Why are YOU Fat?

[dacr64 0]

Hi, I'm researching getting banded and trying to read as much "real" info from banded people. Getting questions answered and weighing...no pun intened...the pros and cons for me.

I've always been a "big" girl...not really fat when I was younger but that quickly changed....have a lot of hormone problems and I swear that has a lot to do with it. I also have a huge appetite like many here and an an emotional binger. I have bi-polar health problems and have a lot of manic episode when I want to hurt myself....my hurt of choice is food. This is why I need to feel that the banding is right for me. I've been on every diet possible...can stay on it for about a month...loose 15 to 20 pounds and then regain all+ like many of you. This has been a life long stuggle and I need to end the stuggle somehow. I am so full of self loathing it makes me sick....I'm a bit scared of the surgery but I can't live like this forever...I don't think I can make it and it def is not healthy for me as I obsess about it every day!

Thanks for listening!

[Cyndilou_77536 0]

<TABLE id=HB_Mail_Container height="100%" cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0 UNSELECTABLE="on"><TBODY><TR height="100%" width="100%" UNSELECTABLE="on"><TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNSELECTABLE="off">This truly is a great thread...the real question is...how to do get fat as a baby and stay that way? At 2 yrs old, I was actually bigger than my sister who was 2 years older than I was. Basically, it was negelect...."let's feed the baby until she is satisfied and won't cry anymore" and that is the way I learned to cope with situations....I was a middle child that was truly in the middle, "stuffed" inbetween the "golden" first child, the overachiever and the baby.

I also come from a long line of obsessive compulsives. My parents were both very small but smoked 3-4 packs of cigarettes a day each. It was only after my dad quit smoking that he became overweight whereas my mother could never quit. Both succumbed to lung cancer. Their addictive qualities were passed down to their 4 daughters. We all have issues. My issue just happens to be food. Try as I might, like all of us, food fills my thoughts a good percentage of the day. It's always there. When I feel good and want to Celebrate w/friends, we go to dinner. When I feel happy it's there...lonely, it's there....depressed...it's there. Always there with me.

Right now, I'm trying to refocus my thoughts. I have found that if I go to the gym directly after work, I'm basically too tired to "give in". I'm really working hard and actually seeing some small results which are encouraging to me. I keep thinking that if I do this long enough, it will become a habit and in the future I'll not mind going. I have already realized that if I get too close to my house from work, I can easily talk myself out of working out then the cravings will take over. Therefore, I feel in danger of a relapse at all times. My question is this...will these feelings ever to away?

Oh well, thanks for being there and listening.

Cyndi

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[shoresexy 0]

The relationship we have with food is the common thread!

I had few friends as a kid, except for food and Food was focal part of every aspect of our lives.

Two views:

1. It was like a hug from inside, being full and swallowing felt good. When I drank soda the bubbles tickled and filled me up. Nothing felt better than eating a whole bunch of food and then snuggling up under the covers and watching TV.

2. Eager to please! "Do you like my cheesecake Jennifer?" "Oh yes, may I have some more?" Every event from St. Patricks Day to Christmas to Sunday's Nascar Race had food as a focal point. "Jen, are you making those chedar cheese pretzles for Sunday? They are great!" Eating to make others happy and providing food for others is a great feeling!

Food became more important than conversation, the race, the presents etc.

Since my decision to Lap it up, I go weekly to a Support Group and there is no food! We talk! We share! People have become such an important part of my motivation. This past Thursday I spent the day with my two girlfriends. (We are like sisters) Once a month we chart on our calendars a day for Us. One of my "sisters" was banded 11/1/2005 and the other has been a size 6 all her life. Two of the best people in the world! After our "therapy" day of gosip, shopping, laughing and yes eating(carefully), I went to a Support Group meeting at our local hospital. When I came home my house was a wreck (kids home for more than one min. without me screaming "We dont have a maid pick it up!") but it didn't bother me I felt so good. I was almost HIGH!

I have made a turn in the road that has given me something else to focus on besides food! People, I call people, I email people, I read and post here now! I have changed my focus to people, events and not the food.

We all have different stories but the common thread is our relationship with food! Change that and keep the support level high seems to be working for me so far!

One of my favorite movies is Finding Nemo and the character Dory says

"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!"

Good Luck to all who are looking for the change they need.

"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance." Harrison Ford

[Dianechef 3]

I have read this post several times & have never been able to come up with a good solid reason as to why I'm fat. Obviously, I eat too much & eat the wrong foods. But why do I do that?? Now that I have lots 50 lbs, I have been able to look back & see myself in a whole new way.

I grew up in a good home with great parents. I had a mother who made 3 good, healthy meals a day. I was loved & cared for. No problems at home!! I was never overweight until I got married & had children. Then, all of a sudden - WHAM!! I'm fat. It seems like it was overnight, but it took a good 2-3 years.

I have always had a great self-esteem. I don't binge eat or get out of control with food. But yet, I'm still fat!! Through my weight loss process, I realized what happened & why I'm where I'm at.

I am not very good about taking care of ME!! I take care of my kids, the house, my job, the husband, the lady next door, my sisters, my mother, the pregnant woman at church.....etc. I have always put myself last in everything. I would stop at fast food places for lunch as I was on my way to help my sisters. I would make a meal for my family & then run out the door to work & stop at a fast food place on the way home. (It was 10 p.m. at night!) I never exercised, I just didn't have time. Or should I say - I didn't MAKE time. All the years of neglect had finally taken its toll & I became 100 lbs overweight.

Since being banded, I now put myself FIRST!! I felt very selfish in the beginning, but I have realized that if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of anyone else. (Besides, noboby will be taking care of me - right?!?!?!?) I am so much happier & my family is too!! If Momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!!!

I am now eating for MY health. I am exercising for MY health. It's all about ME!!!

[chameleon 0]

Ok....this is a great thread....I have always wondered what reasons other people had for being overweight. Mine is pretty mundane actually. I was not abused as a child, I grew up in a pretty normal family...with it's little secret dysfunctionalities like my over bearing dominating chronically depressed mother. But other than that my family life was ok. My mother is obese...no more or less than me but she is shorter than me so she doesn't look like a giant refrigerator walking into a room like I do at 5'7" and 275, at least thats how I feel, clumsy and lumbering. I am also a dietician to boot, of course I do not work in my field exactly, well kinda but I am an administrator so I do not have to counsel people on nutritional issues thank god! I feel like a Doctor who smokes and has unprotected group sex. I am ashamed of myself and I have been obsessed with my weight for 32 of my 42 years. Even though I was not a heavy child and my highest weight up to the age of 19 was 133. My sister was nearly anorexic in her thinness and her highest weight at age 20 was 112, same height as me. I grew up hearing my older brother singing "Fatty fatty two by four can't get through the bathroom door so she did it on the floor" and "How do you do Miss Blue" (Miss Blue was a morbidly obese teacher in our school) and "Fat people got no reason to live" (instead of short people...what a horrid song anyway!) and "She's a fatty, she's my sister" And the list goes on and on. These may sound funny to people now but they still pack a mighty sting for me, so I can only imagine how much I hated it back then...I never knew that I wasn't fat UNTIL I GOT FAT! So...I don't know what made me eat....probably a combination of a lot of things both environmental and genetic but I do know what made me fat...FOOD. No one force fed me, I ATE IT ON MY OWN. Now It's time to pay the piper.:hungry:

[4mykids 0]

I just wanted to thank everyone for this post. I have not been band yet. I am thinking about it and wanted more information about it. I am going to my first meeting this week and this was one of my biggest concerns. How can I, a VO person my whole life stop eating the only way I know. My husband and I love food so do my kids. My children have been going out to eat since they were born. My daughter is starting to gain some weight and I am so scarred for her, I know what other kids are like and how they say things to over weight kids. It breaks my heart but I still give into them and they eat too much. I really think that I should do this not just for me but to help my family. I just really didn't think I would ever be able to cut my intake so serverly. But reading the post I now know it can be done.

[vinesqueen 2]

Wow, all i can say is wow.

I know now that part of my weight has to do with my Cushing's. I don't care what my doctor said, it is NOT normal to gain 25 pounds in one month,

[shoresexy 0]

DeLarla, You have been working for so long.... you have been so good and once in a while guess what... you have to revert! At least I do... I want a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips NOW! ok and because it's Sunday I want to have desert with the family perhaps I will even have two brownies.. (late at night when no one is looking) but who cares.... I say I have to do it to keep myself sane.... then the next day or three days later I say" I am only making myself sick Hello, don't you get it girl???"

You may or may not have this exact same problem but the thing is we need to be "The biggest black hole of need" once in a while.... Sometimes it is all about "me." So screw what others say, do what is right for you, listen to your body and when the binging stops don't beat yourself up.... Try a Oh well back to basics, Protein, Water and Calories... set goals agian,,, pretend you had your surgery yesterday and today is the first day to start loosing weight!!! Just Keep Swimming"

(((((((((Huggs ta ya)))))))))))

[DevilMayKare 1]

I don't care what my doctor said, it is NOT normal to gain 25 pounds in one month,

Crystal, are you saying that you gained 25 pounds this month???

If that's what you're saying I sure wish I was there to give you a big ol' hug. All these emoticons are cute, but nuthin' like the real thing.

I feel so badly for you. I wish there was something I could do. For all of us, actually.

Just know that I've been missing your presence on this board and am thinking of you with a mental hug.

[Penni60 45]

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I know why I gained 13 lbs. YES 13 POUNDS!! It is because I ate all the wrong foods and travelled in the last three weeks. I am home now and can get back on track but this sucks bigtime.

I am ashamed of myself for gaining all that weight.

[Joh 0]

I am fat because I eat too much, especially at night. Sometimes it out of bordom or when I am sad. I had been at least 75 lbs over weight since I had my first child in 1990. Then I lost some weight in 2000 working at a motel cleaning rooms and lost about 35-40 lbs. I was actually looking pretty good. Then my husband died in 2001. Well I guess I dont need to say more about what happened after that. Now I am 110 lbs over weight. So thats my story, short and sweet.

Joh

[DeLarla 22]

I'm a junkie 100 times over. I'm addicted to anything not nailed down and have to fight craving for everything but pot and cocaine (bye bye 80's.) Tonight I almost stabbed my husband over a sliver of lasagna skin. He had served me a huge portion, but a tiny portion of the bottom Pasta layer got left in the tray, which nearly sent me in a frenzy. Getting through dinner knowing I didn't get that sliver of noodle drove me crazy. I don't rememer the huge dinner I ate, I only recall the part I missed.

We laugh about it, and hubby lovingly calls me Crack Head, but my food addiction sucks. Every night I toss and turn and fret n' stew over food, diet, exercise, fat, thin, etc. When I wake up the next morning, I'm like the diet model of the world with perfect decisions in order, but those decisions fly out the door the second temptation enters the door.

Carol (Cadydid) shared an exercise with me yesterday, so last night I tried it. I'm trying to play new "tapes" in my head before falling asleep. It was harder that you can imagine to shut down the eating & dieting tapes & replace them with positive affirmations, but last night I kept thinking of all the good things I did yesterday, all the nice things, the positive things, the things that make me worthy and beautiful. Last night that kept me from sneaking out of bed for a 10:00 p.m. bowl of Cereal. Today I took 1/3 of a diet pill and asked hubby to tie me down.

I'm an addict. That's why I'm fat.

[DeLarla 22]

Nykee, I think I relate to you most. My mother was (and still is) paranoid schitzophrenic and had no right raising children. She was beautiful, thin and had a split personality, so at work men loved her, and she was a very sucessful real estate broker. But the monster came out at home. We were 3 young kids with no parents in the home. I don't remember my early childhood, but when we were 6, 7 & 8, it was just kids in the house beating each other up, and since I was the youngest, I was always getting it worse. When we woke up, sometimes she'd be in her room alone with the door closed or sometimes we'd hear a man's voice, or sometimes she wasn't there. I remember being just a kid, all alone and scared to death at 11:00 p.m. because my brother & sister were at friends' so I'd sit in the corner with all the lights on watching the front door.

The only food was health crap like raw lentils and Beans, cans of Tomato paste and frozen liver. Once a month she'd take us shopping and bought one box of cereal, but my brother would beat me up the next day if I even looked at "HIS" cereal. There was powdered milk, her coffee and her Creamora, so I'd eat mouthfuls of Creamora.

When she came home, we'd all run and hide till we knew what person came home (was it the Monster, or the pretty lady?) Usually always the Monster, who would sneak in at midnight and pour Water over us while cackling, "Midnight Showers." Now that she's been institutionalized, she claims she never did that, but I'm sure it would kill her if her brain allowed her to process such torture of 3 innocent kids.

Finally when I was in 5th grade, a neighbor taught me how to steal candy. Then my sister made me steal food from neighbors' houses. We'd steal money or junk food then binge till we were all sick.

That binge eating never left me. It's who I am, it's all I know, and I'd work a 2nd job for life if I could find a way to stop the thought process.

[jude0426 0]

Why am I fat? Hmm, part genetics, my mom was overweight for many years. She had GBS last year. My sister grew up big. She also had GBS about two years ago. I have become less and less active over the years, due to poor self esteem because I have gained so much weight. Does that contradict itself? It sure doesn't help that I am married to a very physically fit man who is damn sexy to boot! lol :biggrin1: I have tried in vain to put meat on his bones, but it only ends up on me. He is in the Army so of course he has to stay fit. My road to obesity started in 1996. I weighted 143 lbs at 5'6", the day I found out I was going to have a baby. By the time I had her, I was 215 lbs. I had gone from running 5 to 10 miles a day (in the Army) to practically nothing when I got out during that pregnancy. We lived in the desert at the time, I over heated too easily so I didn't go out much. Bad idea. I dropped 40 of it immediately. By the time I got preggo with my second 18 months later I started at 205 lb. With this weight gain also came VERY large breasts. I had a reduction thinking it would help me with exercising. Very glad I did that, but it didn't improve my motivation to exercise. What it did do was help my back problems and showed me just how HUGE my tummy really was. :omg: So, now I just had my third baby, luckily I only gained 20 lbs wiht him and dropped it all within the last month without trying. That is a good thing, but my husband is deployed at the moment and well, to compensate for him not being here, what do I want to do? Eat, but not at home. I just eat out WAY TOO MUCH! This is just not good for me, let alone my kids! I have researched GBS and now lap band for a while. It looks like this may be my savior, KWIM? So, we shall see. It will be so nice if I could just lose even 20 by the time my husband comes home for R&R in June!

[georgie porgie 0]

I'm fat because:

I love food

i like the texture, the taste, the smell, the way it makes me feel

I eat too much of it. Good food, or bad food.

I don't get enough excerscise

been on too many "diets" (usually only lasted a day or so, a month at the most)

have had 2 kids

use food when i am happy, or when i am sad, or when i am just indifferent

constantly think about it

eat whether i am hungry or not

morning, afternoon, or night

i am a gorger

i am a sneak-er

i am a shovel-er

have the urge to eat when i hear about other people losing weight.

I am a food addict