The New Found MALE GAZE! I'm Pissed 🙄🙄🙄

[Mspretty86 278]

I would say that I've always been easy on the eyes I'm not sure why people feel uncomfortable saying they are attractive. Im a very blunt person. I noticed when I was much larger even with being easy on the eyes the MALE gaze was not as strong as it is now. Sometimes the Male Gaze was none-existent to be honest. The old me (date 5 and break all 5 hearts) wants to resurface. It astounds me now how men will literally make a 360 in a store, gas station, they could even be with a significant other. Where was this male gaze when I was hitting 313 pounds? What does this say about men and what they presume as attractive? How does your current spouses/boyfriends feel about your weight loss? Any breakups?

Edited November 8 by Mspretty86

[GreenTealael 25,335]

1 hour ago, Mspretty86 said:

I would say that I've always been easy on the eyes I'm not sure why people feel uncomfortable saying they are attractive. Im a very blunt person. I noticed when I was much larger even with being easy on the eyes the MALE gaze was not as strong as it is now. Sometimes the Male Gaze was none-existent to be honest. The old me (date 5 and break all 5 hearts) wants to resurface. It astounds me now how men will literally make a 360 in a store, gas station, they could even be with a significant other. Where was this male gaze when I was hitting 313 pounds? What does this say about men and what they presume as attractive? How does your current spouses/boyfriends feel about your weight loss? Any breakups?

I find the underpinnings of sexual attraction interesting from an evolutionary/biological perspective. Did you know that there is an ideal hip to waist ratio that indicates sexual attractiveness and can also predict health outcomes? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waist–hip_ratio

There are so many studies of these types biological reasons of attraction, I just don’t take it personally anymore. In fact I say thank you, but keep going about my business.

A few rabbits holes:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/do-looks-matter-in-a-relationship#do-looks-matter:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920303603

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513806000614

I’ll never forget being propositioned in Vegas 2 years ago and saying that I'm partnered and unavailable. The guy said so what. I stopped him and flat out asked if he would not want the same response and courtesy if I were his partner? He said “yes you’re right, I forgot”. He forgot. And I believed him. He clearly was on the hunt.

And I can’t pretend that the same sex isn’t just as bold. I’ve been approached by a ton of women sometimes 20 yrs my junior when I wear what my boyfriend calls my hippie witch clothes (basically a bustier/corset and long flowy skirt)

I met my current partner after WLS so no issues there for me. But every year at least one old flame resurfaces to try their luck with me.

[Mspretty86 278]

3 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

I find the underpinnings of sexual attraction interesting from an evolutionary/biological perspective. Did you know that there is an ideal hip to waist ratio that indicates sexual attractiveness and can also predict health outcomes? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waist–hip_ratio

There are so many studies of these types biological reasons of attraction, I just don’t take it personally anymore. In fact I say thank you, but keep going about my business.

A few rabbits holes:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/do-looks-matter-in-a-relationship#do-looks-matter:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886920303603

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513806000614

I’ll never forget being propositioned in Vegas 2 years ago and saying that I'm partnered and unavailable. The guy said so what. I stopped him and flat out asked if he would not want the same response and courtesy if I were his partner? He said “yes you’re right, I forgot”. He forgot. And I believed him. He clearly was on the hunt.

And I can’t pretend that the same sex isn’t just as bold. I’ve been approached by a ton of women sometimes 20 yrs my junior when I wear what my boyfriend calls my hippie witch clothes (basically a bustier/corset and long flowy skirt)

I met my current partner after WLS so no issues there for me. But every year at least one old flame resurfaces to try their luck with me.

Thanks for these LINKS I will definitely give them a read and go down the rabbit hole! Hmmmm the guy said "So What"! Lol I would like to act surprised by his response but I have been there before too!

[Bypass2Freedom 711]

5 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

I met my current partner after WLS so no issues there for me. But every year at least one old flame resurfaces to try their luck with me.

THIS - I have been noticing more often now that people who knew me when I was like 6 stone heavier are now creeping out of the woodwork and hitting on me...like...it is very strange!

[NeonRaven8919 364]

3 hours ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

THIS - I have been noticing more often now that people who knew me when I was like 6 stone heavier are now creeping out of the woodwork and hitting on me...like...it is very strange!

I'm waiting for this to happen so I can start telling them to F**k off!

[AmberFL 746]

So I will definitely say that I am so oblivious LOL I stay in my own world so I really don't know, however I do have a great deterrent from men talking to me....my kids! LOL

My boyfriend has actually had a hard time with my weight loss...there was a good point where he felt uncomfortable being intimate. He said that the change happened so fast that I felt and looked so different he felt like he was cheating on the old me. He also preferred me fluffy, met me at 240lbs size 16, then I blew up to 297lbs size 20 after I had our baby, and now I am 160 ish at a size 2-4, but he also understood I did this surgery for my health. I am getting my boobies done 12/30 so I k now that will be another hurdle I think, then I most likely will be getting more obvious blunt attention that both of us will have to get used to. Our relationship is strong and our communication is really good so we will be okay but its been a process lol

[Mspretty86 278]

@AmberFLI understand those boobies will attract attention! It's okay he will have to be strong lol! I am glad you and your man is going strong relationship wise, I wish I would have meet someone when I was a bit larger, I think I might would have appreciated them more. Now I'm just pissed and trying not to fall back into old hurtful heartbreaker habits, as I'm mad as hell that all of sudden the dating prospects have increased whoooo hooo 🙄🙄🙄. Then again I try to look at it from a none biased prospective. Can I really get mad at the male for wanting that slim waist/ fit chic 😂.

Edited November 8 by Mspretty86

[kristieshannon 1,628]

This was very disconcerting to me. I’d been overweight most of my adult life. I found it pretty insulting that I was now “worthy” of male attention. That feeling has settled down, but I still can’t say I’m 100% comfortable with the attention.

[AmberFL 746]

@Mspretty86 honestly I do not know how it would've been if I met him where I am at now. But no, we can't blame men for like slim/fit women but us being where we have been we know that its a shitty feeling to not be wanted with a few extra pounds on us because we are the same people on the inside!

I will say, from reading your posts and getting your vibes- you know your worth and girl do not settle just for someone to fill that void. Use this time in your life to date, have fun, get the deserved attention and find Mr. worth it! You are working your ass off to get slim and fit- you want someone to match your energy and not hold you back from your goals and dreams.

[Mspretty86 278]

17 minutes ago, AmberFL said:

@Mspretty86 honestly I do not know how it would've been if I met him where I am at now. But no, we can't blame men for like slim/fit women but us being where we have been we know that its a shitty feeling to not be wanted with a few extra pounds on us because we are the same people on the inside!

I will say, from reading your posts and getting your vibes- you know your worth and girl do not settle just for someone to fill that void. Use this time in your life to date, have fun, get the deserved attention and find Mr. worth it! You are working your ass off to get slim and fit- you want someone to match your energy and not hold you back from your goals and dreams.

Thanks chic! This is the encouragement I needed! I'm definitely going to listen to your advice!

[ms.sss 15,580]

my husband met me when i was a smokin' hot, 120lb-23 year old, married me at a decent sized 130lb-30 yr old, was by my side as i worked my way up to a morbidly obese, 235lb-45 yr old, and is surprisingly still around as i am now a 105lb-52 yr old (smokin' hot again, if i say so myself, lol). i say "surprisingly" cuz i'm ALOT. and i know it, lol. the man has the patience of a SAINT for effs sakes (i'm very lucky).

while i can't say if my weight loss/gain changed his attraction to me (i mean he'd NEVER say so, and apparently his want for sexy times has not increased nor diminished this entire time...if anything, MY OWN want for sexy times is directly proportional to my weight....the heavier i got, the less interested i was, you know? now i'm like energizer bunny again like my younger days, which i guess Mr. is pleased about, but i digress.)

as for attention from others (male and/or female), yes, i know it is also proportional to my weight/looks. but i mean, lets be honest, i get more attention when i'm fitter, because...well, i'm fitter. i am not one of those that get offended because the same person that hit on me now when thin again, didn't when i was fat. that person is psychically attracted to a certain type. and i may or may not fit that bill depending at what point in time you get me. yes, i have a stunning personality, but if i am not physically attractive to you, you may never get to discover that. oh well, that's just how it goes.

truth be told, i am much more physically attracted to fit, muscular men (case in point: my Mr. has been a literal FIT SPECIMEN then entire time i've known him). BUT...once that initial attraction is cemented, if a dude turns out to be an un-funny, un-intelligent, boring, DUD, then, well, next. luckily, Mr. has the brain to match the body (I WIN! lol)

if a sandwich looked unappealing? would you eat it? most would not.

i think the physical attraction is what hooks people, but its the personality/vibe that brings them in. so i guess what i'm saying is that people are people, and we don't need to hang on to perceived offences if it does us no good.

accept the compliment, bask in your awesomeness, and move on. (or stay if you want a little fun, ha!)

[ms.sss 15,580]

2 hours ago, AmberFL said:

because we are the same people on the inside!

possibly a controversial comment, but i'll say it anyway: i don't think we are the same people inside after massive weight loss. going through that kind of huge change so quickly, i believe has GOT to have some sort impact on our phscyes.

for me at least, i know my confidence increased 100-fold, or to be more precise, i RE-GAINED my confidence from 15 years ago, plus added more for good measure. my personality changed form a do-nothing to a do-everything. my constant irritation, annoyance and exhaustion was replaced with patience, understanding and energizer-bunny level ability.

i am NOT the same person i was from my obesity era. and that's a fact.

so yeah, OF COURSE others will react to me differently, because i'm DIFFERENT.

[AmberFL 746]

1 minute ago, ms.sss said:

I am NOT the same person i was from my obesity era. and that's a fact.

so yeah, OF COURSE others will react to me differently, because i'm DIFFERENT.

I can see that. I personally do think my morals, values and how I treat people has always been the same. I am more confident and I take less **** so yea I guess the same and different too. I have always been an extrovert and I guess my extrovert-ness(?) comes out more now that I am not worried about how others are perceiving me or tugging at my shirt or tugging in a fat roll while talking to people.

So I don't think its a controversial statement just another perspective

[Mspretty86 278]

@ms.sss Good views I feel that! So glad you have a healthy SEX life! Once I get these titties the sexual beast will be untamed 😂. That extra heaviness can hold some back in the bed room. That's another one of my favorite topics. 😂. Yep I get it though

[AmberFL 746]

@ms.sss and @Mspretty86 when I get these boobies- my man better stay hydrated hahahahha!!!! I am self conscious with this noodle boobies. so being fit has helped with the stamina haha.