"T?was the night before Christmas" for Lapbanders

[bandpal 7]

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"T’was the night before Christmas" for Lapbanders

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(With apologies to Clement C. Moore)

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T’was the night before Christmas, I’d binged through the house,

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I’d just emptied the fridge and I felt like a louse;

My XXXL pants were hung on the chair,

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They were getting quite snug, almost too tight to wear.

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So I put on my sweats, nestled deep in the blues,

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“I will never be thin”, to myself I did muse,

And as deep in depression I dolefully sat,

I accepted the truth: I would always be fat.

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When way up on the roof deftly landed two feet,

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Landed ever so lightly, the sound so discreet,

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That I just barely heard it, but wanted to see

What the source of this sound could potentially be.

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Away to the window I stumbled and shuffled

And got such a shock that my shout went unmuffled.

For right there on my roof, standing thin as a stick

And as fit as a fiddle was – that’s right - St. Nick!

Well, I stuttered and stammered – “Santa, you look great,

Please tell me your secret – how’d you lose all that weight?”

With a wink of his eye he extended his hand,

And he said, “Got two words for you, sonny – The Band!”

He waxed and effused and enlarged on the topic,

“A minor procedure – its all laproscopic!

A half hour under, then they seal you with glue,

And send you right back home, cause you’ve healing to do.

A few days discomfort, some passing of gasses,

You just drink Clear liquids – don't worry, it passes,

Next full liquids, then mushies, that’s your post op plan,

Then you’re chewing on solids within a month’s span.

Don’t swallow too quickly, that’s really a bummer,

Buy pineapple juice, it’s just like liquid Plumber,

And if the band loosens, just hang in there until,

Your doctor can see you and give you a fill!”

Then he hopped on his sledge like a spry little sprite,

And he headed off into the darkness of night,

As he vanished, I started, and yelled, “Santa, hey –

Where are all of those reindeer who pulled your sleigh?”

He laughed, and replied, sounding quite overjoyed,

“As of my last weight in, six are unemployed;

With the weight that I’ve lost, I have need of but two!”

Then I asked, ”and what present, St. Nick, am I due?”

As his voice trailed off, I could hear him say, “Well,

Have you got pen and paper? Take this URL

And check in here often, he said with aplomb,

‘cause this site is a gift, it's: lapbandtalk.com!

[luluc 6]

FANTASTIC - Thanks so much!

Happy Holidays.

[shortgal 5]

Thanks! That's was so much fun!

Merry Christmas

[sfeiner 2]

Oh, that's so funny. Great job!

[Teresajo 0]

Thats wonderful. You put a christmas smile on my face. Thanks

[kity 2]

bravo! Bravo!

[tmusicmaker123 0]

that is tooooo cute.

great job.....

[Lap_dancer 8]

Love it!!!!!!

Thanks for a right jolly ol' laugh.

[ShannonRT 1]

That was awesome! You're very creative. Thanks for sharing.

[DonHoll1 0]

Thanks, That was great!! Merry Xmas. Donna

[georgia girl 35]

Toooo cute!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

OMG! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Absolutely priceless!

[JSOTO 0]

SO CUTE!!!!! YOUR A TALENT!!! IT MADE MY CHRISTMAS DAY, I WORKED AND WAS ALONE FOR THE HOLLIDAYS, MY FIRST SINCE BANDING....( blessing in disguise!)

[Lori Ann 0]

That was absolutely wonderful.....I enjoyed that sooo much. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you.

[4jin 0]

awesome bandpal!!!