Why are YOU Fat?

[tlambright1986 0]

i was never small..but i wasnt "fat" untill i was in my early teens..

my problem is i dont eat only 1 maybe 2 meals a day.. by the time i get home from school and work.. not considering im not hungry in the morning.. when i do decide to eat i eat ALOT im mean ALOT...because im starving..so basically im an overeating..

[DynamoMini 1]

BJean - I am honored that you have requested a little of my perspective. I have to say that my therapy started as a response to the post traumatic stress I had experienced through two marriages and deaths, lung cancer, loss of a finger in a saw accident, and that is only a few of the major events. They happened so fast and continually that I was floundering. Not having time to grieve, process or recover.

Now, retired, kids relatively grown, life still whammies me, but it is at a slower pace and I have given myself the gift of therapy. Since banding there are different issues emerging. The latest ah - ha is that fact that my family has been instrumental in my overeating reaction. It was the only way I had any power as a child in a verbally abusive home and as an adult with insensitive (but because they love me) comments. so that said, last week my therapist in one of her most brilliant moments said, "You know Michelle, even if you choose to lose weight, they haven't won. They might think they have, and even say it, but you'll know that this is your choice. You are the only winner here, whatever you decide."

Well, it has taken some of the fight out of my internal battle - thank God! I was in a catch 22, if I lost weight was I giving into what THEY want?

The other thing therapy has really helped me with has been boundary setting. My mother is intrusive and out spoken. I have had to become very clear about what I want and need and made some rules that protected me and understand my own power. I told my mother, who lives in my town, that I would have to move away if she was unwilling to stop talking about my weight, food, etc. This was after several attemps to get her to "understand" that she was setting up the reaction result that she didn't want. She didn't get it. My family has had a tough time letting this issue alone. When we were together over the 4th of July no one talked about my weight. I almost felt "bereft" without my "issue" being discussed. I didn't realized that no one really ever knew me, just the weight issue.

So this is a little of what I've learned. I am thrilled that I am evolving into a person I love and a skin I can live in. It ain't cheap, better now than never, tho'

Hugs to you, I hope you can find someone really helpful and gentle, I've had other therapist who fall right into that negative view, "why don't you do something about your weight, you would if you weren't so lazy..." Yep, therapist that said that. So I feel blessed that I am with someone so insightful who understands addictions that have been perpetuated by abuse.

Michelle

[Sugar1 0]

I have been banded since April 2006 and have lost a total of 95 lbs (although I gained 10 lbs on vacation... too many Bahama Mamas)... so, now my weight loss total is 85 lbs. and I can't seem to get back in control. I have been overweight all my life... for as long as I remember. I can remember growing up being put down by my mother for being overweight, being teased in school and being told I couldn't do things because of my weight. I didn't have many real boyfriends. I met my husband when I was 19 and although I thought I was in love with him, now looking back, I was in love with the thought that someone was willing to be with me in spite of my weight. We got married, after 5 years we had twins... I have been up and down in my weight all through marriage and have been up and down in my emotions. I finally realize that I never did love my husband, and still don't. Now, because of our living separate lives under the same roof (that's a whole other story), I am dealing with depression on an even grander scale, even though I function on the outside (one would not know I was depressed by looking at me), but I am eating more, and not because I am hungry. I stopped smoking for about a year, and went back to smoking, I am in early menopause and taking hormones because the emotional swings got so bad and my ob/gyn said she would give me something for the depression, but that it would possibly make me gain weight. I don't want that, I am petrified of gaining back all the weight I have lost. The 10 lbs I gained on vacation is an obscession to me, but I seem to not be able to get control of my eating. I am in a catch-22. I remember when I was first banded I was told I would not see below 200 lbs. Well, I am very close to that and want to show that I can do it. I want to lose another 50 lbs. I don't want to be fat the rest of my life. But losing weight is not making things any better because now all I see is the hanging skin on my arms, my legs and my stomach and I have been obscessing about that. Grrrrr.... nothing is easy

Sugar1

[DynamoMini 1]

Sugar1 - you have a lot on your plate, but remember you DESERVE a healthy life. So many aspects of your life are out of control. You might try to focus on one thing a day. Like I will drink all my Water, or I will drink a Protein Shake every day this week... could you get a fill and refocus that way? It will be easy with everything that is going on to ignore yourself, but be kind , be gentle, be loving towards yourself. Don't focus on results, focus on behavior. Good luck.

[Sugar1 0]

Thanks for your thoughts DynamoMini. I don't think a fill is what I need since everything I have been eating lately does make me ill. I pb a lot and I think that the band is tightening up with all the stress. Even though the eating is hurting, I still eat, and eat, and eat... I tend to eat lowfat ice cream for dinner because it is easy to go down, but a half gallon is lasting me what, 3 days??? I think I need to start with the nutritionist, but, who has time for that? I know I don't... I am always having to entertain the kids because my kids don't want to be home with hubby cause he's always yelling about one thing or the other

[BJean 16]

Dynamo: I think that probably quite a few of us have those same issues with control and nagging by our families. It is a major turn off and being in control of our eating is something we can do, and something they can't do anything about! So I've done my share of eating out of spite, I'm ashamed to say.

I am so happy for you that you've found someone with whom you can communicate well, and someone you trust. I too have had a couple of bad experiences with therapists. They can be like many doctors, in that they think losing weight is a matter of just setting your mind to it. If only it were that easy. If it was, we would all be at a normal weight.

I had a therapist once tell me that all obese people were molested as children. What a nut. Sometimes I think that nutty people are drawn to the profession of psychology just as pedophiles are drawn to vocations that involve children. (Probably a poor comparison, but I can't help myself.)

You have sure had a lot of grief to deal with and if you're like me, when you feel sorry for yourself, it's time to reward yourself with something good to eat. We just have to learn how to love ourselves and care about ourselves more than that, I guess. It's a terrible habit that I've developed and not an easy one to break.

I sure do appreciate what you've posted and it is making me think I need to bite the bullet and try to find someone to help me with this. It is just so overwhelming sometimes, and reading Sugar's posts sure points that out.

Thanks for being so kind and for sharing!

[reqgoddess 0]

DynamoMini,

I have to say, you are a blessing. You are so kind, yet very wise, I guess from life. isn't it wierd, how even at our age, we can still find freshness and sunshine in the day. we are still optimistic even after all we have gone through. i think it is great that you are talking with a therapist. i wanted to and still do but need to wait just a bit more for a couple of bills to be out of the way. Some folks, once they hit the 40's, sort of give up. Like, they get a why bother attitude. I think that life has just beaten them down, but then there are many on this website that are like Rocky balboa's, can't keep us down. Will NOT hear "defeat".

Anyway, just wanted to say that I love to read your posts for I learn something about myself in each one. I think it is wonderful that you are a person so full of love that you can share it with all here.

[wombat712 2]

Oh, there's no denial now after reading a lot of these postings.

I have been overweight my entire life. My grandmother showed love be feeding/cooking for us. If we didn't eat enough she would get really mad and slam stuff around, which really scared me as a child. Well with all her good ole southern cooking I get overweight.

Then they decide I'm overweight and only feed me boiled eggs and salad for three months. Of course I lost weight -but I really resented it!!! Also, my grandmother is not a small woman and she never has been. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!!! HOW RUDE!!

My mom and my dad were both overweight as well. So without blaming anyone else, I LOVE food!!! I love to Celebrate with food. I love to console myself with food. I think about the next meal even while I'm still eating the current one. I've noticed that I ask my kids what did they eat for lunch!! I'm trying very hard now to change all of these habits with the band so that my children stand a chance. My son needs to lose about 20 pounds (he's already lost 20 in the last couple of months) and my daughter is at a good weight. My husband is overweight as well, only 40 pounds or so. He likes to tell me what I can't eat and why and that I shouldn't have this or that. I'm getting a little annoyed at that as well - clearly while he says it around a mouthful of Peanut Butter & jelly sandwhich or cake!!

I am so grateful for my band and for this change in my life!

Hugs for everyone on this journey :0)

[pandagirl 0]

I am fat because I am a lazy busy body. Does that make sense? I am too large to get the appropriate exercise to lose all of the wieght, but I want to move all of the time and somehwere in there I decided snacking would take care of it. I tend to eat when I am bored or frustrated.

I think the idea of seeing obesity as an addiction is helpful. I can tell myself "no" easier becasue I don't see as something that I cannot help anymore. My eating habits have much improved and I am hoping they are adequate enough to get through the WLS.

[nancyide 0]

I do have a hard time leaving things on my plate. I just love food. I never had a problem with not having enough food though.

What causes bands to errode?

Nancy

Ok, I have always had a problem with leaving food on my plate. It comes from being told to finish everything no matter what. Also, comes from later in life I had a fear of never having enough food. I had a really hard time after my divorce of making ends meet with four children to feed. I would try and try so hard to make sure they had food but there were times we had nothing but bologna or Peanut Butter in the house. So my mind keeps telling me to eat now cause you might not have anything to eat later. Isn't that sick? LOL!!

Anyone else relate?

[goodnurse 0]

Why am I fat? I was a skinny kid and in high school I weighed around 135 @ 5'2". Yet I can hear my father telling me that I was getting fat. As a kid you were expected to eat whatever was on your plate, and from the south and lower middle class it was often fried foods, homemade breads, then dessert of cake or pie. After moving out and getting married, it was making big dinners then getting up late at nite and eating again. This really packed on the pounds. Add a baby and you have more weight. Divorce and eating for company and alcohol for socialization adds on a few more. I got remarried and lets begin the celebration by dragging out all of the favorite recpies. Then as the marriage got troubled food was my comforter again. Even at work we celebrated every holiday and event with a potluck. It seems like I celebrated everything with food. I have tried to loose the weight on my own only to regain it within a few months of loosing it.

The band has kept me from overeating - now only a small amt of food satisfies me- no overeating. I have lost 19 lbs since the banding, and feel GREAT!!!! No regrets- except for not doing it sooner.

[PigsRFlying 0]

always chunky........

fat after bad break up

[MissMom24 2]

For me it would be emotions. I have had a ton of stress in the past 4 years, dealing with my daughter medical issues, marital issues etc. I dealt with it by eating, now I am in this boat!

[contraband 0]

Hi Everyone,

I'm fat because of many different reasons, one being heredity. My whole family is obese except for the ones that exercise compulsivly. I wish I had that compulsion.

I have been fat since I was 2 years old. There's a picture of me at Thanksgiving from when I was 3. I had climbed-up onto the counter, stuck my head in the turkey carcus and was eating it like an animal...ha ha ha so cute.

I was very active in sports through highschool so I didn't balloon up too much but I still weighed around 180 while I was playing hockey, lacrosse, and basketball.

I really became the largest when I stopped using drugs and alcohol in 1987. I gained 40 lbs in rehab. In 1991 through OA I lost 100 pounds by stopping sugar (all forms), flour (all forms), dairy and weighed and measured everything I ate. I was also exercising 3x/week. I kept the weight off until I got pregnant in 2001. Then I went crazy. I suppose it was all the emotions surrounding becoming a mother coupled w/ being a compulsive over-eater, decrease in activity, and increased consumption.

Ultimately, I ate the wrong things at the wrong time of day, I stopped exercising completely, I think being on anti-depressants also added weight, not because of the medication necessarily but because I didn't feel as much guilt about overeating.

Why am I fat? for physical reasons (heredity, inactivity, eat too much), for emotional reasons (fill the void, boredom, happy, sad, any emotion for that matter). I also have a family history of celebrating w/ food...I like that. I love to cook and have people over for meals. I continue to do that w/ the band.

THANKS FOR LISTENING,

ELLEN

BANDED ON 8/3/07

WEIGHT 274 LBS ON 8/2/07

WEIGHT ON 8/14/07 255

WEIGHT ON 8/27/07 253

[celinejen 0]

For me before I could blame my parents, they were all about finishing what was on your plate, you were a member of the "Clean Plate Club" Now it's up to me what goes in my mouth. I can't blame anyone else but me. I take compleate and total responsibility.