Why are YOU Fat?

[slimstacy31@bel 0]

Why am I fat? I ask myself all the time WHY ME? Why can't I have that wonderful metabolism of others that can eat all day and not gain a pound? IT STINKS! My band had helped me tremendously with maintaining my current weight. I have lost 100 pounds, and have stayed the same for about a year now. I need to lose at least fourty more, but my mind won't let me do it. i still obsess about food daily, and it seems the foods that agree with me the most are the ones that are not so great for me. I can relate to many of the other posts about being depressed. I have been depressed for years, and have also had severe anxiety issues. FOOD was always my friend. One way I sum it up is food is my addiction, just like alcohol, or drugs for someone else. I just take it each day as it comes.

[DynamoMini 1]

Elena Rose - It isn't a bad thing to figure out the source of the eating disorder. In fact, I think it is an essential step to coming to grips with the addiction. Yes, it is out of control behavior, but not because we are bad, but because eating was our means of coping. Be gentle with yourself. I know there is conflicting info on here, work with your doc first then use common sense. Try to define where the hunger is really coming from, real need or head hunger. Then you are halfway there.

Welcome to Bandland.

[Evilah 1]

<p>Wow, this is the nicest thread. *WHY* we're fat, I suppose, is just about the most important story most of us want to tell. and tell again and again. For me, it's like telling how someone died. How did a normal beautiful person turn into this? Despite all the politically correctness and niceities in the world, how did I end up getting looked at this way, treated this way, feeling this way? </p> <p> </p> <p>So the story could be much longer but this is the outline. </p> <p> </p> <p>Genetic predisposition, rape, depression, death of fiance, grief, excess</p> <p> </p> <p>stress, severe emotional stress, lack of support system from friends, </p> <p> </p> <p>medication, lack of parental support, pregnancy, and college. BAM! I'm fat. Really fat. <img src="http://www.LapBandTalk.com/images/smilies/clap2.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Clap2" smilieid="217" class="inlineimg" /></p>

typo=political correctness

[DynamoMini 1]

Evilah - You are right. We all have a story and you can tell yours here if you want. I found it theraputic to get out why I thought I had turned to food to comfort myself from a life where nothing else seemed acceptible.

I do want to confirm that I will read your story if you want to tell it; because it perhaps will trigger more memories of things I buried in my past history. We need each other.

Thanks for sharing yourself,

[Sher1224 0]

If you asked my mother...she would say...to this day...that I am fat because when I was 3 I was underweight and she started giving me Geritol for a year....I started gainging weight and kept it up for the next 15 years...(I am 56 now...I think the Geritol thing doesn't work any more)...I did the yo-yo....gained and lost 100 lbs three times....Twice I got married and gained ...got divorced and lost) had most of the same bad things from childhood (divorce, molestation, abuse etc)....buried most of it under food...after kissing the frogs, a toad or two, and couple of snakes and rats, I finally met the handsome prince...and stilll put on sixty pounds before I finally decided to deal with this all....(without divorcing the prince)..and all I can say is after 54 years, I feel blessed....

[DynamoMini 1]

Sher1224 - we have a lot in common. Certain stressful situations trigger the hiding behaviors, thus overeating. I am so glad you have love in your life. You deserve a healthy life and know you can do it.

I am working with a therapist, trainer, an acupunturist and have a great group of friends, kinda like it takes a village. I need the support and I deserve a healthy life and I know I can do this. It will take longer than I want, but I'm on my way. It gives me time to work through the garbage that got me here.

Welcome!

[Sher1224 0]

DynamoMini, Thanks for the encouragement...you sound like you have a great thing going there.....focusing on you.....as my life gets simpler, I find I can do that more....but it is still hard....to find the time to do what I need to do to take care of me.....you keep up the great work....it is worth it all in the end....thanks again....Sher

[IndioGirl55 32]

Here’s my story

Weighed 3 lbs 11 oz at birth, My Mom thought I looked like a wet rat (I was her 2<SUP>nd</SUP> child) my Dad thought I was beautiful. <O:p></O:p>

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Looking back at baby pic’s I was a normal size kid – but must have started gaining weight in grade school because I remember my Mom taking me to the family doctor to be put on a diet. Must have been 4<SUP>th</SUP> grade. Doctor gave me liquid medicine (must have been some sort of diet pill in liquid form) - I remember losing weight and I don’t know how much I weighted then. I do remember being in 8<SUP>th</SUP> grade weighting 165 and I was considered the fat girl (God how I wish I weighted 165 now) Remember my Mom telling everyone – can you believed she weighed 3 lbs at birth – look at that pretty face. That’s when I started hiding my eating. My Mom was always watching what I ate. I remember coming home from school changing in to my play clothes and stuffing saltines in my pockets and going outside to eat. At our house we had plenty of food – but no one had seconds, I think I was the only one who wanted them. Remember eating what was left over out of the pots as I was doing dishes.<O:p></O:p>

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Issue’s that may have contributed to my looking to food for comfort – Found my Mother when I was 5 – after she tried to commit suicide. Yes, my Mom had mental issues and was mean to us girls (me & my sister) the boys she loved. My Dad told me once when I was older that my Mom was jealous of me. My Mom could be very abusive and was a mean drunk – On the outside we looked like the Father Knows Best Family (yes I am dating myself ;o) but on the inside of that house there was drama. My Mom was the abuser – to me, my sister and my Father (yes the wife was the abuser not the husband) both verbal & physical <O:p></O:p>

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Then the summer between 8<SUP>th</SUP> grade and my freshman year I lost 30 lbs without even trying – in fact after summer school would come home and eat tons of junk – but again I was a lot more active – walking to baseball games to meet the boys – to and from school.<O:p></O:p>

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I weighed 130 when I was 16 and got pg with my Son. Gained 35 lbs during pregnancy and the Doctor kept telling me I was going to look like a whale – Well he gave me diet pills after the birth of my son and between not having $$$ for any extra food and those pills I lost the baby weight and in fact got down to 117. Stayed that way for years – didn’t have $$ for food and had an abusive boyfriend who always had me scared – and would degrade me - Remember Hot Pants – here I was weight 117 – and he told me I looked bad in those shorts. In fact all those yrs that I was skinny I never felt skinny and didn’t realize the body I had until I saw an old boyfriend who said “what happened to that great body you had” <O:p></O:p>

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Well – got rid of that abusive guy – got a nice guy who was a tad chubby his self – and then the weight started back on and with in a yr gained 40 lb – then that boyfriend said I was fat and wouldn’t make love to me – so I went out and found one that would – Now at this time I was weighing about 160 (I’m 5’4). Thick but not fat…

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Again would gain and lose gain & lose – really didn’t obsess about food too much – would love to eat a bowl of mash potatoes with tons of butter or burritos and sweets. <O:p></O:p>

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Food is my drug of choice. I don’t do drugs or abuse alcohol. I used to be mostly a nighttime eater - could go all day with out eating – still can if I am out doing something (except at work – want to eat – but that’s the stress) But find that I do now eat during the day and watch out at night – I think I self medicate to sleep and I love to sleep on the weekends – I know you are going to say I am depressed – but I don’t feel depressed.. I think I do feel numb as I have read in some of these other post - I think I might be numb maybe that’s why I like the peace and quite of my life – My life is pretty good, I am divorced (which is find with me cuz I don’t need the drama) My 16 yr Grandson lives with me (who by the way is just shy of being anorexia) – I live in a nice house, drive a nice car – have no money issues. But I still EAT --- Eat – I am at my heaviest (last time around – before in my late 30’s 232 was my highest ) Now at 52 I am 240 and being menopausal it’s all over but now my tummy is the biggest it’s ever been)<O:p></O:p>

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I eat because I Can, I eat because I Hate feeling Deprived, I eat when I’m Bored, I eat cuz it taste good – and get seconds or thirds (when I make something good) cuz I don’t taste the 1<SUP>st</SUP> serving – but by the 2<SUP>nd</SUP> serving it’s taking real good and I want more. And then after I go to bed it’s up again to eat more so I can go to sleep and then I wake up again and eat some more. –I don’t exercise – It’s too much effort to change clothes when I get home and go for a walk – it’s so much easier to change into my house dress and plop my fat ass in front of the TV.<O:p></O:p>

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Ok – so this got a little long – but it’s my history – I want to get banded and have been talking about it for a year now – but haven’t done anything about it. I think I am afraid to lose my friend FOOD… I have high blood pressure – my Dad had heart problems (my family all has a tendency to be on the heavy side – My Dad got real big after his divorce from my Mom (who did successed in killing herself when I was 15) My Brother who died had weight issues too – and my baby bro is most likely 280 my big sis really doesn’t have a weight issue – but what we all have in common is being night eaters) <O:p></O:p>

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I am here on this board looking into what to expect if I get banded – I don’t want to die, but why can’t I just take the 1<SUP>st</SUP> step and call the Bypass Doctor. Am I hiding behind my fat?? <O:p></O:p>

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I don’t like difficult things in my life and if it’s to difficult I won’t do it – I think that’s why I don’t even try anymore to diet. It’s just too hard – it is easier being fat. (Not really but you know what I mean) <O:p></O:p>

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Can I go to the surgeon directly – I have Blue Cross Ppo(California) I have done all the diets – Pills – Weight Watchers – Jenny Craig – Medifast – etc but none are recorded with my current Doctor.<O:p></O:p>

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Well, my dinner is burning – and I wish I was as articulate as some other these other posters and maybe I gave too much info – but I NEED HELP – Skinny people don’t understand Fat people – they think all you have to do is stop eating – well if I could do that I wouldn’t be fat...:help: <O:p></O:p>

[DynamoMini 1]

IndioGirl55 - you have come to the right place to get information and support. All of us have a story here. I have been banded for a month. I studied, researched and wrote lots of questions before making the decision to get banded. The band isn't a miracle. I still have to do the work. I wish there was magic, but then I wouldn't have the opportunity to face my eating issues and come to grip with the challenge of living a healthy life.

So read, read, read, ask lots of questions - every experience with banding is unique. Some people lose weight quickly others slowly. Remember this isn't bypass surgery, the weight doesn't just fall off it is a two year process. The surgery is part of the journey. The more head work you do upfront will pay dividends later into the process.

Welcome.

[Sher1224 0]

IndioGirl, We have much in common....but my childhood issues were not quite as bad as yours....or at least different than yours....I wrote a long answer to your post and it would not let me post it....the shortened version is this....I would never tell anyone they are depressed, or anything else, I don't judge. I can only tell you that even with just 40 lbs gone, I feel better. I did this because I could hardly walk without pain in my knees and back. I had trouble with stairs. I just wanted to feel better...I don't have to be thin and beautiful, I just want to be healthy and one day at a time that is happening...You are correct...it is easier to eat and watch TV....this is hard....I can only encourage you by telling you that every pain free step I take, every pound I lose, every time I sleep without acid reflux, and with just one pillow, I have no regrets....if the whole thing is too hard...take it one step at a time...call a Dr. and make an appt. Don't stress over exercise at this point. Just make the first call...and keep posting here and asking questions....

[IndioGirl55 32]

Sher Thanks for the post - I called the Doctor today and have an appt for 5/31 for my 1st consultation. I am excited and scared (heck i cant spell) My fat tummy keeps getting in the way and i have no energy just cleaning the house makes me break out in a sweat. - I am lucky not to have acid reflux - I am just tired all the time ... I want this so that i will feel better and as you know being in your 50's - what's around the corner - i am vain enough to want to look good - but it's not about being 120 - heck with the fat loss and my 52 yr old body - the skin will never bounce back- those days are long gone and i don't mind - i just want to be healthly - I made that 1st step and have called the doctor. I have met one lady on line here who is a bander and lives about 20 miles from me... We only have one doctor locally that does this - so we are talking - I know of other people that this dr did bypass on but no lapband and i want the lap band ---- Thanks for your words and yes i am addicted to this board - it is alot better than the other one i was cruising - i will be asking questions and reading. Will do that ticker thing once i go to the dr. thanks again - take care Janet

[peaches 0]

This thread is stunning. There is so much wisdom, intelligence, and knowledge here about a very complex problem. I am grateful to have stumbled onto this amazing source of information.

I see myself here.

Started dieting before I was ever actually overweight.

Post traumatic stress from childhood onward.

Depression, anxiety.

Shame.

Feeling powerless and immobilized.

Lost massive amounts of weight at different times and I always believed I would keep it off. Each time, I then faced that gawd awful realization that the weight was creeping back on...and I couldn't stop the momentum, like watching a boulder rolling down a hill, just trying to stay out of its way.

Years of therapy.

Prescription head meds.

For the past few years I've tried to simply accept myself as a fat woman, but the obesity is sabotaging my existence, and blaming myself only makes it all feel worse.

Still, I would rather stay this way than get banded, lose weight, and then regain. I have no confidence that would not happen to me as it has to others.

peaches

[DynamoMini 1]

Oh Peaches - you are playing my story. I didn't want to get banded only to fail again. I have had to look at every aspect of my being and be willing to change what I was doing. I think it was more destructive to lose weight countless times and then regain it, plus more. Each time was harder. I think I would have accepted the fat at some point, but now my knees hurt, I have type II diabetes, high blood pressure and borderline cholesterol. All conditions I took pills for, but what about the knees. I don't want to be blind from the diabetes, or in pain. I had to face the truth that I was slowly killing myself.

Then the harder part - did I want to live? Lots of history, abuse, etc.

I got lung cancer. I had surgery. It took forever to heal. I faced death and choose life. That was four years ago. I am cancer free, but if I had chosen death, I am sure the outcome would have been different.

So I started walking. continued therapy. Retired from a stressful job. Joined a gym, got a trainer, a year later i tried to diet again. Thought I was ready, did Slim4Life (similar to LA Weight Loss). I lost 40 pounds, then regained it all but 5. I was devastated when I realized that my five months of hard work were wiped out in about 6 weeks of out of control eating. That is when I started researching the band. My PC doc had suggested it two years before, but I didn't want to cop out. I told myself that I could lose weight without surgery but it opened my eyes a little. I started reading and studying the websites.

I came to the conclusion that even with the band you do all the same things you had to do to lose weight anyway, but the difference was I wouldn't regain all the weight before I was cognitively able to face it. I could get a fill and tighten my control. I wouldn't feel the hunger of other diets. Yes, still the head hunger. I went to acupuncture. It helped balance me. So now I have my team - trainer, therapist, acupuncturist and me. My cheerleaders who will support me and the changes I want to make.

i finally made an appt, six months after I picked up my first brochure. I see the nutritionist and doc. I have been banded now for 5 weeks. I don't look back. It was a great decision for me because it supported all the lifestyle changes I am committed to. i decided that I deserve a healthy life.

Sorry - to go on, but when I read your last paragraph I felt compelled. Good luck with your decision. It is personal, and no one can tell you a band will fix it all, it won't. You are the vital link to the changes you want. Isn't that a great thing? We can repair ourselves.

I also want to mention that remembering this is a two year process is vital for me. i want change now; I want weight loss this minute. No, it isn't like that. In fact my trainer had me put away my scale, because I was on there three times a day ( a scale whore).

Hope this diatribe is helpful to you Peaches. You are my kind of people!

Michelle

[peaches 0]

Michelle,

Your response is generous, helpful, and so rational. Thank you!

You make many excellent points, such as needing to do the same things to lose weight, taking a team approach, and remembering that the band is there to provide help.

The band is certainly a tool that was never part of my past efforts, and it could be the thing that makes the difference for me. I hope I will muster up the courage to try again.

You sound extremely smart and highly prepared for the changes (and challenges) you are making.

All my best wishes to you for great success!

peaches

[Sher1224 0]

Janet, It did my heart good to see you with some hope! I wasn't able to get online this weekend as life was pretty hectic. I know that you made a positive decision for yourself. The point is that no matter how slow you lose, it is still coming off and not on, and YOU DO AND WILL feel better. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer and positive thinking and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers this week. Saturday I mowed (push mower) our lawn for 2 hours. Two years ago I couldn't even walk to my car without pain. Trust me, you have the attitude that makes this work...(health being your primary goal.). It is great that you have someone close to you. I live on the west side of our state (Mich) and don't know any banders from here so this site has helped me so much. I go to my regular Dr. tomorrow for my one month check up and am sure that I am off my plateau. I have to admit I had to read a lot on this site and get back to the basics.....Let me know how you are doing! Sher