Confusion????

[KTBUGG 14]

Hello,

I am scheduled for surgery 2/6/08. I am really kind of nervous/scared about afterwards. MY husband is sooo supportive of me and is going has gone to everything with me. I am not telling my family because they are very unsupportive of me. They are all fat too, but, I guess I am the best to make fun of.:think What do I tell them about my weight loss?? Should I tell them down the road?? My husbands family does not know either. I will tell them afterwords. ( my husband is 55 and his family is old school about things like this. but they will be supportive.) Is it hard to deal/accept all the changes?? I am so sorry about the long post. I just have alot of questions.

Any and all insight would be swell.

Thank you.

:help:

[princesstracey 1]

Congrats!

I totally understand about the supportive-ness. I had my pre-op diet which started on 12/14 and surgery on 12/28. Since then, I have lost 19 lbs, and people are noticing. I tell people I am on a 1000 calorie a day diet. Its true-and works!

Good luck to you! Tracey

[snowbird 2]

Sometimes it's the skinny ones who are unsupportive because they can't understand why we got fat in the first place. Sometimes it's the fat ones who are unsupportive because they feel pressured by our act to do something about themselves now, or maybe because they are now the "fat one" and we aren't, and they don't like it.

I had one of my husband's nieces tell me this weekend that she doesn't think my husband and I should have been banded because we "weren't that big." His weight was near 300 on a 5'9" frame, and he has gout and has been on blood pressure medication for 10 years. His mother died of heart disease at age 65 and his father of a heart attack after diabetes at age 69. So go figure.

Do what you feel with your family; there is no rule about telling people or not telling them. You don't owe them either way. If you want to share your experience, great. If you know they will give you a lot of grief you don't need, don't. I like to tell people, because if they are receptive I want to share. If they aren't, well, I'm an argumentative bitch who likes to tell them they're wrong! Whatever you decide, just be happy you have the opportunity to turn your life around and start in a new direction.

[kacee 3]

When people start asking about your weight loss, and how you did it....simply tell them "portion control" and leave it at that, until you are ready to tell them about the band. Personally, I looked at it this way. I told EVERYONE and go zero negative response from family and friends...and frankly if I HAD gotten negative response I would have looked them dead in the eye and said, "It's my decision, my body and my life....it's the decision that was right for me." period. You might tell your family after you have lost a substantial amount. You never know who you can influence... I've had two friends who I NEVER would have in a million years thought would have done this who have talked to me and then decided to do the band themselves. It's hard to be too negative to someone when you are looking at a success story. If they say something like "You took the easy way out." you can say "Well, the operative word here is that I GOT out....that's what counts."

[mel_25 0]

I don't think I'm going to tell people, except for my mom and dad. I don't think my in-laws will be very supportive, and to me its just personal, so I don't want them to know. When they ask how I lost weight, I will tell the truth and say I eat less, eat healthier, and exercise. I would even tell them that when I eat more slowly, I feel full without eating as much. It's true...Dr. Oz says it takes the brain 20 minutes to recognize that the stomach is full. So, I will just say I'm doing the Dr. Oz diet, or South Beach or a combination of both. Something like that.

[KTBUGG 14]

I think that if my brothers gf did not have the "other" wls done. Then they might be more understanding/supportive. She has had nothing but problems since she had it. She would still do it again, she says. I am sooo excited to start having a new healthier,thinner, better life. I think the worse downside of this surgery is that I will start getting a period. I like not having them. lol. I think I will just tell them I have been dieting, and exercising a lot, if they ask me I will tell the truth.

That is great advice from you all. Thank you for all the help. That makes me feel better.

[jewelee 0]

My stock answer is (or will be) "I stopped eating." It's all Portion Control.

Unfortunately I have to lose a ton before it's noticeable ... how fair is that??

[Frisky1 0]

I didn't tell anyone outside of my immediate family except my boss. (Time off) I don't want to have to deal with people's "free" advice or criticisms anymore than I have to. You always have someone letting you know their mind on your weight loss. I'm 5'0". When I told an ex-sister-in-law I wanted to get down to 100-110 lbs. (I was 100 lbs before I gained weight) her response was, "Are you sure that's good for you?" She was a petite person. Other times when people question why I'm not eating I tell them I'm not hungry. If they persist, I ask them why they want me to eat when I'm not hungry.

[DonHoll1 0]

Who you tell is up to you. All you really have to say is your watching what you eat. Whatever works for you. I told everyone, but thats just me.I think it is funny though that people are now telling me to be careful not to get too skinny. It is funny because I am still 37 pounds from goal, hardly skinny.Donna

[kbinaz 0]

I would recommend waiting to tell people about your surgery til they start seeing results. I told EVERYONE and wish I hadn't. People are used to seeing gastric bypass patients lose 30 pounds in the month after surgery and that is not how it works for lap banders. It is awkward when people know you had weight loss surgery and then watch you and don't see any difference in how you look. I wish I had waited so they wouldn't all be wondering what is wrong with me and why don't I look thinner. Once you start losing and people can tell, I think it is nice to tell them because you are a walking advertisement for the band and they can see you look healthy and are thinner. Just my opinion. The other problem with telling some people before surgery is that they feel the need to scare you with all the nightmares they have heard about and the deaths and illnesses...not what you need as you prepare for surgery...

[TampaJohn 0]

I was banded about 2 months ago and just went home to see my family over the holidays. I too was unsure how people would react. But let me tell you, i have been absolutely amazed how many "closet" gastric bypass people i have met in my travels. When people ask (and they all do because it is impossible not to notice my 50+ pound weight loss) i am right up front and tell them i had weight loss surgery. When they ask me why i chose such a radical route my response is "the alternative was to die from my obesity"..When i tell them my blood pressure and blood sugar are now perfect, and i no longer am taking any prescription drugs they are amazed and the congratulations i get are equally amazing. My children have thanked me on behalf of my grandchildren.

I have run into some obese people who can not fathom living on three 4-oz meals a day. I did this because I have tried and failed so many time at keeping off weight that I have lost. I figured out i am really good at doing what I have to do, and reallllllly bad at doing what i should do. This turns diet control into a "have to".

My advice is be honest. Your honesty may help others find their way to this amazing, life saving, life changing decision.

[Cgailee 1]

I know you are very young. 25 years old and making a very big decision for life. You are already married, ect. Your family will just have to accept the new you. I chose not to hide from anyone that I was having my surgery. I know that the decision was best for me and my family. I have 3 kids and a husband of 16 years. If you have your husbands support that is the main thing. Don't let other people worry you about your decision. I had to be carried out of my house in March 07 by like 6 big firemen when I had fallen and injured my back. It was like that moment when drug addicts hit "rock bottom" I thought OMG, I'm going to end up as one of those people who have to be rescued from their home. I can't live like this anymore. Good Luck and God Bless You as you make the decision. I hope your family will understand cause you of course will want their help/support.

[2bslimsherri 0]

I did not tell anyone about my surgery except my husband, children, one girlfriend and my carpool (only one person and needed her help with kids on surgery day). I did not tell my family or my husbands and never will. I told those people who needed to know I had surgery that I had a hiatus hernia repaired (turned out to be true). I think if I told them after the fact people would be angered that I had not been open and honest from the beginning.

Personally i think it is my journey and I do not want the peanut gallery making me crazy. I will just tell people I have been dieting and lost weight.

You have to evaluate what is best for you and do it.

[notateechanow 7]

You know they have particular birth control pills that allow you to have your period only once every few months, right? Once you're at a healthy weight and no longer at risk for blood clots...assuming your religion permits, ask your doctor about Seasonale. Issue solved. :confused:

[Kat817 19]

Don't take this the wrong way---I fully understand and support your right to tell or not to tell anyone you choose, especially dependent upon the way they would or would not support you.

But all these not telling posts make me wonder, how many people I saw losing weight, and wondered how they could do that and I couldn't----are WLS patients. I always felt so inferior! Like such a failure---all these people could diet, and lose and me, I dieted, lost a few and gained several more! Make me go hmmmmmm????

Kat