Eating with Other People

[morningoasis811 1]

I can relate for sure. I do what others have suggested

If it's on the fly - I tell them I just ate a little while ago not knowing we were going to eat together

If it's planned ahead - Just not that hungry I guess Or I have a bit of a belly ache.

It's tough, but just set your personal boundaries before you go eat with others and prepare yourself with answers so you're not put on the spot. I call them canned answers.

[lanie527 0]

Jennie1976 –

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This is a common theme on this message board. I never feel self conscious about what and how much I eat, whether it is before and I ate a huge meal or now and I eat 5 ounces.

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People are so self-involved they rarely notice things like this. Test it out. Wear the same thing to work two days in a row, no one will notice. Just as you spend a great deal of your day thinking about yourself and your issues, needs, worries, to-do list, family, job, friends, car, pets and what you are eating for dinner, others are doing the same thing.

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Try not to impose what you think they are thinking on your co-workers, they probably are so busy stuffing their faces with value meals, your half-taco is the last thing on their minds.

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Your health is more important than worrying about thoughts that other are probably not having.

Keep moving forward.

Lanie

[Paulax 8]

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I just stumbled on this and read all at once. I am sorry, but I jsut have to get this out of my system.

It makes me sad that people are worried about what other people will think of how little they are eating. This is the kind of behavior that gets us fat in the first place. Trying to "please" everyone or "fit in" or not look "wierd".

Who gives a damn what other people think? They probably want to see you eat more so they don't feel bad for overeating.

Don't worry about what YOU think THEY think. Maybe it's because I was a vegetarian in Montana for many years (THAT is a fish out of Water - believe me), but I don't pay the slightest attention to people's reaction to what I eat. I am proud of my weight loss and am not jeopordizing it for anyone. If someone rides you about it they are either insecure, ignorant, jealous, or all three.

Be a shining example for the people you are with. Eat sensibly and live a wonderful life!!!!!

YOU ARE RIGHT DAMN IT!

I bet a lot of overweight people ARE people pleasers and have all the personality traits that go with.

Cheers....

And I am 40something and I truly DON'T give a damn, but old people-pleasing habits die hard.

[morningoasis811 1]

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

It makes me sad that people are worried about what other people will think of how little they are eating. This is the kind of behavior that gets us fat in the first place. Trying to "please" everyone or "fit in" or not look "wierd".

Who gives a damn what other people think? They probably want to see you eat more so they don't feel bad for overeating.

Foofy, thank you for posting this point of view. You are right about the poeple pleaseing aspect of it.

I guess my motivation in not in not wanting to tell people at work especially is that I don't want them all up in my business. I generally have a pretty big mouth and not a lot of shame. I made the mistake last time when I lost a lot of weight to talk about it a lot, fed off of everyone noticing... but then felt like I needed to eat extra good around all of them.. F them right? Well when I started gaining all the weight back I was very embarassed and even more paranoid about people noticing, no one said anything them.

So this time around, since surgery is somewhat controversal subject, and I really DONT care what people think of me having it because it was an extrememly difficult decision to make and others don't know what I have gone through to get here. I just don't want their input so I don't tell them. So for me I guess it's avoidance and "just not going there" rather than people pleasing this time around.

But people pleasing is still one of my major character flaws. It seems unlike me becasue I'm seem so strong and independent... Daddy issues for sure...

Anyway, thanks for bringing that point up, definitly something to think about on this topic.

[gretchens4 0]

No one knows I've had this surgery except for my husband. I just eat less, plain and simple. I try not to talk about it unless someone asks. If I really can't eat (which is the case alot), and someone notices I'll say my stomach is off etc. I try to get Soup when I go out so it goes down better. When people ask me how I've lost 83 pounds, I just say I've exercised and eaten much slower and in much smaller portions, end of discussion. No one needs to know anything about my food. UGH, I hate that in society everyone is so focused on it. When I hear my friends talking about every little morsel they ate etc. I can't even be in the conversation. Sorry, just a little vent! Truly, if someone does notice I would just casually blow them off and end the conversation.

[Squishee 1]

I've been pretty open and honest with everyone in my life so most people know but that doesn't stop things being wierd. In restaurants I have the waitresses that I can see sniggering to themselves at how much food the fat girl has left behind, what is she trying to prove. Or and sometimes, even worse, I get asked if I didn't like it.

But my friends seem to fuss and fret the most "what to feed me" I'm like chill and usually give them a few options of things I can eat but I do feel like my every bite is being watched and cant figure out if they think I'm eating much more than they expected or less ....... maybe wasn't such a blessing to tell everyone.

[OH Juli 15]

I have to second the "don't worry about what other people think" thread.

Ms. Manners would say they were out of line to question you regardless of what you eat and order.

And the reality of it is most people don't give a fig about what other people eat, do, think.

But it that doesn't work, just push your food around, make conversations, pick at your taco with a fork.

But going back to not letting people comment....a coworker has a saying, it's a bit crass but it has come in handy a few times and now I just need to say the last bit...

"What I eat, you don't shit, so don't worry about what's on my plate."

And that's usually reserved for my SO who can't stand the sight of me eating eggs over easy all squished up. "don't worry about it" shuts off the commentary.

[Jennie1976 1]

Aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I just stumbled on this and read all at once. I am sorry, but I jsut have to get this out of my system.

It makes me sad that people are worried about what other people will think of how little they are eating. This is the kind of behavior that gets us fat in the first place. Trying to "please" everyone or "fit in" or not look "wierd".

Who gives a damn what other people think? They probably want to see you eat more so they don't feel bad for overeating.

Don't worry about what YOU think THEY think. Maybe it's because I was a vegetarian in Montana for many years (THAT is a fish out of Water - believe me), but I don't pay the slightest attention to people's reaction to what I eat. I am proud of my weight loss and am not jeopordizing it for anyone. If someone rides you about it they are either insecure, ignorant, jealous, or all three.

Be a shining example for the people you are with. Eat sensibly and live a wonderful life!!!!!

This was my favorite answer! Thank you for putting it in perspective. This was my equivalent of a kick in the pants!

[Mary-2b150 0]

I think I learned to stop caring what other people thought of the way I ate when I was on Atkins. People look at you like you are crazy if you are eating say a hamburger without a bun or something! I think it's easier with the lap-band than it was when i was on strict atkins. Now I just say I had a late lunch or am not hungry, and that's the end of that. It's all in the name of my health, which is much more important than what people think of me. My motto is "do what you need to do"!

[aubrie 6]

I order an appetizer and say I already ate. That solves the problem.

[gilliebean 1]

Why is it that you all appear to be ashamed of your band. Its just as hard to lose the weight and you worked hard to get that band. Some of you payed lots of money. Or litterly jumped threw hoops with your docs and insurance to get this life saving surgery. Its nothing to be ashamed of. If you had open heart surgery you wouldn't be afraid to tell this isn't any different. Its just like you know when people say its an easy way out. We all know thats not true. This surgery screws with everything. Your brain your belly and its just as hard to lose the weight. So point is don't be ashamed eat what you can and if someone is nosey tell them its something to be proud of you worked hard to get where you are.

[WestCoastFatGuy 3]

Excellent response, Gillie. That's a refreshing way of looking at things!

[gilliebean 1]

Thanks to my west coast buddy

[MissMom24 2]

I feel the same way. It is really hard!! Alot harder than I would have thought. I always feel like people are thinking "Oh here we go again 'trying' to be good". I can't offer any advice, just know that your not alone!

Brandy