scared of being thin?

[bandster_1007 1]

I see people talking about how other people will treat them when they are "thin"....how their partners and family will react to it, etc.

I don't really see people commenting on what I believe to be the core of the problem with most everyone...

"When I am ______ (insert your word here.....thin, skinny, 130 pounds, etc.) will I finally be HAPPY with and LOVE myself?"

I think that's what this really boils down to. We have all punished ourselves for whatever indiscretions we perceive we have done to ourselves, or have been done to us by others. I don't believe that ONE of us has had a truly healthy relationship with OURSELVES in this self-destructive lifestyle. And NO we won't magically love ourselves at a certain weight. This is a multi-step process. Mind and body, together. You cannot divorce the two. As the metamorphisis takes place in our bodies, we have to turn inwards and REALLY look long and hard at why we got where we got...take those bricks of thinking apart and study them carefully and try to put them back together in a more healthy way...

THAT's the challenge we face....the weight is secondary, like getting rid of the symptom of a disease, if you don't address the underlying cause, the symptoms will return.

very well said, i need to put this on my vanity mirror and read it every day.

[Optimist 0]

Thanks for posting this question. Its kind of a relief to know that others have had these feelings. I have no idea what being thin is like. You know, there was a time that I was probably what some would consider "not fat", but I'm certain I wasn't thin, however, as I recall it, I might have been the 200 plus pounds that I am now , then, because thats how fat I felt. I'm remembering what an internal drive that is. My fear of being thin is all about what other people's expectations of me will be. You see, if I am fat, in some ways, I get off the hook for others having too high of expectations for me or my performance at anything. The way you are looked down upon make it easy to try to be invisible and then if you do something pretty darn smart, my mental image is that people are taken aback that a fat girl could be so smart. But if I am thin, doing the same things, will people not be impressed because I'm just another thin person doing something perhaps normal, or will people expect more from me since i'm not that fat girl. And how will I ever measure up. Ah. my internal demons. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to express my crazy thinking.

[Paulax 8]

I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if I repeat.

I was and maybe am still a bit afraid to be thin. I have to learn on a daily basis how to deal with people treating me differently than they did over 100 pounds ago. Some treat me better, like strangers, some treat me worst, like family members who are worried about me or resentful of my success.

But I have to say now, 2 pounds from goal. I am more afraid of being fat again. So with every ounce of my energy, I will focus on staying healthy and keeping this weight off.

Good luck in your journey. Be good to yourself.

[DonHoll1 0]

My biggest fear is that i will get married again. LOL I really do mean that though. I have been married just a tad too many times. Donna

[steph_co 9]

I definitely had this fear. It hit me the night before surgery. It really surprised me because I thought all I wanted was to be thin and then I'd be happy. I realized at that point that it just wasn't true. What I was afraid with with getting skinny was that I wouldn't be able to blame the fat anymore if I ever get rejected again. I got skinny in HS and I thought for sure I'd be getting dates. No - I didn't. I still think I was pretty cute, but I had zero self-esteem whatsoever - I did my best to remain invisible. So it's no wonder I didn't get dates - nobody could see me! But at the time, I just figured I wasn't worth it, period. And thus began the years and years of torturing myself in a chubby body.

When I get thin, I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that somebody is rejecting me for ME, or possibly for reasons that have nothing to do with me at all. That is going to be the hardest thing of all for me. My fat has been my protection. It is how I have kept myself from relating to people in this world. It's how I kept myself from taking risks.

But I know I don't want to be there anymore. It's really strange to me to think that 70+ lbs heavier than I was in HS, I have more self-esteem than I did then! I know more about who I am - I believe in myself. And because of that, I know I can be thin and not need the protection of all that fat.

[ivyrose325 0]

I don’t have a fear of being thin, but I don’t like to have a lot attention focused on me, based on my appearance.

I know that when I am obese, people treat me as though I am invisiable and even avoid making eye contact. This made me miserable. I remember walking into one of my graduate classes and no one would speak to me (I’m sure it was because I was a size (30/32).

Now people are starting to notice me again it’s like I slipped out from under an invisibility cloak, I feel comfortable here. People will converse with me, but I am not being judged solely on how I look either positive or negative.

I remember after dropping 135 lbs on my own when I was 16 and going to meet some friends. I was dressed nicely ( I wasn’t showing any skin), and I was hit on by 4 different men in from the time I got of the buss to the time I walked to Herald’s Square in 5 mins time. I felt horrible!! Most of the men were easily more then twice my age, and it freaked me out.

Almost 10 years later I like to think that I have developed better skills to handle my feelings, but we’ll see.

[kacee 3]

When I get thin, I'll just have to come to terms with the fact that somebody is rejecting me for ME, or possibly for reasons that have nothing to do with me at all. That is going to be the hardest thing of all for me. My fat has been my protection. It is how I have kept myself from relating to people in this world. It's how I kept myself from taking risks.

Couldn't have said it better myself! Fat is a protective layering for us. A wall to keep people out and for us to hide behind, and an "excuse" for what befalls us. As those bricks of the wall are being stripped away we have to cowboy up and peek out at the world, put on our big girl (and big boy) underpants and step out into the light. What we also have to be mindful of as "the walking wounded" is that we have as much right to be here on this earth as anyone else. Never give anyone else power over you. Never give your power away. That means accepting that we are not perfect and people will not treat us always the way we want to be treated. That's not what we want but that's okay. That's life. We've got to learn to love ourselves FIRST. Using whatever self-affirmation we need to get that ball rolling. I have as much right to be here as you, or him or her. I'm okay....you're okay. If you don't feel that way....well....your loss.

[miranda robinson 0]

The great thing about the band is that we lose slowly enough for our heads to catch up to our weight loss.

what a sensible comment and such a help for those who have the fear of coping with thinness after years (45 in my case)

thank you and I will use the comment as my mantra when I feel nervous.

[Sooverit! 1]

This is NOT a weird question. I was just thinking yesterday how it's going to be starting a new job being thin or normal weight again. The first thing that popped into my mind was feeling vulnerable...won't have a blanket of fat to protect me any longer. Especially with fellow female co workers. When you are thin you are fair game for anything...when your overweight ....you almost get cut slack I think and you are a non threatening entity. In my case woman seem to like me more as a fat woman. I became a comedian when I was fat...not professionally but I kept em laughing....don't know if I have the energy any more for that. Could be an age thing too...or a competition thing.....I will soon find out!

[miranda robinson 0]

i know about being the clown and feeling protected by ones fat. i dont think there is enough emphasis on the reasons (besides what we put in our mouths) around the psycological and addictive nature of obesity. AA deals with these problems but because the disease is so visable the internal nature is not addressed

[Lana24 10]

i know about being the clown and feeling protected by ones fat. I dont think there is enough emphasis on the reasons (besides what we put in our mouths) around the psycological and addictive nature of obesity. Aa deals with these problems but because the disease is so visable the internal nature is not addressed

here, here i second that thought...

[Sooverit! 1]

Very interesting thought V. Because this addiction is so visable the internal nature not addressed....good point.

[TQUAD64 9]

This is a great question and I think about it alot. I know how people attended to me when I was slender and I know how they treat me when I am over weight.

All I know for sure, is that my weight loss is gradual, so I can wrap my head around the differences occuring physically and mentally. I have a great support system of people who love me thin and fat, so they will help me with the process.:tt1:

[miranda robinson 0]

i found that really i didnt eat very much but I still couldnt lose weight, vertual starvation was the only thing that worked, as with the alcoholic it takes less and less to get them drunk