Lost my willpower and motivation

[NJ_gal_in_VA 0]

I was banded on June 11, 2007. Since then I have lost about 25 lbs. Problem is, 20 of those pounds were lost in the first week. I had serious issues with the immediate post-op diet. liquids, then mushies even, were not doing it for me. I was starving. I am an extremely picky eater so even the stuff that my dietician told me I could eat was not edible for me. Again, I was starving. After about a week, I started eating things I used to eat, in moderation. Slowly but surely, I worked my way back to my old eating habits. My fault, I know. I'm not looking for sympathy or excuses, because there are none for me. I screwed up. I was given a golden opportunity and I screwed up. And with all the crap going on in my life, I'm finding it difficult to get back on track. I feel like I can't because I messed it up. I don't even exercise. I always have an excuse. Currently, my excuse is that it's too cold to go for a walk. Also, I have a cold so that's another excuse I'm making. Can I start over? Should I go back on the post-op diet? I know all the things I SHOULD be doing and God knows I don't need to hear them over and over again. I'm not asking for people to tell me it's ok that I screwed up and feel sorry for me. I just want to know if I should go back to the beginning. Can I start over and redeem myself? Make a new start? Get on track with exercise and diet? Someone please just tell me I'm not alone so I know that there may be hope for me.

[joeygirl 0]

Have you been going back in reg. for fills?

I think if not, that should be the first step. Make them give you a good fill so you can start to feel some restriction. It took me over 5 months of regular fills before I started to fell any restriction.

I do think that it is important to get the exercise. If you can't get out and walk, is there a mall or someplace similiar that you could go and walk 4 times a week. I started doing that here when it started to get way to cold to walk outside. Also, i have been going to Curves 3 times a week, and I really like that.

I think I would have been in the same boat as you if I didn't exercise. I have been losing 4 to 5 lbs a month even without any restriction. It is a lot slower than a lot of people on this board, and sometime I really get frustrated when I see all these people at their goal weight almost.

Don't quit. Start with better fills. Some people have been able to get by with very few fills, but I sure haven't been one of the. I had to get to 8 cc in a 10 cc band before I noticed I even had the band. You may be like me.

Keep on working at it. You have the tool already, you just have to learn how to make it work for you.

[faithmd 14]

Yep, I'm in the same boat as you. We could be twins. It's all my fault, I know. I just have to get my mind around it and get it done. I lost about 45lbs before I was banded and it was just about effortless. I have been at a plateau since September and have completely fallen off the wagon.

I was just reading Boo Boo Kitty's post in the Life at (or near) goal forum and got a mild epiphany. I stopped drinking. I have stopped drinking water/fluids. Thinking about it I bet I'm lucky to get 20 oz in in a day. And I stopped logging EVERYTHING I ate and drank. Those are my two biggest screw-ups. Tomorrow I'm logging again. And I'm heading to the store for a couple cases of bottled Water (I KNOW that's the only way I can guarantee I get it all in). I used to put the pitcher int he fridge and when it was gone I knew I had drank my Water for the day. Then I tried keeping track of how many times I refilled my water bottle, that didn't work either. What does work is drinking a minimum of four bottles of water a day. So I'm going to do it. I WILL.

Hope I've helped in some small way. It helps me to know I'm not the only one, too.

[karla 0]

Most of us have made mistakes even with the band. No one is perfect! The important thing is you understand you've made the mistake. Now you have to fix your way of thinking and make this band work for you. I agree that you need to get in for an aggressive fill. I'm 6 months out and just now have the feeling of restriction with my band (2.75cc in a 4 cc band). I'm not the greatest with the exercise either, but I try to get some kind of workout in a few days a week. Best of luck ! This really is a tool and you have to be disciplined and really want it to work.

[toniteach 0]

I was banded on June 11, 2007. Since then I have lost about 25 lbs. ......Someone please just tell me I'm not alone so I know that there may be hope for me.

Hi NJ Gal,

Wow...I could've written your post, except I didn't lose quite as much as you! And I had a hard time with foods and PBing/Sliming, so I had to go in for a slight unfill. Now I can eat pretty much all foods with little PBing, and I feel much better.

I can't speak for you, but I think in my situation, I am just not a candidate for the Lap-Band. I wish I could turn back the clock and save my husband so much money, and myself so much grief! :think

I have thought about trying a different approach: maybe Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, but not sure yet. That's my life story. And, like you, I am currently not exercising but MAYBE once/week. So pitiful!

I wish there were a forum for us----the "lost" ones!

Hang in there and let us know what you decide to do. I'm behind you 110%!!!

BIG hugs,:hug:

Toni

[NJ_gal_in_VA 0]

To all who have responded so far,

Thank you so much to all of you who have responded so far. It feels good to know that I'm not alone in all of this! We need to support each other because it seems as though so many people on these forums are doing so well. I agree we should have one for us "lost" banders! And to joeygirl, I've been in twice for fills.

How do I get these "agressive" fills as some of you described? The nurse practitioner that fills me just does it how she wants and doesn't really ask my opinion. Also, I get food stuck sometimes so does that mean I have some restriction? Sometimes it gets stuck so bad I have to throw it back up (sorry so gross!) And it hurts really bad. Especially when I eat bread and drier foods. Also, if it's time for a meal, say, when I've finished cooking for my family, should I eat even if I'm not hungry?

And thank you for the support teach! I've thought the same thing. I even considered getting the band removed and just doing it all on my own. I thought this maybe isn't for me. I'm not so sure but we can help each other! And I, too feel guilty about the time and money that my fiancee "wasted" because I screwed up. But I guess we shouldn't look at it that way because my fiancee and my son are there for me no matter what and I'm sure your family is too!

[joeygirl 0]

I don't think two fills are enough for you. I had been in 6 times before I even noticed any restriction. I was about ready to just quit and say it will not work for me.

I talked to the head lady of the bariatric dept., and she said to tell the tech's giving the fills that I need more. So, I told them that, and they started to go a little more each time. You are paying for this, so make them give you what you want.

I know some people have lost a ton of weight with only 2 fills, but then some of us don't even notice a difference.

When I got the last fill, the day after christmas, I could definatly know when I was full. In fact, if I tried to eat more it actually hurt my chest. That is the first time I had felt that. Hopefully, now it will start working the way it is suppose to.

How full is your band, do you Know. If not, make an appt. for a fill and then ask them the size of your band and how full it is.

I know how you are feeling. Just like me a while back. I thought also about just having it removed, or all of the liquid out of it and going back to the way I was.

Now I am hoping it will start working.

Please, hang in there.

[Suzzzie. 3]

Toni - Don't lose hope babycakes!! I never believed the band would work for me. And ya know what... it doesn't when I don't go to the gym and don't eat right. As long as I count calories and exercise I'm good and losing. It does make me mad, cause if I wanted to count cals and exercise for the weightloss I could have done it without surgery... But I know that wouldn't have owrked for me either.

Get your fills ladies. Fills are the most excellent thing ever and the band CANNOT work without them. Move everyday... even if it's just a 10 minute walk, or just walking in place in fromt of your TV during commercials or your fave TV program. Serious, I do that and it really works.

As for the PBing Toni... how do you eat? Not to be judgmental... cause I have an issue with this sometimes still... but as long as I eat very slowly and chew for like, forever(!) then I can get ANYTHING down (except salad for some reason). I can even still eat bread. Had a cheeseburger at my Grandparents last night. I only PBd cause I ate that with some spinach which I knew makes me PB. Ugh.

ANYWAY. Hang in there sweets!! We're always here for you.

Oh, and there is a 'Slow Losers Unite' thread somewhere... do a search for it.

[Suzzzie. 3]

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f15/slow-losers-unite-10174/

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f17/slow-losers-support-group-44455/

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f15/kathy-s-slow-loser-nsv-list-10252/

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f80/looking-fellow-slow-losers-19217/

[toniteach 0]

I even considered getting the band removed and just doing it all on my own. I thought this maybe isn't for me. I'm not so sure but we can help each other!!

New Jersey: That is so funny: I called SEVERAL Lap-Band doctors in my area to see how much they charged to get my band removed. :nervous I was seriously considering it, too!:cry But it's sooooooooo expensive. :omg: I decided then just to get all my saline removed (that's free) but the technician just removed some, so I still have some restriction. Funny---but I've never really "felt" restricted. I can either eat everything or nothing (slime/PB)

Suzzzie...thank you for your posts. I'll try to eat more slowly. I'll try to be a better bandster! But honestly, I think I'd perform better on WW or Jenny Craig! I don't know what the deal is with me! The band and I have never <clicked>. Uggggggh

Sorry to come across as a downer, but it's so comforting to know I'm not alone! Misery loves company, right?!?

I certainly appreciate all the support, and I'm here for you, NJ!

Cheers!

Toni

[huntersmom 0]

NJ and Toni I feel like I am in the same boat. I have only been filled twice and I have some restriction. No restriction when it comes to candy, chips and other junk food. I do not get all my Water in. I want to be better about that. I know that I have to make the right choices with food and try to exercise more. I like to walk but it is cold outside and I do have a treadmill and I make all the excuses too to not use it. I have only lost 35 pounds and 24 of them were from pre and post surgery diets. I wanted this to work so badly. I have been overweight from the age of 9 and thought this was going to be it. I have to remember that they did surgery on my stomach and not my brain.

[captain danbo 0]

I hear some of you talking about getting the band removed. Would you have it removed and get another surgery? Or just get it removed not to have it anymore? Has anyone tried weight watchers or Jenny in addition to the band?

I am still not convinced with the band. I am sure I just need more fills. Sure I have lost weight with the band but only because I made the changes my doc told me to. I only eat 1-2cups of food per meal I always make sure I get all my Protein in and I exercise regular. I am still very hungry after only 2 cups of food but it’s getting easier not because of the band but because I have been doing it for 6 months now and eating right and exercise is becoming part of my life. I am leaving a great job and taking a giant pay cut just because I am having a hard time with my self control with food. (I slip sometimes) we have to be willing make the changes necessary to improve our health. We all knew this was not going to be easy.

Hang in there everyone.

[musicalmomma 1]

:hug: I want to hug you guys! No, I don't feel pity, but empathy. We still feel like failures when "we" don't lose weight...or when "we don't have self control" The band is supposed to aide us in alleviating the serious hunger we deal with. No, it doesn't help the head hunger, or emotional draw to food...but dang, if you don't have the right restriction...it's just another diet...and we all know diets just don't work. I just want to say that you're NOT failures...talk to your surgeon and be completely honest and open about your struggles...work together and come up with a plan of action.

Also...if you didn't get the band...you probably would have GAINED weight in the past 6-7 months....but NO, you lost, maybe not a lot, maybe nothing in the past few months...but you're not gaining and that in and of itself is a blessing.

Again, I really want to encourage you to communicate with your surgeon's.

As for me...I'm at good restriction...I didn't exercise once or even eat right over the holidays and still lost 7 pounds! It just proves to me that all my excuses for being fat were lame...(eg "I have a slow metabolism"..."I had four kids, staying fat is inevitable"..."I'm too old now, the weight won't come off"...etc). My problem? I ATE too much! LOL! I have a great metabolism...just had to give my body a break from all that food!

OK...enough about me...I just wanted to chime in and let you know that you do have support here...even though banding is working for me...I still totally understand the feelings of dissappointment and 'failure' that comes with not reaching the goals we hoped to acheive.

[musicalmomma 1]

PS for what it's worth...when I couldnt get a grip on my emotions and my eating was getting out of control again (a couple of months ago)...I went to my primary doc and talked to her about it...she put me on wellbutrin and it's really helped! The head and emotional hunger is cut in about half! And I don't feel like pulling the covers over my head and shutting out the world anymore either.

Just wanted to share, in case depression meds could be of some help to ya

[Lap_dancer 8]

This will be a long post because I get that (ding ding ding) in my head that there is a time to post "the list".

I got this card from Natalie at Dr. Kirshenbaum's office. I will retype it for the benefit of those who were and are where I was before my last fill:

Get into the Lap-Band Green Zone

ADD Fluid :cry

When:

You appear to always feel hungry

You are able to eat big meals

You are 'looking for food'

SUB-OPTIMAL WEIGHT LOSS

GREEN ZONE

The Optimal Zone and what you target for

You have early and prolonged satiety

-you feel satisfied earlier at mealtime and that fullness sticks with you for a good while.

Small meals satisfy

Satisfactory weight loss or maintenance

OPTIMAL WEIGHT LOSS

Reduce Fluid :guess

Difficulty swallowing

Reflux-Heartburn

Night Cough

Regurgitatioin

Poor Eating Behavior

SUB-OPTIMAL WEIGHTLOSS

..................................................

I hope this helps. It took me three fills to finally hit the zone. This "sweet spot" as it is known, is a lovely place to be. Mind you I have retrained myself to chew slowly, eat slowly, no liquids at meal time ( I will have the occasional room temperature drink of Water to cleanse the pallette). The band goes hand in hand with rechanging eating patterns (habits..event the bad ones) that we've developed over the years.

If you still find you are struggling, you may benefit from doing some 'headwork'. I found the need to do this because my eating was based on emotion and some deep level of pain where I used food to cope. Removing the ability to eat away my troubles created new ones that a therapist helped me get through.

These are all tools, just like the band. Tools to help us reach our goals.