So Depressed!! Family trying to prevent my banding!

[gretchens4 0]

Okay,

Find a friend or a babysitter to help you and don't talk to them again. I was 37 last February when I did this, and I have never made a better decision. I needed help for just a few days (maybe 4 days and I could get around and take care of my 4 kids ages 3-11). I have a very helpful husband, but he only took off one day of work and I still managed.

I had a really hard time physically those first few days, but by a week to 10 days out I was practically normal. No one knew that I had the surgery except for my husband and they still don't. I would never talk to your family about it again and just make some other arrangements even if you have to pay someone. It is SO worth it. I have lost 75 pounds in this first 10 months, and that is not even close to what some have lost. I was your weight a year before my surgery and 292 before the pre-op. I'd practically be to goal if I had just done this the year before. Don't wait, don't count on anyone. You can do it and it will be the best thing you ever did after that first week!!

Take care.

[1bayougirl 0]

Take a deep breath and know that you are right. My family (parents and aunts) were against it for me as well. It came down to I want it, I need it, I have the ability (insurance) to do it. I want to live with out hurting,

sleep while breathing (i have sleep apnea), and avoid the diabetes that runs in my family. I do not regret it at all and now my family is appreciating that I have done it.

One thing you have on your side is your son. At 14 he is old enough to babysit. I stayed overight in the hospital, but friend, Maggi, was home the same day and back at work on Monday. I was lucky enough to have vacation time saved.

KEEP your head up!

I am so sick of my family discouraging me from having this done! Every time I try to bring up the subject I get shot down. I am a single mom so I have no one else to watch my kids while I am in the hospital & all I get from my family is one excuse after another. My mom wont take time off work to help me, my dad has no patience for children at all (even when I was little) my brother is totally useless & refuses to help me for anything, not just surgery. My mom thinks I can lose the weight just with diet & exercise, but she has seen me yo-yo all my life. She just doesnt get it, she has maybe 20 pounds to lose to be perfect so she just doesnt understand. All I hear is "join weight watchers", blah blah blah!! I have tried so many diet programs even a Dr supervised program that cost me $175 a week. Yeah I lost 75 pounds in 6 months but I couldnt afford to continue at that price & I have gained 30 lbs of it back again in less than 5 months even though I am still eating according to the diet but I am not getting the injections and pills like before. My kids ages 8 & 14 are supportive but that doesnt help with actually getting it done. I am so tired of my 8yr daughter coming home from school crying or getting into arguements with other kids over fat jokes about me. My son had to be pulled out of school & put on home school because he always felt he had to defend me. Why cant people just accept that this is my decision & my body & I want to do this!!??!! My aunt and my grandma both died from complications from diabetes recently & I want to live to see my kids have my grandchildren!! I am 36yrs old and I weigh almost 240lbs at only 5"1" I have at least 100lbs to lose. I am already non insulin diabetic, have sleep apnea & hypothyroidism. I am fed up with depending on pills and glucose meters. I just want to be healthy and thin, why wont my family get it??? The more they object the more determined I get, I just have to figure out where my kids can stay while I am in the hospital. I have no friends who can keep them for an entire day and overnight so I dont know what I am going to do. All I know is this is what I want more than anything in the world. Thanks for letting me vent

[LynneB 0]

All of you are so right.

Michael, you dont need to scare me, at 36 yrs old I have already had 2 mild heart attacks all because several years ago I got tired of being fat & went crazy anorexic & bulemic. I starved myself from 285 to 110 in 11 months time. I only ate a salad once every 5 days and only drank Water in between. A day or 2 would go by without even drinking water sometimes. My dad found me unconcious (sp?) with my son who was only 2 yrs old crying over me. He had to kick the door in to get to me when I didnt answer the phone for a few hours. I was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks & in a coma from malnourishment for 5 days. I almost died in my desperation to be thin. I did so much damage to my body from starvation and dehydration, I was honestly lucky to be alive. The heart damage that caused my heart attacks is because of this. I also did kidney, liver, gallbladder, and thyroid damage. I dont want to end up that way again & I can feel myself getting back in that "desperate to be thin" frame of mind again. Obviously it didnt work because I gained it all back, and I am smarter than that now so I wont do that to myself again, but I want to be thin so badly I am going to do this surgery, no matter what the cost it has on my family. I want to do it right this time, I want it to be forever.

[Fish 0]

WOW! I wish you the best of luck. You CAN do this. I only wrote that about my Dad because I was on the other end of the coin. It was a wake up call for everyone in my family. It sounds like you are on the right track. This board has many people whom can assist you. I am new to the band world and am only starting to prep for post-op as soon as I get the green light from the health ins co. I feel for you and know that others are saying the same. I say this because I care.

Best regards,

Michael

[1bayougirl 0]

I wish I was local to help you. I am blessed to have the support of my husband .and 11 year old daughter who was scared of my health after I developed sleep apnea. I sometimes fall asleep with her and she witnessed first hand the lack of breathing one night. My parents are afraid of any surgery, so I just said it was happening. End of story.

Sit down, breath deep, and know that you are cared about. My favorate saying when I am ultra stressed is "BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD" DO NOT PUT YOURSELF THROUGH ANY EXTRA STRESS WITH YOUR FAMILY UNTIL THE SURGERY IS SET UP. tHEY MAY BE SCARED like my parent were.

Like I said earlier, I was only in the hospital overnight ( my own fault- never eat ice after the surgery. I wasn't allowed to drink immediately and was so thirsty that an aid gave me ice chips. I ended up in ICU due to terrible chest pains- all because of the ice) Trust me this surgery is safer then the Phen-Phen I took to loose weight ten years ago.(prolasped heart valve).

You do not need to discuss this with your family any further until you are ready for the surgery. You are an adult and may need to remind them later. Most of the Patients at my clinics went home the same day. Do you have a physical job or sit at a desk? It makes a difference as to when you can return to work. This is your body and only you are responsible for it. Do what you must. It took me 3 years, but I would do it all over again.

Another thing I recommend is keeping all receipts to any Weight watchers, ect group that you have belonged to. It can cut down on the Insurance time. Keep a food journal that contains time you ate, what you ate, and volume.; as well as any and all exercise. If I didn't have that my insurance would have required 6 months of a nutritionist and an exercise routine. As it was, I did most of my dieting through my birth mother, so the weight watchers and nutrisytem, phen-phen was in her name. Ok, I am rambling. I just want to say so much!

[p59404 0]

I was banded on 9/10/07 and since first visit with the Dr I lost 41 lbs and I eat about anything I want, this was the best decision I ever made, makes losing weight so easy, if you can lose 3-5 lbs a month that is the best way to let your body adjust, my clothes are loose and fit in clothes I could not wear before (glad I keep my old clothes). 23 hour in and out for surgery, after I got home it was not hard at all, but I have a GREAT WIFE who took care of me, but I could of taken care of myself, but I like her taking care of me its so much fun. Good Luck on your new adventure.

Pat

[jenncore 0]

Your post really touched me. I'm sorry that your family isn't supportive. I come from a very large family and have chosen not to tell any of them except for my twin sister who has been amazing. My husband and 12 year old son have also been incredible so I'm very fortunate.

A few things came to mind while reading your post. I noticed that you're hoping to be banded by March 2008? So the good news it that you still have time. Are there any local colleges? You could check into having a college student (of course after you interview them) help out. You would have to pay but I bet you could get a really good deal. Check to see if the college has an early childhood ed. dept. I was banded on the 26th and stayed overnight. You can ask the surgeon what his/her policy is on that. My recovery was a little rough but not because of pain, mostly from being exhausted. It sounds like your children are old enough to be okay if you have to rest from time to time. Please don't let your unsupportive family get in your way, You deserve this and nothing should stop you!

I hope I was helpful! You're in my thoughts and I wish you the very best!

Jenn

[sfeiner 2]

I think you need to give way more responsability to your 14 yr old. You didn't say when you were having surgery but I'm assuming you have some time to get him prepared. I know a lot of 12 yr olds that babysit. I understand the fighting issue. If y ou make him the baby sitter and she knows he's in charge, he might make more of an effort to act like the "adult". Can you start leaving them alone for longer times now? Pay him for babysitting? You will no doubt be home the same day, but you could start practicing now, what they should do if you aren't. Who is driving you back and forth from the hosp? I wish I lived near you! Keep us up to date on your plans.

[Daisalana 33]

I wanted to get RNY years ago. My family was so against it, I didn't do it. But the end of '06, I decided(finally) I am doing it with or without them. I needed to do it, I could barely walk at 22, I was miserable. When I decided to go for it, I found lap-band, and it all worked out.

But if you listen to your family now, you will break eventually. At some point YOU will be fed up with it, and YOU will decide to do it without their approval.. and then you'll wish you had done it early!

[SpecialK 22]

I would like to suggest you consider contacting a large church in your area that has alot of different support groups, particularly ones with single Mom's support or Youth Minister and see if someone could help you out. Swap a day of babysitting with one of them in exchange for helping them sometime later. Just an idea. I'd be working to get to know them in advance so you felt comfortable with them watching your children of course.

[Done 2]

I say "screw them all"!

Forget being involved with your family. It doesn't sound like they are very supportive, or they even want to be involved in your life.

You will figure this out. You have to be your own advocate here. Save up money and hire a sitter. You can do it!! You can get this surgery if you set your mind to it and not let ANYTHING get in your way.

Good luck and please let me know how you are doing!

:scared: