been about 20 lbs. overweight for a long time. I'm sure it is a physical tendency as well as a few food issues, but I was always able to keep it under control with exercise.

So, Why Am I Fat? I have a thyroid problem (diagnosed 7 years ago) which has thrown my whole body into another world. Like many of you on this site, I knew I was headed for trouble and as much as I talked to my doctors, they didn't listen. I changed doctors multiple times in an effort to find someone who would treat my WHOLE BODY and not just look at my thyroid test results...no luck (and the issue of Doctors not dealing with the whole person is one which I would gladly get in to with anyone wanting to vent a little). I tried many things and finally, out of total frustration, I gave up...and the weight piled on. 75lbs later I looked in the mirror and said "this is rediculous. Something MUST be done because I can't live a full and productive life with this issue dominating everything I do."

Life is difficult. No matter where you are in it there are stresses, and a person can only deal with a certain number of stresses at any single time. I decided that the issue of weight was one which, if I was going to deal with it on my own, was going to dominate my life and leave little energy for dealing with anything else. So I started looking for a solution, and here I am (37 years old, banded in May at 245 and down 36lbs with about 40 to go).

Like many major issues in life, I think that weight is one of those things which, for some people, requires "professional intervention". I think of it in the same category as an addiction or a disease...an issue which requires outside help and internal resolve. Once you get help and deal with the issues on the table and then you can let the issue of weight fall into the background of life...off of your radar of things which require IMMEDIATE attention and into the category of things which require diligence, maintenance and "checking" on a regular basis.

I am very greatful for my band (and my Doctor, Dr. Franco Favretti in Italy) and I'm eager to get down to a reasonable weight. Of course this does nothing to address the other issues which my thyroid disease has left me with (hair falling out, dry skin, dry eyes, Betty Davis eyes, difficulty concentrating, the mental "fog" which is so common among thyroid patients, inability to work a traditional 9-5 job, falling asleep anytime, anywhere regardless of how much sleep I get), but it takes ONE issue off the list and that is a great thing, because it leaves more brain power available to deal with the remaining ones.

When I was diagnosed with Thyroid Graves' Disease, I remember a doctor telling me that it was an easy issue to deal with ... something to the effect of "pop your pills as perscribed and Voila!" Well, that was a HUGE oversimplification. Nothing is that simple. Neither is my Band that simple. I have approached my Band like I have approached most of life... do my research, map out a plan for success and then try to stick to it as much as possible. 2 1/2 years ago I revamped my diet, removing prepared foods, hydrogenated and partially hydrogenated oils, corn Syrup, preservatives...and added more vegetables...blah, blah, blah. I took this step because I realized that I needed outside help to deal with my Thyroid issues and so sought out a nutritionist who suggested that it might help with both my health and my weight gain. I got Banded because the change in diet alone wasn't working to control my weight and it was impacting my health...it was recognition that my health and thus my weight is linked to my happiness/quality of life.

There are a multitue of reasons people are fat. Rarely is it just one. So, take a look at what your reasons are and get help with them. Everyone says that the Band is just a tool and for most people, we will utilize many tools in dealing with our weight, because weight is linked to health and health to quality of life.

The body is a very complicated SYSTEM of interconnected functions. My thyroid no longer functions, but contrary to my Doctor's statements, pumping replacement hormones ("horror moans" as I like to call them) into my body has NOT taken care of all the symptoms, so I look for complimentary solutions. The same can be said of being overweight and getting Banded. It isn't the "fix it" which some advertise it to be. In both cases, the problem needs to be ATTACKED from many angles to get the desired result.

So, Good Luck Warriors!

[divaliciousdee 0]

To be honest I have been avoiding this thread like the plague! I am now ready to say it. I am fat because I eat too much. I eat too much of what I enjoy. Hot Wings and Margaritas are of the devil..LOL Just kidding but I love greasy, salty, fatty foods. Now that I have "shaquita"( that is what I named my band cause with a name like that attitude goes along with it) LOL I am forced to make better choices. Shaquita don't play all that hot wing eatin' and margarita drinkin', Hell she really has been givin me hell about scrambled eggs lately and I have no fill yet. I said it there it is. I am not an emotional eater I eat when I am happy and I eat when I am sad. I wasn't traumatized as a child I had a very happy childhood aside from the occasional teasing by kids but who hasn't experienced that. I do not eat because I was poor and food was scarce so I eat all I can now that I have money...nope I eat cause I love to and that is it. I have been eating "good" all my life . We didn't have special occasions to have big meals we just had them. I was taught clean your plate but they didn't have to tell me that I cleaned it alright..twice and ate what was leftover on my babysister's plate. My mother said that the only thing I would not eat as a child was oatmeal(I still hate it to this day)and black-eyed peas(yuk!). Well that is why I am fat cause I keep bending my dang on elbow. But now that Shaquita is helping me to hold it down I am on my way to being fierce baby, just wait.

[firemanschic 0]

I have been over weight since I was about 12 years old, that's when I learned to comfort myself with food. Now that I have had the surgery I'm seeing the same thing in my 10 daughter and I'm not sure how to stop it or get a handle on it. She weights 138 pounds, which is what I have lost in the last 2 years. She is always asking for my help I've tried and she gets so upset with me that we don't talk for hours. I know the hell that I went through and I know she is getting the same reactions that I did and it's really upset setting because I want to help her so bad. Please someone help me tell me how to help her?

[Chunk 0]

I have been fat all of my life. When I look at pictures of me as a kid, I see a chunky little butterball. I can remember being called "lard ass" in elementary school, and "fatty" in junior high. When I got to high school I found athletics and really trimmed down. In fact, it turns out that there was a little athlete hiding between my jiggle little love handles. After high school, I joined the National Guard and went to college. While there, I worked out regularly and maintained a healthy physique.<O:p</O:p

Marriage broke that little reality. As soon as the ring went on my belly burst and I gained more than 100 lbs in just a couple of years. It got so bad that I couldn't find clothes to wear besides the most unattractive rags. To say the least, my self-esteem, confidence, and sense of worth plummeted. It took a while for me to accept myself, and ironically, it wasn't until I was comfortable with "being a fat guy" that I began to do something about it.<O:p</O:p

At 320, I undertook a rigorous course of exercise and strict dieting. I even took a nutrition class, read books, and literally wrote down everything I ate: the amount, calories, and time. I did this for about eight months. To this day I still now how many calories are in just about anything I can think to eat. By doing this I lost fifty pounds; I weighed 270. But this couldn't last forever.<O:p</O:p<O:p

I found that the amount of time and effort required to keep losing weight or even maintain at 270 was unbearable. Now you'd think that maintaining would be easy, but it wasn't. If I so much as let up a little, five pounds would come rushing back with a vengeance. My battle continued for two more years as I yo-yoed between 270 and 285. Finally I decided to go for broke, no holds barred.

<O:p</O:p

I can't remember when I first considered surgical intervention, but I do remember discussing it with my wife. She was elated to hear that I would consider it. By this time, I was convinced it was my best hope for significant weight loss. Together we investigated our options and leapt.<O:p</O:p

Today, the battle continues, but with the help of my little silicone friend I am winning. In fact, I am whoopin' some ass. For the first time in years, I can wear my wedding ring, buy pants at any old store I want, and am not always the fattest guy in the room.<O:p</O:p

My goals have changed from lose weight quickly to getting into shape. I am planning to climb Mt. Rainer next year and have begun looking into guided trips up the mountain. In another year, I hope to be a fat guy living in an athletic body standing on top that mountain. Until then, I will be working out, enjoying my food, and loving my wife.<O:p

[Tricia K. 0]

Why am I fat? Well, for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why I was the only heavy person in my immediate family. My parents cooked healthy meals for us growing up, I was never one to over eat, I was active, I didn't sneak junk food or eat late a night, etc. However, from about the age of 11 or 12, I started gaining weight, no matter what or how much I ate.

It wasn't until about 5 years ago when my primary care physician asked me if I had ever been tested for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) that I found out the reason for my weight gain....yes, I tested positive for PCOS. For those of you unfamiliar with PCOS, here's what happens:

At the onset of menstruation, rather than your body using the stored fat for energy, it hordes it and pumps out more insulin instead.

Now, admittedly, as an adult, I haven't always made the wisest food choices but I also didn't eat a lot. My husband commented one time that I "ate like a bird." Of course, compared to the portions he eats, everyone eats like a bird!!

Unfortunately though, I'm one of those people with PCOS that can lose a certain amount of weight by exercising and dieting alone, but the weight loss will stop at a certain point.

Hence my decision to be banded. I need all of the help I can get!

[rrogalla 0]

I have been fat my entire life. That I remember...

I know during Jr. High I was the tallest girl - so I got to be center on our basketball team. That lasted until the other girls started growing and could jump. Since I was so big and obviously could not jump, my basketball career took a dive about that time. The basketball coach sat me down in private and "explained" to me that I had to loose weight if I wanted to play basketball in high school. I'm sure some of you can relate to the "talks" people had with us about our weight as we were growing up. We never seem to forget them. They haunt us the rest of our lives. Although I think the people were trying to help. It was kind of like saying, "You're fat and will always be", so I lived into that self-image. I was 200# in the 8th grade and have not been below it since.

It's basically been a steady increase since then. Of course, having the reoccuring weight loss but always gaining it back, plus more. THere have been periods in my life where I know a person said one thing to me and it was like a trigger going off that put an end to my weight loss. I can remember all the "talks". Beginning with my well intentioned basketball coach. My sister showing me where my hip bones were and that that is how wide I'm "suppose to be". Weight Watcher leader saying she noticed that I was doing so well and had a loss every wk during the 6 weeks I was going. My weight loss instantly stopped at that point. I quit 3 weeks later. During a period of time I was going through extreme anxiety in my life. I was loosing weight due to stress, but was terribly worried I had a major illness and that was why I was loosing weight. My doctor, after running a million tests, reassured me that I was going to be ok - helped me through the stress issues and said just don't gain the weight back. It's threw another trigger that said to myself, "Gain it back" I was at 205 at that point. I think I was also too close to that 200# mark that I sabataged myself and gained. That has always been my goal in my adult life is to get below that 200# mark and weigh what my license says. (198) But with each loss the weight always came back, plus more.

My highest adult weight was 295. Which was just on Oct 12, 2005 for my surgical consult for the band. I started my pre-op liquid diet the very next day, even though they said to do it 2 weeks prior to surgery I started 5 days early (wanting to make sure they can place the band). According to my scale I'm down to 280 since the 12th and have 11 days to go until surgery.

I've been through months of Physc treatments helping with my negative self talk, self esteem - and the list goes on. I believe now that I always thought I did not deserve to weight less. I'm praying this is finally the answer to my life long goal and I'll FINALLY get below 200. I know once I am close, I am not stepping on the scale until someone else tells me I'm below 200. I'm still scared to death that I will sabatage it still again. I'm praying this will be the tool to allow me obtain that dream.

[phazer08 15]

OK...my turn. I was a skinny, athletic kid in high school. No MO's in my family just parents with weight issues they addressed off and on while I was growing up. Then I married at 21. He couldn't stand to see me clean my plate. He couldn't stand to see me gain 5 or 10 pounds. Told me I needed to join Weight Watchers, get more exercise. Be the stay-at-home mom and if I need any money, lets talk about my weight problem. Dirty looks while I was eating. Long talks on the way home about how I was not 'feminine' (grrr...that one really still busts my chops). That if I was I would look and act and eat a certain way. He used money as control, affection as control. So, what was the one area I didn't want anyone to tell me about? Duh, food. And believe it or not I put up with that sh!t for 20 years!

So the past 6 years post-divorce have been me expressing my freedom by letting no one tell me what to eat. I've dieted on my own of course. But when the diets failed (I failed?) as they always did, I'd go down in the dumps and vow to love myself as I am. Well, whether it's the voice that won't go away or some other inner voice - I don't love myself as I am. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me by my weight. And I know I'm much better than what I 'think' they're seeing.

So bring on the band. As my shrink said, it'll force me to listen to it.

Thanks for the thread!!

[dcox20 0]

I'm fat because it's easy to be fat - I am a lazy guy, I tend to take the path of least resistance and there are so many dang fast food places around it's hard to choose which to gorge myself at next. Sure when I was growing up my parents made me eat everything on my plate but I don't think that's a good enough excuse to explain why I am and have always been fat... I blame it on me.

But that's all in the past - I was banded last thursday the 20th and will never be heavy again - I have made a conscious decision that this will be the last time I lose weight, never done that before... always tried different diets half-heartedly, actually lost about 30lbs on Atkins - of course I gained 50 back.

I see my doctor tomorrow for my first weigh in.:-)

[fun4matt 0]

So true on all of your writings

["with the band" 1]

I too have suffered depression although I do not take any type of meds. My writing has always been my effective tool to get the junk out and go on with life. I do understand what it is like having gone through at least a bunch of different terrible depression plagued times in my life. Last time was 1999 - I wrote over 400 poems during that year. That speaks volumes in my book....

I am fat because I am a great cook, raised by a great cook, and I spent way too much time "out to eat" at fine restaurants when I was working on the road.

I am fat because food has always been a comfort to me.

I am fat because I have good survivor genes....not my fault......my genes!!!

I am fat because I hate working out and have been a virtual vegetable other than working and housecleaning and the business of general life. (I need to work on this)

I am fat because I could never keep off the weight I lost in the past numerous, numerous times.....(it liked me so much....it never forgot me)

I am fat because I was in the WRONG LINE SOMEWHERE - SOMEHOW - (next time I'll try to pay attention to the lines I am in)

I am fat because I have been on a life long journey of understanding what it feels like to be invisible. Understanding my worth is judged by others dependent on my outside looks. Understanding what self esteem truly means. Laughing instead of crying.....

I am fat but I am armed and ready now - "With the Band".....I am ready to be thin - able to walk without limping like an old lady, able to wear the clothes I love to wear, able to move around without getting winded. Able to spend a day not self loathing myself because I can't ever get a handle on this terrible struggle of being fat. That's what I look forward to most. Not having the daily struggle of thinking about how I failed this or failed that. It gets tiring and even the best self esteem gets very very tired of that merry go round.

I am fat because I was lucky. It made me who I am and I could never have wanted to change that. It made me love everyone - even the ignorant ones who just don't get it. I just never wanted to be the way some people were to me. Do you know what I mean?

Sorry for going on so long......sore subject.

Nancy

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[Penni60 45]

OK I have thought about this thread ever since I saw it started. I have purposely avoided it because I personally don't want to face the fact that I am fat. That I have an eating problem that makes me fat.

I hate the word "fat". It is offensive to me. I heard that in my sleep when I was a child growing up. My dear sweet maternal grandmother, who I love still to this day even though she is gone now, would make comments about me and my weight. It was a sign of gluttony if you were "fat". Meaning you over indulged in EVERY aspect of your life. Not just food. So to be "fat" to her meant you were promiscuious, spent money frivilously, and enjoyed life too much. Don't blame her it was just her upbringing.

Which brings me to why I am "fat". I was taught at an early age that eating was a social event. I was dropped off or most times spent the night with my paternal grandparents so my Mom could go to work after my parents divorced. So, I would wake up to fresh homemade buttermilk biscuits, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and always FRESH HONEY and FRIED APPLE PIES. That was just Breakfast for a 5 year old. Then lunch would be Ham, green Beans, mac and cheese (homemade I might add), and always FRESH HONEY with leftover biscuits and FRIED APPLE PIES. Then dinner would be Fried chicken, corn, mashed potatoes, green beans, black eyed peas, lima beans, and FRESH HONEY with leftover biscuits or freshly made and FRIED APPLE PIES.

See the pattern? This food was for a 5 year old now. She never made me finish my plate and she always let me take what I wanted. I ate a variety of her cooking and always left the table overstuffed. Honey was the livelihood for some of that side of the family. So there was always fresh honey around. Honeycomb and all. YUM YUM!!! Fried Apple Pies were her speciality and no one ever complained about having them at every meal. YUM YUM!!!

Sorry this is so long but, the reason I am "fat" is I saw food as "COMFORT FOOD" and in my later years I have tried to capture that same warm loving feeling from her home cooked meals. It just didn't work so I would eat more and in larger quantities. Then I got pissed and just ate junk to make that need go away. IT just got worse.

Anyway, this is my process to winning this battle. I am relazing that I can cherish that loving feeling in my heart and not my stomach.

Just my thoughts.

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