Why are YOU Fat?

[Kbel 0]

I also dont see my fat in the mirror. Because I'm very tall, my slip from overweight into obesity hasnt actually added much inches to my frame. Gone up one clothes size but am 20kg heavier. There just hasnt been that in your face STOP signal for me, until I started to feel crap. I was surprised when the physio said to me that my feet hurt because of my weight, I've had vulnerable ankles all my life. I dont see that if I go out and jog I may hurt myself (which is why one ankle now is really giving me trouble).

I know I'm bigger than others, I know I cant buy clothes in normal shops but I really dont think I realise how fat I am.

I know exactly how you feel. Those comments: "Oh but you are tall and you can carry a bit of weight" drive me a bit nuts because they give me an 'out'. I too don't feel as big as I know I am although one slip of the digital camera and a photo in a bathing suit soon confirms it! Although, even then it is hard to reconcile that really fat person as me. As for the shopping - I can't wait to go on my first 'normal shop' shopping spree!!!!!!

[Jachut 487]

Its not always a blast being tall - my ideal weight is really about 75kg and its a weight I managed to maintain for a few years in my early 20's but even then I couldnt shop in normal stores. I was just too large framed.

People's body shapes are different too - I have a girlfriend about the same height/size as me, she wears 2 whole sizes smaller than I do! I am more pear shaped, she has really really thick legs with no ankles :-)

[maudeispam 2]

I am fat because I eat well. I love chocolate and good food. Family/Friend functions always center around food. "Who's bringing the potato salad and chocolate cake?" Lack of exercise. I quit moving (walking, riding a bike, running) when I got my first car. I was always fat from about age 3. My parents and grandparents are/were all fat. I was teased and tormented all through school because I was fat. I eat fast...slowing done now(post op), but old habits are hard to change. I eat out of boredom. I will conquer this battle and I will win!

[banded_for_life 2]

Hi everybody, waiting on banding surgery approval, but this is such a great thread I just had to chime in.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't fat. I specfically remember being 145 in 6th grade...maybe the torture I dealt with imprinted it on my brain. School can be brutal to an overweight child. I was also apart of the clean up your plate generation. Having obese grandmothers on both sides of my family didn't help. Then if that is not enough let's throw in parents and two siblings neither of whom have any weight issues and voila' you get a 270 woman...eventually. My mother, bless her heart just had no idea how to deal with an overweight child, so she pushed the diet issue. Made it a control issue, until no matter what diet I was on, I was going to gain weight...it was mine and there was nothing she could do to change it. Of course, to this day if I even smell vanilla slim fast powder, I start heaving.

I could blame on instances of sexual abuse from strangers as a small child, but ultimately the power to lose weight belongs to me. I am like all of you, I eat for whatever reason I can think of, sadness, depression, happiness, boredom...the entire gamult of emotions to eat. But I have been waiting for three years for this surgery and my time is at hand. I want to be healthier for my two kids and not be the mom that has a hard time taking care of herself hygenically and had to have her kids her kids help put on her sandles...no more!!!! This is going to work for me and to hell with all the demons that wait to whisper negative things in my head.

A future sucess in the making.

270 and waiting!

[Lisa Marie C 0]

I have been overweight most of my life. My childhood was not exactly a great one. My father was an alcoholic and my mom worked a lot so my wonderful maternal grandparents took care of me. I come from an Italian/German/and whatever else that is mixed in family. So I was always taught to have 1sts, 2nds, 3rds, and then some. All through my school years I was tortured by kids. I finally hit junior high and that is when I began losing weight and was down to a size 10/12. I still loved food and I still do. I got pregnant right after highschool graduation. I only gained 24 lbs with that pregnancy. But after I gave birth I still ate like I was still pregnant. I joined Weight Watchers and lost about 30 lbs but could never stick with it. 3 yrs later I was pregnant again. I gained 26 lbs with that pregnancy and then afterwards gained about 100. I am really happy I was banded 8/10 and looking forward to starting fresh. Happier, Healthier, and thinner.

Love,

Lisa

[Guest BandedPrincess]

I am fat because I love food. Although I grew up with all the issues everyone else seems to have, one of my brothers was tall and thin and not addicted to food. So, I really can't blame my parents, my emotions, my ex-husband, my kids, or anyone but ME for the fact I love to cook and I love to eat!

However, I turned a corner last week. Food no longer is an issue with me. I'm to the point, after 10 months, that I forget to eat and have to remind myself!

[Parvathi 2]

I'm fat because I love food. Like BandedPrincess, I love to cook and I love to eat.

I had a really happy childhood for the most part, celebrated good times with food. Mourned the bad times with food. Passed the boredom with food. Fought back the anger with food. Enjoyed the company of friends and family with food.

I'm slowly learning to eat to live, rather than living to eat though. I've even cooked a pan of brownies to bring the office workers recently, without indulging in one myself. Back in the day, half the pan would have been gone before I even got to the office heh.

[PinkMary 3]

I was never a fat kid or teenager.. i was always a skinny girl till my 27 years..

i had pcychological problems and i was hurting myself this way ...

i was suffering by panic attacks and i still have anxiety, im still on meds, (Xanax, Seropram), im still working with myself to overcome the memories of a violent father,

a careless mom and the war i had against me of my husbands mother and sister...

the good is that i know how and why started my eating disorder..

Band helps me with the symptoms.. being fat! ..but the real problem i fight it with

my psychiatrist and myself

[aneffie53 0]

Interesting thread, I've enjoyed reading the posts as many rang true for me.

Why am I fat? Well it's alot of things for me, including:

• I snack when I'm stressed. I can remember night after night studying (as my children slept), and pouring a big bowl of M&M's to reward myself.
  
• Abuse as a child, I think pushed me to subconsiously overeat. The therapist during my psych evalucation told me that this is a very common thread with heavy women.
  
• I also use food for comfort. One of my favorate foods as a young adult was a pot of hot Tapicoa pudding made from scratch (yes I'd eat the whole thing).
  
• And finally I'm firmly convinced that dieting made me fat. Even though I was over weight for a few pre-teen years, I really didn't gain significant weight until I started dieting after the birth of my first child. Lose 30 gain 50 etc.
  

Thanks for asking the question, and for everyones posts.

[puddin 7]

I'm pretty sure that I'm fat because of genetics. I have been fat since I was 8 years old. I've never been depressed, usually exercise, never been a compulsive over-eater, never felt emotionally attached to food. Even now when my surgery is less than a week away, I could care less if I get my "last meal" in.

It's a big "fat" mystery to me why I'm SO overweight. But whatever, I've always been happy and had decent self-esteem. I just want to be able to do the things I haven't been able to do for my entire life!

[Jill_S 1]

Before I start my long story, I have to reply to this:<wich wasn't helped by the fact that my mother loves short hair <WICH hair short loves mother my that fact the by helped wasn?t>><O:p</O:p

Oh god, my mother, too. My mother and my sister have always had short hair, and until I moved out of my parent’s house, mine was too. Right now, it’s down to my waist, and I’ve been growing it for 10 years or so with only trims and such – it hasn’t been short-short since my mother lost control of it

<O:p

Okay, on to the story.

<O:p

I’ve always been fat. And yes, I say fat because that’s what it is. No reason to beat around the bush. I’m fat.

My father has always been morbidly obese, for as long as I can remember. His sister, my only aunt has always been more obese than my father. My grandmother – their mother – was heavy, but not morbidly obese, same with their father. My mother has always been a size 18, for as long as I can remember. Her weight doesn’t go up or down – ever. Her parents were both very thin. Both of my grandfathers were alcoholics. My dad’s parents divorced when my dad and aunt were very young, and my grandmother (my favorite person on the entire planet – ever) remarried several years later, to the love of her life – who died six months later of a stroke. Another few years later, she married my Grandpa Bob, who was the only grandfather on that side I really knew as a kid, and I adored him, but my dad and my aunt did not like him at all. My mom’s folks – well, since my grandpa died two years ago, and we had to put my grandmother in a nursing home – let’s just say that I’ve heard some of the more interesting stories about these two – including that they cheated on each other.

Okay so, my parents came into their marriage as partially broken people, but hugely committed to NOT breaking their children as they were broken. And for the most part, they did a good job. As kids, my sister and I never *needed* anything. We were not spoiled, and we didn’t ever *everything* we wanted, but we were very well taken care of. We were not abused – we did get spankings when we screwed up but I do not consider that abuse, and would spank my own kids if I had any – if anything, maybe we didn’t have all the emotional support we’d have liked, but over all, we had decent childhoods. My mother did try to get my father and I to lose weight. (my sister was stick thin til she got married). She would hide sweets in the house, but at the same time, cook meals that were full of fat and calories. I can remember one time running across a package of oreos she had hidden (Think I was like 12) and eating HALF the bag, then putting them back, knowing that I was gonna get yelled at for it, but not caring. My mother is a perfectionist. She can let you know she disapproves of you without saying a word, and I think I grew up knowing that I was never gonna be good enough. But again, I had a decent childhood. I was just fat. Graduated high school weighing probably 220 pounds.

Kids in school are cruel. I grew up constantly seeking acceptance. I had friends in all of the groups in school – jocks, brains, druggies, geeks – I made friends with people easily, because I was always such a nice person (acceptance). Once I got out of high school and started college, it was basically the same except that now, my seeking of acceptance also included men. Add 40 pounds.

I have a lifelong problem with men and relationships. Rather that stems from my being fat, or is why I’m still fat, I dunno – but I tend to think it’s a vicious cycle. I always “settled” for boyfriends who wanted me, or acted like they did. I never chose the men in my life carefully, I just went with whoever asked me, because I thought to myself – finally! Someone who will love me for me!. I had physically abusive ones and emotionally abusive ones and sexually abusive ones, but I always stayed with them until either they got rid of me or in the case of the physical ones, I finally got enough self-esteem gathered to get rid of them. I got married for the first time at 26, to the first boyfriend I’d ever had that had his own apartment, a good job and his own car. I was fat then. And he loved me anyway. So I married him, even though he was an alcoholic and smoked pot like there was no tomorrow. And it was good for awhile. But eventually, I started to not feel good about myself again. And I started hanging out with a male friend of mine a lot, and we started messing around a little. It made me feel good about myself, cause here was this gorgeous guy, and he wanted to kiss me! My husband was apparently too busy sleeping with a redhead (his weakness) from work to notice, or so I found out later. Add 40 pounds.<O:p

Then I discovered the computer, and met a guy on there, who I’ll call C., who seemed to have the same wants, desires and needs that I did! He lived in Wyoming</ST1:p (I lived in the <ST1:p<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comCheyenne</font></st1:City><st1:State><font face=" /><st1:City>Rock Island </st1:City><st1:State>Illinois</st1:State></ST1:p with my husband). My husband and I had been to counseling for the affair(s), but it wasn’t getting any better, and he was drinking more and smoking more pot. So I made up some excuse and set a weekend to meet C in <ST1:p<st1:City>Lincoln</st1:City>, <st1:State>Nebraska</st1:State></ST1:p (half way between us). We spent 4 unbelievable days together, and I was feeling good again. When I got home, C told me that he couldn’t handle the distance, he was still in college and we ended it. Add 20 pounds. </FONT>

<O:p

My husband and I went back to counseling, but it wasn’t helping. I went into a severe depression. Zoloft. food. Add 20 more pounds. <O:p

Sometime later that year, C came back into my life, and after he found out that my husband had threatened me with physical violence, told me to pack a suitcase and get on a bus, and come to Wyoming. I left my husband, and did. Subtract 60 pounds. C and I did really well for about 9 months. Then work was bad for me and school was bad for him and he got scared I was going to leave him, so he kicked me out. Add 20 pounds.

Anyway *chuckle* Add and subtract around 80 pounds over the next five years – and another man who wanted me, then didn’t want me. C and I had actually found a way to stay friends over this time, and when the other guy broke up with me four years later, and I spent another year by myself, I went to Vegas (where C was living then) to see him for his birthday. We got right back together then and there. He moved to <st1:State><ST1:pCalifornia</ST1:p</st1:State> with me, and then to <st1:State><ST1:pOregon</ST1:p</st1:State> when I got transferred. We were really happy. Til he couldn’t find a job. (add 10 or so pounds). So he went into the Navy (subtract 50 pounds), and about six months later, when 9/11 happened, we got married. Lived apart while he finished school in <st1:State><ST1:pConnecticut</ST1:p</st1:State> and I worked in <st1:State><ST1:pOregon. </ST1:p</st1:State>Then when he got his submarine assignment in VA, I quit my job and moved to be with him finally. Things were very good until last year, when his dad died. (add 70 pounds over that time – maybe 2 years?) He got – weird on me – and again, I started looking for validation with other men, and actually had an affair (1 weekend) with a guy. He still doesn’t know that, but last October, I moved out of our apartment and back to <st1:State><ST1:pWisconsin</st1:State> for us to “think” and for him to prepare to go <ST1:pGuam. We speak about once a week. We still love each other. But he’s unhappy with his navy career, and I am unhappy with my self-esteem and my weight. I’m fixing mine now. His – well, unless he finds a way to be happy there, he won’t be able to fix it.

Anyway. In the past, when I’ve lost weight, it’s because bad. I could never seem to do it when I was happy. Losing weight hasn’t really ever been a problem for me. It’s keeping it off that’s the issue. food is comfort. Food is celebration. Food is habit, a boredom-cure, a reward. I’ve always hidden food, always been the secret fast-food eater, always waited until I was alone before I pigged out. What has become abundantly clear to me now (as you can see, cause I’ve actually written it out above) is that I have always looked outside myself for validation on being a good person, and I have always based being “good” on how attractive I was to other people. This is something I’m working through now. I’d love to do it with a therapist, but the military insurance only covers so much, and I’m not currently working. So I read other people’s stories (like these in this thread and goddess bless you all for writing them) and I read books and articles on the web and I find things that truly hit home with me. And then I take a deep breath. And realize I am not alone. And part of me feels just a little bit better each time.

My decision to get the band was well over a year in the making. I knew I was going to do it when I moved here. I put it off – for a reason still unclear to me – until this spring when I finally started the process. And even though it’s been less than a week since my surgery, I cannot begin to tell you how much lighter inside I already feel. Cause this is ME time. And I’ve taken control of it. My self-worth will no longer be determined by anyone but ME. I am a princess! Either treat me like one, or go away <O:p

Okay well that was a lot longer than I intended /blush. If you made it all the way through, thanks for listening :Bunny

[flower 2]

Why I am fat I was skinny as a child hit pre puberty to puberty and blimped out and was always on a continuos diet from them on have lost weight many many times was anorexic was bulemic when I got pregnant with first child gained 66 pounds and have 3 more kids after two years apart so never lost weight was always tired or pregnant and basically gave up on me. didn't care always dreamed of being skinny and never was messed up my metabolism severely with yo yo dieting and I really believe a fat gene runs in my family we are all enormous except my sister who basically doesn't eat to stay slim also have a stuttering problem so have very low self esteem enough said thats why I am fat but hopefully I won't be for long good luck everyone

[ickytazz 0]

I was born normal size, but never lost the baby fat. I have pix of me at 3, 6, 9, and i was still waiting to loose that baby fat. Most everyone in my family is overweight. not just 10 pounds but atleast 50.

I have a autoimmune thyroid problem which nothing i do except surgery will fix and the doctors dont want to remove it as my thyroid works sometimes.

Im not Lazy, i eat on the run and with my job have done it for years.

Im Geneticly overweight (NOT FOR LONG)

[youknowit 11]

Well, when I was a child/teen and was in every sport, and worked out (literally) 3-4 hours PER DAY I wasn't fat... but truly, I was never thin. Scarily enough, in that "workout" or "excercise" time, I would go to PE one hour per day, go to sports practice for two hours per day, and psychotically, would go home and do aerobics, or go back to the gym and work out for another hour (sometimes more, sometimes less... who's counting at this point). I think I had excercise bulimia. I ate horribly, or wouldn't eat at all. I was told on so many occasions, "you have a pretty face, but..." and we all know what that means. If you weren't fat, or at least were thinner, you'd be "pretty"... whatever. I didn't gain the freshman 15 in college, I gained the freshman 50 (yes, fifty my first year, and then I just kept going). Kept gaining and gaining. It doesn't help that my step-mom (she's thin, tall, was a Miss America contestant -- seriously), she kept saying to me "no one wants to hire a fat person," and "you'll never be successful if you're fat"... You get the idea.

Now that I'm in my late 20s, I've sort of plateud (in the 220s/230s), I go up a little, down a little, but a lot of this weight got this bad from dieting and obsessive behaviors (with the eating, excercise,etc). It doesn't help that my mom is HUGE (I am very, very worried, she's got to be 400 or more... I'm really scared about that). My dad isn't thin or even close. My brother is about the same height as me and weighs even more (I'm 5'1, he's 5'4). All my grandfathers brothers and sisters are very large and have diabetes, etc. So my mind, pressure, genetics, all that is "probably" why I'm fat.

I've gotten the counseling and help I need in that area. Now, I'm moving towards fixing the physical fat with the band. Here's to my success (and all those negative nellies can kiss my future tiny little a--!!!).

[Micheala 0]

Why am I fat? What a great question. I'm fat because food is a comfort. Being fat helps me to be invisible. Being overweight allows me to slide under the radar. I always felt like no man would look at me. Seems crazy because at the same time I felt like I wanted to be noticed. Even though being fat is miserable there is also something comfortable about it. How will I feel when I walk in a room and people actually notice me? Being fat is an extremely complex issue.