The New Found MALE GAZE! I'm Pissed 🙄🙄🙄

[sillykitty 10,767]

36 minutes ago, BlondePatriotInCDA said:

We all walk our own paths and have our own experiences. I'm glad for you that YOU haven't had my experiences. Unfortunately, the women I've know would agree with me. I didn't say all women..and your response is what I was referring to. Immediately saying I'm the problem instead of possibly seeing each of us having our own experiences and opinions.

I was sharing my personal opinions and feel no one should be accused of "being the problem" for sharing. I believe we all need to be tolerant and understand we all experience life differently. I've been tolerant and just moved on when others miss perceived my shyness as arrogant, but I'm still entitled to my perceptions of how I'm treated without others attacking me.

This is a public forum, not an echo chamber. I expressed my opinion. You and your two friends disagree. No one attacked anyone 🙄

I still believe "if everywhere you go smells like sh*t, maybe it's time to check your shoes"

[ms.sss 15,548]

some people like other people (and some do not). and some people ARE LIKED by other people (and some are not). different strokes. so yeah.

but to what sillyKitty is saying, as a woman, its kinda a little sad/unfortunate to hear another woman say "most" women suck. same as if i hear someone saying most (but not) all Canadians suck, or that most (but not all) brown skinned people suck, or that most but not all **___________** suck (fill in the blank with whatever group one would generalize one).

i'm sorry you have only/mostly had bad experiences with women. hopefully you meet some good women out there to change your opinion to a more tolerant one.

for instance me: i'm DELIGHTFUL. lololololzzzzz.

[Mspretty86 257]

This is a thread I started about the MALE GAZE and the bariatric experience, a question was asked about a Female Gaze and it was answered. Public forum or not if one is asked about their experience with the female species and it's answered then it is what it is. I welcome all responses but it won't be a continuum back and forth. I'm already bored 😂😂😂. "You just say that word "Women" and I'm already yawning (women don't REV up my nether regions 😂)....back to the MALE GAZE. Now MEN I can talk about them all day! I think I'm going to put on a small dress and go get some MALE GAZES 😂😂😂. Reading some of these post it looks like I will have to get used to the MALE GAZE. So therefore I will go have a little fun. I will have to not be as pissed.

Edited Sunday at 11:10 PM by Mspretty86

[Bypass2Freedom 682]

Just to change the narrative back onto the male gaze here 😳😂

Picking up on what someone else has said - I feel more confident, I wear better fitting clothes that don't hide away my figure now, so I do get that it would make people look at me differently. I don't think that is what bothers me at all.

It is just the leering, or me just genuinely not knowing how to respond to compliments 😅

[Bypass2Freedom 682]

On 11/8/2024 at 11:27 PM, ms.sss said:

ok, so not gonna lie, mr. told me years ago he missed my ginormous boobs, i had huge boobs even as a thin thing (i actually got a breast reduction when i was 29 because of chronic back pain (i was like 130 lbs at the time). but even after the breast reduction, they were still pretty ample. then the weight gain started and they became the size of my head (EACH!) lol. mr. was in heaven.

fast forward to WLS and the resultant deflated balloons, but Mr. was still satisfied with the "handfuls" he could grope.

....then i had a breast lift, which removed the excess skin and tightened them up all nice and firm (and made them smaller). I LOVE THEM OMG.

but Mr. went into a mini-mourning....i'm like a 29C right now, jeez...that still respectable!

...BUT he did say that the re-ingintion of my "adventurism" during sexy times more than makes up for HIS perception of my smaller boobs. plus he has also commented many that my confidence and all around relaxed attitude is GOLD.

sooo...long story short. boobs or not, its all in the ATTITUDE.

So my bf also seems to have started the "mourning" process 😂I've always had astronomically sized boobs (38GG) and I am just watching them slowly deflate 😅 I swear to god when I lay down they almost touch my mattress, so I am just dealing with that fun new thing 😂

He has this idea in his head that 'fake boobies' are those old-style, unmoving, plastic type deals. I have had to tell him again and again that plastic surgery has come such a long way, and that fake boobs can look so realistic, that sometimes you wouldn't have even known they were fake if not for the scars!

Either way, time will tell!

He is more of a bum man though, so lets just hope that doesn't deflate too much 😅

BUT - I know my man will love me regardless, he loved me at my absolute heaviest when I couldn't even do that myself, and he loves me and finds me just as attractive now. I like his male gaze 😍

[Lilia_90 423]

On 11/9/2024 at 1:22 AM, ms.sss said:

possibly a controversial comment, but i'll say it anyway: i don't think we are the same people inside after massive weight loss. going through that kind of huge change so quickly, i believe has GOT to have some sort impact on our phscyes.

for me at least, i know my confidence increased 100-fold, or to be more precise, i RE-GAINED my confidence from 15 years ago, plus added more for good measure. my personality changed form a do-nothing to a do-everything. my constant irritation, annoyance and exhaustion was replaced with patience, understanding and energizer-bunny level ability.

i am NOT the same person i was from my obesity era. and that's a fact.

so yeah, OF COURSE others will react to me differently, because i'm DIFFERENT.

I second that.

I am not the same person I was the past 5 years (being overweight and unhappy). I am a very different person and I feel I am back to being me, I really feel I regained my life - and personality - back.

Let me very honest and transparent here. Growing up and through my adolescence (to this day, I am still in my early thirties), I have come to terms that men just stare, my sister regularly says "I don't want to be out in public with you because you just attract too much attention" I'm used to being hit on. I have trained my mind to ignore it, I don't think anything of it don't pay attention to it.

During the 5 years of being overweight then obese, I was more conscious to notice if I get the stares as I used to? And I did, but they weren't as intense as they are now (mind you they are the worst I've experienced although I was athletic with a BMI of 22 my entire life) but I would say this has to do with the way I carry myself and not entirely the looks. I carry myself with confidence, I don't try to hide myself in baggy clothes, I laugh and smile more and I'm just friendlier and happier, so it's probably my sunshine personality LOL. jokes aside, it is a combo of being fit and in shape and a lovelier personality if I say so myself.

According to my husband, he never even noticed I was overweight, he keeps telling me how shocked he was when I told him I've decided to get the sleeve, and he tried talking me out of it BUT, I asked him the other day if he preferred me now or a year ago and his default answer "both" but when I pressed him he admitted and said "Now, you look like a sports illustrated model" HAHA. But again, I come onto him more, I wear sexy lingerie, I tease him, I sit on his lap and I keep the lights on during intimate times, I am more fun and adventurous in bed. Mind you these are things I've not done for 5+ years or probably ever, I feel sexy and I act sexy with him and I can say that after 11 years of marriage, this is the best phase, I feel like we're teenagers again LMAO. As for other men's stares, I don't think anything of that, I've got the best one by my side!

Edited Monday at 11:47 AM by Lilia_90

[Lilia_90 423]

23 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Honestly I’m more worried about the female gaze. What are you planning now that you believe I am the competition?

Anyone noticed a shift in the females they interact with now vs then?

Bonus: link to a (long form) video that analyzes body fat and perceived attractiveness

Oooooh yes. I know females who would not bring their husbands along if I'm there, and that was uttered to me in my face LOL. I will never feel threatened by other females around my husband, I am confident and never see any woman as a threat, but I guess this sentiment is not shared by everybody? 🤷‍♀️

But I also have great female friends who have done nothing but cheered me on and celebrated my success.

Edited Monday at 12:10 PM by Lilia_90

[Chatterboxdea 104]

18 hours ago, ms.sss said:

some people like other people (and some do not). and some people ARE LIKED by other people (and some are not). different strokes. so yeah.

but to what sillyKitty is saying, as a woman, its kinda a little sad/unfortunate to hear another woman say "most" women suck. same as if i hear someone saying most (but not) all Canadians suck, or that most (but not all) brown skinned people suck, or that most but not all **___________** suck (fill in the blank with whatever group one would generalize one).

i'm sorry you have only/mostly had bad experiences with women. hopefully you meet some good women out there to change your opinion to a more tolerant one.

for instance me: i'm DELIGHTFUL. lololololzzzzz.

I have never met a Canadian that I didn't like! I'm sure there are jerks there somewhere, but every Canadian I have met has been sunshine and rainbows!

Now about this male gaze... I'm only 30 lbs down so far, but I already feel better about how my clothes fit and carry myself in a more confident manner. My husband said I looked "svelte" in my workout clothes the other day. Hahahaha I can't wait to lose more but even now I'm happier with myself and it shows in my relationship and in the bedroom. I don't think I have seen much change yet in the world outside of my house. It a double edge sword; its nice to be noticed and appreciated, but it sucks to feel unsafe or leered at.

[ms.sss 15,548]

10 hours ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

He is more of a bum man though, so lets just hope that doesn't deflate too much

sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but lose enough weight and the butt will follow the same deflated path as the boobs. le sigh.

i mean you could do a whole lotta squats and leg lifts and bridges, but unless you gain the exact same muscle mass in volume as you the fat you lost, you are gonna see some excess skin.

i've been doing some dedicated butt work, and yes, when i flex i get a little bit of a nice bumpy "portrusion", but my extra skin is draped over it! lololzzz... if i'm feeling adventurous, i'll see if i can post of pic of what i'm taking about. ha!

in any case, loose skin or not, deflated boobies and saggy bottoms, if you feel good, it really doesn't matter. cuz when you feel good, it projects outwardly.

(and p.s., its projecting in your case ❤️)

[ms.sss 15,548]

7 hours ago, Lilia_90 said:

I asked him the other day if he preferred me now or a year ago and his default answer "both"

yeah, my Mr. too.

i mean, i KNOW i look better now than my obesity era, and i know he's not blind. i also know he is loath to support unhealthy body images (esp with our anxiety-ridden Kid around), so he would never say in WORDS. but i see you salivating, mr...i'm not blind either.

his default answer is that i look the "hottest" when i'm healthy and happy. fortunately for him when i'm healthy and happy, i'm wearing and doing all the naughty things in the bedroom (or living room, or kitchen, or car....).

so i guess i'll take whatever he has to say (but i KNOW i'm hawt!!! lololzzz)

[Hiddenroses 104]

This is a topic I'm a bit concerned with, honestly. I was heavy all of my life, and normally was the one to initiate contact with men. Men giving me 'the gaze' made me feel uncomfortable, and assertive men who talked about my body made me want to run and hide. I didn't like my body and didn't know what they thought they saw, but it usually made my skin crawl. Now, I'm starting to dress better with more form fitting clothing. I'm excited about looking better, but I don't really WANT attention at the same time. It's a confusing time. Meanwhile, my fella - who was one of those 'chubby chasers' has actually been gaining weight due to temporary inactivity. I've come to realize that he used to be chubby and was picked on for it, relentlessly, as an adolescent. I can definitely see the self consciousness growing in HIM now and it's made it challenging for me to find a balance and feel 'valid' and attractive since his decline in sexuality is matching my increase in confidence. I know that this, too, shall pass, and he'll get on track again - he's already been cutting back on carbs and joining me for my long walks and such, but it's a weird transition. I was never one who was very comfortable receiving compliments or attention I didn't initiate, so I'm kind of dreading the 'male gaze'.

[Mspretty86 257]

6 hours ago, Hiddenroses said:

This is a topic I'm a bit concerned with, honestly. I was heavy all of my life, and normally was the one to initiate contact with men. Men giving me 'the gaze' made me feel uncomfortable, and assertive men who talked about my body made me want to run and hide. I didn't like my body and didn't know what they thought they saw, but it usually made my skin crawl. Now, I'm starting to dress better with more form fitting clothing. I'm excited about looking better, but I don't really WANT attention at the same time. It's a confusing time. Meanwhile, my fella - who was one of those 'chubby chasers' has actually been gaining weight due to temporary inactivity. I've come to realize that he used to be chubby and was picked on for it, relentlessly, as an adolescent. I can definitely see the self consciousness growing in HIM now and it's made it challenging for me to find a balance and feel 'valid' and attractive since his decline in sexuality is matching my increase in confidence. I know that this, too, shall pass, and he'll get on track again - he's already been cutting back on carbs and joining me for my long walks and such, but it's a weird transition. I was never one who was very comfortable receiving compliments or attention I didn't initiate, so I'm kind of dreading the 'male gaze'.

Thanks for this view, relationship dynamics after WLS interest me. Some in the community have divorced and or broke up due to insecurities present, some are going strong. I hope that your fella reaches his health goals as well! Tell him you're ready to swing from the ceiling in the bedroom 😂😂. Tell him he needs to match your drive ha.

Edited Tuesday at 08:22 AM by Mspretty86

[The Greater Fool 2,022]

As one of the group "men" I feel the need to defend them. But I won't because relationships have come up and I want to talk about them. Them and being invisible, I want to talk about that also. By the time this is over you will be wishing I defended men. #NotAllMen

Invisibility first:

When I was 500+ pounds overweight I was a weird sort of invisible. The sort of invisible that people running into posts, missing stair steps, and other slapstick comedy were common around me. The sort of invisible that when I was in crouds, I had a 3 foot buffer of empty space around me. I didn't realize what I had until I lost it.

As I was losing weight my invisiblity failed me completely. As I went about my business around my neighborhood, complete strangers would engage with me like long lost friends. I lived next to a police academy. We each ignored each other, or so I thought. When I was at a point I started walking then running, a police officer congratulated me on my weight loss, told me he started way back when I started. Over his car's megaphone. At 4:00am. Then the police cadets file out for their morning run, and he had each of them shake my hand. I almost became a recluse then and there.

My invisibilty returned when I lost the excess weight and moved to a new city. It was lilke being showered with happiness. In crowds it wasn't pretend, people really didn't see me. I lost my 3 foot buffer but it was almost worth it. I was just another random person. I am the definition of average looking not worthy of a second glance. Or even a first. It's like a warm blanket on a cold night.

Relationships:

"WLS makes bad relationships worse and good ones better."

If you are losing a signficant amount of weight you are making a big change in the status quo, the balance, of a lot of relationships. In this very thread we've read how relationships change with spouses, friends, enemies, and other strangers. Even yourself.

On the "how relationships change for the worst." That lifetime friend that changes because you are now the pretty one. That significant other that liked you the way you were, such as becoming noticable to other men, or because you are more confident, or don't need your significant other as much.You and that unwanted attention.

Oddly, "how relationships change for the better" is much the same list. As is often the case, it's all about our perception, our baggage, and what we want from life. If we want to help a relationship make it through this transformation, consistent and repetitive communication is necessary. Keeping and building relationships is only half up to you. Some relationships may not continue because the person on the other side can't cope with your changes.

WLS will change your life in more ways than just losing weight.

Good luck,

Tek

Edited Tuesday at 12:49 PM by The Greater Fool

[Mspretty86 257]

50 minutes ago, The Greater Fool said:

As one of the group "men" I feel the need to defend them. But I won't because relationships have come up and I want to talk about them. Them and being invisible, I want to talk about that also. By the time this is over you will be wishing I defended men. #NotAllMen

Invisibility first:

When I was 500+ pounds overweight I was a weird sort of invisible. The sort of invisible that people running into posts, missing stair steps, and other slapstick comedy were common around me. The sort of invisible that when I was in crouds, I had a 3 foot buffer of empty space around me. I didn't realize what I had until I lost it.

As I was losing weight my invisiblity failed me completely. As I went about my business around my neighborhood, complete strangers would engage with me like long lost friends. I lived next to a police academy. We each ignored each other, or so I thought. When I was at a point I started walking then running, a police officer congratulated me on my weight loss, told me he started way back when I started. Over his car's megaphone. At 4:00am. Then the police cadets file out for their morning run, and he had each of them shake my hand. I almost became a recluse then and there.

My invisibilty returned when I lost the excess weight and moved to a new city. It was lilke being showered with happiness. In crowds it wasn't pretend, people really didn't see me. I lost my 3 foot buffer but it was almost worth it. I was just another random person. I am the definition of average looking not worthy of a second glance. Or even a first. It's like a warm blanket on a cold night.

Relationships:

"WLS makes bad relationships worse and good ones better."

If you are losing a signficant amount of weight you are making a big change in the status quo, the balance, of a lot of relationships. In this very thread we've read how relationships change with spouses, friends, enemies, and other strangers. Even yourself.

On the "how relationships change for the worst." That lifetime friend that changes because you are now the pretty one. That significant other that liked you the way you were, such as becoming noticable to other men, or because you are more confident, or don't need your significant other as much.You and that unwanted attention.

Oddly, "how relationships change for the better" is much the same list. As is often the case, it's all about our perception, our baggage, and what we want from life. If we want to help a relationship make it through this transformation, consistent and repetitive communication is necessary. Keeping and building relationships is only half up to you. Some relationships may not continue because the person on the other side can't cope with your changes.

WLS will change your life in more ways than just losing weight.

Good luck,

Tek

I appreciate this post greatly! It gives great and deeper insight from the Male perspective ! Thanks!

[BabySpoons 612]

What I don't like is men eyeballing me while they are with their significant other or on a date. I find it highly disrespectful. Lately, while I'm out and about, I have caught women checking me out. Looking to see what their man is looking at. I usually won't even acknowledge him but will smile kindly at the woman. More times than not she returns the smile. It's like a mutual knowing of how f'd up it is. LOL

On the other hand, my man enjoys the attention I get. Which is refreshing since I've had some really jealous BFs in the past. In my pre-obesity days. I think he thinks I make him look good. Kinda like arm candy. Hahaa!