The New Found MALE GAZE! I'm Pissed 🙄🙄🙄

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,598]

I weighed 270 and was a size 22/24 when I met and married my husband. After I had our daughter, I was 340. And through the years, I went all the way to 421. My husband is known as a "chubby chaser" so he always loved how I look. Now that I'm 176 (I friggin dropped weight AGAIN...sigh...) and a size med/large, he struggles with how thin I am now. I'm literally the same size I was in high school. I weighed 165 then, so I'm still 11 pounds heavier but my clothing size is the same. My ring size is smaller. I have SO MUCH male attention now, and it actually annoys me. Every time I get hit on, I give the "bombastic side eye" and stare right through them. If they don't stop, and some don't, I say "no" and when they start to question me, I say "no is a complete sentence. now leave before I get pissed and show you my nasty side" and I walk away lol

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

1 hour ago, ms.sss said:

possibly a controversial comment, but i'll say it anyway: i don't think we are the same people inside after massive weight loss. going through that kind of huge change so quickly, i believe has GOT to have some sort impact on our phscyes.

for me at least, i know my confidence increased 100-fold, or to be more precise, i RE-GAINED my confidence from 15 years ago, plus added more for good measure. my personality changed form a do-nothing to a do-everything. my constant irritation, annoyance and exhaustion was replaced with patience, understanding and energizer-bunny level ability.

i am NOT the same person i was from my obesity era. and that's a fact.

so yeah, OF COURSE others will react to me differently, because i'm DIFFERENT.

I completely agree, its not just the weight that's changed.

[ms.sss 15,580]

1 hour ago, Mspretty86 said:

@ms.sss Good views I feel that! So glad you have a healthy SEX life! Once I get these titties the sexual beast will be untamed 😂. That extra heaviness can hold some back in the bed room. That's another one of my favorite topics. 😂. Yep I get it though

ok, so not gonna lie, mr. told me years ago he missed my ginormous boobs, i had huge boobs even as a thin thing (i actually got a breast reduction when i was 29 because of chronic back pain (i was like 130 lbs at the time). but even after the breast reduction, they were still pretty ample. then the weight gain started and they became the size of my head (EACH!) lol. mr. was in heaven.

fast forward to WLS and the resultant deflated balloons, but Mr. was still satisfied with the "handfuls" he could grope.

....then i had a breast lift, which removed the excess skin and tightened them up all nice and firm (and made them smaller). I LOVE THEM OMG.

but Mr. went into a mini-mourning....i'm like a 29C right now, jeez...that still respectable!

...BUT he did say that the re-ingintion of my "adventurism" during sexy times more than makes up for HIS perception of my smaller boobs. plus he has also commented many that my confidence and all around relaxed attitude is GOLD.

sooo...long story short. boobs or not, its all in the ATTITUDE.

[ms.sss 15,580]

14 hours ago, AmberFL said:

being fit has helped with the stamina

preach. lolololololzzzz

[sillykitty 10,774]

I find myself more attractive after weight loss, so why wouldn't men?

If some didn't want to be my friend because of my weight, yeah, that's a problem. But didn't want to date me because of my weight, I get it. Beyond physical appearance, when I was overweight there were things I couldn't or didn't want to do, hike, skydive, beach vacations etc.. People want partners that they not only find attractive, but that enjoys many of the same activities they do.

I met my bf after WLS surgery. We have had many conversations about my weight, WLS etc.. He would not have dated me at my pre WLS weight. And that's ok, because I wouldn't have dated him if he was 100 lbs heavier than he is now either.

As far as the "male gaze", I am completely unbothered by it. Having men do the double, triple take is sometimes amusing, but mostly I'm indifferent to it. I'm out there in public, let them look.

[GreenTealael 25,335]

Honestly I’m more worried about the female gaze. What are you planning now that you believe I am the competition?

Anyone noticed a shift in the females they interact with now vs then?

Bonus: link to a (long form) video that analyzes body fat and perceived attractiveness

Edited November 10 by GreenTealael

[Mspretty86 278]

@GreenTealaelAs far as interactions with my fellow female associates, I can't call them friends, I have strategically stayed away from them. Im a big MAN person love males. I've never invested much time with women. I've always had issues with jealousy. I can't help the powers that be took a little extra time with me. On the polar opposite side I attract ALL women 😩😩😩. An oxy. I don't care how they feel to be honest 😂. There is an insecurity present, that I can't help them with. So it is what it is. Sorry I'm kind of mean ha.

[GreenTealael 25,335]

5 minutes ago, Mspretty86 said:

@GreenTealaelAs far as interactions with my fellow female associates, I can't call them friends, I have strategically stayed away from them. Im a big MAN person love males. I've never invested much time with women. I've always had issues with jealousy. I can't help the powers that be took a little extra time with me. On the polar opposite side I attract ALL women 😩😩😩. An oxy. I don't care how they feel to be honest 😂. There is an insecurity present, that I can't help them with. So it is what it is. Sorry I'm kind of mean ha.

Well that’s unfortunate.😔

Edited November 10 by GreenTealael

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

2 hours ago, Mspretty86 said:

@GreenTealaelAs far as interactions with my fellow female associates, I can't call them friends, I have strategically stayed away from them. Im a big MAN person love males. I've never invested much time with women. I've always had issues with jealousy. I can't help the powers that be took a little extra time with me. On the polar opposite side I attract ALL women 😩😩😩. An oxy. I don't care how they feel to be honest 😂. There is an insecurity present, that I can't help them with. So it is what it is. Sorry I'm kind of mean ha.

I have a few female friends (2), but I get along with men better and always have. I have up until recently always worked in a male dominated field. I find most women (not all) to be too emotional, catty, cliquish and backstabbing for me. I am not an demonstrative emotional talkative person with others, other than with my family and husband. So, I'm told I come across as arrogant (its actually being shy and not emo and of course women take me as being bitchy instead of seeing the real me). So I completely understand where you're coming from!

[Mspretty86 278]

@BlondePatriotInCDA TRUST ME! I Get it 100%. Like word for word!

[sillykitty 10,774]

If you believe the majority of an entire gender is jealous, insecure, catty and backstabbing, then you are definitely the problem

[ms.sss 15,580]

well, i'm sure im not in the minority, but i mean get along with almost everybody (at least i think i do...lol)...the few people (men or women) that don't become my best friend or fun acquaintance at first sight were probably having a bad day...or maybe i was. in any case, i don't dislike an entire gender, species, race, BMI range, hair colour, whatever...thats just unfair, no?

when i was working, i also worked in a male dominated field (IT), and i was often the only woman in the room for decades. but i still had (and do) have many female friends, most of whom i've known since grade or high school, and some newer ones i met along the way to old age. all of whom i am forever grateful for as nothing compares to girl time!

6 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Anyone noticed a shift in the females they interact with now vs then?

much like i get more attention from men the thinner i get, i do so with women as well (and kids even). BUT what i have noticed over the years (and actually brought this up with my own Kid on many occasions) is that i seem to be getting alot of positive attention for younger women, like my daughters age (20's) much much more than i did when i was fatter. i am often approached and complimented on my purse, my hair, my nails, my exercise regimen, what i'm eating, how loud i laugh, my car, my singing, my enthusiastic dancing...you name it. the Kid says its because i exude a fun approachable vibe, and Mr. says its because i'm the size of a pre-teen girl and they mistake me as so....hahhahaha.

Edited November 10 by ms.sss

[Mspretty86 278]

6 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

Honestly I’m more worried about the female gaze. What are you planning now that you believe I am the competition?

Anyone noticed a shift in the females they interact with now vs then?

Bonus: link to a (long form) video that analyzes body fat and perceived attractiveness

This was informative !

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

4 hours ago, sillykitty said:

If you believe the majority of an entire gender is jealous, insecure, catty and backstabbing, then you are definitely the problem

We all walk our own paths and have our own experiences. I'm glad for you that YOU haven't had my experiences. Unfortunately, the women I've know would agree with me. I didn't say all women..and your response is what I was referring to. Immediately saying I'm the problem instead of possibly seeing each of us having our own experiences and opinions.

I was sharing my personal opinions and feel no one should be accused of "being the problem" for sharing. I believe we all need to be tolerant and understand we all experience life differently. I've been tolerant and just moved on when others miss perceived my shyness as arrogant, but I'm still entitled to my perceptions of how I'm treated without others attacking me.

Edited November 10 by BlondePatriotInCDA

[BlondePatriotInCDA 494]

5 hours ago, Mspretty86 said:

@BlondePatriotInCDA TRUST ME! I Get it 100%. Like word for word!

Thank you MSpretty.