Why are YOU Fat?

[cazulay 0]

Huge emotional eater here. When in HS I used to hide food in my closet and eat it by myself. No real problem, just adolescent stuff like school, boys etc... I am very, very anxious so food was my comfort, my way of feeling in control I guess. The few times my mom found out she made a big crying drama, but that's all. I even asked to go see a psychologist but my dad said no, we can solve our own problems, which of course we couldn't. He is overweight and diabetic, my mom is was overweight but did lose a lot and kept it off after my dad was diagnosed as diabetic. There are lots of overweight people in the family, and skinny ones have to work hard to keep their figures.

Well, I did the whole binge eating thing thru HS and college, gaining more and more as life presented more and more challenges. Then I met my DH, fell in love and got married. Two days after getting married we moved to another country, bought and moved into a major fixer upper, and started working and going to school full-time. Of course we were fixing the house ourselves. The stress of it all was too much for me, I ate and ate and ate. I was so stressed out and on the edge all the time it is shocking my marriage survived. Being away from family, friends, language, culture and even yes, comfort food was traumatizing. I put on 100 pounds quickly, some of it I have lost and re-gained thru the years.

Of course, I also made very bad food choices and did not exercize for many years, so it all added up.

Now I feel my life is more stable, we are both out of school and have good careers. We moved into a bigger, newer house. We can afford to go home at least once a year. I have friends, go to clubs, have made a conneciton witht the community. I still have issues with anxiety and depression, but that will always be there, everyone in the family has it and we have had relatives commite suicide before ( my mom's grandpa killed himself at her house when she wa a teen). So I take medicine, and have been seeing an acunpucturist (sp?) and chiropractor, in addition to this site! What a blessing it has been. I feel I am ready to be banded and start a new, healthier chapter in my life.

[jrnywm 0]

I can remember I was 38 yrs old, my brother was diagnosed with HIV, and I went on anti depressents, that was 22 years ago, It was like emotionally I shut down, and started to eat, I have gained every year since. The following year I lost my mother and the year after that I divorced. I changed jobs from construction to factory and now a job I travel 35,000 thousand miles a year, all these changes have reaked havoc on my eating habits, cooking? where is the stove? I have eaten take out, fast food or room service for years, I have tried, Atkins, Weight Watchers and low carb diets, each I start off with great intentions, but then I emotionally shut off somewhere down the road, I "wake up" months later not only bigger but more disappointed in myself. I am seriousely considering the lap band surgery, please tell me this will help me?

[pmmegm 0]

Jack.........I am new to this site and a pre-op patient who is eagerly taking in as much information as possible. I just want you to know how much I have enjoyed reading your posts! I love your quirky sense of humor....keep up the good work!

[petuniap 2]

I'm new to considering lap band surgery as well and this has been a great thread to read. So many of the reasons why people are fat echo my own. The depression, the low self-esteem, the use of food as drug to mask pain, the use of fat to keep other's at arm's length. As well as the sheer enjoyment of eating, the sensual almost sexual pleasure that food can provide.

It seems like a lot to give up. I've been fat my entire life and the most weight I've ever lost was 40 lbs and that was just last year. But of course I've gained it all back and then some. I suppose I'm worried that the band will help with the mechanics of eating but I still can't wrap my mind around how to beat the emotional issues. Is it therapy and support groups and reading this board? Is that really enough to fight and actually win this weight battle?

Thanks to so many of you for sharing.

[lovestoned 0]

Well I wasn't always obese. My problems with body image began as a pre-teen. I felt overweight even when I only weighed a mere 112 lbs. I'm now at 257 :-( At 16 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and with Panic Disorder. I've been on anti-depressants ever since. My obsession with food began when I moved out from my parent's at 19 and found myself very very alone. I used food to somehow make those lonely nights not so lonely. Its a problem that spiraled completely out of control. I now have problems very much like the 1st person that posted. I can't fathom having just 1 cheeseburger or a small order of fries. I usually have a big Breakfast, no lunch (cuz I'm too full) and even more disturbing is that I won't have lunch so that I can be really hungry for dinner. I think we all know that the hungrier we feel the better the food is!!! I have a problem...this I know...I know that the band will help me (scheduled for surgery 8/17) as far as feeling full with smaller quantities BUT I need psychological help to sort of "retrain" my brain on how to view food!

[Serena 0]

I am the only overweight person in my family. My father theorizes that I overate because the first 3 months of my life I was always hungry. Everything that they tried to feed me made me sick and I would vomit it back up. I cried all the time because I was hungry until I started on a pre-digested soybean formula, which finally did the trick.

When I was in my 20's I saw an overweight psychiatrist who had a similar story about herself, only her deprivation was caused by a sadistic nanny. So who knows?

That same psychiatrist put me on Elavil (an older anti-depressant that was notorious for causing massive weight gain--although I didn't know that) and I put on 60 pounds in a year. Then she warned me about it.

Also I have a mood disorder that started in childhood: severe, recurrent depression that started at age 7 and much later I was dx'ed with bipolar disorder. Hopelessness and binge-eating "feed" off of each other quite well.

My psychologist of 12 years would not write an approval for the band because she feared that I might suffer a psychotic break if I lost food abuse as a coping mechanism. So far, so good.

That said, I and only I chose to put every single bite of food into my mouth. It was always a choice, even when I felt powerless. Nothing compelled me to do it.

[chunky buddy 0]

Im fat because im a hoover. I hoover up my kids left overs after iv eaten my own meal as i hate to see waisted food and it all goes back to the time a few years ago we were really poor through no falt of our own and we bearly had enough money to buy food and there were times when it was food or heating to keep warm so after the kids had eaten i would eat their left overs and now im so parranoid about not waisting food that it seems that its taken over my life.

So tommorrow im due to have my surgery and although its gonna reduce the amount of food i consume im still gonna be battling with my food obsession.

[nancyide 0]

To all who wrote me back this week, I so appreciate it. I was truly blessed and encouraged by your comments.

I shared with you my discouragement, coming from the fact that I can and do eat way more than I thought I would. Now for the good things. I am sharing meals, I am choosing much smaller portions. I sat at the Mariner's baseball game last night, and I could fit in the seat without feeling like I was wedged in. I am still at 22 pounds, but today I ate half or even a quarter of what I use to eat at lunch, and that was after I did 2 miles on the treadmill and went to the weight room. So, I still very much look forward to my fill when I can really take off the weight, but in the mean time I am counting my blessings and trying to recognize the positive things that are changing.

Thanks again for your encouragement.

[purplegirl1818 1]

i dont know! ive been active playing both soccer and softball my whole life. and ive been competitivly swimming since i could walk, i mean practice is up to 3 hours a day, 5 days a week, swimming upwards of 10 miles a day on top of running between 2-5 miles daily. i mean that leaves the food, i guess ive alway ate until i was full. i dont know...

[azmensan 1]

I was fat because I ate more calories than my body burned. That simple.

But in all honesty, it all started with a brain tumor (on my pituitary gland) which basically wreaked havoc on my hormones and adrenal functions. But once that got treated I still found it difficult to lose because I'd developed all kinds of bad habits when going throguh the terrible depressing 200+ pound weight gain in a 6-month period from the tumor.

Anyway, that's behind me. It's up to me to lose the rest and, with the band, I know I can!

[jetti 2]

I can't remember a time when I was not fat. If I look at pictures when I was a kid I was always "chubby" and as I went through school it got worse and I was no longer "chubby" I was plain old FAT. I was picked on all through school for being fat and I still have low self esteem as a 29 year old about it. I am fat because like many people here I LOVE food! Believe it or not I can't eat much in a sitting and I don't always finish what is on my plate BUT I will be hungry in an hour and instead of having a healthy snack I will have another meal or sweet treats! food is my addiction but unfortunately I can't go to rehab to get over my addiction. In my eyes food is the worst addiction unlike with cigarettes, alcohol or drugs you HAVE to eat to survive so you can't just quit "cold turkey" I just don't have the willpower to not eat the "bad" stuff. In my mind there is no consequence to eating the cake or ice cream so why not have it? I know that long term I am killing myself but what is the instant consequence...a full belly...PERFECT!!! Well that is my rant as to why I am fat. I have not been banded yet nor do I have a date or anything but I am on my way to changing my life with making the decision to have surgery. I look forward to the day that I can answer the question "why are you skinny?"

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[queenmum 0]

I was 15 and weighed 130 pounds and thought I was too heavy. Then it all went down hill. I had my first child and was married at 16 and by the time I gave birth I weighed 197 pounds. I lost alot right after but it came back and increased with each child I have had. A total of 5 over the last 20 years. I eat when I am not hungry, I eat when I am hungry, I eat when I am sad I eat when I want to Celebrate. I found that over the years through divorce and depression food was my best friend. It made me feel better if only for a little while. I now understand that I can look for support, comfort, companionship, love and so much more from the wonderful people who have come into my life. I only hope that with the help from a lap band I can regain the body I used to know, and find the life I used to have,

[DynamoMini 1]

Queenmum - I think that once the pattern of emtional eating is established, it is really hard to "fix" it. What I keep telling myself is that I deserve a healthy life, and so do you. Best wishes with your decisions. Try to get therapy support in addition to banding, I have found that since I am not able to use food emotionally I am processing a lot of issues in therapy. In some ways I am emotionally immature because I numbed out with food and haven't felt a lot for many years.

[chunky buddy 0]

I can't remember a time when I was not fat. If I look at pictures when I was a kid I was always "chubby" and as I went through school it got worse and I was no longer "chubby" I was plain old FAT. I was picked on all through school for being fat and I still have low self esteem as a 29 year old about it. I am fat because like many people here I LOVE food! Believe it or not I can't eat much in a sitting and I don't always finish what is on my plate BUT I will be hungry in an hour and instead of having a healthy snack I will have another meal or sweet treats! food is my addiction but unfortunately I can't go to rehab to get over my addiction. In my eyes food is the worst addiction unlike with cigarettes, alcohol or drugs you HAVE to eat to survive so you can't just quit "cold turkey" I just don't have the willpower to not eat the "bad" stuff. In my mind there is no consequence to eating the cake or ice cream so why not have it? I know that long term I am killing myself but what is the instant consequence...a full belly...PERFECT!!! Well that is my rant as to why I am fat. I have not been banded yet nor do I have a date or anything but I am on my way to changing my life with making the decision to have surgery. I look forward to the day that I can answer the question "why are you skinny?"

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hi jetti

while i was reading your remarks i could have written them myself as it sounded how i am myself and you thoughts are the same as mine good luck with your journey

[BJean 16]

Dynamomini: May I ask, what kinds of things does your therapist have you do to overcome the urge to overeat, or is it all just talking about issues that you have not dealt with over the years that is helping you?

I am beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to get off this plateau and if getting therapy is the only way to figure all this out.

On the surface it seems so simple. I want to be a normal weight, I have the band, I did all the prescribed pre-surgical and post-surgery things. So why now that I'm at 180, can I not recapture the momentum that I had going?

I don't really expect you to answer that question. You just seem to have your head on right and you seem to have found a way to work through this whole journey. I guess I'm hoping you have some specific "ah-ha" moment you can share that will be an epiphany for me too. :nervous