Compliments

[BlondePatriotInCDA 407]

9 hours ago, MrsFitz said:

Speaking from my own experience, I’m not the same person fat as I am thin. When I’m fat I am miserable. There’s a little cloud of…I don’t want to say unhappiness but maybe dissatisfaction I guess, that follows me around like that character of Charlie Brown (can’t think of his name, too lazy to look it up!) Like you @Bypass2Freedomthe bigger I am, the more invisible I become. I don’t maintain eye contact, my head is down, I barely smile at others, I feel very much an introvert which isn’t me. I hang back from things and lose my spontaneity. My clothing is dull and drab, anything to not call attention to my fat self. When I compare this to the person I am when I am thinner, well it’s like chalk v cheese. My head is up, I feel happier in myself, I can maintain eye contact, I talk, I laugh, I wear colourful clothing and makeup, I’m proud of myself because I know what an effort it took to get to be that person, to get that confidence back. I believe in myself once again, which is a very powerful thing I think, especially after spending years and year’s doubting myself. I can’t wait to feel all that again and to hold on to it very tightly this time around 😉

Its Pig Pen!

[BabySpoons 570]

I was told fairly recently that I need to learn to take a compliment. My lack of response to them was just a knee jerk reaction and my mind thinking... Oh now I'm worthy of your attention?? No longer invisible??

It is hard not to be a bit resentful of the polar opposite way we are treated when obese vs. a healthy weight. But it's the way of the world unfortunately. On the flip side... I agree with @MrsFitz in that some people are just reflecting back to us how we feel about ourselves. I wanted to be invisible so I felt invisible.

So lift up your heads and be proud of all your hard work and how far you've come in taking back your life/health. Take those compliments. Even the backhanded ones. 😊

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

19 hours ago, MrsFitz said:

Speaking from my own experience, I’m not the same person fat as I am thin. When I’m fat I am miserable. There’s a little cloud of…I don’t want to say unhappiness but maybe dissatisfaction I guess, that follows me around like that character of Charlie Brown (can’t think of his name, too lazy to look it up!) Like you @Bypass2Freedomthe bigger I am, the more invisible I become. I don’t maintain eye contact, my head is down, I barely smile at others, I feel very much an introvert which isn’t me. I hang back from things and lose my spontaneity. My clothing is dull and drab, anything to not call attention to my fat self. When I compare this to the person I am when I am thinner, well it’s like chalk v cheese. My head is up, I feel happier in myself, I can maintain eye contact, I talk, I laugh, I wear colourful clothing and makeup, I’m proud of myself because I know what an effort it took to get to be that person, to get that confidence back. I believe in myself once again, which is a very powerful thing I think, especially after spending years and year’s doubting myself. I can’t wait to feel all that again and to hold on to it very tightly this time around 😉

I think Charlie Brown is the one...I can picture it!

The hanging back from experiences is what gets me the most - so so many experiences I have turned down in the past because of my weight, and I am so excited to be able to subvert that!

It is a powerful thing, and I know you'll get to where you want to be. You deserve to feel happy, beautiful & confident regardless of your weight ❤️

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

11 hours ago, ms.sss said:

ok.

i may be in the minority here, but this statement does not sound like an actual compliment. it a backhanded one, really.

you deserve an actual, genuine compliment, without a subtle dig nor veiled criticism in it, given freely, honestly and all that.

you are beautiful. not annoyingly, but ACTUALLY.

This is maybe why I was on the fence about it a little bit, but I think knowing the person that said it allowed me to believe it was just a genuine compliment. BUT, I can see how it can come across as a hackhanded compliment.

It is hard to distinguish sometimes!

You are right though - I do deserve that. I think we all do x

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

5 hours ago, BabySpoons said:

I was told fairly recently that I need to learn to take a compliment. My lack of response to them was just a knee jerk reaction and my mind thinking... Oh now I'm worthy of your attention?? No longer invisible??

It is hard not to be a bit resentful of the polar opposite way we are treated when obese vs. a healthy weight. But it's the way of the world unfortunately. On the flip side... I agree with @MrsFitz in that some people are just reflecting back to us how we feel about ourselves. I wanted to be invisible so I felt invisible.

So lift up your heads and be proud of all your hard work and how far you've come in taking back your life/health. Take those compliments. Even the backhanded ones. 😊

I really do think it is one of the hardest things - at my heaviest especially, being complimented I just shrugged it off. I think the one 'compliment' that always stuck out for me was: "you're not fat, you're beautiful", b***h please 😂 can't I be both?!

It is hard not to hold onto those feelings for sure, but as you say, we need to be proud and that involves changing our internal narrative of not thinking we are deserving of compliments!

[GreenTealael 25,102]

On 8/20/2024 at 3:21 PM, ms.sss said:

ok.

i may be in the minority here, but this statement does not sound like an actual compliment. it a backhanded one, really.

you deserve an actual, genuine compliment, without a subtle dig nor veiled criticism in it, given freely, honestly and all that.

you are beautiful. not annoyingly, but ACTUALLY.

I agree completely!

[Clark Griswold 47]

I got a compliment from an office co-worker the other day - something along the lines of "you are looking very trim these days, have you been going to the gym?". I was taken aback by it tbh and awkwardly just said yeah I have - was lost for words!

As has been mentioned being at my biggest, I wanted to avoid any comments on my appearance, so to receive unsolicited feedback like this made me squirm a bit inside, but went home that evening with a smile on my face after I'd thought about it all afternoon.

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

1 hour ago, Clark Griswold said:

I got a compliment from an office co-worker the other day - something along the lines of "you are looking very trim these days, have you been going to the gym?". I was taken aback by it tbh and awkwardly just said yeah I have - was lost for words!

As has been mentioned being at my biggest, I wanted to avoid any comments on my appearance, so to receive unsolicited feedback like this made me squirm a bit inside, but went home that evening with a smile on my face after I'd thought about it all afternoon.

I always find myself thinking after I have received a compliment: "why did you not just say thank you and leave it at that?" . I have noticed this thing that I do, and I don't know if anyone else can empathise with this - but say someone compliments my hair, I will say something like: "ah I need to dye it again though", or if they compliment my weight loss, I say: "still a long way to go!".

I struggle to just say thank you, to just accept it. Like I am always putting a negative on it. I wonder, if like you, I just am doing my old style thing of wanting to avoid comments on my appearance.

But, I shall take a leaf from your book, and I shall try to smile and reflect fondly on compliments in the future!

[Clark Griswold 47]

1 minute ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

I always find myself thinking after I have received a compliment: "why did you not just say thank you and leave it at that?" . I have noticed this thing that I do, and I don't know if anyone else can empathise with this - but say someone compliments my hair, I will say something like: "ah I need to dye it again though", or if they compliment my weight loss, I say: "still a long way to go!".

I struggle to just say thank you, to just accept it. Like I am always putting a negative on it. I wonder, if like you, I just am doing my old style thing of wanting to avoid comments on my appearance.

But, I shall take a leaf from your book, and I shall try to smile and reflect fondly on compliments in the future!

Yes I can completely empathise with this, and it kinda feels like a natural reaction to put some sort of negative spin on it or to put yourself down - feels kinda like our old barriers are still up when in reality we should all be really proud of our achievements. And I think that is all to do with the psychology behind it all, which is hard to overcome or reset your thinking both with eating habits and appearance changes - hopefully that improves/comes with time.

Let's make a pact that we'll both just say thank you very much next time

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

1 minute ago, Clark Griswold said:

Yes I can completely empathise with this, and it kinda feels like a natural reaction to put some sort of negative spin on it or to put yourself down - feels kinda like our old barriers are still up when in reality we should all be really proud of our achievements. And I think that is all to do with the psychology behind it all, which is hard to overcome or reset your thinking both with eating habits and appearance changes - hopefully that improves/comes with time.

Let's make a pact that we'll both just say thank you very much next time

Definitely part of the mental fight! It is hard to break down the walls we put up - where to begin!

We shall do so!

Also, congratulations on your progress so far - you are doing amazingly! How are you feeling?

[Clark Griswold 47]

Just now, Bypass2Freedom said:

Definitely part of the mental fight! It is hard to break down the walls we put up - where to begin!

We shall do so!

Also, congratulations on your progress so far - you are doing amazingly! How are you feeling?

Honestly, I am feeling amazing! I have hit a little bit of a slow down on weight loss being 2.5 months post op, but I am now hammering the exercise and still losing inches off my body. When I say a slow down, I mean I've gone from losing 4-5 lbs per week to around 2lbs per week. An example of the exercise, I never imagined i'd have felt comfortable on a treadmill pre-op, and I am about to go onto week 3 of the 9 week couch to 5k program on the treadmill at the gym!

How are you doing this week?

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

1 minute ago, Clark Griswold said:

Honestly, I am feeling amazing! I have hit a little bit of a slow down on weight loss being 2.5 months post op, but I am now hammering the exercise and still losing inches off my body. When I say a slow down, I mean I've gone from losing 4-5 lbs per week to around 2lbs per week. An example of the exercise, I never imagined i'd have felt comfortable on a treadmill pre-op, and I am about to go onto week 3 of the 9 week couch to 5k program on the treadmill at the gym!

How are you doing this week?

It definitely does have a little bit of a stall around that point - I was in the same place around then, and I have finally started losing a bit more now.

That is amazing you are getting the exercise in - that is something I desperately need to get more of. I am going to the gym maybe once a week, but my energy levels are so low due to me struggling to get food in 😅 I shall maybe just go and try to do some light cardio rather than weights!

[Clark Griswold 47]

3 hours ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

It definitely does have a little bit of a stall around that point - I was in the same place around then, and I have finally started losing a bit more now.

That is amazing you are getting the exercise in - that is something I desperately need to get more of. I am going to the gym maybe once a week, but my energy levels are so low due to me struggling to get food in 😅 I shall maybe just go and try to do some light cardio rather than weights!

RE Exercise, i found I was like that at the start and now strategically plan gym sessions carefully around eating i.e. I'll eat then exercise an hour later, so I am getting that energy in before expelling it. I also found at the start of exercise, I struggled at the gym, so I started walking 2-3 miles per day, which actually boosted my energy levels, and hence also enabled me at the gym.

You are still doing amazing though, you should be very proud of the progress you've made this far.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 407]

11 hours ago, Clark Griswold said:

I got a compliment from an office co-worker the other day - something along the lines of "you are looking very trim these days, have you been going to the gym?". I was taken aback by it tbh and awkwardly just said yeah I have - was lost for words!

As has been mentioned being at my biggest, I wanted to avoid any comments on my appearance, so to receive unsolicited feedback like this made me squirm a bit inside, but went home that evening with a smile on my face after I'd thought about it all afternoon.

A very nice and great compliment! Nothing backhanded at all! Take it and run! I've never been good at compliments either when I was thin or now as I lose the weight, I think we all have issues with it! You deserve the smile😃

[Clark Griswold 47]

11 hours ago, BlondePatriotInCDA said:

A very nice and great compliment! Nothing backhanded at all! Take it and run! I've never been good at compliments either when I was thin or now as I lose the weight, I think we all have issues with it! You deserve the smile😃

Thank you!