At wits end...please help me find a coping mechanism...

[blahblahblah 4]

Hello all,

As you may know, I am the mom of three little girls ages 3,2 and 2...I am a stay at home mom. Lately, I've been a horrible parent. Yelling at my sweet girls and totally devoid of any patience.

My coping mechanism has always been food...and then, for a while...it was spending money...Well, food is a no-no...and spending money didn't turn out to be such a great idea....

But I see the parent I am right now and I don't like it. We were going to the Y every day and I was exercising and able to read a book while on the bike..and that was working very well..but now the girls are sick and I haven't gone in a week. I feel resentment towards them (how pathetic is that) because yet another coping mechanism has been taken away.

Also, while going to the Y has been great, I can't just do it during the heat of the moment...like I could with food.

I just really feel like I am failing everything...because sometimes I do still turn to food...although now it is 14 raisins instead of a bowl of chips and salsa...

Help me, please!

Rain

[wombat712 2]

Awe Rain {{hugs}}

I don't have a great suggestion for you. I was a smoker when mine were little and I would take a smoke break to cool off. I do believe that the slow breathing does actually help calm you (even w/o the cigarettes). I don't smoke any more and turned to snacking.

I know they are little so it limits what you can do. Do you do crafts or things that can get them distracted from feeling bad? bath time w/ lavender soap for the little ones ( or you :tongue: )

my thoughts are with you!

wombat

[marnie723 0]

I can relate..... I am a SAHM too with a 4 & 3 yr old. When I need silence for a while I pull out the videos & while they get interested I read for 20minutes instead of eating. If that doesn't work & they are pulling at me, whining and otherwise making me nuts I will turn on some music really loud (keeping their young ears in mind) and just dance like a crazy woman to get my frustration out. Ususally it makes me feel better & either makes them laugh or drowns them out. Either way I get a break for 10 minutes.

[IndioGirl55 32]

Hello all,

As you may know, I am the mom of three little girls ages 3,2 and 2...I am a stay at home mom. Lately, I've been a horrible parent. Yelling at my sweet girls and totally devoid of any patience.

My coping mechanism has always been food...and then, for a while...it was spending money...Well, food is a no-no...and spending money didn't turn out to be such a great idea.... :tongue:

But I see the parent I am right now and I don't like it. We were going to the Y every day and I was exercising and able to read a book while on the bike..and that was working very well..but now the girls are sick and I haven't gone in a week. I feel resentment towards them (how pathetic is that) because yet another coping mechanism has been taken away.

Also, while going to the Y has been great, I can't just do it during the heat of the moment...like I could with food.

I just really feel like I am failing everything...because sometimes I do still turn to food...although now it is 14 raisins instead of a bowl of chips and salsa...

Help me, please!

Rain

Rain

Do you have any one you can call to come watch the girls while you go to the Y??

14 raisins instead of a bag of chips is a great accomplishment... Be proud of that..

Put on a tape/dvd that they like and and then walk in place while they watch. Get on the floor and do some crunches - or put on some music and dance around the house

I know on the days that I have to watch my little grandaughter and can't go to the gym - pisses me off - but then I think - this is my time with her and that's whats important.. I can always go the next day.

Good Luck ...

[Twilight 2]

Rain,

I was just thinking about posting something similar. I also need something to cope. My patience is beyond thin. Tonight I just lost it with my hubby. It seems that every little thing seems like a crisis anymore. Maybe it is because for so long we turned to food instead of dealing with issues.

Your little ones are young and fragile but also VERY resilient. Make sure that they know how much you love them when you aren't frustrated and it will help them cope with mommy's tantrums. Explain to the oldest one that sometimes mommys need to go to timeout too.

I try to hold it all in until they are in bed. I then break down usually and have my temper tantrum. Tonight I couldn't hold it in that long and my little ones had to see a very ugly side of mom. Hubby still isn't talking to me, but since they went to bed he went back to work. So....later we can hash out those issues.

I don't have any good advice, just support. I don't know what makes us so cranky right now. I don't feel deprived. I don't feel tortured. I feel powerful right now....but still my anger is sitting right under the surface. Who knows why but I believe this too shall pass and a better us will rise.

Keep posting and let us know what works for you.

[Kat817 19]

Sounds to me like cold turkey is not working for you. Maybe you need to figure out some snack type of foods, that will be band friendly and also Weight loss friendly---and have them readily available. When you can go to the gym and get your "escape" there then good enough. But when you can't....have a bowl of air popped popcorn, or your handful of raisins---whatever it takes. You will look back in a few years, and realize that those few Snacks did not make a huge difference in your weight loss, but on the other hand, you will hate looking back and realizing you did not enjoy your girls as much as you could have.

I used to make kool aid, the sugar free kind, and freeze it in bowls---just before it got ice hard we would eat it, like a slushie---my kids loved it! You could do it with Crystal Light. It takes a little work to eat it, it has no calories, you can make enough to share with the girls....and maybe the actual temperature of it can cool you down some.

I babysit for my now 3 year old granddaughter 5 days a week M-F while my DD works. I have kept her since she was a year old. There are days I grit my teeth to keep from saying things, I know I shouldn't, and there is only one of her, and I know she is leaving by 4 PM! I can remember when mine were young----but as has been stated, back in those days I smoked, I did not have a weight issue, let alone a band, and Honey I yelled! I was a raving maniac some days---and yes I regret it. BUT I have 3 great kids, they all still love me, and they are not mean abusive parents themselves!!!

I ran a day care begining out of my home then eventually free standing for over 20 years. Believe me when I say I do know how kids can make you nuts!!!

My best suggestion is to seriously work on a schedule! For the time being turn yourself into a little school!!! Have something planned for morning, say coloring one day, Play Doh the next. Then let them watch a cartoon or 2. Have a sit down lunch at the same time every day. Then read a book, and either they sleep or they learn that they lay down and have quiet time every day following lunch. Then when they get up, go outside for a few minutes EVERY day, even if it is winter, get a little sun, and fresh air. Come in, and let them sit in the kitchen with you if they want while you get things cleaned up and ready for dinner. If they want to play independently they can---unless they want to argue, then they HAVE to sit with you wherever you are! They get bored! It will get monotonous----but I found it calms kids to know what it going to happen next.

When it gets REALLY bad....plug in a movie to the DVD player, let them argue, and log on here--better they whine awhile, and let you vent to us, than vent at them.

You have a hard job---I don't care what anyone says!!!

Big hugs to you, you recognize and admit, what many if not most Moms go through from time to time. Not to mention you do have kids at difficult ages!!

Hang in there!!!

Kat

[blahblahblah 4]

Ladies,

Thank you so much for your suggestions...Kat, I really like your idea of breaking up the day but planning it the night before. I think that may work. It's Monday, Weds and Friday that kill me the most because T and TH we are forced out of the house to take dd#1 to school... I think planning an activity the night before will help.

Keep them coming folks...I appreciate them!

Rainer

[Kat817 19]

They look enough like my granddaughter, that I could toss her in the mix, and no one would even know!!! They are adorable!

I know you look at those pics and wonder how in the world you could ever get mad at those sweet little girls....get used to it! Kids keep you guessing like that, for years!! My kids are now 27,26, & 24---and they still keep me guessing. More often than not now tho, they surprise me on the good side!!! I find myself shocked---they DID listen! They have grown up to be productive, kind members of society--despite occasionally living with Mommy Dearest!!

Once again, your girls are beautiful!!!

Kat

[METALBAND 0]

Rainer,

I love the saying "Motherhood, where the days are long and the years are fast". I remember having days like that too but now that they are growing (18,15,12) I wish I could go back and have a bad day with my 3 year olds!!!! Just remember that even these crazy days are to be cherished even if they do not feel like it at the time. Your girls are adorable!

You will get into a groove and this will pass. Every mom has those "I want to pull my hair out days"! Coloring is good for them and you....sit down and color. It always relaxed me!

Good Luck!

[ladytuscanny 0]

I feel for ya, food has always been my support. Just remember this too shall pass, they will get better and then you will be able to get back to the Y. In the mean time how about those cute exercize videos for kids. You could do it with them. Teaches them to enjoy exercize and something to do with mommy, and..... will burn off some of their enerygy.

Fran

[Done 2]

Oh Rain, (((hugs))). I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

I have two small children as well - five and three.

I was just thinking of some ideas to help alleviate the situation of being stuck inside with a bunch of sick kids...

Have you tried getting them to play with something, or do something, that they aren't normally allowed to do? i.e. having something special only when they are sick. What I let my girls do is make forts in the livingroom with my couch cushions and blankets. Making things for them to do so they are somewhat self-sufficient, playing away, to give you a break.

Another thing is letting them have some sort of a picnic with special goodies (I know with the two year olds this might be tricky).

Pulling out toys that they haven't played with in a while.

Letting them go crazy with art time, i.e. letting them all color on a big piece of cardboard or a paper roll (i.e. the ones you get from ikea).....then they can play with the cardboard after (making a house, etc.)

Another thing is to put on a video (I know, babysitting) that they don't normally get to watch - something 'special', so they are all content in the livingroom for at least an hour so you can have some time for yourself. Let them have tons of pillows on the livingroom floor with blankies, and all of their stuffies, so it's a fun event. Make it so they are having a sleepover! A campout. Something different.

These are just off the top of my head..it's 6 am and my kids just woke ME up so I am having a hard time getting back to sleep ... I haven't slept through the night in YEARS!

---

I'm thinking of some other ideas to help you cope with the food withdrawal...not sure if your preferences are salty or sweet....one thing that worked for me was the sugar-free peppermint patties...Celestial Seasonings English Toffee tea (very nummy!)...vanilla chai tea (buy the tea, boil the Water and add hot milk to the mix, add splenda, voila). 100 calorie packs of cookies/chips ....diet hot chocolate....cut up bananas in milk with sugar/splenda on top (nummy...).....

I hope this somewhat helps the situation... again sending some big e-hugs to you!

[wombat712 2]

Rain - they are simply beautiful; such a gift from God

{{hugs}}

wombat

[Done 2]

Some more random thoughts (ha ha)

My girls feed off of my mood, so if I am in a crappy mood they will fight with each other. Put on a fake face as much as you can, praise them for their good behavior, redirect/time out when they are difficult.

Another thing is to put myself in their place...remembering what it was like to be two, three, and mommy is all you know, and to imagine what it is like for them to be yelled at ... for them to be very scared and upset..... you are also a lot taller than them so imagine how they see things from their level.

I have read up on all stages of development and understand what my kids can comprend and how they look at things for each age. i.e. when my daughter was two, she wasn't doing things to agitate me, she was doing things, let's say making a mess out of dinner, throwing the food on the floor, because to her it was a lot of fun. Experimenting with action/reaction - hey this is fun throwing the Cereal everywhere! I love how the food feels in my fingers.... a lot of the time they get very focused on what they are doing and might appear to be 'not listening' but what is really going on is that they are completely fascinated with what they are playing with and in their own little world.

Another thing is to just be honest --- saying, mommy isn't feeling very well right now. Can you help me feel better? I would love some hugs from you. Can you do a play for me? (for the older one). My girls just love to do plays so I can just sit on the couch, relax, and watch them act it out for me.

Maybe ask the oldest - could you be a big sister/brother and pretend to have a daycare for the twins?

I hope this helps somewhat...I feel so bad for you! I have been there, and still go through that.... you're a GOOD MOM because you recognize what is going on and want to correct it. :tongue:

[Done 2]

Here are some other ideas that might help in the future:

FamilyFun: Rainy Day Activities & Things to Do (Rainy Day Crafts) - and More Family Fun

What are some good rainy day activities for children? - Yahoo!7 Answers

[poodlecamper 0]

Rain,

What beautiful children!! Makes me long for when mine were that age (but only for a few days! LOL) My girls are now 29 and 27, my boys are 24. A big success one I remember was a large box, I cut a door and windows in it, and they decorated it with crayons.They loved their "playhouse".My 2 year old granddaughter enjoyed doing my PT exercises with me after my shoulder surgery.

Hope the girls feel better soon--I remember when my 4 kids had chicken pox over a month's time--in February in CT!!!!

I really do feel for you and know how difficult it is--I worked part-time at a demanding job, and it was EASIER than parenting, believe me.

Sending a prayer your way.

Carol