Wedding Food

[Ang1982 4]

Well I got engaged and now comes the crazy part of planning the wedding. Here's the thing.. both my DF (is that right?) and I have decent jobs but neither of us rake in the dough each month and we already have monthly expenses (I have car payments, etc.) so we do not have a lot of disposable income. While I am sure our families will help a bit I hate to ask. It's starting to look like one of the most expensive parts of a wedding is the reception/food.

So my question is - is having a potluck/bbq type of reception and saying "bring food not gifts" or something kinda uncouth, not classy, stupid?

We already have a place together and have kitchen, living room, etc stuff so wedding gifts (besides money to help save for downpayment on a house) are not a huge "in need".

Opinions please! Thanks :confused:

[reif78 0]

DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY THAT HAVE A BIG BACK YARD FOR THE RECEPTION!! THAT WOULD BE SAVING SOME MONEY. WHEN I WSA MARRIED TO MY EX AND WE HAD NO MONEY WE DID EVERYTHING OURSELVES. FAMILY MEMBERS LET US USE THIER ROASTERS. WE BOUGHT A HAM AND DID THAT. 15 BUCS FOR A WHOLE HAM. I MADE RIGATONI IN A ROASTER. 15 BUCS FOR THAT. I DID A ROASTER OF GREEN Beans 10 BUCS I SPENT ON THAT. I MADE A BIG PICKLE TRAY 15 FOR THAT. I BOUGHT A meat AND cheese TRAY FOR THAT. 20 BUCS. i MADE MY OWN ROLLS THEY FREEZE WELL. I MADE MY OWN Cookies THEY FREEZE WELL. JUST TAKE THE NUMBER OF RSVP AND CACULATE HOW MUCH YOULL NEED. I MADE PUNCH TO DRINK WITH THE 7 UP HAWAIIN PUNCH AND vanilla ICE CREAM. I HAD coffee. I HAD SOME CHEESE BALLS I MADE 2 . AND THE WEDDING CAKE AND ALCOHOL WAS MY MOST EXPENSIVE THING. I SPENT ON MY RECEPTION WAS 1000 DOLLARS TOTAL CAUSE THIERS THE FAVORS WHICH I MADE MY OWN AND I MADE MY OWN WEDDING GLASSES. OH AND I HAD CRAYON FAVORS SO THE THE LITTLE KIDS COULD COLOR ON THE PAPER ON THE TABLES. KEEPS THEM BUSY. AND WITH WEDDING DRESS AND TUX RENTALS I SPENT A TOTAL OF 2000 FOR EVERYTHING.

[AlysonRR 0]

We had a fancy reception paid for by my in-laws as a wedding gift, but we also had a second less formal reception for family and friends who couldn't attend (we got married in England where my husband's family live, and my family is in the US).

The US reception was in my parent's backyard. It wasn't potluck, exactly, but several family members helped my mom and I get the food together. One aunt brought two crockpots of Beans, another a huge bowl of potato salad, one family friend brought a large green salad, another brought dozens of small sandwich rolls, my grandmother bought the cake, and my mom and I made two trays of deli meats and cheeses, a veggie tray with dip, and a fruit tray. When we were arranging it I made sure to tell the people who brought stuff that I considered their help our wedding gift.

Do you have maybe five or six family members or friends who like to (or would be willing to) cook something for your reception? Hopefully your loved ones will be will be celebrating your marriage, not criticizing the food :-)

Another friend of mine had a kind of tea party reception - tea, champagne, several Desserts, at 3:30 in the afternoon. Simple, easy, and off to the honeymoon sooner, lol :-)

[LauraD 2]

Congratulations!

I don't think that you could do an open pot luck, but you could ask close family and friends to help you "cater" your own wedding. But it's definately a no-no to specify the type of gift you want/don't want.

As far as food goes, don't feel you need to provide your guests with a full meal. If you have an afternoon wedding, go for some cocktail style food. Morning wedding=continental style brunch food. If you do want to go for a meal, then keep it simple. It's ok to have BBQ, or something like that. (I'm from Texas, we're big on the cow down here.)

Better to have a lot of 5-6 things than a little bit of 12-14 things. Do you want to use disposables or rent plates/glassware/etc? You can buy some really nice disposable stuff, but it can end up costing just as much as renting plates does.

DO NOT trust someone's Aunt/sister/friend who is in culinary school to make your wedding cake. They will screw it up. (Unless you are already familiar with their work, or they are a legend.)

If you are going to provide anything to drink besides tea and soda, just keep it to beer and wine, with champagne for the toast. When you start adding in liquor, the $$ adds up fast.

Once you and DF decide how much you can afford to spend per guest, I'd still suggest calling around to a few restaurants or caterers, just to check it out.

FWIW, I've always said that if I ever get married, it's Vegas all the way!

[anonemouse 1]

Congratulations!

I don't think that you could do an open pot luck, but you could ask close family and friends to help you "cater" your own wedding. But it's definately a no-no to specify the type of gift you want/don't want.

As far as food goes, don't feel you need to provide your guests with a full meal. If you have an afternoon wedding, go for some cocktail style food. Morning wedding=continental style brunch food. If you do want to go for a meal, then keep it simple. It's ok to have BBQ, or something like that. (I'm from Texas, we're big on the cow down here.)

Better to have a lot of 5-6 things than a little bit of 12-14 things. Do you want to use disposables or rent plates/glassware/etc? You can buy some really nice disposable stuff, but it can end up costing just as much as renting plates does.

DO NOT trust someone's Aunt/sister/friend who is in culinary school to make your wedding cake. They will screw it up. (Unless you are already familiar with their work, or they are a legend.)

If you are going to provide anything to drink besides tea and soda, just keep it to beer and wine, with champagne for the toast. When you start adding in liquor, the $$ adds up fast.

Once you and DF decide how much you can afford to spend per guest, I'd still suggest calling around to a few restaurants or caterers, just to check it out.

FWIW, I've always said that if I ever get married, it's Vegas all the way!

Ditto. Also, nothing says that you have to have a reception. If you do have one, it doesn't have to be fancy. Like other people have said, you can ask close family members to help make the food or you can have a caterer just do a simple arrangement, which is what my former roommate did. She had a few types of cheeses, fruit, raw veggies, and some very simple finger sandwiches, along with the cake. You don't have to serve a full, fancy meal.

But I totally agree that a potluck for your wedding reception isn't a good idea. Honestly, I'd be pretty taken aback if I saw that on a wedding invitation.

[georgia girl 35]

I agree with everyone about the potluck dinner, not a good idea.

If you want to save money on your reception costs, consider having an "appetizers only" reception. You can serve a mix of hot and cold appetizers. Be careful how many you choose, too many appetizers can get expensive. Also make sure it is clear on the invitation the type of reception you are having. You don´t want your guest expecting a full meal.

Here are a few ideas:

Finger sandwiches

Brides cake and Grooms cake

chicken salad in small pastry cups

Meatballs

cheese balls with crackers

Mini petit fours

Mini quiche bites

Wedding Cookies

fruit and Vegetable trays

cheese straws

Strawberries dipped in chocolate

pin wheels

chocolate fondue with fruit or cheese fondue with bread or veggies

sausage-cheese balls

oriental chicken wings

The possibilities are endless. Since you are on a budget, I would stay away from alcoholic beverages. You could serve wedding punch or different kinds of tea. I went to a wedding once where they served raspberry tea and it was really good.

[Ang1982 4]

Thank you so much for all the great suggestions everyone, feel free to keep them coming. I kinda thought the potluck idea was a bit cheesy but you just never know hehe. Anything to save a buck :eek:

[Scarlett O'hara 0]

When I got married 12 years ago, I spent so much money on things that looking back even the next day did not matter ! cut corners on things like centerpeices - simple candles work fine - you dont need a limo (or several) have the person you know with the best or coolest car drive you and your DF.

You dont need monogramed napkins, matches or any of that stuff - no one cares! Hire a photographer just for the ceremony and put those throw away cameras on every table! Have a friend of a friend video tape everything (you dont want to ask a friend "do you mind working during my wedding). get a small but pretty cake for you to cut, and buy a large sheet cake hiding in the back to be served to your guests!

We did our wedding on a Friday night, which was 3 dollars cheaper per person! that adds up when its divided by 200! I think we did our wedding for under 10,000! The best thing I did not cut corners on was my shoes! I spent 200 & wore them all night!

I also love the idea of doing a late after dinner wedding with just cocktails & hor'dervs (I am sure that is spelled wrong).

Hey, how fun would this be -- serve white castles!

It does not matter what kind of food it is, what people remember is that it tasted good! If the food is crap, generally the people will remember the wedding as the same!

[luluc 6]

I eloped to Vegas. Came back, and the following wkend had a catered cocktail party for close friends and family at the house DH and I bought with the money we would have used for a traditional wedding ... Something neither of us wanted.

Understated elegance can go a LONG way, pot luck dinner does not fall into that category. As others have mentioned, if saving is more important to you - I suggest an evening cocktail hour with help from family/friends on the food front, or an early brunch.

[faithmd 14]

I have to agree that a potluck wedding reception is not the best idea.

I had to plan two weddings (long story) and buy my dress on a verrrry limited budget. I was able to pull it off (and a theme wedding to boot-got married Halloween) for around $6-8K. That's with 200 guests for the "big" wedding and a complete meal.

Here's what I did, I researched and researched and researched some more. The internet is helpful to a point, but I found a few books that were MUST haves for me and were absolutely INVALUABLE. Here's my "must have" book list, this book:

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Cater-Your-Own-Wedding-rev/dp/156414819X/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_k2a_2_img?pf_rd_p=304485601&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-2&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1564144747&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1D7XM8DKRJEB7QBDRSCA]Amazon.com: Cater Your Own Wedding, rev. ed.: Books: Mike Flowers[/ame]

and this book:

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/How-Have-Wedding-Small-Budget/dp/1558706461/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1199587551&sr=1-6]Amazon.com: How to Have a Big Wedding on a Small Budget: Cut Your Wedding Costs in Half: Books: Diane Warner[/ame]

and this book:

[ame=http://www.amazon.com/Bridal-Bargains-8th-fantastic-realistic/dp/1889392227/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1199587551&sr=1-1]Amazon.com: Bridal Bargains, 8th Edition: Secrets to throwing a fantastic wedding on a realistic budget (Bridal Bargains): Books: Denise Fields[/ame]

I didn't use the planner I bought, I found it difficult and not a good fit for me, so I bought a zippered binder and some pockets and index pages and used that, best $10 I ever spent. I loaned it to some friends and they used it, too.

A couple of important suggestions, look around the town you plan to marry in for halls that you can rent that may not be the first thing you'd think of. For example, the local "wedding hall" we looked at made us use their catering service and had a cake cutting fee to bring in my own cake. RIDICULOUS! A reception there would have not only cost for the hall and the cake fee, but the menu with ONE meat and two side dishes and coffee/tea STARTED at $40 a person and that is a bargain! So I thought since we planned to get married at Halloween, let's have some fun. I wanted to have a barn dance/costume party. What goes with a barn dance? BBQ! So I contacted the local fairgrounds and rented a converted horse barn that they use for meetings/etc-it cost me $250 for a night, $400 for two nights (so we could decorate the day before). I called catering companies galore and went with one about 90 mins away that offered two meats, three sides, PLUS salad and coffee/tea/lemonade and cake or pie for dessert in an all-you-can-eat BBQ buffet for $13 per person (they are now about $17 per person). The food was hot, they set it up and even left ALL the leftovers for us to take along with pans to put it in!

The biggest thing is that I did EVERYTHING myself to save money and I REGRET that to this day. I did too much. I cannot say i truly enjoyed my wedding day. So PLEASE do not get in the trap where you feel that to save money you'll take on more to do. Go to the local university or community college and put an ad in their paper for help for whatever you can pay per hour and hire a few folks as servers or set-up. The local community college may have a culinary arts program where you may get a good break on either reception food or at the very least be able to find some servers.

I do wish you luck, it CAN be done!

[faithmd 14]

As far as decorations, we got engaged in late October and knew we wanted a Halloween wedding the next year, so after Halloween we scoured the stores for decorations and I bought some at 50%, then a few days later more at 75% off, then a couple days after that I spent nearly $200 for two baskets full of them at 90% off. What a DEAL! So if you go with a theme wedding (any theme, really) you could try that-esp if you have over a year to plan. Even if you don't, now is a GREAT time to buy strings of lights and table cloths and stuff like that at 50-75% off in the after-Christmas sales. If you are planning a Valentine's wedding, or something near the Fourth of July, you can get loads of red and white lights and red table cloths and tissue paper, etc that you could use.

I kept looking in the clearance sections at Walmart and Target and Meijer and my local craft store everytime I went in. The spring after we were engaged I found at Meijer (like a Walmart) a HUGE wall of gorgeous silk flowers in fall colors for 75-90% off. I bought a cartload full. And my friends and I made all my bouquets and floral pieces ourselves. I think I spent about $40 total. And my bouquet looks as beautiful today as it did they day I got married. I went to the David's Bridal $99 sale with the intention of buying the biggest dress I could with the longest train I could find and using the material from it to make another dress. After all beaded satin is upwards of $50 per yard, but I found a dress that I could modify and would work for me without having to make a new one. I did anyway for the costume ball (I made a Renaissance wedding gown and all the bridal party was in Renaissance attire for the costume ball-most of it was rented costumes), but that cut down by one the dresses I had to make.

I'll see if I can find some pics and post them. For gifts for those who stood up for me I made their skirts and bought the gold sweaters and shoes they wore (sort of looked like fall leaves). And I made each of them a silver charm Bracelet. bluemud.com is a GREAT silver site.

[georgia girl 35]

Do you have a date set yet? Just curious to know what time of year or season your wedding will take place. It might help us to know so we can give you more decorating ideas.

[anonemouse 1]

One thing that my brother and his wife did was have an extremely small wedding with just family present (about 13 people, including them). They had their wedding party/reception a few months later, in her parents' back yard. They had a local Memphis BBQ chain come and cater it, and her dad is a chef, so he made a lot of very good seafood for it, too.

[Ang1982 4]

Thanks for all the great ideas everyone. We are aiming for Mid-May 2009. So still spring and I live near Vancouver BC so that gives you (maybe) and idea on climate.

You all have such great ideas - but the thing is - a few of you have said you've done it for $6k'ish... we'll we need to keep in mind I'm about to be going into a $14,000 loan for my lapband surgery so extra monthly income is going to be tight lol. You guys are giving me some good ideas tho so keep 'em rollin!!

[georgia girl 35]

Our wedding cost maybe $1500 including my dress. We were on a tight budget too and I was very fortunate that I have a huge family that was willing to help me. One of my bridesmaids knew someone that owned a nursery and let us borrow a bunch of ferns for free, can you believe that! Also at the time, my husband was a manager at a farm and country store and we borrowed a bunch of poinsettias and returned them the next day (We had a Christmas wedding). So I didn't have to pay anything for flowers and greenery. I used a decorated Christmas tree as my centerpiece for the ceremony and another tree for the reception area.

Do you have a friend that could take pictures and another to video? I found a lady that was just starting out with photography, a little risky, but she did a great job and only charged me $100 for a lot of pictures that she put in a very nice photo album.

Do you have a friend or family member that could make your cake and let that be your wedding gift?

I made my bridesmaids bouquets with silk flowers, they turned out good and cost a lot less than real flowers.

My reception was an "appetizer only" reception. My family pitched in and make all the food.

We had our wedding in a church that we were members of, so there was no charge for the ceremony or the social hall area.

How many guest will you have at the reception? Do you have a place in mind where you want to have the wedding and the reception?