Don't ask...Don't tell policy

[VegasGrace 1]

This topic is mentioned in several forums but am concerned those researching the band may get the wrong message.

It's like this... do you tell everyone when you are going to go for a root canal, filling, or other dental work? Do you just tell your mom and a best friend? Or do you tell no one...just that you have to get something taken care of?d

This approach can be used with not only the dentist, but bariatric surgery as well.

Do not feel obligated to tell anyone about your plans. But on the flip side, you may be so excited to have found something that's going to bring you great results and you may be bursting to share.

It's all your choice.

{For me, I didn't tell anyone as I don't tell anyone anything about my medical/dental visits anyway. I was on the phone with my twin sister and mentioned being away for a few days so she won't be able to reach me. She asked, I told her Mexico for lapband and she freaked! She flew out in 2 days and went with me. (she was so impressed with what she witnessed she has shared the experience with her colleagues

-she works at a hospital as a nurse) So, keep quite? Sure. But how nice it was to have someone to know and take this long road of weight loss with me.}

[MissMom24 2]

It is nice to have support...however, the flip side is that some people are jealous and mean about it. So use caution when you tell. I only told my immediate family (NOT my in-laws) and my 2 best friends. Thats it.

Just be choosy!

[edieparks 2]

I told everyone . I was so happy. I felt I had found the cure for my addiction.

edie

[Chrisann 0]

I was primarily the only big person in my immediate group of friends and co workers, (except for my best friend, a guy, who was against it) so I didn't get the meaness or jealousy.

I am getting alot of support, and it feels great. I didn't walk around with a sign on my chest announcing the I was getting the band, but I also didn't hide it from people.

[HeatherA 1]

I was primarily the only big person in my immediate group of friends and co workers, (except for my best friend, a guy, who was against it) so I didn't get the meaness or jealousy.

I am getting alot of support, and it feels great. I didn't walk around with a sign on my chest announcing the I was getting the band, but I also didn't hide it from people.

I wonder if that's the difference. I too am the only 'big' person in my life circle and everyone has been very excited and supportive. I've told many people and the rest of the folks in my life have told everyone else :-P at first that bothered me, but now it's giving me an outlet to educate people on the difference between RNY and LB and what the changes in my life are/and will be like.

[Mastiff Mum 0]

when people notice that I have lost weight, some of them ask me how. my answer?

By eating less!

well it's not a lie, is it? LOL

[MissMom24 2]

I say the same thing!! :smile:

And nope, it is not a lie!!

[GreenChrysalis 1]

I wrote about my issues with telling family here: http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f80/parents-other-relatives-49056/

I don't think that it's anybody's business but my own and my DH's. I am the biggest person in my office but I don't want to have to deal with the questions (they're a nosy bunch). But it is a personal choice and there's nothing wrong with shouting it from the rooftops if you want.

[Anyalee 0]

I told everybody once I actually had a time for surgery! I was SO excited. The only exception is I didn't tell my 7th and 8th graders because they can be harsh, but I'm sure some of them know anyway.

[ugagirl 0]

I don't think that it's anybody's business but my own and my DH's. I am the biggest person in my office but I don't want to have to deal with the questions (they're a nosy bunch). But it is a personal choice and there's nothing wrong with shouting it from the rooftops if you want.

That's exactly why I'm not going to share it with too many people at work. I work in a department of catty/fake/insincere/jealous/nosy women and I do not want them knowing my personal business, any of it! I get called snobby and standoffish but I have no desire to share all the intimate details of my life as they do.

The only person who knows is my immediate supervisor and that is only b/c I accidently cc: her on an email about it to my friends one day.

[FinallyFree 1]

I have mixed emotions about this. I'm proud of myself for losing the weight, but a lot of people are now commenting on my weight loss (75 lbs). I want to ask, "Why are you complimenting me on looking like what a normal person should look?"

But I just thank them and try and change the subject.

Finally Free

Starting wgt. 225 1-07

current wgt. 149 1-08

[gkeyt 0]

I only told a few close friends and my immediate family. Some people tell less or more and I think it's all a matter of your personal circumstance. For me, the hard part was before surgery, when I had this big secret that I was thinking about all the time and only had a few people to talk to about it. My dh got really tired of hearing about it all, but was (and still is) a real trooper about it. Also it was hard when coworkers were asking me why I was taking time off, but I just said I had some health issues to take care of. I didn't feel it was anyone's business who wasn't a close friend, certainly not most of my coworkers.

After my surgery, when I returned, people didn't really ask until my weight loss became obvious. When coworkers and friends asked, I told them about my surgery, mainly because they were all nurses and I didn't think they would be obnoxious about it, and I had already had surgery so I didn't feel as vulnerable at that point. I didn't have any negative experiences doing this, and people were very interested. Some people had thought of doing it themselves, some had just heard about it and it was an opportunity for education. Another nurse I worked with had DS at the same time, and another nurse's wife had RNY then too, so there were lots of questions about the differences. Overall it was a positive experience for me, but I just wouldn't tell anyone if I thought they might want to give me a lecture about why WLS was bad or about me taking the "easy way out" or all the other nonsense that people have to put up with hearing. I made my decision using the best information I had access to, and it just wasn't anyone else's right or business to butt in. So I didn't let them.

Don't ask, don't tell? Definitely, if you aren't pretty positive that the person you tell will be supportive, and if you might be really swayed by a negative reaction. So many people have their own agenda when it comes to sharing their opinions about WLS, and frankly it's your life, not theirs. If you aren't asking for their opinion, you shouldn't have to be subjected to it.

[GreenChrysalis 1]

I've only been in this job for three months and it's the first time that I've worked with mostly women. It's definitely different -- there's so much gossip going on and I just sit there and let it go by. I'm sure they talk about me when I'm not around too. I'm just not interested. So probably some people do think I am snobby or standoffish but I don't really care. I'd rather keep my personal business to myself. I did tell my immediate supervisor that I needed a few days off for health reasons and she said fine. She did not ask what it was but I'm sure she is wondering!

That's exactly why I'm not going to share it with too many people at work. I work in a department of catty/fake/insincere/jealous/nosy women and I do not want them knowing my personal business, any of it! I get called snobby and standoffish but I have no desire to share all the intimate details of my life as they do. :wink2:

The only person who knows is my immediate supervisor and that is only b/c I accidently cc: her on an email about it to my friends one day. :pray2: