Accountability Post

[AmberFL 988]

I post here for advice, encouragement and always get such uplifting/helpful comments. I just need this to get out to my bari-fam!

I am 15months post op. I have done well, got down to my goal weight fairly quickly, made leaps on my fitness journey and just pretty proud of how far I have come. Lately, body dysmorphia is really rearing its ugly head and I am not dealing with it well. I am punishing myself with binge eating...All of April has just sucked a$$ for me. I am maintaining, continuing my workouts, my days are great then I go home at night, I grab a few chips, leads to some sweets, leads to some bread and butter, ect....do I eat a ton of it? No but I don't feel good when I eat it. Last week, I went on a week long drinking fiasco- I used to drink...a lot pre-surgery- Last night I ate Jack in the box tacos.. you know those disgusting delicious mini tacos and my feel like garbage today! I am letting my emotional eating get the best of me and I am struggling to get back.

I woke up at 5 walked on my treadmill at 10incline 3.8speed but at the end of the day you cannot exercise a shitty diet. I wake up every single day and tell myself okay new day lets get back on track. And every single day I just cannot seem to get my ish together when I am at home. I am getting rid of all the bad Snacks and getting everyone on the healthy train. I am trying and I am so terrified that I will get back to 300lbs again. Looking at the mirror, I see how big I am, I see the tummy, I see the hanging skin, I see everything negative when in reality I probably look fine.

Not sure what I am looking for outta this post, but I needed to get it out and not hide my food struggles because I did that and it lead to me hiding food and getting up to 300lbs.

[SpartanMaker 1,032]

So sorry you're struggling right now. I think if we're all being honest, we're ALL been there. I've said this before, but I strongly believe anyone that is or was obese has an eating disorder or at least suffers from disordered eating. You simply don't get that big unless you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

The thing is, none of us magically got better by having bariatric surgery. If you think you need it, please reachout to a mental health professional to help you get back on track. If you don't feel ready for therapy, that's okay too. You have to do what's right for you. Just know that there is help out there if you need it.

I want you to know that I personally have faith in you, even if you don't right now. You are an inspiration to many people here, me included.

You've already shown how strong you are and how hard you're willing to work for your goals. I know this is just a temporary setback, and I'm guessing a lot of it was brought on by extra stress due to surgery and your routine being thrown off. As they say, this too will pass. I know you can get your mojo back, so please give yourself some grace. We're often our worst critics.

I'm honestly just guessing based on your previous posts, but I'd think you're a very goal-oriented person. It might be beneficial to stop thinking "I need to get back on track". That's just too nebulous. Instead set yourself small, time-bound concrete goals. Only you can decide what those should be, but it might be as simple as "get at least 120 grams of lean Protein tomorrow". Forget everything else that part of your personal idea about what "back on track" means and just work on that one small goal until it's become habitual. Only then, add in a new goal to work on. Just keep them small, easily attainable based on where you're at today, and make sure they have a time component such as my goal for tomorrow is..., or my goal this week is... you get the idea.

If you need any help with diet or exercise as you work through this, please feel free to PM me and I'll do my best to help.

Wishing you all the success in the world!

[Mspretty86 420]

I attend a lot of high-quality bariatric groups and I like to take bits and pieces from what everybody has expressed and apply what's useful. Some group members have felt the same way as you and they expressed that they got back on track by naming the feeling, doing a reset, and getting back to the basics. You are doing fine and will continue to be great.

So basically a lot of mind work is involved in this Journey.

1. What am I feeling? There is a feelings wheel and a feelings app to help you name your feelings.

2. Is this head Hunger, emotional hunger, or do I really need to eat ?

3. Well, I can't seem to get past this hump do I need further assistance from a therapist, etc.

People with kids and spouses stated that they make them keep their foods in a separate bin in separate drawers, or up on a higher shelf where it's not at their eye level. I understand that when there are other people in the home it's harder because they do not eat the same as you. I can't sugarcoat it. This **** is hard but I know you will conquer this feeling.

Edited Friday at 09:26 PM by Mspretty86

[AmberFL 988]

@SpartanMaker you are an absolute gem, thank you for your kind words! ❤️ I did not get to be 300lbs by eating healthy, it was definitely the binge eating and hiding the wrappers or food, which is why I had to make sure I help myself accountable. I have been able to keep it at bay but this month just let it take over.

You are right, I am very goal-oriented, and a determined individual so me not being able to get my ish back together is driving me bananas. I love the idea of just setting one goal and not worrying about everything else. I am no longer relying on motivation to continue my journey but determination. My focus has been off this month and I can't pin point why- but you might have hit the nail on the head with the stress due to post surgery- however I had my 4month post op appointment a couple of hours ago and he cleared me for exercise again, just no running or isolated chest workouts. Which I am okay with! I can work with that! That got me excited to incorporate that back into my routine. That is something that has kept me from doing my norm since I was limited on what I could do, so I am hoping that lights a fire under me. I will keep you in mind if I am struggling with the diet and workouts and PM you! I appreciate you again!!

@Mspretty86 I have 3 kids and a hubby, Who all eat differently. My daughter is the only one who have my genes so I do need to be cautious but the 2 boys and hubby have no weight issues. Its something that we all need to work out, but I'm starting with not buying it anymore. You're right this ish is HARD! But I CHOOSE this hard and not being obese hard!