Almost 7 weeks post op and already failed

[NeonRaven8919 387]

So I've failed the sleeve already. I just can't beat the head hunger. I was in the office today and everyone but cakes and candies etc. I just can't say no. This isn't even the first time. And I can't stop eating when I'm full. My stomach hurts but I just keep eating. I've been in tears from my stomach hurting, but I still can't stop eating. I really don't think there's anything else I can do at this point. I've gained back only a lb but it will keep going up. I lost more weight pre-op than I have post op and there's no chance of losing more.

I knew it wasn't supposed to be easy, but I expected that I would be able to do better. This is just another diet that I've failed except it's permanent and I'm going to be on Vitamin shots and pills for the rest of my life. This was a mistake.

[GreenTealael 25,359]

You have NOT failed. Please stop catastrophizing. You are only 7 weeks post op. Super duper early. There are literally more options now than ever before to aid you on this journey.

Tell your team you are struggling and need help. It’s very likely you need more than just the sleeve and white knuckled willpower but what that looks like is ultimately up to you. You’ve come this far already, so you know you’re committed enough to make lifestyle changes. Please keep going. ❤️

[BigSue 1,373]

It’s understandable that you’re upset by this setback, but it’s way too early to declare failure. The first several months after WLS are a major adjustment and very stressful, both physically and mentally. Do you have a therapist? Your post reads like a CBT textbook chapter on cognitive distortions, and all of this can be addressed in therapy.

[AmberFL 768]

I will say your doing amazing, the surgery doesn't change our cravings, our habits, our mental triggers it only changes how much we can fill ourselves up without being in pain. We have all been there, this surgery does not guarantee a downhill trend, we will always have our ups and downs! I have been there, I have binged ate, to the point where I threw up, I have ate crap that I shouldn't and not just a small portion. Your deserve this active life, you deserve to feel healthy, be healthy and live life again. Do not talk yourself down to why you think you should punish yourself. Dig deep and remember your "WHY". Why did you do this surgery? Keep reminding yourself of all the positives. One day or even week does not define how your journey will go. Leave it in the past and start again. 1 day, 1 hour and 1 minute at a time. ❤️

[NeonRaven8919 387]

43 minutes ago, BigSue said:

It’s understandable that you’re upset by this setback, but it’s way too early to declare failure. The first several months after WLS are a major adjustment and very stressful, both physically and mentally. Do you have a therapist? Your post reads like a CBT textbook chapter on cognitive distortions, and all of this can be addressed in therapy.

I can't get therapy. I've had the one session with the therapist that I get with the MDT and it was all about mindful eating. Which was just "eat slower and focus on the taste and texture so you know when you are full." Well, I'm full but I keep eating and can't stop. I mean, if this is going to continue and I can't get help, I can't really see how this isn't a failure. I can't get more therapy sessions. That was it.

[FifiLux 437]

I know it is hard to do but really you just need to try and relax, stop blaming yourself and do a mental reset if you can. These are slips, you are not a failure. Everything takes time and you need to be kind to yourself.

Is it possible that even when you can't stop eating you are still eating less than you would have before the weight loss journey? If so that is a step forward. If you don't qualify for any therapy from your medical team could you find someone online, it means it may be more affordable and more accessible? You can do some research and hopefully find a more suitable therapist. I was lucky with the therapist I got, she really helped with my post surgery ptsd but I have found more help here than I have with the dieticians they have given me.

Would it be possible to work from home for a bit more, that way be away from temptation until you can get to a place where you feel comfortable being around food?

Do you have someone within your family circle that can help you stay on track (as much as possible) in the coming days and maybe a work colleague for the time in the office?

[NeonRaven8919 387]

Yes. you're all right of course. I'm just blowing this out of proportion. As the saying goes. "it's a bad day. not a bad life." I think I'm stressed about my long trip to on Sunday and seeing people for the first time in 20 years.

And your definitely right. I've been eating more than I have in weeks and more than I shoud, but definitely less than this time last year.

[AmberFL 768]

@NeonRaven8919 thats why were here! Vent away, we are here to support you through your highs and lows!

[NickelChip 1,224]

It sounds like your resources are limited for getting support in your local area, so I wanted to recommend looking into the Pound of Cure nutrition program, which is run by Dr. Weiner in Tucson, AZ (he also has a couple books and YouTube channel with bariatric educational information). It's $49 a month and allows you to attend unlimited online support groups with their dietician and peer leaders, as well as a few sessions per month that are run by Dr. Weiner. I've subscribed for a while and go to at least a few of the groups per month as my schedule permits. Many times there will just be a few people in the group and you can really get a chance to ask your questions and get some good advice.

Just for example, there's a group for the first year post-op, for emotional eating and stress management, and even one for surviving the holidays and travel. They've been in this business for many years and I'm betting they could think of dozens of patients who felt exactly how you do right now but went on to be successful.

[Luna1418 1]

You haven't failed. This is a really hard time of year. What helps me is going to therapy and trying to recognize if I am having actual hunger or if it's my brain just wanting food. You can do this.

[BigSue 1,373]

10 hours ago, NickelChip said:

It sounds like your resources are limited for getting support in your local area, so I wanted to recommend looking into the Pound of Cure nutrition program, which is run by Dr. Weiner in Tucson, AZ (he also has a couple books and YouTube channel with bariatric educational information). It's $49 a month and allows you to attend unlimited online support groups with their dietician and peer leaders, as well as a few sessions per month that are run by Dr. Weiner. I've subscribed for a while and go to at least a few of the groups per month as my schedule permits. Many times there will just be a few people in the group and you can really get a chance to ask your questions and get some good advice.

Just for example, there's a group for the first year post-op, for emotional eating and stress management, and even one for surviving the holidays and travel. They've been in this business for many years and I'm betting they could think of dozens of patients who felt exactly how you do right now but went on to be successful.

I didn't know Dr. Weiner had a support group! I've seen his videos on YouTube and I think he is awesome. He seems to understand and genuinely care about bariatric patients. I can imagine that his support group would be excellent for someone who doesn't have access to a local support group or therapist. This is really good info for the people on this forum.

[AndreaJD 80]

@NeonRaven8919,

First of all, let me assure you that we all have head hunger. None of us got to a weight where we required weight loss surgery without overeating, and we all have our own demons. You are among others like yourself. It sucks, but it's not unbeatable.

Here's what I have to say. I was in intensive outpatient eating disorders therapy for a few months, because I recognize that I am a compulsive overeater. That did nothing for the head hunger and Portion Control problems. For me, gastric bypass was the only solution because I need that brake on my overeating. And now, I have not had any sweets or high-sugar items since surgery because I know I could have dumping syndrome afterward, and nobody wants that. So that's another brake. For me, it's much easier to not eat something than to try to moderate.

The reason for all of that is because I have a food addiction. I know this about myself because I also happen to be a recovering alcoholic, and the cravings are exactly the same. I did not get sober by myself. White-knuckling does not work for addiction. The compulsions are simply too strong. I could not have gotten sober by myself. And there was no reason to, because there is free help out there. Did I want to quit entirely? NO. But I couldn't go on like I was. And now I'm 32 years sober, after starting in a position where I couldn't go 24 hours without drinking.

Why am I saying all this? Because your story sounds like mine. "Mindful eating" to control compulsion makes about as much sense as "mindful drinking" to control alcoholism (which is to say, none). So you may want to approach this problem like an addiction. I am not saying you are a food addict, only you can know whether that's true for you. What I'm saying is that you do not have to do this alone, and there's free help out there. @BigSue told you about some, and you will find TONS of support groups online in addition to the one she recommended. Take advantage of this free help, because white-knuckling is horrible and mostly doesn't work. Why? Because it's not about willpower. You did all the stuff to get your surgery, so we know you have willpower. If that worked against the kind of compulsion you're describing, it wouldn't be a problem. It doesn't. What does work is support groups. That's because they're full of people like us, who have to fight to change our relationship to food.

If you do happen to think you might be a food addict, check out Overeaters Anonymous. There are groups everywhere and it's free. You don't have to commit to anything and there's no test or anything to attend. You can just listen or ask questions or whatever. I absolutely guarantee that if you told your story about the food at work to an OA meeting, every single head would nod. Everyone will know exactly what you're talking about because they've been there.

Please don't give up on yourself, you're on a journey. People slip up. We get to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off, and keep on going forward. You did a brilliant, extremely courageous thing in sharing your challenge here, and see how much support and help you got? You can do this. You CAN do this. We all need a little help from our friends.

[Spinoza 1,383]

Such good advice above. I so love this forum. 😍

OP I hope you can judge yourself less and forgive yourself a few lapses - you are human, as are the rest of us. You have done the best thing you could for your health and have gone to enormous trouble (and expense?) to do it! We ALL have slips and do things that we know aren't good for us. If we can look back and analyse why we did what we did then sometimes that can help us avoid the same mistakes in future.

I am 3 years post sleeve and I carry protein-based Snacks wherever I go - usually nuts or seeds in little packs that I can carry in my bag. If I am hungry (and I do get fierce hunger at quite short notice a couple of hours after eating) and I'm in danger of eating something I shouldn't, then I will eat those. I know they will help stop me eating the rubbish that my head wants but my body doesn't need. It works a bit for me so I hope will help you. I never leave home without them.

In addition I have stock phrases to 'explain' (not that I have to but - yunno) why I am not indulging in the delicious sugary fatty rubbish along with everyone else. I learned those phrases here. Oh I ate before I came! I'm just not hungry right now. I'm doing strict Keto so I'm avoiding sugar at the minute. And so on. IME people completely lose interest if you say 'a thing', LOL.

I wish you the best of luck. You've stumbled a little this week, that's OK, it's a marathon not a sprint. I hope you can use some of the resources suggested above. It's hard. It's hard every day, even after WLS. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. We are all here for you.

Edited November 20 by Spinoza

[Spinoza 1,383]

Ugh - having read back the post above - sorry- it reads like there is one road to success and that any deviation from that path of righteousness could lead to 'failure' - that wasn't my point. Actually nothing could be further from the truth.

WLS ALLOWS us to have a day when we eat rubbish, just because we feel like it. The surgery is still doing its thing the next day. It's the brain, the brain, the brain that will mess things up for us and tell us that one day equals complete failure. And that therefore what is the point.

If we can access the support we need (and this does mean formal therapy for lots of us) I suspect that improves our chances of significant and sustained weight loss.

Hope this is more helpful.

[NeonRaven8919 387]

Thanks everyone. I think me panic was more stress induced than anything else. So I've just gone through my house again, and threw out everything that I shouldn't eat again. I definitely think I have a food addiction so I think I will check out overeaters anonymous. Honestly, I never something like that existed! My weight is back on a downward trend (.5kg or 1lb) since Monday so I'm starting to see the light at the end again. I'm flying on Sunday so I've been feeling stressed about that which doesn't help.

Thank you for all your support. Sometimes I just need someone to press the "bullshit" button and snap me out of the funk.

Back to onwards and downwards.