The most insulting compliment.

[010308 0]

I was banded a couple of weeks ago and I have been shocked by how many people, intelligent people who I consider my friends, have said to me something to the affect of, "You're going to be so pretty after you lose all that weight."

Like, you are ass ugly now with all that fat hanging off you, but once that's gone you will look good.

Anybody else come across this compliment? Do you feel the same as me, or do you take it as a true compliment?

I try to take it as a compliment as I know it is intended, but I cannot help but feel like it is such an insult.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I don't think most people really know how to be supportive and they do the best they can. I don't think they mean you are fugly now, just that you'll be even prettier after weight loss. And let's face reality here, we do look better thinner. Maybe that perception isn't right or fair, but in our society it is true.

Another issue, I'm not sure we take compliments well anyway. Many of us don't. We are very sensitive to anything anyone says. If they notice we have lost weight we get embarrassed and would sometimes rather they not make such a big deal out of it. If they don't say anything about weight loss we are miffed about that.

Honestly, sometimes we aren't really fair to people because we tend to be overly sensitive.

[010308 0]

Good points. I guess it goes back to growing up fat and always hearing, "You have such a pretty face." When you start out hearing that at a young age it kind of shapes your attitude.

[Squishee 1]

I tend to agree, but a few years ago I was working in a bar and one night a particularly drunk customer stumbled upto me and said "Actually, you have a very pretty face." now that was a tricky one!

[debbiejean 0]

I know what you mean, I used to have this guy tell me all the time "You have such a pretty face".....WTH is that supposed to mean????

[AandMsmom 0]

My favorite fat joke: Hey, did you hear about the fat girl who lost weight and they found out she really didn't have a pretty face?

[TangerineDreams 0]

My favorite fat joke: Hey, did you hear about the fat girl who lost weight and they found out she really didn't have a pretty face?

LMAO, I had not heard that one before ... funny!

[CUTEYPIE123 0]

i've come across that alot i get told that it's a shame your so pretty to be that fat ever come across that one. it's like an insult i know how you feel but we will look and feel alot better and be healthier. you could ask tell them we'll i'm fat but your ugly and i had the band. ha mean huh just a little joke to cheer u up. amber

[gretchens4 0]

I felt really offended when I ran into a friend recently and she said, "you look great, I didn't realize you were so pretty". I know it was meant to be a compliment, but I at least usually get a "I mean you always look good, but now you look even prettier". I know it all means the same thing but it just makes me feel so self-conscious. I get really embarrassed with the compliments at times, but if someone who hasn't seen me in awhile doesn't comment than I feel insulted......these poor people can't win!!

[Bird 0]

I look at it this way, if we thought we looked good fat then we would not have the surgery (yes health is the main reason but we all want to look good) our society just values thin people, my retort would be "I know, what the hell will they ever be able to do about you?

[sonyasix 0]

I think it is a really pathetic attempt at a compliment from people who don't really think about what they are saying to you. It's like they are assuming that you should be happy as a clam because you are getting a compliment of any kind. Riiiiight. If you are pretty you are pretty-at one hundred or at three hundred pounds. I like the way my therapist responded when I told her that I was going to be banded. She said, "Wow, you are beautiful now but after that you will be a devastating beauty". Of course, she is a therapist and knows how to talk to people!

[Crazy4MyK9 0]

I was banded last October. I get tired of hearing, "your face is thinner" or "I can really see it in your face." Enough already with my face! One thing I don't like hearing are comments that basically confirm how I've always felt - that dating will happen when I'm smaller.

Right now, I have two big challenges. Taking control of my sweet tooth and changing my negative thinking. I'm getting there one day at a time.

I'm new to LBT. Can anyone tell me how you add your goal / weight loss info below a posting?

[pandagirl 0]

I hear "You're going to be a stunner when you lose all of that wieght." and things of that nature. When it comes from somebody I know and love I take it as a compliment. When it comes from a co-worker or a mild aquaintance, I am not sure how to take it, but I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But in the past I have heard "You'd be pretty if..." That one pisses me off.

[betrthnever 107]

I've heard that one all of my life from relatives and strangers alike. "But you have such a pretty face", etc...

[SassySuzi 0]

When I get them, my response is "I'm Damn gorgeous now, but thank you. " They usually realize what they have said and agree. I really don't think that most ppl think before they speak and if they don't know the difference they will not change.