Why are YOU Fat?

[SanDiegoUbermom 1]

I’ve been on the heavy side for as long as I can remember.

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I look at photos when I was young and I see that I was a bit heavy and then again in High School. In HS I was wearing a size 12. I CAN’T WAIT TILL I SEE THAT ONE AGAIN! :biggrin1:

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I kept hearing from kids at school and my brothers that I was fat. Teased as a kid didn’t make things easy. It became a habit to eat when I was depressed or angry.

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I started smoking w/I was 16, quite when I was in my early 30’s while I was getting ready to become a mom. I knew that I would gain weight so I went on the Optifast Diet after I was off of cigarettes and was replacing food for cigs. It worked for 4 months until I fainted at work. After being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and having test run, they couldn’t figure out what caused me to faint.

So I:

Stopped the diet (1994)

Got pregnant (1996) Gained 30 pounds

Waited 18 months and got pregnant again (1998) Gained back the 30 plus 10 more

Waited 3 years and got pregnant again—this time it was twins (2001)

Gained back the 40 plus 10 more

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I tried over and over to exercise, watch what I eat and it would work, but then the weight loss would stop. So I gave.

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Now I have knee problems and lower back pain at 222lbs. With four kids ranging in ages of 9-4, I need to be able to play with them, pick them up if I need to or just sit Indian style on the floor with them.

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My mom had a weight issue while I was growing up and it wasn’t until I was in HS that she let it all go. She did OptiFast for a year during my 30’s and did a awesome job. She got a Tummy Tuck and everything. Well now she heavier then I’ve ever seen her. I’m frightened that I might turn out like her---I DON’T WANT TOO, I’M TAKING CONTROL OF MY LIFE TODAY! I’VE MADE MY CHOICE TO FIND A TOOL THAT WILL WORK WITH ME!! I’VE WILL BE BANDED ON JULY 11<SUP>TH</SUP> AND I WILL SUCCEED!:clap2:

[Fat2Phat 0]

I didn't gain weight until I was in the mid-20's when I found out my liver was having problems. I managed to exercise, diet, and take phentermine to lose all of the weight I had gained. I maintained 140's for a year. Then my doctor started me on insulin to control my blood sugars. From that point on I lost control. Before I knew it, I was 50, then 80, then 100+ lbs over weight. My endocrinologist told me that in order to get my sugars under contol I needed to lose weight. Which I said was easier said than done. That is when I looked towards the lap-band. I have never been an emotional or stress eater. But I will confess with school and work, homework load and work demands I may not have always grabbed the foods I should have. Eating on the go is never a good thing.

[moon goddess 0]

Okay...this is a complex question for me, as I am sure it is for many of you.

When I was little I wasn't a fat child, but growing up in Texas and the child of a perfectionist mother who was in the Miss Texas pageant, I was conscious of weight issues as far back as I can remember. I grew up in a neighborhood where it was looked at as one of the worst things someone could be if they were overweight. So, I starved myself in high school to be thin, and never felt like I was good enough. I would literally eat celery and carrots at lunch, and then go home after school and run around the neighborhood to burn every calorie that I put in my mouth. Looks back then were everything...very shallow, but this is truly how it was. I look back at those pictures and wonder how I ever could have thought I was fat, it's ridiculous!

When I was 15, I was raped by my best friend's brother. I kept that inside because he was very popular, and I was afraid that exposing him would have hurt my reputaion...but I can trace this time as the time when I, like others who were sexually abused, started to medicate myself with food. I have a lot of family members who were addicted to drugs and alcohol, and so while I dabbled in that scene, I was always terrified of becoming like them...I didn't think that food was something I could use to hurt myself just as much as they did with substances.

Fast forward to a brief summary of my life....married at 18 and had a baby with an abusive guy, ended up in a battered women's shelter...and the weight started to climb. Then I was a single mom, worked my way through college, graduated...self esteem was better...lost 65 pounds that I had gained, and was back to being an average size. Got re-married, had a baby, husband was in the Army, he had to go overseas many times for a year at a time, and I started to eat for comfort again. Gained about 80 pounds, then lost another 70 pounds.

So, now to this part of my life...marriage was in trouble after so many seperations, so I started to eat again...and I ate, and ate, and ate! And let me tell you another thing...the bottom line is that I DO love food! I mean...enchiladas, Tex Mex, Chinese buffets....Bring it on! YUM! So...I have now gained over 100 pounds, and I realize...."Whoa! I am totally fat and I am killing myself!"....so, I made a promise to me that by the time I am 40, I would lose the weight...my 39th birthday is in a few days, and I am ready for my band...and it may sound cliche, but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

So...the answer here....I am fat because~~~

I was sexually abused and felt worthless

Food was my friend

I LOVE to eat and LOVE yummy food!

There is a history of self abuse in my family and I chose food to hurt myself with

I have become lazy and don't exercise

I have hypothyroid issues

[LittleBird 0]

My weight gain began about 9 years ago - it was a slow process that began with excessive drinking - high calorie drinks -depression...I gained about 30 pounds those first few years, lost some and have steadily increased reaching my all time high - currently 255. I quit drinking a year ago - eat more to replace it - and have worked at a desk job for 3 years. That combined with no physical activity.

I ENJOY food, its emotional for me. When I cook and enjoy a good meal, it feels good deep down. But this good feeling is followed by guilt and remorse. When I feel full - I feel guilty.

I think about being fat from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed at night and sometimes in my sleep. I'm considering the band, but am unsure how I'll pay for it.

The bottom line is I overeat, food is emotional satisfaction, and I sit on my a$$ at work all day.

[crteacher 0]

I eat to much plain and simple. I am Italian and love food. I am not a cake and Cookies kind of girl, though sometimes when we go out to dinner or we are on a cruise I enjoy a decadent dessert. I also enjoy ice cream, but not in huge amounts. A pint of Ben and Jerrys lasts me about 4 sittings.

I am a meal eater. I eat meals in large portions, and I love food, that is why I am fat.

[Charlif761 0]

I asm still trying to work through how I ever disliked myself so intensely that I could end up....<gulp> Morbidly obese. Sometimes I think I must be completely blind and self obesessed to not feel as fat as I actually am (until I see myself in a reflection).

I know what I am eating...But I still have no idea about what EXACTLY is eating me......

I have had lots of issues growing up...A fairly abuse father who did a tremendous amount of damage to my soul and my self esteem with his brutal words....A grandfather I doted on that died suddenly when I was 12..... two much older brothers that "abandoned" me for their own pursuits...one brother who never made it a secret that he hated me and wished I were never born..... possibility of some sexual abuse as a child (some issues have come up in therapy, but I never wanted to "go there")..... a history of sexual indiscretions starting in my early teen years... a rape at 15 resulting in pregnancy and abortion......

I can go on.....But, I guess you can imagine that all of that had to come out somewhere. And, growing up in the deep South with a very upper middle class Catholic mother, who believed in the myth of the Southern Belle and being gracious, I always had to be perfect and put together. I always had to be a lady and have a smile on my face...I was always the happy girl in High School that everyone loved (happy on the outside).

Well, imagine that...probably food was all I EVER felt in control of...and then again, maybe I was killing myself slowly......

Jesus.....I think I need a therapist....and fast!!! :phanvan

Anyway........maybe someone sees another pattern here....

Thanks for starting this thread and making me think...I need to do more of this before I get banded.

[Charlif761 0]

I asm still trying to work through how I ever disliked myself so intensely that I could end up....<GULP> Morbidly obese. Sometimes I think I must be completely blind and self obesessed to not feel as fat as I actually am (until I see myself in a reflection).

I know what I am eating...But I still have no idea about what EXACTLY is eating me......

I have had lots of issues growing up...A fairly abuse father who did a tremendous amount of damage to my soul and my self esteem with his brutal words....A grandfather I doted on that died suddenly when I was 12..... two much older brothers that "abandoned" me for their own pursuits...one brother who never made it a secret that he hated me and wished I were never born..... possibility of some sexual abuse as a child (some issues have come up in therapy, but I never wanted to "go there")..... a history of sexual indiscretions starting in my early teen years... a rape at 15 resulting in pregnancy and abortion......

I can go on.....But, I guess you can imagine that all of that had to come out somewhere. And, growing up in the deep South with a very upper middle class Catholic mother, who believed in the myth of the Southern Belle and being gracious, I always had to be perfect and put together. I always had to be a lady and have a smile on my face...I was always the happy girl in High School that everyone loved (happy on the outside).

Well, imagine that...probably food was all I EVER felt in control of...and then again, maybe I was killing myself slowly......

Jesus.....I think I need a therapist....and fast!!! :phanvan

Anyway........maybe someone sees another pattern here....

Thanks for starting this thread and making me think...I need to do more of this before I get banded.

[Mags 0]

Hi,

I was really moved by your message and just wanted to encourage you to seek therapy. I've been treated for depression the past few years and it has saved my life. Yesterday I had a consultation with another psychiatrist who specializes in bariatric medicine and sees many patients having surgery. This was something I had to do to get signed off by my insurance company but i'm glad I went. It made a big difference talking to someone who specializes in this field.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

Mags

[Croatica 0]

I am fat because I ate too much. Period. :biggrin1:

[dfdorsett 0]

Hi, I'm having the band procedure done August 3rd. The things you wrote about eating sounded exactly like what I would have written about eating! food has always been my best friend! I do everything around food. I cook so people will come see me. I travel in order to eat. I also worry about everyone that knows that I'm having the surgery and like you said... I don't want them to think I'm a "loser" if I don't lose the weight. I have a friend that has had not one, not two, but three stomach by-pass surgeries and she is still over 300 lbs. This is my first visit to the site.... thanks for your input... it really hit home! dfdorsett:)

[ccfrog4u 0]

I love food too but my main reason I believe I overeat is to numb feelings. I am an emotional eater. I feel like food was my best friend, now I am trying to become my own best friend!

[libra 13]

I love food too but my main reason I believe I overeat is to numb feelings. I am an emotional eater. I feel like food was my best friend, now I am trying to become my own best friend!

I can totally relate! I eat because I'm angry. I eat because I'm sad, frusterated, bored, lonely, afraid...

I went to a therapist/nutritionist to help me deal with my eating habits before I had the banding. She told me I use food as a crutch to help me through difficult situations. I need to find a replacement for that; and immediate gratification instead of food. We determined since I'm a huge music lover, I would carry an ipod with me of my favorite music. Music instantly lifts my spirits and changes my mood. So whenever I feel the need to eat to numb any of these feelings, I'll dance to my favorite song instead! Oh and of course, exercise.:phanvan

[Deb R 6]

When I was in elementary school I was taller than all the other kids in my class. I was no string bean either. Unfortunately, I was bottom heavy and had thighs that were much too large for the rest of me. My thighs became the object of ridicule among all the boys in the neighborhood. This followed me into my teen years--constant teasing, being poked to make my thighs quiver. Gad, kids are cruel. I had zero self esteem. And the irony is, I was 5'10" and about 145 lbs but I thought I was as big as a house. I joined WW at 15 and so it began. Lose 5, gain 10, lose 10, gain 20...etc. etc. etc. Back then, the proper weights for one's height were guided by insurance charts--and the weights were very unrealistic. By the time I graduated university I weight 180 and thought I was huge. More dieting, more losing, a whole lot more gaining. Then, pregnancy and I gained 50 or 60 pounds, took it off, gained it back. I wouldn't have another baby until I got the weight off again, but as the years ticked by, I realized I'd better have a second child or it wasn't going to happen. So there are 6 years between my 2 children. And I gained another 50 pounds. More dieting, more losing, more gaining and WHAM 300+. I still have large thighs--but the rest of me is large too :cry

So, the lap band is going to help me lose weight, keep going until I get to goal and then KEEP it off. So there! And if my thighs are still huge, and they will be, tough!! These legs have carried me around for 49 years and I kind of like them. :huggie:

~Deb

[Caroline 0]

How did I get so fat?

Like a lot of other people in this thread, I suffer from anxiety ridden depression, and am still on Celexa and Xanax. Grew up in a anxiety ridden situation, mother died when I was 8, father left us when I was 12. I am the youngest of 5. My brother ( who loved the term Thunder thighs) and my 3 sisters all made it a primary goal to be thin. My first diet was the Scarsdale diet and that was before the doctor was murdered- so even when I was 16 there was a need for me to drop 20 pounds- I would go to family gatherings and make sure that 2 people were standing in front of me at a family picture. I never want to do that again. Gave up drinking and smoking pot in my early 20s, and stopped excercising, and kept eating. My husband loved to eat, it seemed to make him happy - (Food = love ) and he gained so much weight that he developed type 2 diabeties. Now, with back problems and other things, he has lost 60 pounds. I kept eating.

Two years ago, my brother was having treatment for a rare form of Lymphoma, he needed a stem cell transplant and I was a perfect match. For the entire month of July I drove into the city and visited him, brought him a paper and went walking with him. During our conversations he pushed me to loose weight, so I went to the Brigham & Womens monthly lecture on Barraitric Surgery. At that time I decided to try a weight loss and excercise routine and in 3 months had lost 25 pounds. Then my brother died, and I gained it back plus another 15 or 20. And since October of 04, have just been to depressed to even try. I still pay 30 dollars per month for my gym membership, and now I'll begin using again - hopefully. Today is my one week band aniversary, and I've lost 6 pounds since the banding. I just don't want to be stuck with diabeties or severe heart desease, and grow old fast and die from some horrible complication. I'm not looking for a new body, just a healthy one. I like the fact that I'm being told what to eat and how much to eat, I needed this dramatic step to get my life back.

Best of luck to everybody in this situation-

C

[geordieboy 0]

Personally, and i can see reflections of my reason in sooo many other peoples, but i put my overweightness down to thus.

I was very active as a child, i won medals for cycling, football (soccer to the US and Canada) and for swimming. But i was from a working class family where both my mother and father worked damn hard for me and my 2 brothers. We NEVER and mean NEVER had chocolate biscuits in the house, cola or any other fizzy beverage, no sexy foods or name brands, we had cornflakes as the only Cereal for years (i remember getting so excited when a market research company asked us to sample Golden Grahams before their launch, it was heaven), a real boring diet basically.

As i got into my teens I would do paper rounds and other odd jobs, working on farms during harvest etc and all i ever spent my money on was rubbish. Mars Bars, Coca Cola, Monster Munch and everything else bad. I would eat them so fast as i felt guilty about spending my money on them. food soon became an obsession for me but i never noticed it until i was 16, through puberty i could never be arsed to excercise or do sport like i had before and i began to realise that i was getting quite tubby, i tried diets and lost weight, but then straight away back to my original habits, i would always suffer the phenomenon where i would gain 6 or 7 pounds more than what i was before the diet.

The Atkins diet made me lose a tremendous amount of weight but trained me to eat food in massive qtys, i was eating steak three tmes a day, i was loving it. But then i felt my health as well as my wasteband deteriating, i stopped and gained it back and some more although now i have trained to eat for England and just cannot stop. I have even broke down in tears after battling with myself not to eat another chocolate biscuit or bag of crisps. It is shear addiction now which i need to stop. I have stopped smoking for 13 months(Aa habit i gained in college....such a dumbass) and now want to kick this habit, which too will kill me if not dealt with.