Disagreement about surgery date

[tonimo2020@hotmail.com 2]

My husband and daughter are pressuring me not to have gastric bypass surgery until after the holidays. I want it done ASAP.what should I do?

[GreenTealael 25,385]

Did they say why?

[tonimo2020@hotmail.com 2]

No, I think it’s just about them and holiday traditions. For example, I always make Christmas Cookies with my daughter. I know I can still do that. I’m deathly afraid of dumping syndrome that there’s no chance I’ll eat any cookies.

[GreenTealael 25,385]

55 minutes ago, tonimo2020@hotmail.com said:

No, I think it’s just about them and holiday traditions. For example, I always make Christmas Cookies with my daughter. I know I can still do that. I’m deathly afraid of dumping syndrome that there’s no chance I’ll eat any Cookies.

Tough one. On one hand your body your choice, on the other hand no man is an island. If surgery goes well without complications, timing is a mild inconvenience. If complications happen you’ll want their support (physical and emotional) for the long haul and they’ll need time to prepare for major life changes.

Also how does insurance factor into this? And what is your timeline? Are we talking surgery on Dec 1st or 20th?

Edited October 22 by GreenTealael

[tonimo2020@hotmail.com 2]

Thanks for responding. All great points. I’m really struggling with this. I don’t have a surgery date yet. But my last requirement will be over November 18. Maybe the problem will take care of itself if I cant get a surgery date until January.

[GreenTealael 25,385]

22 minutes ago, tonimo2020@hotmail.com said:

Thanks for responding. All great points. I’m really struggling with this. I don’t have a surgery date yet. But my last requirement will be over November 18. Maybe the problem will take care of itself if I cant get a surgery date until January.

You may be right. It takes time for insurance approval, scheduling then the preop diet. But if offered Dec 30th, take it 🤣

Edited October 22 by GreenTealael

[The Greater Fool 2,039]

It's a common trait that many of us put ourselves second to our spouses, signficant others, and children. Often we are guilted when we try to put ourselves first. This for many of us is something that must change in order to succeed at surgery and weight loss.

Evaluate your situation. Perhaps this is when you should start taking care of yourself first.

Good luck,

Tek

[NickelChip 1,255]

I was supposed to have my surgery Dec 28 last year. I had the option of taking a last-minute cancelation the Monday of Thanksgiving week, but when I told my mom (whose help I needed with my kids), she was totally against it. Said I would ruin everyone's holidays if I had a terrible recovery and kinda made it all about everyone else. So I gave up the date, even though it pained me to do it, because I didn't want to be selfish.

A couple weeks later, my hospital discontinued their surgical program and canceled my date. I was devastated. I had to rebook with a different program, which was still affiliated with the parent organization of my hospital, but unfamiliar to me. I didn't end up getting my surgery until February. It was very stressful and I was pretty angry with myself for not choosing what I wanted instead of what other people wanted me to do.

Having said that, it did all work out for the best in some ways. Apparently, the November surgery date would have been right after the doctors at my old program were told the center was closing, so maybe that would have meant the surgeon wasn't as focused going into my surgery, which could have been dangerous for me. And I would have had to do all my follow up with a different program, which would've been awkward. And I appreciate that I knocked out my deductible in February so have had full coverage of all my tests and appointments all year. I actually have a biopsy I have to get done next month (not related to bariatric surgery) and that won't have any out of pocket costs, so yay for that.

On the other hand, my recovery was pretty much text book, so all my mom's worries over me ruining the holidays with a terrible recovery were baseless. I was pretty self sufficient and back to about 80% functioning by the end of the first week. And 8 months post-surgery, the holidays are rolling around again and guess what? I still can't eat more than a tiny plate of turkey breast, a few green Beans, and a bite of pumpkin pie. I still won't be baking a million Cookies or drinking a pint of egg nog. So, whether it happens this year or next, your family will have to figure out how to navigate around your new normal.

If it were me, I would decide based on what makes financial sense (your deductible, etc.), what works for you with time off work, and would probably avoid the two weeks right before Christmas just because you will need some time to recover in peace without holidays adding to your stress. In retrospect, waiting until February wasn't such a big deal, though, so if you do have to wait, it will be okay. Just make sure you do it for yourself and not for everyone else.

[Arabesque 7,335]

7 hours ago, tonimo2020@hotmail.com said:

No, I think it’s just about them and holiday traditions. For example, I always make Christmas Cookies with my daughter. I know I can still do that. I’m deathly afraid of dumping syndrome that there’s no chance I’ll eat any Cookies.

I agree with the others, you need to put yourself first. It’s your health and your life. If you get a surgery date, grab it with both hands.

All because you can’t eat them doesn’t mean you can’t make them. While I was losing, I had 40th, 60th & 21st birthdays. Went out to dinner and socialised. I just chose not to have any dessert or birthday cake. Actually there were lots of things I couldn’t eat during that time. Didn’t stop me attending nor stop anyone else eating those things.

I make the Desserts at Christmas - always have so I understand traditions. I was fortunate that I had reached goal by my first Christmas & I had a little taste of some of the things I made but not everything. For example, my family loves pavlova. All because I wasn’t going to eat it didn’t mean I wouldn’t make it for them. It is the season of love & giving after all.

I rarely eat desserts or sweet things. My choice. I make exceptions at Christmas, weddings, and the odd other special event but that usually means only a couple of times a year & I’m very cautious of portions when I do. There are lots of us who make foods for others or bring foods to share they don’t eat themselves & not just at Christmas or other seasonal celebrations.

If you do experience dumping, & not everyone does, you’ll work out if you can eat any of the foods that set you off in the future. Many find they can have a small taste or find alternatives.

Not eating cake or having dessert is a very small negative if you dump on sugar. The benefits of the surgery & your weight loss far, far, far outweigh that negative.

[NeonRaven8919 446]

12 hours ago, tonimo2020@hotmail.com said:

My husband and daughter are pressuring me not to have gastric bypass surgery until after the holidays. I want it done ASAP.what should I do?

I think they will also have some reason they don't want you to do it after the holidays too. At least it was like that with my friends and family. They are concerned and worried for you so they will tend to push back and encourage you not to do it.

[tonimo2020@hotmail.com 2]

What a horror story, NickelChip. I would be devastated. Anyone who has gone through the process knows how hard it is and will continue to be. Thanks for sharing your story.

[tonimo2020@hotmail.com 2]

Thanks for the uplifting words, Tek. You are so right!

[NickelChip 1,255]

1 hour ago, tonimo2020@hotmail.com said:

What a horror story, NickelChip. I would be devastated. Anyone who has gone through the process knows how hard it is and will continue to be. Thanks for sharing your story.

It was so frustrating at the time, but here I am, 8 months post op and only 16 lbs away from a "normal" BMI. Haven't been this weight in 30 years! So no matter what bumps in the road come up between now and when you finally get your surgery, whenever that ends up being, you'll get there.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 498]

21 hours ago, tonimo2020@hotmail.com said:

My husband and daughter are pressuring me not to have gastric bypass surgery until after the holidays. I want it done ASAP.what should I do?

Do what's right for you. Its your decision and your health. Period.

[catwoman7 11,216]

I'd do what works for me rather than them. Also you may not even get a date until after that anyway. As someone else said, it has to go through the insurance approval process. Even after mine was approved, they were scheduling a month or so out - and they gave me a couple of different dates to choose from. I actually asked if I could even do it later than the dates they were offering because I was working in education, and my supervisor said she preferred I wait until after the academic year was over (which was maybe another month out) - they said that was fine and gave me a couple more date options, one of which I went with. It all worked out in the end..