I am pissed off!

[Just_A_Girl 0]

Okay, I had surgery on December 18th. I had just started my new job in August at a primary school. During orientation I realized that I knew one of the ladies that was also going through orientation too. Thank goodness, I felt more comfortable that I knew someone. I didn't know her very well but she used to work at my OBGYN's office and I used to work at a nearby doctor's office too and we used to talk at each visit (and I went weekly the whole time ... complicated pregnancy ... on top of that I was having twins!). Well, I confided in her and told her that I was planning on having the surgery. She kept my secret and it felt good knowing I had someone to tell and let out all of my mixed emotions about the surgery. Since I had just started I didn't want to tell everyone because I really didn't know them. As I lost weight I planned on telling everyone ... I guess I just wanted to be somewhat successful first. If I bombed I didn't want everyone knowing! Well today is my first day back. The principal told me that she thinks my friend told everyone!! (I went ahead and told principal that I was having it because of my time off so early in my job) I was upset!! About five minutes after I walk into the cafeteria I am approached by a very gossipy coworker, "How did you lose all that weight, what did you have gastric bypass?" I told her I hadn't lost any weight and yes I did have surgery but not the gastric bypass. I have only lost 15 pounds and 10 of that was during pre-op diet ... so really so far I haven't done anything! I was pissed off!!! And then everywhere I have been today people are looking at my stomach. It is just a quick glance but I notice it. When I walked into the library (just now) everyone was sitting at a table eating (teachers eat here somtimes to get time away from students) and as I entered the door everyone looked at my stomach and asked how I was doing! I am just so pissed off. I know everyone knows. I don't like this feeling. I feel like I want to quit! What should I do?? I really don't want to approach this friend. I hate to have hostile feelings with people at work ... I don't want to get into it with anyone ... I don't like confrontation(sp). I just want to be happy at work and feel comfortable. I really don't want everyone watching every move I make and staring me to see how much weight I have lost ... especially since I am not off to a running start.

Sorry this post is so long ... but I am seriously pissed off!!

[FlaLMT 0]

First off, congrats on getting banded!

If I were in your shoes, I would be beyond pissed!! Your surgery wasnt --isnt-- info for her to tell. I myself despise confrontation but, I guess what I can suggest is, if you feel strongly about not talking to your "friend", then dont. But each time someone asks you how you're doing, say something like, "Im doing great, thanks. But I'd really to keep something that personal (weight lost, whatever the question was) private. I hope you understand. I appreciate you asking though. **BIG CONFIDENT SMILE**" I really think when people see how honest and confident you are with your decision as opposed to seeing this as a "secret" that is no longer, people will respond to YOU positively and to that blabbermouth, negatively.

Just my two cents. Hope you feel better about this!! Congrats and good luck!!!!!

[Lap_dancer 8]

From someone who is in her 19th year in education...elementary (the worst) and middle schools; teachers are the most horrible gossips on the planet. In two weeks it will be something else at the forefront of lounge language. By next year, some will have transferred to another school.

My husband taught me early on, if you don't want anyone to know, don't tell.

Just keep going and realize you are doing this for YOU. Best of luck.

[Kat817 19]

I think I would be a little bit Catty about it and when someone ask me how I was doing, I would put that smile on like FlaLMT said, and then I would say something like "I am doing really well, thanks, I was hoping to lose a lot of weight and surprise everyone, but thanks to _____ and her big mouth, it isn't a surprise anymore, I guess you never know who you can trust--but I know better now!" Let THAT get back to her through her gossip!!!

Sorry--I hate betrayal too!!

Kat

[threedogpeople 0]

It would have made me angry too but you made a decision that you were important enough to invest this amount of time, effort and money in. Be proud of yourself, hold your head high and don't let someone else's weakness take away any of your positive motivation. You are too strong to let someone slow you down or hold you back because of their weakness.

Who knows what her motivation was but, in my experience, people that break confidences do so because they have insecurity issues. They tell other people's secrets because it makes them feel important or feel like they have power.

Judy

[mrskrzyz 1]

I am a teacher as well... and news of my surgery spread like wildfire!!!!!!!!!!! No stopping gossiping teachers!!!

Anyhow... I can' totally relate to the stomach staring!!! Everyone is checking me out up and down all day!!!!

I feel like wearing a sign that says, "I did not have gastric bypass so you won't be able to see any pounds falling off of me!!! Put your eyes back in your head!!"

Do they really think we'll shrink before their eyes????

[Twilight 2]

Maybe it's just schools in general. I know that my weight loss is now all anyone wants to talk to me about. I'm glad they're interested and everything, but there is a lot more interesting stuff to talk about!

I did try to keep it quiet until AFTER the surgery. I knew that as soon as I was gone something would come out. When I came back, everyone was all nose! Now they scrutinize everything I put in my mouth. I loved the comment today that I was going to just disappear in front of their very eyes! Um...I'm still at 200 lbs. I don't think I'm going to just "poof" I just felt like telling them to be a little more "real". I spend a lot more down time in my classroom and a lot less in the copy room or kitchen. It's just easier that way.

I guess the only advice I have is that I agree that soon it will be some other bit of gossip. We'll be old news as soon as something juicier comes along. As for the stomach stares, try the same thing I do with the Jr. high boys who talk to my chest, "there is no secret formula written down there....if you are interested the secret to ALL is up here in my HEAD!!"

Some self complimenting remark might work. Try turning as soon as you see them check you out, do your best Marilyn, and say, "I know, right! Sveldt if I do say so myself." and walk away. They will get the picture.

Good luck.

Steph

[mytggr 0]

I feel you. I spent the months of Nov and Dec taking care of my pre op business. I had surgery on Dec. 17th, the first day of our Winter Break. (I work at the Admin office at a school) So, no one is around, I went to work today, and my voicemail is flooded with calls wishing me luck, and hoping that I get well soon. Some even said that they would love to go shopping with me for new clothes. I was totally dumbfounded. The only person that knew was my boss, the Superintendent. I had to tell him why i was going to be off for a couple weeks. Now, I am anticipating what you experienced as the teachers come in this week and next...

But like it was mentioned before, we are currently the HOT NEWS, and will have our 15 minutes, before someone else takes the spotlight, whether they want it or not. Maybe this is a school thing?

I am only concerned about doing my job, and not in what anyone else thinks, their thoughts don't pay my bills. I know it's hard, but it will boil over and we will be able to move on with the current.

[Done 2]

I hear ya!!! Big hugs to you.

I have a suggestion ... put a roll of duct tape in your co-workers Inbox at work with a note, "affix to mouth".

I think we are all going to have to get used to the attention, whether it is perceived as being positive or negative. Everybody notices that we are fat before.... a lot of us just want to hide, and don't want the attention.

Then when we lose weight there is an enormous increase in attention, comments, etc. and some of us just want to crawl into a hole and die, while others relish in it. I, personally, can't handle the fact that when I have lost weight in the past, all of a sudden people start talking to me more, making eye contact, and MEN, oh my god the men wouldn't leave me alone. I was EXTREMELY RESENTFUL. I couldn't understand why nobody liked me before, I just had extra fat on me, but I was the same person inside. I tell ya, when the men started to NOT look at me anymore, I almost died inside. I loved getting the attention, especially around my husband (my fiance at the time) .. it made him proud to walk around me. Now, five years later, I'm getting myself back to the way I used to be.

I totally agree with everybody else's suggestions to walk tall and proud. Try not to "mind read" people...just be happy with what you have accomplished.

I mean I can look at a picture of myself at my pre-op weight and totally understand why men wouldn't be attracted to me anymore, but it still hurts inside....I didn't perceive myself as being _that_ heavy. :rofl:

I know there are so many annoying factors to it, i.e. my neighbhor whenever she has seen me (before surgery), she always asks me, have you lost weight??? It REALLY annoys me. I felt like asking her if her ass lost weight too. I know I need to lose weight, quit bringing it up in my face like it will make MY DAY to hear it from her that she thinks I am losing weight (when in fact I could have gained weight).

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I am so glad I didn't tell anyone! The last thing in the world I wanted was for people to be bugging me about "how much have you lost"

It does make it a little complicated to go out to dinner with some people though.

[RapKim 0]

Man do I hear where your coming from. I am a very private person and don't like people in my business!!! I live in a very small town which I love but word tends to get around fast and you know how stories get messed up with each person that repeats it. Before my surgery only my kids my husband my grandma and two sisters knew. My son wrestles and we are very involved with his team. When they brought me from recovery and into my room my room mate was actually one of the moms from the wrestling team. Also someone from my church bumped into my husband in the lobby of the hospital and worst of all pre op when I had to see the dietician I met a lady that recognized my last name and actually works with my mother in law, I specifically asked her not to say anything and the first thing she did when she got to work the next day was blab I WAS PISSED. I tell you what lose weight get into shape feel good about yourself and screw all the gossiping bitty's they are just jeolous they didn't have the guts to do what you did.

[Cerrin 3]

LOL for me I get the How are you doing? All I say is the generic fine How are you doing?

I let it drop at that. because unless you confirm it it is still a rumor. It is up to you to agree or deny it.