So Depressed!! Family trying to prevent my banding!

[LynneB 0]

I am so sick of my family discouraging me from having this done! Every time I try to bring up the subject I get shot down. I am a single mom so I have no one else to watch my kids while I am in the hospital & all I get from my family is one excuse after another. My mom wont take time off work to help me, my dad has no patience for children at all (even when I was little) my brother is totally useless & refuses to help me for anything, not just surgery. My mom thinks I can lose the weight just with diet & exercise, but she has seen me yo-yo all my life. She just doesnt get it, she has maybe 20 pounds to lose to be perfect so she just doesnt understand. All I hear is "join weight watchers", blah blah blah!! I have tried so many diet programs even a Dr supervised program that cost me $175 a week. Yeah I lost 75 pounds in 6 months but I couldnt afford to continue at that price & I have gained 30 lbs of it back again in less than 5 months even though I am still eating according to the diet but I am not getting the injections and pills like before. My kids ages 8 & 14 are supportive but that doesnt help with actually getting it done. I am so tired of my 8yr daughter coming home from school crying or getting into arguements with other kids over fat jokes about me. My son had to be pulled out of school & put on home school because he always felt he had to defend me. Why cant people just accept that this is my decision & my body & I want to do this!!??!! My aunt and my grandma both died from complications from diabetes recently & I want to live to see my kids have my grandchildren!! I am 36yrs old and I weigh almost 240lbs at only 5"1" I have at least 100lbs to lose. I am already non insulin diabetic, have sleep apnea & hypothyroidism. I am fed up with depending on pills and glucose meters. I just want to be healthy and thin, why wont my family get it??? The more they object the more determined I get, I just have to figure out where my kids can stay while I am in the hospital. I have no friends who can keep them for an entire day and overnight so I dont know what I am going to do. All I know is this is what I want more than anything in the world. Thanks for letting me vent

[Ang1982 4]

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time with your family *big hug*. Is there a neighbour you would trust to watch them? Or what about getting a babysitter? Sounds like your son is around the age where he could almost be a babysitter himself?

Hope you get things sorted out! Don't let your family stop you, you are doing this for you.

Good luck!

[LynneB 0]

I have no one I can trust, I live in a mostly older neighborhood & I dont even know any of my neighbors names, my son has never even been left home alone for longer than a quick trip to the grocery store or bank so I know he would be scared & would never be able to responsibly take care of my daughter (plus they fight terribly). I dont know of any babysitters who could keep them for more than 24 hours straight. I just gotta figure something out.

[juliegeraci 7]

Out of curiosity, where do you live?

[LynneB 0]

I am in Sarasota, FL

[soozan 0]

Do you know any of the mothers of your kids schoolmates?

Do you belong to a church or temple?

If so, contact them and inquire. There are sitting referrals to be gotten from them.

What do you do? Could you barter?

If the population is older, there may be some adult caregivers around.

This is something I would not be shy about.

Tell your family you ARE getting the procedure and you NEED their help(with the kids). We're talking 1-3, maybe 4 days. The teen will be a lot of help to you and the 8 yo. can do more also.

Cooking, light housework and "sitting" is what you really need right?

Susan

[shortgal 5]

I'm 5'0' also and at my very highest was 230. I lost 30 lbs several years ago. It took me 10 months of basically just avoiding almost any situation where I knew I might not be able to resist the temptation of food. Within 6 months I had gained 1/2 of it back.

I knew I had to do something and began the lapband process last Feb. After a long struggle with ins. I decided to self pay and had the surgery one month ago.

You need to ask the kid's school,principals, teachers, PTA, local church for names of people they would recommend that might be able to watch the kids for you. It won't be a long time you need them. If your ins and/or Dr. requires an overnight stay etc.

There might be a nice, older grandma type person that can stay with your children and help you. Or maybe a local college student. What about a local nursing school student?

If you have two children and one is 14, you are old enough to take a stand with your family. Tell them this is what you're doing and that you've arranged for outside help with the kids for a couple days. Do not change your plans, even if your family says they will now help. They need to know you are old enough to handle the surgery and the rest of the plans/arrangements on your own.

I would tell your family, if they can't support your decision, then fine, but that you're going ahead with it and that you will not stay and listen to any more negative comments /remarks about your decision. If you are at their home and that type of conversation starts, then just politely say it's time for you to head home and say goodbye. Do not engage in the debate. If they are at your house, just abrubtly change the subject entirely.

I had to use this tactic with my family, not on the subject of weight loss surgery, but another family type dispute. It took me years to figure out how to handle it. Once I had it in my head, everything changed. If I was there and the bickering started, I calmly stated that if it was going to continue then I would have to leave and it changed everything. I had to remind them of my "new rule" occassionally but everything calmed down, once I set the new direction and stopped letting them engage me into the debate.

Just my two Cents from someone that's been there, done that!

Good Luck, I wish you the best.

[Artsy 0]

You expressed yourself so eloquently in your post. Along with everyone else's excellent advice, my suggestion is that you print it out and have your mother and/or father read it. Maybe it would help if they saw it written out like that.

Best wishes.

[Michee 2]

i was only away from home for few hours I had the lapband and hernia repair at the same time. My surgery was at 1:30, and I left the clinic at 4:00.

You would be home when they get back from school if you book a late morning surgery. You will not be feeling great, but you could order them a pizza for dinner, and let them watch a favourite movie or two for the rest of the evening. They can take the left over pizza for their lunch at school the next day.

Good Luck !

[luluc 6]

Shortgal, similar stats/story - My hightest was 200 (I freaked at the 2 in front) and on a good hair day I'm 5' myself. DH and I decided last Nov that we wanted to get the lapband, but after wrangling with Ins. decided to go self pay. That was a $30k nut that also cut into my PS fund - but the best decision we ever made.

Counting - Older neighbors might be a help. My grandmother lives in FL along w/my Parents and to keep herself young she does some tutoring & sitting for some young families around her. I'd get out and meet some, I think you'll find this demographic very reliable and trustworthy. Good Luck!

Lulu

[sweethot143 2]

I am in Sarasota, FL

l

I am from sarasota.

If I lived there i would totally help you out.

My sis in law lives in bradenton and is a single mom too.

Maybe I can give you her email or myspace. She lives sort of by the airport.

do your kids have any friends? maybe they can spend the night at a friends house each.

[LynneB 0]

I am very close to the airport so we cant be too far apart, I would love to have her email and myspace.

As far as school ffriends, my son is home schooled & my daughter just changed schools a month ago so I dont know anyone from her new school. The only close friend I have that I would trust lives about 30 mins away & has her own kids to take to school in totally opposite directions from my daughter. My Dr only does the surgery on Mon & Tues so it will be a middle of the week thing, it would be so much more convenient if I could have it done on a Fri but I guess because of possible complications he wont do them before a weekend. I will do some checking with local colleges and nursing schools though, that is a good idea. I am looking for a new church because my regular church just sold out and I dont like the new pastor there, so thats not an option.

My kids will be a great help once I am home, they were wonderful after I had my gallbladder removed 2 yrs ago as well as after surgeries on both hands for carpal tunnel the last one was in July 07, so once I am home that will be fine. I guess I will just quit discussing it with my family till insurance is approved and my date is set. I just cant keep getting myself so upset over it, its just not worth it. My mind is made up I am going to do this for myself and to he** with anyone who opposes me being happy and healthy!

[mbanja 1]

One question, on your other surgeries did your family help with the kids. If so, drop the lapband subject all together and continue on your own thru the ins approval. Once it is approved and you have a date, why don't you suddenly develop a "hernia" that needs immediate surgery and ask your parents to watch them while you "have it repaired." They can't argue with a "manditory emergency surgery" can they? Then when you start loosing weight, and they start asking questions, just say you are doing the whole "weight watchers" diet thing like your mom suggested. I know it sucks lying, but what sucks more is that your family doesn't care enough about your feelings and health to help you out. That's just my opinion, I would keep you children if I lived close to you. I hope you find a way to make this work!

[Fish 0]

Hello,

I don't want to sound harsh or come accross as a jerk. Listen to what happened to me just before Christmas. OK....so my Dad (60 yrs. old) is a type 2 diabetic with hight BP and colesterol. He is not a walking example of health by far. Either way I love the man to death. You say that no one is supportive of the band. (remember that as I explain further) So....I am getting ready to go to work on Friday before Christmas. I am just finishing feeding my daughter of six months. A call comes in via my cell phone.....did not answer....then it is my home phone. (mmmmmm????) I picked it up. My mother was on the other end telling me that my Dad was rushed to the hospital with chest pains. My whole world came to a stand still........I was now in a spin and had to get to the hospital ASAP. I called my work and let them know that I would not be in. I grabbed my daughter and wife. Off to the hospital I went. As I took this trip I asked myself what lead my father to this event. How is he going to fair after many years of just shelving overeating and lack of good health. At about 40 he ate his way to a type 2 diabetic and has been on a downward spiral since then. Some diets...some restriction....but has always been a volume eater. Long story short......my Dad has two Cypher stents....one 70% and one 90% artery clogged. I was a mess and witnessed my Dad having a heart attack right in front of me. Lucky to be in the hosipital when this was happening.....he would have been DEAD.

Good note....my Dad was the best Christmas gift that anyone could give me this year. He was not on board with me getting banded...neither my Mom. Now they are pushing me out the door.....!

I don't mean to scare you....but I do. If it will give you the push to make things happen. Then it was woth the time to share my experience.

As for me....I am just about to be submitted for approval. I am set in getting a new lease on life.

Your choice is the right one. As stated in this thread....many people have offered assistance. Do it...Do it.....I can't stress this enough.

I hope I did not offend you in any way. I hope I did not scare you....but I am here for you if you need so. I am not banded yet....but I will be.

You have the power to make anything happen.

Be well.....keep your head up.....and never give up.

Regards,

Michael

[Lin12/20/07 0]

Hi, Just really wanted to encourage you! I was banded 12/20/07 and it was the best thing for me. My ONLY regret is that I started the process 5 years ago & didn't follow through because I didn't have my family's support. I have always had my husband & children's support but my parents were the same way- when you bring up wls, they freak!

It was the same type of situation where they didn't understand the struggles of losing so much weight, of struggling with health problems because of your weight, etc. They understand losing 15-20 pounds at a time, not over a hundred. Try weight watchers (for the 22nd time!), see a dr about your throid (for the 12th time, there's nothing wrong with my throid!), etc.

What I regret is that I decided not to do it 5 years ago because they were so against it & only delayed my surgery 5 years. I would have been younger & healthier then- in that 5 years I developed high blood pressure & heart problems in addition to sleep apnea- all of which put the surgery on a riskier level.

From my experience with a situation like that ( I know our situations aren't exactly the same, but...) I would not let anyone discourage you or stop you from doing what you think is right for you. Where there's a will there's a way- don't be down- do whatever you have to do to make it happen for you!

What I ended up doing was when I decided to look into wls again, I didn't tell them. I didn't feel I could get their support & I didn't want anyone discouraging me. Preparing your mind & body for surgery like this is stressful enough- you don't need the added stress! I looked into on my own, got the facts on my own, and did months of pre-op preparation and still didn't tell them. Everything worked out fine and I'm not planning to tell anyone else. I'm a pretty private person anyway, so it's just something I choose not to share. I look at it this way... I don't walk around everyday telling people how much I weigh (they don't know how much I weigh anyway), so why would I share this with them. When they ask (and they will) what am I doing different to lose the weight, I will tell them I'm eating less, exercising more, and making healthier choices- all true.

Would it be easier with their support & help? Absolutely! Do you have to have it to be successful? Absolutely Not!

All great suggestions given. Talk to your dr or bariatric coordinator too- see if he has any suggestions. Did anyone say college students? Or, if you have any "comfort keepers" in your area- they usually help older people around the house, keep them company (basically babysitting at a higher fee but I think they're bonded, etc). If you do it over a break (spring break, summer break, etc) maybe a teacher would like to pick up some extra work. Or, find that new church & connect. Just reach out there- someone will help.

You can do this!!!!!

Hang in there!!!

Good Luck!