Help Me Make a List

[hijabigirl1973 0]

Ok I've searched and searched to see if there is sometime of support "list" out there for friends and families of WLS patients and have found nothing. So if you're family is anything like mine they literally need to be directed how to support me going through this. My hubby is really bad about bringing me home my favorite candy bar thinking he's doing a wonderful thing. So can ya'll add somethings on here to make a list of ways you need support? Do's and don'ts for friends and family? Once i have a full list I'll type it up and add it here as well for those who might like to use it. Thanks in advance.

[annieM 2]

Great idea, go for it!

[rharriet62 0]

I agree with Jack. It's a totally personal thing. For example, I would not want my family asking me ALL THE TIME about how much I weigh or much I've lost. That might not bug you. Your list may also change over time as you lose and recover. First on your list, it sounds like you need to say to DH that the candy bars are not love...so thanks, but love me in a supportive way...like help me do X, or bring me a flower instead! Make me a cup of tea! Something like that.

[Chrisann 0]

Make them aware what your doctor is saying you have to eat during the 4 weeks post opt and ask whomever you are staying/living with to understand what is on that list.

[Laurinda 1]

Good-Luck with that! I told family memebers I am trying to eat right and healthy. My mom stops by bringing dougnuts one day, pizza the next. Thanks mom?

[newhope4me 0]

I understand, this is something i will have to do too. Hubby is awesome, but usually when he runs to the store for smokes he picks me up a dove dark chocolate bar or something. As much as i love that, maybe picking me up something nonedible would be better. I am scheduled March 7.

its not that we depend on them to "running our elbow", but they do things now that are sweet, but in the future, need to be adjusted just as we have to adjust to a new lifestyle.

If i think of anything, i will let you know what to add to your list.

[jnbwilds 0]

Love the idea of this list. So far my hubby is getting an A+, so I'll share some of the things he and my family have done.

1. Pretends to ignore the fact that I am grumpy

2. Keeps the kids out of my hair & changes most of the dirty diapers

3. Threw away food I know he loves that he knew would be tempting

4. Runs me a nice bath and then cooks for the kids so that I'm far away from cooking smells

5. Working on cutting back / quitting smoking (his vice) so that we are both sacrificing together

6. Never asks if I've lost weight, but gives me big hugs if I tell him I have

7. Stayed right by me in the surgery center even though he hates hospitals

8. Pre-op, bought me a gorgeous hot pink bike (with nice big cushy seat) so that when it gets warm, the family can ride together

9. Every day, says, "Have I told you today how proud I am of you?"

10. And one here for my mother (who has nagged me about my weight in past) Has been quietly supportive and even made me about 30 little low sugar egg custards to eat during post op weeks.

Gosh, now that I write these out, I feel like I should go give my hubby a kiss!

[newhope4me 0]

5. Working on cutting back / quitting smoking (his vice) so that we are both sacrificing together

I like this one. Hubby has spoken of quitting, maybe it would help if we were both working on an addiction, mine of food, his of cigarettes.

[SueSue 0]

I Peronsally do not want food brought to me, like candy and sweets.

I do not want to be asked if I lost weight. Believe me everyone will know when I do.

I like I am proud of you like someone mentioned.

I would like, Lets go for a walk honey, when the weather is nice.

Those are few I can think of at the moment.

[hijabigirl1973 0]

thank you ya'll!! i'm sure that as things happen i will figure them out but just wanting some experiences from others so hopefully i can actually prevent them from happening.

[hijabigirl1973 0]

Ok here are some of my personal "items" to list. While I do realize this mainly is a personal list alot of us do feel the same way about many things. I've learned in the past that unless family and friends don't know how to support you they could actually do more harm to your spirit and mind, not intentionally of course. I figured by putting a list together than they will know exactly what type of support you need and it will be easier for everyone around you.

First and foremost do not think that the band is the easy way out, I still have to work hard to get the success out of the band. It is not an easy way out, it's a tool that I can use to bring myself to a healthy point in my life.

Don't be afraid to ask me questions about the surgery itself or the entire process of being banded. It's nice to know you are interested in what I am going through.

Please do not bring me junk food, candy, soda. Sure I love those things but that's why I am fat in the first place.

Please at least act proud of me even if you aren't, I need that positive support.

Please at least act like you believe in me, I've been told so many times I'm a failure that I tend to think that way unless told otherwise.

If you think you see a difference in my body or attitude please tell me that you notice.

Please don't ask me about my weight or how much I have lost, when I feel I can tell you don't worry I will.

Please understand that this is going to be hard for me as I am going to have many changes going on with my mind and body, allow me to be grouchy and it be ok, if I cry it's ok too, don't take all of my moodiness personal.

Don't try to be my diet coach, if I make a mistake that's my fault and I will learn from it.

[aubrie 6]

I have my own shelf in the fridge. My family knows that if it sits on that shelf, it's off limits to them. They have their own "stuff". For the most part they are respecting that, and their respecting that is very supportive of me.

NO ONE asks how much I've lost. I've briefed them on plateaus, and how frustrating it is for me.

If I'm along for a dinner out, they consider where to go where I can have a choice and stick to my plan.

If I miss my exercise classes, it's accepted. I don't get chastised for it. that's my business.

I've chosen not to tell people about it. My family has respected my privacy by not telling people about my surgery.

[TheGh0st 9]

Great list Hijabigirl

I would add:

Under no circumstances, I repeat under NO circumstances ask if I need another fill. If you absolutely insist on complaining that you thought I wouldn't be able to eat that slice of pie after the band then get your arguments straight and tell me off for choosing the pie over a healthy Protein rich meal not for being able to eat in lieu of a meal. And for Pete's sake if you didn't want me to eat a slice why in the world would you by that pie when there was no holiday or company coming over? Is there some reason you are allowed to eat an entire pie by yourself but I can't have a single slice without being told to go get a fill. (Sorry, I obviously am having some issues here)

Other suggestions for just after banding would include:

- Put a list up on the refrigerator clearly listing the different food stages. I went so far as to arrange both my cubbards and refrigerator according to when I could re-introduce various foods back into my diet.

- If you usually do the cooking, try to pre-cook some meals if you are willing but make it clear that they are under no circumstance to insist that you cook a meal for them that you can't eat yourself. (Unless it's your own idea to do it ofcourse)

[kbinaz 0]

1. Don't tell me what to eat or when to stop. I am practicing listening to my body, and my restriction can vary from day to day so let me be in charge and don't say "I think you should stop now!"

2. Read the instructions from my doctor (or better yet be with me when the doctor tells me) and help me follow those instructions.

3. Be patient when I am on Clear Liquids after a fill and am crabby. Don't tell me I'm crabby. (I already know and it just makes me more crabby)

4. Assure me that you love me no matter what. (my husband told me "Even if you never lose a pound from this band, I will love you just as much as ever" and I can't tell you how much that meant to me. We had to self-pay, so he has a huge financial investment in this and I feel a lot of pressure to 'come through' with huge successes.)

5. Don't constantly ask "How much have you lost?"

[hijabigirl1973 0]

Thank you thank you for your input! I'll be revising the list I already have to incorporate your ideas as well and will be reposting soon.