"You're wasting away"

[Bypass2Freedom 762]

So I received this "compliment" (??) today, twice within the space of about 15 minutes by two separate people.

In my head I am trying to understand exactly what they mean by it because in my brain it is a negative - but also very strange for me to comprehend given that I am not even at my 1st goal.

Anyone else had experience with this?

[BigSue 1,389]

Yes, in today's society, being thin is generally considered a good thing, so statements that indicate that you look thin are usually intended as compliments. Some people make exaggerated statements like this ("You're so thin that you look like you are wasting away!") with the intent to highlight what they consider a positive attribute (thinness). I got compliments while I was losing weight but still obese, "If you lose any more weight, you'll blow away in a gust of wind!"

In some cases, people who genuinely care about you could be concerned that you are ill, especially if they don't know you had weight loss surgery, but if this is the case, they will usually approach you in a more private and sensitive manner, not just an offhand comment in public.

[Bypass2Freedom 762]

@BigSue I think you are definitely right there - it always astounds me how something that sounds so negative is actually intended as a good thing. The idea of 'wasting away' has such strong connotations of being unhealthily thin, yet because it denotes thinness it is seen as a positive 🤔

Thank you for the context & explanation though, I think being Autistic makes me wonder these things and ponder the meaning!

[AmberFL 801]

@Bypass2Freedom I absolutely hate that comment, I get that all the time. Or "Don't loose more weight, your getting too skinny or you look really muscular" I just say no I am normal weight you just have never seen me at this weight so it looks really thin or I am in the best shape of my life, and I worked my ass off so thank you for that!

Anyways its annoying AF!

[FifiLux 464]

I have gotten it a number of times from different family members and friends who tell me I look great but to stop loosing weight etc.

My boss frequently tells me I don't eat enough and getting too thin.... this from a man who when showing me the ladies he is swiping left/right on never gives a second look to someone over about 130lbs! 🙄

So I just reply, well excuse me but most of the time I eat enough (I track), just small and frequent usually plus I am going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and upping my fitness and toning up but its none of your business anyway.

[BigSue 1,389]

2 minutes ago, FifiLux said:

My boss frequently tells me I don't eat enough and getting too thin.... this from a man who when showing me the ladies he is swiping left/right on never gives a second look to someone over about 130lbs! 🙄

Your boss shows you the ladies he's checking out on his dating app?! Gross!

[FifiLux 464]

10 minutes ago, BigSue said:

Your boss shows you the ladies he's checking out on his dating app?! Gross!

Well in fairness we are friends, he just happens to also be my boss, and it is only discussed after work when we are out for drinks - we don't have such chats at the office.

Being friends is also why I think he thinks it is ok to comment on my eating and weight, he would not do that to any of the others in our team.

Edited December 4 by FifiLux

[summerseeker 2,166]

Being overweight all my life, I bristle at any comment about my size. Then or now. Its my business, end of. If you saw me before so disabled and ill and see me now able to do anything I want. That is something I will talk about. Want to talk about how happy I am or being able to stop the anti depressants, yep I am your woman. I am not comfortable with anything else.

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,637]

Yep, I have been getting it for MONTHS. It drives me nuts. I'm aware I look too thin. I'm trying to fix that. Their comments don't help at all.

[Arabesque 7,313]

My minister at church very concernedly asked if I was ok obviously worried I was sick. A neighbour, after congratulating me on how good I Iooked, ‘suggested’ I not lose anymore. My uncle commented I looked like death. I had people I’d known for decades not recognise me & then make a fuss even though I was only obese in the last 5 or 6 years & was often a healthy weight in the years they knew me. And so on.

We talk about our body dysmorphia but I believe others experience it in how they see us. They have an image of us being obese and they find it very difficult to accept us not being obese. So you get told you’re too thin, wasting away, you’ve lost too much, you must be sick, or just plain rude and unkind comments. Some of those are from people who are jealous or bitter b**ches. Some are from people who feel more comfortable seeing you as obese and want you to stay in the fat friend box. And yes, some come from people who want to be supportive but can’t express it in a way that doesn’t come out wrong (critical or hurtful).

In time you won ‘t get those type of comments. Eventually, people start to see you for how you are now as their perception changes. I haven’t had anything said to me for about 3 years now (well except for my sister-in-law’s cow of a mother last Christmas but I hadn’t seen her since before my surgery).

[Bypass2Freedom 762]

It is so interesting to see that in one way or another, this seems to happen to all of us! I would be so intrigued to get a male perspective of someone who has also had bariatric surgery, just to see if this resonates with them!

Unfortunately, so many people think they have a right to comment on our bodies, even if they think they are doing so in a kind way. But I do think people are right when they say it is others perception of us that makes them say things such as "you're wasting away" - they aren't used to seeing us at a smaller weight!

[BigSue 1,389]

This is kind of a random anecdote, but I recently went to a new doctor who noted on my chart that I was "ill-appearing," citing "temporal wasting." I had never seen that term before, so I googled it, and it means a hollow look on the temples of the face, which can be a sign of malnutrition (but also just aging and weight loss). Maybe an interesting point that there are some legit signs that doctors look for to indicate illness, and perhaps laypeople pick up on it subconsciously to get the sense that you look unwell.

[ms.sss 15,662]

On 12/4/2024 at 1:17 PM, FifiLux said:

this from a man who when showing me the ladies he is swiping left/right on never gives a second look to someone over about 130lbs! 🙄

ummm....HR!!!!

[ms.sss 15,662]

On 12/4/2024 at 6:16 AM, Bypass2Freedom said:

So I received this "compliment" (??) today, twice within the space of about 15 minutes by two separate people.

In my head I am trying to understand exactly what they mean by it because in my brain it is a negative - but also very strange for me to comprehend given that I am not even at my 1st goal.

Anyone else had experience with this?

so here's my take on it: its all about relativity

others have been so used to your bigger size for so long that when you change that long-held view is such a short amount of time, its jarring and surprising to them. compared to your previous morbid obese self, your regular overweight size seems tiny...despite the fact that on paper you are actually indeed overweight.

i started at 235 lbs, and when i got to 150 lbs 5 months later, everyone around me were calling anorexic or starved human or cancer patient or every kind of slightly uncomfortable comment you can think of. but i mean, i was still overweight and like 25 lbs from goal. geez, man.

now 6+ years later, i am 105 lbs (and well below my initial goal weight) and no one even bats an eyelash...and this is 45 lbs less than when they were all worried for my existence! its ridiculous because *i* actually think i'm the thin side these days and everyone else just keeps telling me i look awesome (which i do, but still...lololololzzzzz 😂😂😂)

long story short...the only opinion that matters is YOURS. nod and pat the head of others who have something to say and just keep on truckin'.

good luck! ❤️

[c945105 16]

Yeah, I’ve had that happen. People mean well, but it doesn’t always come out right. Just focus on your goals and don’t let it bother you.