Accountability Post

[AmberFL 990]

I post here for advice, encouragement and always get such uplifting/helpful comments. I just need this to get out to my bari-fam!

I am 15months post op. I have done well, got down to my goal weight fairly quickly, made leaps on my fitness journey and just pretty proud of how far I have come. Lately, body dysmorphia is really rearing its ugly head and I am not dealing with it well. I am punishing myself with binge eating...All of April has just sucked a$$ for me. I am maintaining, continuing my workouts, my days are great then I go home at night, I grab a few chips, leads to some sweets, leads to some bread and butter, ect....do I eat a ton of it? No but I don't feel good when I eat it. Last week, I went on a week long drinking fiasco- I used to drink...a lot pre-surgery- Last night I ate Jack in the box tacos.. you know those disgusting delicious mini tacos and my feel like garbage today! I am letting my emotional eating get the best of me and I am struggling to get back.

I woke up at 5 walked on my treadmill at 10incline 3.8speed but at the end of the day you cannot exercise a shitty diet. I wake up every single day and tell myself okay new day lets get back on track. And every single day I just cannot seem to get my ish together when I am at home. I am getting rid of all the bad Snacks and getting everyone on the healthy train. I am trying and I am so terrified that I will get back to 300lbs again. Looking at the mirror, I see how big I am, I see the tummy, I see the hanging skin, I see everything negative when in reality I probably look fine.

Not sure what I am looking for outta this post, but I needed to get it out and not hide my food struggles because I did that and it lead to me hiding food and getting up to 300lbs.

[SpartanMaker 1,034]

So sorry you're struggling right now. I think if we're all being honest, we're ALL been there. I've said this before, but I strongly believe anyone that is or was obese has an eating disorder or at least suffers from disordered eating. You simply don't get that big unless you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

The thing is, none of us magically got better by having bariatric surgery. If you think you need it, please reachout to a mental health professional to help you get back on track. If you don't feel ready for therapy, that's okay too. You have to do what's right for you. Just know that there is help out there if you need it.

I want you to know that I personally have faith in you, even if you don't right now. You are an inspiration to many people here, me included.

You've already shown how strong you are and how hard you're willing to work for your goals. I know this is just a temporary setback, and I'm guessing a lot of it was brought on by extra stress due to surgery and your routine being thrown off. As they say, this too will pass. I know you can get your mojo back, so please give yourself some grace. We're often our worst critics.

I'm honestly just guessing based on your previous posts, but I'd think you're a very goal-oriented person. It might be beneficial to stop thinking "I need to get back on track". That's just too nebulous. Instead set yourself small, time-bound concrete goals. Only you can decide what those should be, but it might be as simple as "get at least 120 grams of lean Protein tomorrow". Forget everything else that part of your personal idea about what "back on track" means and just work on that one small goal until it's become habitual. Only then, add in a new goal to work on. Just keep them small, easily attainable based on where you're at today, and make sure they have a time component such as my goal for tomorrow is..., or my goal this week is... you get the idea.

If you need any help with diet or exercise as you work through this, please feel free to PM me and I'll do my best to help.

Wishing you all the success in the world!

[Mspretty86 420]

I attend a lot of high-quality bariatric groups and I like to take bits and pieces from what everybody has expressed and apply what's useful. Some group members have felt the same way as you and they expressed that they got back on track by naming the feeling, doing a reset, and getting back to the basics. You are doing fine and will continue to be great.

So basically a lot of mind work is involved in this Journey.

1. What am I feeling? There is a feelings wheel and a feelings app to help you name your feelings.

2. Is this head Hunger, emotional hunger, or do I really need to eat ?

3. Well, I can't seem to get past this hump do I need further assistance from a therapist, etc.

People with kids and spouses stated that they make them keep their foods in a separate bin in separate drawers, or up on a higher shelf where it's not at their eye level. I understand that when there are other people in the home it's harder because they do not eat the same as you. I can't sugarcoat it. This **** is hard but I know you will conquer this feeling.

Edited Friday at 09:26 PM by Mspretty86

[AmberFL 990]

@SpartanMaker you are an absolute gem, thank you for your kind words! ❤️ I did not get to be 300lbs by eating healthy, it was definitely the binge eating and hiding the wrappers or food, which is why I had to make sure I help myself accountable. I have been able to keep it at bay but this month just let it take over.

You are right, I am very goal-oriented, and a determined individual so me not being able to get my ish back together is driving me bananas. I love the idea of just setting one goal and not worrying about everything else. I am no longer relying on motivation to continue my journey but determination. My focus has been off this month and I can't pin point why- but you might have hit the nail on the head with the stress due to post surgery- however I had my 4month post op appointment a couple of hours ago and he cleared me for exercise again, just no running or isolated chest workouts. Which I am okay with! I can work with that! That got me excited to incorporate that back into my routine. That is something that has kept me from doing my norm since I was limited on what I could do, so I am hoping that lights a fire under me. I will keep you in mind if I am struggling with the diet and workouts and PM you! I appreciate you again!!

@Mspretty86 I have 3 kids and a hubby, Who all eat differently. My daughter is the only one who have my genes so I do need to be cautious but the 2 boys and hubby have no weight issues. Its something that we all need to work out, but I'm starting with not buying it anymore. You're right this ish is HARD! But I CHOOSE this hard and not being obese hard!

[Lilia_90 585]

Hiiiii

Have you asked yourself why you feel so much guilt about eating things that are not so "healthy"? You are maintaining your weight right? You workout daily, you track your calories, you've achieved your goal weight.

What you're detailing here is that you eat "badly", feel guilty, workout extra hard, rinse and repeat. Have you thought of not labelling food as "good" or "bad"?

[SpartanMaker 1,034]

3 hours ago, Lilia_90 said:

Hiiiii

Have you asked yourself why you feel so much guilt about eating things that are not so "healthy"? You are maintaining your weight right? You workout daily, you track your calories, you've achieved your goal weight.

What you're detailing here is that you eat "badly", feel guilty, workout extra hard, rinse and repeat. Have you thought of not labelling food as "good" or "bad"?

You make an important point and I would encourage @AmberFL to think about this more and perhaps search their feelings. There is certainly a lot of danger in moralizing food by labeling things "Good", "Bad", "Healthy", "Unhealthy", etc. The flip side is that totally ignoring nutrient density can also be really problematic for some people. Left unchecked, it can be permission to eat nothing but highly-processed foods or to completely ignore macro and micronutrient content. It also can be a trigger for some people in that they lack the self-control to just eat one piece of that cheesecake. Instead, they eat the entire thing. (Not ragging on cheesecake, I had a piece last night, so it was top of mind.)

Instead of moral judgements, I think a better guideline might be how what you're eating makes you feel physically. Especially for athletes, are your food choices making you feel energized and ready for your workouts, or are you always dragging? Are you recovering well? These are the main things to focus on.

We can successfully eat a wide variety of foods and be healthy, happy and maintain at our optimal weight. The trick is finding that balance.

[AmberFL 990]

@Lilia_90 I have been working hard on that mindset, good bad or unhealthy labeling of foods. My frustration lies where I have been so good about channeling my stress, or emotions in other avenues such as walking, or meditation that April has been a cluster of me just going back to old habits. Then beating myself up about it. I have been regressing to the "old me" I cannot pin point why? I am maintaining 170-175lbs, which is something that I am trying not to put some much emphasis on as well- weight is just a number and not the only way to track progress. To follow up on @SpartanMaker that is my fear- if I allow to much of the unprocessed "junk food" then I completely ignore the nutrient dense foods that make me feel good. When I eat too much unprocessed food I feel like garbage and dragging through my workouts. My motivation is not where it was but I still get up and workout. I know its there- I need to find it.

I am so thankful that I have this outlet, no one understands these struggles around me.