The Emotional Journey

[peek 1]

Hi all

I am Kylie a 39yo from Melbourne. This is my first post here because I am pre-band with my first consult on 1 Feb. I have been researching this topic for some weeks after my GP suggested Lap Band Surgery the second time! Should have listened the first time.

I am nearer to 100kg than I would like. Earlier in the year I was 90kg but my dad got very sick in Feb and I eventually lost him to prostate cancer and my brother-in-law to a heart attack both in September. I play netball three nights per week, have three young kids and am sick of being big. My size is not in my tummy area but my thighs and my massive bottom!:biggrin1: I describe myself as a Serena Williams without the boobs!

I will do this with trepidation as I guess we all have been through the flutters thinking about this life changing event. But I am interested in the emotional side of things like:

What will it be like to walk into a shop and buy anything fashionable off the racks?

What will it be like to walk past 'My Size' without walking in to buy something?

How did it feel during the journey to your goal?

What was it like to make the changes in your lives?

Was it a constant battle?

I am 'vomitphobic':) so is it likely I will vomit!

I have read most of the aussie thread and I just love the pictures. I would love to add mine, when the time is right though. I would love to be an inspiration to others just like you have been for me.

I look forward to learning and sharing from and with the list here more. I am tempted to start the Optifast now, but that might sabotage my first appointment, but I am sick of being this size.....

Hugs

Kylie

[sewenup1 0]

Hi Kylie,

I am relatively new to this myself having only been banded since 3/12/07. It is a big change to make but I feel a worthwhile one. I am looking forward to the day when I can walk into a boutique and not feel like I am going to knock all the clothes off the racks if I turn around.

I can't answer a lot of your questions but the 'vomitphobic' bit I can relate to. Mind you PBing is not exactly like vomiting. I have only had the sensation once and that was because it was my first bite of food and it was too big and I didn't chew enough. Without meaning to be gross, it just came back up the same way it went down and it wasn't all that traumatic - I had been really scared when I first heard about this.

Anyway, its great that you are doing your research into this and I'm sure someone will be along shortly that can answer your questions.

Danna

[She Smiles 2]

Hi Kylie,

Only you can know if this is right for you. I personally was at the place that you are, where I was just tired of being the big girl. I hated going out and unlike you I was totally inactive. I've now been banded almost 14 months and am SO glad that I made this change in my life.

Let me attempt to answer your questions from my point of view

What will it be like to walk into a shop and buy anything fashionable off the racks?

I'm not quite at this point yet, although I don't know that I will ever be. I vary between a 10-16 depending on the shop, but I can usually find something l like and that fits in all the nice shops I like - Sportsgirl, Witchery, Portmans, Miss Shop. I can always find stuff in the fashionable young sections of Target, Kmart and Big W cos thier cuts are a lot bigger (and this is good for the ego!). But, like anyone, my personal body shape (which is big boobs and hardly any waist) limits the styles I can wear, but my options are there if I shop around, and trust me, I do! haha

What will it be like to walk past 'My Size' without walking in to buy something?

You know, it feels like such a personal acheivement. I've worked hard to lose the weight I have and to know that I can keep it off is something I am proud of.

How did it feel during the journey to your goal?

Well I'm not quite there yet. I've put 65kgs as my goal just to have a number to aim for, but when I get to a size that I like, then I'll stop. It may be more or less than 65. That said, its been a rollercoaster ride getting to where I am. I've had a couple of plateaus due to personal issues and I've also struggled a bit mentally with how the effects of being so obese have affected my body. I have a fair bit of loose skin and will be considering plastic surgery sometime in the future. That said though, again, I am glad that I chose to take this journey the pros FAR outweigh the cons.

What was it like to make the changes in your lives?

For me, I'm not one of those bandsters that counts calories and carbs and all that junk. I eat what I want, but just A LOT less of it now. I generally make better choices now because I have seen how that just makes me feel better physically and mentally, but I still indulge from time to time. I have to add here that I also do intense exercise up to 5 days a week (which can total 32kms running a week of late). I don't know that I could eat the way I do and still lose if I weren't so active. The exercise thing was a no brainer for me, I wanted to lose as much as I could, the quickest I could in the healthiest way.

Was it a constant battle?

I wouldn't say battle, no. I would say that I had a constant awareness of what was the right and wrong thing to be eating. But if I had of had that before, I wouldn't have been obese to start with. Sometimes it was a battle with myself to get to the gym or out for a run, but the eating side of things just seemed to make sense to me once I started seeing the results.

I am 'vomitphobic':) so is it likely I will vomit!

The only time I have vomited with my band is when I had a stomach virus. As Danna explained, PBing isn't like vomiting. Its just like bringing up the food in once clump and then its over with. You don't usually feel ill or nauseous, you just sense that its on its way up, then its out and over with. I have probably PBed 7 or 8 times in my 14 months, in varying intensities (sometimes it will take a while to make its way out).

Hope some of this helps!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[Coo 1]

I will do this with trepidation as I guess we all have been through the flutters thinking about this life changing event. But I am interested in the emotional side of things like:

How did it feel during the journey to your goal?

What was it like to make the changes in your lives?

Was it a constant battle?

I am 'vomitphobic' so is it likely I will vomit!

It could be me writing the first and last sentences I have quoted! Trepidation - OMG absolutely!! Right up until I was awaiting my anaesthetic. I think looking ack, it was the fear and anxiety of this too failing, and me stil be that size for the rest of my days. So what if, what if? what if?

The surgery was good for me, no problem at all.

Vomitaphobic - THAT was what my husband felt would be my saving grace - I'd rather break a leg than vomit. So far, NO vomiting, NO PB'ing

The battle for me IS constant. I also work from home, and I'm keeping a grip so long as there isn't lots of stuff in the kitchen. Christmas hasn't been that great, but I haven't put on either.

I have my second fill next week. I did seem to notice a reduction in restriction - but maybe that was all those calorie laden goodies at Christmas??

I am still trying to make the changes, some days are better than others. I totally don't tot up calories. At my age, I know what I shouldn't eat, its weakness that lets me down. So all my life I've counted, jotted down, weighed in etc. Now I've decided to let the band do some of this worrying for me.

Slowing down eating and not drinking with food are biggies for me -but as long as I slow down, its good

I don't regret this decision, but I did wonder and live in trepidation. Oh, yes, its a secret - only my husband knows and I am very very glad I made that decision

[Cherry_Blue 0]

I am due to be banded on Jan 16, and since getting my date, the emotional rolercoaster starts even more.

I am certain I want the surgery. I have always been a big girl and have never experienced buying clothes in the "normal" stores and have always had to shop in the larger sections. I am married to a great man, someone who loves me more than I thought anyone ever would, he says I am abeautiful the way I am....But I know he married me for who I am not for what I look like. i want to be beautiful as well as a nice person. Is that too much to ask.

I have just got off the phone from my mother in law who will be looking after my 18 month old the day of the surgery, so my hubby can be with me at the hospital........ I had to tell her what the operation was for and I could feel she was judging me, It was so hard to tell her what the op was for. I feel so ashamed but also angry at myself that I should feel ahamed about having an operation that could save my life.

I have my date booked, I am taking Optifast but part of me wants to run and hide in the corner....Silly hey!!!!!!

[She Smiles 2]

Oh don't get my wrong, my pride in my loss is only my own, there are only a few people in my life that know that I did this with the help of my band. I wanted to avoid the judgement and the questions about :how much I had lost now?". AND the big one, like you, I was incredibly ashamed that I had to resort to a surgical option to acheive and maitain a healthy weight. I could just never have the f**k you attitude. Unfortunately, I still still haven't gotten to the point of not caring what other people think....

[susannah 2]

Oh don't get my wrong, my pride in my loss is only my own, there are only a few people in my life that know that I did this with the help of my band. I wanted to avoid the judgement and the questions about :how much I had lost now?". AND the big one, like you, I was incredibly ashamed that I had to resort to a surgical option to acheive and maitain a healthy weight. I could just never have the f**k you attitude. Unfortunately, I still still haven't gotten to the point of not caring what other people think....

Meanwhile you are the bravest and most dedicated person. Others have their own personal demons to deal with. They can kiss my arse if they look down their nose at me for having the band. We are the brave ones. We have faced our demons and continue to move forward having made incredible change in our lives. Some never make that shift.

Hugs to you M.

[She Smiles 2]

Thanks Susie *hugs you back real tight*

[peek 1]

Thanks all. Interesting views. The more I read on this board, the more I want it more. I am trying not to get too excited as my surgeon might have other opinions!

I intend on telling my closest friend only and that's it. Of course my husband and kids will know but I don't want to be judged either. I do feel ashamed that I need this surgery too, but others don't need to know my dirty laundry. I am a very honest person, and I know people who see me will ask what I have done to lose all the weight. I am going to have to stand strong with my answer and tell them a little white lie. :eek:

It takes strength and determination, and a sense (for me anyway) of feeling like I have lost the fight to be thin and healthier. I have had enough of being big, and like most of you I have done many weight loss programs with some success, but I am back to more than when I started. It feels good to be able to talk about something that will ultimately be successful for me, but it will take hard work and a lot of support. I know I can do it.

Hugs to everyone

[sewenup1 0]

Thanks all. Interesting views. The more I read on this board, the more I want it more. I am trying not to get too excited as my surgeon might have other opinions!

I intend on telling my closest friend only and that's it. Of course my husband and kids will know but I don't want to be judged either. I do feel ashamed that I need this surgery too, but others don't need to know my dirty laundry. I am a very honest person, and I know people who see me will ask what I have done to lose all the weight. I am going to have to stand strong with my answer and tell them a little white lie.

It takes strength and determination, and a sense (for me anyway) of feeling like I have lost the fight to be thin and healthier. I have had enough of being big, and like most of you I have done many weight loss programs with some success, but I am back to more than when I started. It feels good to be able to talk about something that will ultimately be successful for me, but it will take hard work and a lot of support. I know I can do it.

Hugs to everyone

I read on a thread here somewhere the reply to give to anyone who says banding is the easy way out. Banding is a tool to help us achieve our goal results. Plumbers use tools to achieve results. Doctors use tools to achieve results. We use brooms and vacuums to achieve results. Do these people need to feel guilty because they are utilizing a tool to obtain a result? - No - tools are there to be used, so why the heck should any of us feel guilty for being banded. In my humble opinion, only a fool would refuse to make use of any available tool to reach their goal.

Kylie, you say you have lost the fight to stay thin, remember that is only one battle, with the help of the band you can and will win the war against fat - even the best generals in the world lost a fight now and then, the important thing is that we pick ourselves up and start again (and this time we have our secret weapon - our body fat won't know what's hit it!!!:heh:)

Sorry, will get down from my soap box now, I just hate that anyone should feel guilty about being banded - I still think we are the smart ones!!!!

Danna

[peek 1]

Dana, don't get me wrong. I don't feel that guilty. It's almost a feeling like, now I have made the decision, I can now just sit back and not have to battle to lose kilos. It's almost like a 'weight' (sorry for the pun) has been lifted. I can't wait for my first appointment! I am really excited by the prospect, that the intensity and the fight will come back once I am banded. I am inspired by all here believe me.

Thanks

[nat36 2]

I am reading all of these replies and Im sure someone is in my head reading my mind. I have been trapped in this body for so long I cant remember anything else. I too am married to a beautiful man that loves me for me but I die just a little bit everytime someone says "Hes gorgeous how did you manage to get him?" I know I am a good person but I so want to feel proud of my appearance and not make lame excuses why I cant go clothes shopping with my friend because Im too ashamed of the size I am. I am due to have surgery with Dr Watson on the 19th of March and it cant come soon enough. I have only told my closest friend as I broached the subject with a family member once and got a big lecture about how all you need to do is eat less and exercise blah blah blah if it were that easy nobody would be overweight.

[Cherry_Blue 0]

Hey Nat, I have told people and to be honest I have recieved a bit of negativity. It is sad that people feel they can judge what they don't know anything about. All of a sudden everyones an expert. It reminds me when I was pregnant, every mother had advice on feeding etc..

I am having my band next week with Dr Watson...I will keep you posted

[nat36 2]

This website has made me do a lot of soul searching in the last 24 hours. Things like why am I waiting until March to take charge of my life. I decided today that from tonight I am going to start being responsible for what I put in my mouth and not hide behind excuses for why I eat too much. This is up to me if I dont do it nobody else can. I realize that the fight hasnt even started yet and in a few days I will probably be fighting mind and body not to fill myself with yummy warm fatty food. I feel for the first time in a long time I am in the right frame of mind (knowing that surgery is coming and will be a welcome ally in my fight helps) I CAN DO THIS !!!!:wink:. Might need some help from the courageous people on this forum, is that ok???

[Coo 1]

Might need some help from the courageous people on this forum, is that ok???

Absolutely - I often read the board, or look at the photo's to give me strength and courage. Its so easy to be discouraged when life gets tough, and there are so many inspirational stories and people on this board.