Dr. John Bagnato - Bagnato Bandits

[allykat 1]

Hi guys. I'm having a pity party today. I am feeling some serious regret over having this band put in. If I could go back in time, I don't think I'd do it. Physically, I'm doing okay. I absolutely cannot stomach broth, so I'm making due on popsicles and Jello for the most part. I'm not in any pain and I'm moving around good.

The problem? I had no idea until after this was done that my DH was against it. He and I talked prior to the surgery and I really thought he supported me and he was on board with it. But we've had some pretty serious heart-to-hearts over the last few days and I can see now that he was against it.

He feels like if he was happy with me, than that should be enough. And the fact that he loves me the way I am means more to me than he knows. But it really hurts to feel like I've damaged something between us now. What freaked him out was the port incision. The fact that it was near my breast just did it for him. He can't stand it that I'm "all cut up" and that I have something unnatural in my body. I've tried to reassure him that the scars will fade, I even got special scar cream to help with that.

He is also feeling like everything will change because we used to go out to eat pretty often, and now he feels like we can't do that or that I won't enjoy it. I've tried to tell him that I can go out to eat...that I'll just eat less.

I don't want to ramble anymore. But I feel like I should never have done this. I've told him that there isn't anything I can do about it now but after one year, if he is still feeling this way, then I'll have the band removed. He says that he knows it is his issue and he needs to get over it. But I can't help feeling like I made a huge mistake.

[mia31771 0]

Hi guys. I'm having a pity party today. I am feeling some serious regret over having this band put in. If I could go back in time, I don't think I'd do it. Physically, I'm doing okay. I absolutely cannot stomach broth, so I'm making due on popsicles and Jello for the most part. I'm not in any pain and I'm moving around good.

The problem? I had no idea until after this was done that my DH was against it. He and I talked prior to the surgery and I really thought he supported me and he was on board with it. But we've had some pretty serious heart-to-hearts over the last few days and I can see now that he was against it.

He feels like if he was happy with me, than that should be enough. And the fact that he loves me the way I am means more to me than he knows. But it really hurts to feel like I've damaged something between us now. What freaked him out was the port incision. The fact that it was near my breast just did it for him. He can't stand it that I'm "all cut up" and that I have something unnatural in my body. I've tried to reassure him that the scars will fade, I even got special scar cream to help with that.

He is also feeling like everything will change because we used to go out to eat pretty often, and now he feels like we can't do that or that I won't enjoy it. I've tried to tell him that I can go out to eat...that I'll just eat less.

I don't want to ramble anymore. But I feel like I should never have done this. I've told him that there isn't anything I can do about it now but after one year, if he is still feeling this way, then I'll have the band removed. He says that he knows it is his issue and he needs to get over it. But I can't help feeling like I made a huge mistake.

Hey Sheryl,

I responded on the other thread to you and I meant everything I said- I hope he comes around and maybe once you can eat solids he will- He will see that you will still be able to go out to eat- The first few weeks are just hard is all. I hope in time you will not feel the same as you do now. We are all here to support you! I'm sure when you are down a few pounds and looking even hotter than you do now, old hubby will not think it was such a bad idea. Good Luck!

[nip50 2]

Allykat - You needed to do this for you. You're young and healthy right now, but believe me the older you get the more the excess weight wears on you. My husband has always accepted me how I was, but he definitely sees how the weight has been hard on me and my health.

Try to remember that this isn't as much about looks as it is for your health. I never had the band to improve my looks. It was all about my health. Just keep reassuring him that you want to be healthy for him and your family. That you want to be able to always do things as a family and not sit on the side lines and watch. I have 3 active teenage sons at home and they like to go places and do things as a family. I haven't been able to do that for quite a few years. They've gone white Water rafting, canoeing, kayaking, etc with their father while I sit out and wait. No longer, starting this summer I'll be there with them.

My lapband had nothing to do about how I look. It had everything to do about my health. I wanted and needed to be healthy for my husband and my sons as much as I did for me.

In regards to going out to eat, we do it quite often. Nothing has changed there except for what and how I eat. I just bring home leftovers and my husband or my boys eat them later.

Give your husband time to adjust. Once he thinks about your health and how much better your family life will be, hopefully he'll change his mind.

Keep thinking positive. Be strong enough for both of you. Give him time to find out for himself that what you have together is not going to change. Good Luck.

[georgia girl 35]

AllyKat, if I could give you a great big hug, I would. How bout a cyber hug ((HUG)). Sorry you are having these feelings. These first few weeks are the hardest and I promise you, it does get better. You will most definitely be able to eat out once you are on solids again. We don't eat out as much as we used to (which used to be 6-7 times a week :w00t:), but we still eat out 1-2 times a week. The only difference is, I order healthier foods and I also have leftovers a lot.

Nip is right, this is for your health. We all want to look better too. For me, I did this mainly because of health reasons, but I also did it so I would look better. My DH is freaked out by my port a little too, not because I am cut up or anything, because he can feel it. When I was first banded, I couldn't feel it all that much, but after losing weight, it is definitely more prominent. IMO, it's a small price to pay for becoming healthier.

My DH has also always loved me and accepted me the way I was. We both knew that if I didn't do something now, I may not be around much longer. I hope once your DH sees how much healthier you are and how much weight you are losing, he'll change his mind. I think within a year's time, you'll both be happy with the decision you made. ((HUGS)), we are here for you.

[Brinabrina77 24]

Hello AllyKat:

Sugah, I agree with everyone else, your husband needs to realize that you are doing this for you. You said that you had two outpatient knee surgeries in the past, did he complain about you being "all cut up" then?

He needs to understand that you are doing this for your health because you wnat to be around longer. Of all the things he's worried aobut, he is concerned about your port incision, that you can't wat out like you used to, and that you have something unnatrual in you?

How natural is being overweight? how healthy is all the the side effects that you could have becasue of your weight? The thing that kills me is that he waited until *after* the surgery to tell you he was against it? This is not the time that you should be worrying about what ifs. You goal right now is to heal.

I am sorry to appear so harsh, but the first thing out my mouth was, "He can't be serious." I guess that I am taking his reaction so personal is becauese it jsut reminds me somethign that i have gone thourhg in my life. Each time i decided to do soemthing posititve for myself regarding my weight, I get the "i love you just as you are" and "you don't need to do that." lectures. I kindly tell them if you love me as I am, then you will love me also when I am healthier. I also tell them that if you love me, you will be happy that I am doing something to keep me healthy enough so that you can love me years from now.

I think that change scares people. Your husband is probably jsut realizing that he will be facing some changes...especially cahnges regarding someone he loves. I guess all you can do right now is reassure him that nothing will change. Even though in my opinion, YOU are the one who just had a surgery and are in the recovery period. He should be your support anchor right now, for your emotional and physical needs, not adding to your worry. He did admit that these are his issues. You remember that. Don't let his issues keep you from your goals cuz in the end, YOU are the one who has to live with your health.

ps. chicken and beef broth do suck. Try woton Soup. i order it from the chinese place without the actual wontons in it. Also remember that you may not be stomaching broth becasue your appettie has not returned yet. I had to make sure that I ate for the first few days then my appetite came back with a vengence.

[bamboobabe 0]

We could wait until April? March is actually going to be a really busy month for me. My sister is getting married at the beach at the end of March and we have a lot to do before then, so I'm thinking we should wait until April. I think after spring break, things may calm down a little. What do you guys think?

Georgia Girl;

April would be great for me. I really am anxious to meet everyone. How about maybe a Saturday lunch? That way those of us who are about two hours can have easier travels? If that's not good, then I'll just have to get a non-banded companion to travel with me on a weekday. Either way is fine because I would live to be able to put faces with all of my newest friends. And life-lines!!! Literally!! :w00t:

[georgia girl 35]

Georgia Girl;

April would be great for me. I really am anxious to meet everyone. How about maybe a Saturday lunch? That way those of us who are about two hours can have easier travels? If that's not good, then I'll just have to get a non-banded companion to travel with me on a weekday. Either way is fine because I would live to be able to put faces with all of my newest friends. And life-lines!!! Literally!! :w00t:

A Saturday is okay with me as long as I can find someone to keep my son. My DH works almost every Saturday. I am fine with either one. Someone earlier had mentioned Tuesday's or Thursday's, but Saturday may work too.

What does everyone else think, weeknight or Saturday?

[allykat 1]

I feel tons better now than I did when I first posted. First of all, DH is normally very supportive. He is really one of the good guys. I guess that is why I was so messed up by this. He and I have talked today and he wants to be supportive of me and has apologized. I think it really is just change. This is happening at home and he is less than thrilled with things at his job. The financial aspect is also his issue. But he loves me, and we've had a great marriage for 15 years, so we'll get through this. His feelings coming on top of the "oh gosh what did I do?" feelings that happen anyway right after surgery just really hit me hard.

Brina, when I had knee surgery previously, he acted a little freaked then too. Didn't put it together until then. I guess maybe it is the fear in him talking.

Anyway, I'm doing tons better now than I was then. Today was the first day I left the house. We went to pick up our daughters from dance (they dance in a competition company) and just had some family time. It was nice.

As for eating...I don't care if this is considered liquid or full liquid but I got some chicken Soup from Chick-Fil-A and strained and ate that. So much better than the broth. I serioulsy have felt nauseaus at the thought of eating that nasty stuff again. I was so hungry, though and Jello and popsicles were no longer getting it. Now I feel 100% better!

[georgia girl 35]

I feel tons better now than I did when I first posted. First of all, DH is normally very supportive. He is really one of the good guys. I guess that is why I was so messed up by this. He and I have talked today and he wants to be supportive of me and has apologized. I think it really is just change. This is happening at home and he is less than thrilled with things at his job. The financial aspect is also his issue. But he loves me, and we've had a great marriage for 15 years, so we'll get through this. His feelings coming on top of the "oh gosh what did I do?" feelings that happen anyway right after surgery just really hit me hard.

Brina, when I had knee surgery previously, he acted a little freaked then too. Didn't put it together until then. I guess maybe it is the fear in him talking.

Anyway, I'm doing tons better now than I was then. Today was the first day I left the house. We went to pick up our daughters from dance (they dance in a competition company) and just had some family time. It was nice.

As for eating...I don't care if this is considered liquid or full liquid but I got some chicken Soup from Chick-Fil-A and strained and ate that. So much better than the broth. I serioulsy have felt nauseaus at the thought of eating that nasty stuff again. I was so hungry, though and Jello and popsicles were no longer getting it. Now I feel 100% better!

AllyKat

I am so glad things are starting to look up for you. He is probably just scared and worried. It will pass, once he starts to see how much better you look and feel, he'll forget all about it. Hang in there, okay.

You know, I couldn't drink broth by itself either. I absolutely hate it. I strained chicken noodle soup on liquids, so you should be okay. Once you get to the next stage of eating, you should feel more satisfied.

I'm glad you are feeling better today, hang in there, it's gonna get better.

[Brinabrina77 24]

Allykat:

I had been checking this post all day to see if you had reposted. I felt so worried for you. I am thrilled to see your post and your response. I am glad to see that things are going a lot better.

Men and their weird way of showing concern. :eek: :: huffs and shakes her head::

again, I am so glad that things are going well.

Yay Allykat and Super hubby!!!!

Keep us all posted on things are going.

Speaking of hunger...

I am sure that the growls emitting from my stomach are throwing off the seismographs in california. they probably think all the rumbling is coming from and approaching earthquake when it is just me and my poor empty stomach.

I feel like Oliver Twist. "please sir can ihave som'more?"

If you see a 5'2", chubby, black lady standing on a corner with a "will work for solid food" sign around her neck, plese make sure that I make it home by sundown so i won't get kidnapped. Then again, as long as my captors promised to feed me, I'd probably go willingly. :cool2:

Good wishes to everyone.

[georgia girl 35]

Hey Brina! I count myself lucky, I didn't get hungry for at least 3 or 4 weeks (lots of swelling I guess). Other than your "earthquake" growls, how are you doing? Are you still in pain or anything?

[jbrad71629 2]

Allycat

Glad you are feeling better. Hang in there and when he starts to see the results he will be more than thrilled. My husband had been chasing me around like a newly wed lately. :eek:

Brina

I think i saw you standing at the corner of ledo and nottignham with that sign.. LOL!! I laughed so hard when I read that line, believe me i feel your pain on the solid foods but you get accustomed to it and nest thing you know you will be seeing big results that will make it all worth it.

Everyone seems to be doing so good, I amso proud for all of us! Keep up the good work ladies, by the time we have a get together we will all be afters instead of befores! Take care!

[Brinabrina77 24]

hello ya'll:

I'm fine. I am not in that much pain. Out of that entire bottle of pain meds that Dr. B prescribed, i have only taken a total of about 3 tablespoons. If i was a little achy, I took a tablespoon and it seemed to last me all day. At first the incision by my belly button used to give me this twinge if i moved quickly, but that is long gone. Now occasionally I will have this weird sensation in the area of my port. Actually its more so at the incision near my arm. It does not really hurt..just feels "tight".

My incisions itch. I want to scratch those things so bad. When I finally give in and rub them through my shirt, I feel like a puppy gettings its belly scratched.

Other than that, i am fine. i am still hungry, but i am surving and not cheating. I am not even interested in heavy food. I jsut want something other than Phase 1 Hell foods. I would be happy to be allowed to eat one of those single servings of microwaveable baby peas in the freezer. I looked at a box of Ritz crackers today in my pantry and I think that they winked at me. I left the kitchen before I fell for thier seductive ploys.

All in all, I am okay. If Dr. B says that i can not end this liquid diet on Monday, I am going to report him to the Society for The Ethical Treatment of Big Girls. If there is no such society, i will form one.

I am so inspired by everyone and their successes. This message board/forum was a God Send. Each of you are so extremely helpful and considerate. Thanks so much for that.

Big hugs to all!! :eek:

[mia31771 0]

hello ya'll:

I'm fine. I am not in that much pain. Out of that entire bottle of pain meds that Dr. B prescribed, i have only taken a total of about 3 tablespoons. If i was a little achy, I took a tablespoon and it seemed to last me all day. At first the incision by my belly button used to give me this twinge if i moved quickly, but that is long gone. Now occasionally I will have this weird sensation in the area of my port. Actually its more so at the incision near my arm. It does not really hurt..just feels "tight".

My incisions itch. I want to scratch those things so bad. When I finally give in and rub them through my shirt, I feel like a puppy gettings its belly scratched.

Other than that, i am fine. i am still hungry, but i am surving and not cheating. I am not even interested in heavy food. I jsut want something other than Phase 1 Hell foods. I would be happy to be allowed to eat one of those single servings of microwaveable baby peas in the freezer. I looked at a box of Ritz crackers today in my pantry and I think that they winked at me. I left the kitchen before I fell for thier seductive ploys.

All in all, I am okay. If Dr. B says that i can not end this liquid diet on Monday, I am going to report him to the Society for The Ethical Treatment of Big Girls. If there is no such society, i will form one.

I am so inspired by everyone and their successes. This message board/forum was a God Send. Each of you are so extremely helpful and considerate. Thanks so much for that.

Big hugs to all!! :laugh:

Brina you are SO HILLARIOUS, its 6AM and I had to control myself from waking everyone up with my laughing! Hopefully DR. B will move you to mushies soon!! Everyone is different but at my first week post op visit, I told him I was hungry and not having any trouble getting full liquids down (see I couldnt do broth for more than a day or two-blech) so he moved me on to mushies!! It was HEAVEN. My stomach STILL gurgles and loudly churns. My fiance likes to lay his head on my stomach and listen, lol. He says its better than the song of the humpback whale!!!! I am back eating solids after my fill and I seem to have a little more restriction than before. I know it isn't my sweet spot but elizabeth said it would probably take another fill or two. I have slacked off on the exercising and I have got to motivate myself to do it. When does everyone else get their exercise in? I usually do it after supper before going to bed. My days are pretty hectic but I have got to get motivated again. I've been doing the walk away the pounds exercise videos. What does everyone else do?

[allykat 1]

Brina, I am with you on everything you said! I am hungry! I wanted to cry this morning when I got my little thing of Jello out. I am so sick of this stuff. DH had shrimp last night and it looked so good. I was strong though, I didn't cheat!

I'm also sore on the port incision...feels really tight. I'm also sore where the port is located. I'm not itchy on my incisions, but I have one nasty bruise around my belly button. The only place I have pain is on my left side. Not necessarily on that incision, but almost like a nagging cramp in my left side. Anyone have that?

BTW - DH is doing fine now. We have talked tons and he is really being super supportive now. He knows how much the chicken broth disgusted me so he went out yesterday and came home with different Soups that I could strain and some pudding. Can't have the pudding yet though!