For those with BMI 35-40?

[ronwifey 0]

Hi, I was just wondering what your experiences have been as far as when you told people about your upcoming surgery. I feel like if my BMI was in the 50's it would be easier for people to understand and or be supportive of wanting to get this done.

My BMI is 39 as of today and I finally had the nerve to tell my best friend and she was totally not supportive and basically blew it off and said, "just join weight watchers, your not that big to have to go get a surgery". A friend at work told me basically the same thing too, "oh you aren't fat ha ha ha your so funny". But to me I am fat.......... obese......... whatever you want to call it. Just to name a few things, my knees and back hurt, I have no energy and this is so embarrassing to say but if I sit on the toilet to long my legs and feet fall asleep and I know that's from all this weight (242) I am carrying around. If weight watchers would work I would do it but obviously it dosen't nor does/did all the other 20 diets I have tried . I just feel like I have to really explain myself like when I was telling her I kept saying but I'm so unhealthy, if I wasn't unhealthy then I wouldn't do this, my Dr. thinks it's for the best, etc......

UGH, why can't people think this is great, be supportive, and be happy for me?

[snowbird 2]

Oh, yeah I heard that too--"you're not big enough for surgery." My response was, "So how much more do you think I have to gain to have it, because if I wait a while longer I'll be there."

My husband's niece said the same thing about him. He was 5'9" and close to 300 lb at the time of surgery. His parents both died in their 60's, one from heart disease and the other from a heart attack after 30 years of diabetes. My husband in 53. So how long should he have waited to have the surgery? Until it was too late?

My only regret about the surgery is that I didn't have the opportunity to do it 20 years ago, when I was your age.

[ronwifey 0]

snowbird~ I love what your response was. I'm going to have to memorize that, lol. I'm not good with fast comebacks at all, I can tell you are (lucky) and dealing with certain people you have to be! Like I said I'm going to use your line if you don't mind.

[VegasGrace 1]

Your post said bmi 35-40, I'm not included in that but....

my bmi was lower than that when I was banded. And yes, I so know what you mean. I wasn't like morbidly obese but this fat all over me....couldn't get rid of it.

I suggest just not mentioning it to anyone...tell your mom, your favorite sister, and then your best friend aka spouse.

[michelle9003 0]

My husband is supports me, my mom had banding as well. I just had some girl at the office say " sorry i dont agree" she's 110lbs. How can she even understand, I just wanted to tell her well " you drink to medicate your problems, i eat" I did not say anything but i was close. some are more curious but have not said much as far as yes or no. A couple who i dont really care for have not said anything. i think they are jealous all ready. I think if I stay fat in their minds I will not be a threat.. whatever. working with women is very hard most of the time. most of my close friends do not know. only one. and she is very supportive. So it will be interesting to see how they react to me losing weight again.

some will just snub their noses at me but oh well, they have bigger issues that i dont care about really. so i'll just stick my tongue at them when they get ugly. because i'll be smiling from ear to ear.

[Kellie74 0]

I had someone at work say the same thing to me the other day " you dont need a bariatric surgeon, your not big at all" my reply well no not know I had the surgery a eyar ago.. so I took that as a compliment. My mother is about 115 and always has been HOWEVER, I was lucky, she has supported me every step of the way with this, she never really had the time to go to meeting with me and appointments but she watches all about it on the discovery channel all the time and calls me when she hears about something new , or s side affect she hadnt heard about, so she researches in her own way. I was getting a fill yesterday and one lady in the office was telling her how her family said she was taking the easy way out. Honestly I think it has been a more difficult way to lose, for starters with all the appointments, restrictions and everything else that goes withit.

My personal opinion, any friend or family that cant support your decision to better your health and yourself, isnt that good of a friend to begin with, who needs it.

You do what you feel is right, I have always lived byt the theory , if others dont like it then they dont have to look.

I know it may seem harsh , but there are more important battles to fight and the journey is difficult enough with out support.

Best of luck

[ronwifey 0]

GraceUtah~ you are right. I'm not going to tell anyone else. I'm looking for support from people who are cluless! Thanks for your advice.

Michelle~ I really dislike working with women because of things like this. Sometimes I feel like I'm in high school again. And I'm sure when you lose the weight you want to they are going to be so jealous! You have a great attitude.

[Free2BMeforLife 0]

Hi Jennifer, I know what you mean about people not understanding. My BMI is 36.7. I have friends I will never tell. Isn't that sad. What kind of friend does that make them... It will probably be many years before the myth if you're fat, you're lazy is disprove. But we can take heart in the fact that here in this forum we are not being judged. Its full of people who have shared experiences. Whether its about our health, hurtful words or our accomplishments and triumphs. Stay positive and good Luck on your Journey.

[girlygirlz 0]

I had a bmi of about 35.6 so I was just high enough to qualify. I had a little of the opposite reaction. When I told close friends and family I thought they would say oh you're not that fat you don't need surgery but instead they mostly said that is great! I really thought people didn't notice I was that fat lol! But I think my friends and family had seen me gain and lose on so many diets that they figured I needed to do something. I did have a skinny nurse at the heart doctors (where I went for a stress test) tell me that I wasn't very big and should just try the South Beach Diet I felt like telling her listen Bitch I have been on every diet known to man at least 10 times!!!! The best thing was the day of surgery when the nurse was prepping me and had to look 2 or 3 times at my chart to believe that I was having lap band She was much larger than me and probably thought that at 202 and five five I looked tiny! I told her I had done really well on my pre-op diet. The hardest part About telling people is their expectations. A lot of people know someone who has had rny bypass and the weight literally falls of those people. My weight is going very slow since a couple of weeks after the surgery and my surgeon's office is so freaking busy that I won't be getting my first fill untill two months after surgery. My advice to the low BMIers is to not get discouraged when the weight does not "fall off" We have to just keep plugging away.

[anonemouse 1]

I caught a LOT of flack before I had surgery, and even while I was in the hospital AFTER surgery (from the nurses). I was told repeatedly when I went to the support group meetings that my original surgeon required that "you're not big enough," "why are you doing this, you're skinny?", etc. And that was from other fat people!

I really think people that are very large just don't have an accurate sense of how large other people really are, unless they are larger than them. To those people, I was a "skinny mini." To people that were a normal, healthy weight, I was FAT.

But yeah, I got comments and looks from my family, too. My mom wanted me to "just pretend like you had surgery." Literally, that's what she told me. My dad was the king of critical looks and slightly snide comments. I took the higher road, no matter how angry and hurt it made me, and I'm glad I did now. I've proven them wrong. I'm successful and I'm determined to reach my goal weight. Hell, my dad even told me how proud he was of me! THAT blew me away.

[Jachut 487]

I had my surgery at a BMI of 35 and I got a LOT of that. "You're not THAT fat" etc etc. Most people felt it was way too drastic a path for someone with my weight problem - I'm also 5ft 10 tall so I didnt have that really really obese look, I looked pretty "normal" and not all that roly poly, just big and solid. But I knew how I felt and I could tell I was on a slippery slide to morbid obesity given enough time.

What we call "normal" these days is actually overweight and most people who ARE a healthy weight are considered "skinny". Normal is only relative and normal is too heavy for optimum health most of the time.

Thank goodness my surgeon totally agreed and saw no sense in turning me away only to have me present again 20kg heavier in a few years time. I had the classic pattern of losing/gaining, failing to achieve or maintain significant weight loss in my past and the past three or four years had seen nothing but gains.

I didnt listen to others, I knew what I wanted and had faith in my decision.

[FinallyFree 1]

ronwifey and all the rest of you....I'm so glad that you are finally doing something about your wgt. that is going to permantely work, especially at your age!!

I was 54 when I had my surgery,,,,been over wgt for 44 years. How sad is that!

My dr. told me people are having the surgery done at earlier ages than they were 10 years ago.

Fantastic!!

With your wgt controlled your quality of life will be so much better! How can anybody not support that??

You all rock !!

Starting wgt. 225 1-07

Current wgt. 149 1-08

[steph_co 9]

I didn't tell anybody IRL but my husband. This is precisely one of the reasons. I've toyed with the idea of telling my mom, but I don't know if I ever will.

[restrict2008 0]

when i went to see my bariatric surgeon his nurse said to me "dont get this surgery you are so short and cute!!!" my father who was with me chimed in "and ROUND!" He is in for anything to make his daughter less fat, while my mom, sister, and best friend were all somewhat against it- I think mainly out of concern for me and nothing malicious at all. Well I am now banded and they have no choice but to be supportive! I am not telling anyone at work and it is hard to sneak around only drinking liquids.< /p>

[GmaDebi 0]

HI - Soooo glad to have found THIS post because it directly relates to my issue at the moment! My surgery is scheduled for Feb. 13th and lately I've been having serious doubts about going through with it, mainly because of a lack of support - from ANYONE! But mostly my DH. He's not even talking to me at the moment, except for clipped one sentance responses to things I say to him. I thought I could deal with it, but I'm seriously beginning to wonder if I really can. My surgeon is an hour away. What if I need an emergency unfill in the middle of the night, or worse yet while on vacation? What if I get an infection? I feel like I won't be able to complain because I'll get the "I told you so" look. I mostly get the "you're not that fat" comments from my friends, or, really? You'd DO that? If nobody else thinks I look that bad, maybe I don't, and maybe I shouldn't have this surgery? I've had doubts since I found out I really do qualify for bariatric surgery last spring, but I keep going through the steps thinking I'll know one way or the other by the time I get there, but here I am, and even though I was POSITIVE I wanted it no matter what anyone said two weeks ago, now I still want it, but don't know if I can do it without any support.... I know part of this is last minute jitters, but I do have to live with this man..... Do I just hope he comes around afterwards, and depend on this site for the support I need? Is that even realistic? Sorry - but I really needed to get that all out...:rolleyes2: