The most insulting compliment.

[amc581 0]

once I talked to a guy on the phone for the first time after meeting him out at some random place, anyway among a million other really horrible comments he say to me is this" I mean you know I like my girls with a little meat on there bones" 1st off NOT necasary to say to anyone. 2nd I didn't just think for one minute that this douche saw me from across the room and thought to himself hay i've always been attracted to skinny girls but that fat girl she's special and I havn't even spoken with her yet.3rd I don't like chubby chasers makes me feel bad about myself. Anyway needless to say he did not get another phone call from me. yuck!

[Gibson 7]

My favorite fat joke: Hey, did you hear about the fat girl who lost weight and they found out she really didn't have a pretty face?

That joke is my worst fear! :ohmy:

I think I've posted this before but anyway, this was what a customer actually said to me once, (mispelling are for hick effect) "I like you. Yore real. Yore real like a bowl of Beans. You'd look good in my kitchen. I don't like skinny women."

Wow. I'm real. Like a bowl of Beans. lolololol

Did I mention that I worked in West Virginia at the time?

[mrspruett 0]

We have to remember that some people are just plain stupid! A person who would make such an idiotic comment should not be worth a second thought. Do we really care what an ill mannered imbesile thinks? People that make those kinds of comments just need to quit trying to "encourage" us fat folks! All kidding aside, these remarks do hurt but we just have to consider the source, I guess.((((hugs))))

[jennibee 3]

I have been hearing "you have such a pretty face" for years and years now. My favorite "compliment" has been by far "you have such a great personality" Geez, like if you could take my face and personality and stick it on a skinny body I'd be just perfect! That has always upset me, after awhile I just learned to tune it out, people don't usually mean to be intentionally rude they just don't know how to be supportive in a constuctive way.

[jennibee 3]

Seeing some of the other posts made me think about this guy I met at a bar once. He helped himself to the seat next to me and struck up a conversation. He mentioned that he liked dating "bigger women" and then went on to list some the the reasons why, some included that he knows he'll always be well fed and that we keep him warm in the winter. OMG, I wanted to kill him right on the spot! In what stretch of the imagination is it appropriate to talk to another human being like that? I should of said that I enjoy dating men with little "dingies" cuz I just got a new microscope.

[Crazy4MyK9 0]

That last bit is hilarious!

~Anne

[Crazy4MyK9 0]

I dunno peoples, I have to agree with Wasa here. As a general rule, we ARE oversensitive about this issue and there is no winning with us. Even when someone simply says "Gee, you're so pretty!" without the "if you lost weight" tag behind it, we mentally add that bit anyway. I would venture to guess that most of us are uncomfortable with any compliment and will manage to twist it in our heads to downplay it.

And let's face it folks, if we thought we looked fantastic fat, would we have had this surgery? Health issues aside, the cosmetic look of a severely obese person is not attractive. Do (did) you look in the mirror and think "HOT!" or "Fattie!"? Do you really think you will look prettier when fat or thin?

We need to learn to hear the genuine compliment in the statement "You have such a pretty face, you'd be gorgeous if you lost weight". Yes, that does mean you don't look gorgeous at 300lb (gee surprise surprise), but it ALSO means you have a pretty face! And now that we have found our pathway to losing weight, we can look forward to being gorgeous!

Those who compliment us with the "if you lost weight" proviso are almost always trying to be sincere. They are trying to focus on the good points, not be insulting about the bad points. Face it, if they wanted to be insulting, they could simply say "Fat ass!" and who among us hasn't heard that before? Our self esteem is low enough with the genuine insults that we get from rude people, without allowing our insecurities to turn genuine compliments into insults too.

Fanny, you raise many good points. Thank you! Now I just need to backtrack and read the comments from Wasa.

~Anne

[Fanny Adams 7]

Ok folks, I can understand the offence if someone was to say "You would be pretty if you lost weight." but when they are saying stuff like "You are pretty and would be even prettier if you lost weight" or even compliments like "you have beautiful skin" or "you have a great personality", finding ways to twist that into an insult is your own insecurities talking. Just what WOULD be acceptable as a compliment? Or don't you think you deserve any, so you treat them all with suspicion? How can anyone win against that attitude?

[snowbird 2]

Oh, come on now people. What would you rather hear, "You have a pretty face" or "Why bother to have surgery, since you're going to be ugly anyway?" The truth is, we were all probably fairly ass-ugly with all the fat hanging off of us. Dial down the sensitivity. "If you are pretty you are pretty-at one hundred or at three hundred pounds." Uh . . . probably not. Fat changes the shape of your face, the proportions between your features, your skin tone and complexion, and the way you carry yourself. In a perfect world, none of that would matter, but we ain't there.

[katiebug 6]

I tend to agree, but a few years ago I was working in a bar and one night a particularly drunk customer stumbled upto me and said "Actually, you have a very pretty face." now that was a tricky one!

That is really cute!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Fanny & Snowbird....

Hear hear~

I still maintain, there is little the non fat world can do to please us. They aren't fat, they don't get it, they don't understand, and we can be as insulted as we choose to be. The reality is that MO is not attractive and pointing out the features we do have that are nice IS supportive. The alternative is pretending we are not exactly what we are.

We choose to take compliments as insults. Will we even recognize if we are insulted? We are armed with our (not) funny comebacks, we are ready to fight, we have our defenses up at all times.

Relax, take things as intended vs. looking for insults around each and every darn corner! At least for me intent means everything in the world.

[010308 0]

I do try to take the comments as they are intended... a compliment. But it is insulting for the fact that it reinforces that people do see me as unattractive the way I am right now.

Speaking of stupid things men say....several years ago my ex-boyfriend and I had broken up, it had been a while and I hadn't dated at all so I checked out some personals (yahoo or something like that) and I struck up a conversation with this guy. We chatted back and forth by email for a few days and then scheduled a meeting to have a real time chat. During this on-line conversation he tells me that he wants to meet up with me so I tell him that I want to think about it. I hate the element of surprise on a guys face when he sees me for the first time, so I had to figure out how I was going to deal with that. So I decide to email him and tell him that I am quite overweight and I just wanted him to be aware of that before we actually went through with the meeting. The next day I got an email from him and in his response to me he stated the following (or something very close to this): "You said you were an el tubbo, well how much of an el tubbo are you? You can't be too much of an el tubbo because you described yourself as attractive."

I am LMAO as I type this because enough years have passed to allow me to have this response. I forwarded his email to a good friend of mine and her response was, "I believe the correct response for this guy is 'Bye-bye el jerko."

I emailed him and said, "I think it is better that we don't meet." We never had any contact with each other again. After it was all said and done I felt like I'd dodged a HUGE bullet!

[Kat225 2]

It's interesting to read how everyone deals with those comments differently. I think the bottom line is yeah I know I will look better if I lose weight, I just don't want someone else pointing it out or speaking the truth. Truth be told, I do want to lose weight for vanity issues mostly, health is an added bonus. I am a very empathetic person who cares about others' feelings so I guess I expect everyone else to. I don't always get what I want lol!

[BandLady 0]

I was banded a couple of weeks ago and I have been shocked by how many people, intelligent people who I consider my friends, have said to me something to the affect of, "You're going to be so pretty after you lose all that weight."

Like, you are ass ugly now with all that fat hanging off you, but once that's gone you will look good.

Anybody else come across this compliment? Do you feel the same as me, or do you take it as a true compliment?

I try to take it as a compliment as I know it is intended, but I cannot help but feel like it is such an insult.

Of course, they should use better word choices to compliment you. Your friends and associates are probably just excited about your potential weight loss. Your dramatic weight loss will have a major impact on you physically and emotionally. Stay motivated.:girl_hug:

[LapBandit 5]

An accountant who only visits work a few times a year came in after I had lost like 150 pounds. He walks in, sits down then looks over at me and said "I didn't recognize you. Jeez, now I feel like the biggest slob in the room." He didn't say it smart so I believe he was TRYING to give me a compliment but all I could think was...OK...so you considered me to be a slob before???