Compliments

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

So today during a work meeting, one of my colleagues who I have known for many years turned and said to me, "you are annoyingly beautiful".

I was genuinely taken aback by this, and just laughed and jokingly told her to shut up 😂 but I wanted to just think about why this shocked me so much.

I always thought compliments like that were reserved for those people who were confident and effortlessly beautiful.

I really am not used to receiving compliments, or really even being perceived, and I think this is something that a lot of people who struggle with their weight feel at some point.

280lbs me just wanted to be small and unseen, and not looked at for the wrong reason (very superficial, I know). And now I am being seen, I think, in a different light.

It does feel weird. In most ways, it is really nice getting compliments like that, I feel really happy and it was genuinely sweet of her. In other ways, I feel a little bit of grief for the girl who I was a few short months ago, and how she didn't get told things like that.

Either way, I do feel really happy about being told that, and weirdly a little tearful if I am honest!

Anyway...happy Monday all! 😂

[CrazyDog&CatLady 23]

Next time someone compliments you like that say to them "I always have been!" in a really cheery voice and smile like there's no tomorrow! Because HAVE always been 'annoyingly beautiful'!

I get the sadness part, the part of you that says, 'was I some hideous monster because I had a few extra pounds on my body?' The truth is - nope. You always were beautiful, inside and outside, it just took you feeling healthier for people to realize how closely your outside always matched your inside.

❤️

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

48 minutes ago, CrazyDog&CatLady said:

I get the sadness part, the part of you that says, 'was I some hideous monster because I had a few extra pounds on my body?' The truth is - nope. You always were beautiful, inside and outside, it just took you feeling healthier for people to realize how closely your outside always matched your inside.

❤️

okay now I definitely am crying 😭

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,482]

I absolutely can relate to this, and I so wish I could hug you right now. When I was younger (all the way until I had my son at age 20) I was thin and athletic. That's all I knew, that's all anyone knew of me. As I started to gain weight, the looks and attention changed. And I wanted to disappear. I saw the stares and looks, heard the comments and whispers and laughs. I felt every jab, every comment, every insult. Then I lost all the weight and I look like I did in high school again (I mean, like LITERALLY I do...so weird) and things have reverted back to the way they use to be. And it really hurts because I have something to compare it to. Definitive proof that I "fit in" and I'm "accepted" when I'm thin and fit society's idea of what beautiful is. And it makes me angry and hurt and frankly, pissed off. I have a really hard time accepting compliments from ANYONE who knew me when I was originally thin, and fat, and now thin again. It just doesn't feel genuine.

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

@SleeveToBypass2023 It is so hard isn't it

Like, you know that people are just trying to be nice and genuine, but part of you can't help but question why and ask why you didn't deserve the same compliments when you were bigger.

Such a battle mentally!!

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,482]

2 minutes ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

@SleeveToBypass2023 It is so hard isn't it

Like, you know that people are just trying to be nice and genuine, but part of you can't help but question why and ask why you didn't deserve the same compliments when you were bigger.

Such a battle mentally!!

Exactly. And then my mind goes to "Oh, I KNOW why I didn't deserve the compliments when I was bigger. I wasn't THEIR idea of pretty or fashionable or sexy or anything THEY liked looking at". As if I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror.....

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

1 minute ago, SleeveToBypass2023 said:

Exactly. And then my mind goes to "Oh, I KNOW why I didn't deserve the compliments when I was bigger. I wasn't THEIR idea of pretty or fashionable or sexy or anything THEY liked looking at". As if I liked what I saw when I looked in the mirror.....

Just makes me feel sad for old me, who is still me, but not 😂 It is just a complicated feeling!

[AmberFL 631]

So my neighbor ( who is an older gentleman and a family friend) asked if I am used to all the gawking and getting stared at....I laughed and said nah I don't pay attention, plus with 2 small kiddos always with me no one wants to approach that. LOL My hubby has known him his entire life so I didn't take it creepy or weird- I know it was his way of complimenting me.

I hate that people are nicer to me, I get the door held open for me now, men let me cut in line at grocery stores, even with my kids now, like just because I was big I didn't deserve the same respect? Its a constant battle I have within myself.

But you are beautiful and honestly I am happy that you have people around you that are noticing that!

[ShoppGirl 4,335]

Omg i have gained and lost weight so many times in my life to include a really big chunk with the sleeve 3.5 years ago and I understand completely what you mean. It’s like I am still the SAME EXACT PERSON that I always have been on the inside!! It’s almost like when someone dies and you feel guilty enjoying something without them. I feel like if I fully accept a compliment I am letting my overweight self down somehow because they deserved all the same compliments but never got them. At the same time you feel guilty for not just accepting it because someone is trying to be nice after all.

But the male attention differential is almost too much. I realize over and over again just how invisible I am when I am overweight. Surprisingly women are actually this way too if you pay attention. And what’s worse is once you lose a lot of weight and start to look really hot, some Women start to treat you differently again. The women will find you a threat and the men will assume your a beyotch. I guess we have to look good but not too good to deserve respect and consideration in todays society. I have said it over and over again. Life is a fashion show. I honestly don’t think this will change in our lifetimes.

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

14 hours ago, AmberFL said:

So my neighbor ( who is an older gentleman and a family friend) asked if I am used to all the gawking and getting stared at....I laughed and said nah I don't pay attention, plus with 2 small kiddos always with me no one wants to approach that. LOL My hubby has known him his entire life so I didn't take it creepy or weird- I know it was his way of complimenting me.

I hate that people are nicer to me, I get the door held open for me now, men let me cut in line at grocery stores, even with my kids now, like just because I was big I didn't deserve the same respect? Its a constant battle I have within myself.

But you are beautiful and honestly I am happy that you have people around you that are noticing that!

😂 My sister feels exactly the same now that she has a little man! And yeah I fully get that side of things - my boyfriend loved me at my heaviest weight, and he told me from the start that me losing weight won't change how he feels about me, because he always thought I was beautiful. They are nice sometimes

It's so strange isn't it - like I am used to just walking with my head down, but I try to keep my head up now to show I am confident, and some men try to catch my eye just to smile, and it is very weird.

Thank you!!

[Bypass2Freedom 477]

12 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Omg i have gained and lost weight so many times in my life to include a really big chunk with the sleeve 3.5 years ago and I understand completely what you mean. It’s like I am still the SAME EXACT PERSON that I always have been on the inside!! It’s almost like when someone dies and you feel guilty enjoying something without them. I feel like if I fully accept a compliment I am letting my overweight self down somehow because they deserved all the same compliments but never got them. At the same time you feel guilty for not just accepting it because someone is trying to be nice after all.

But the male attention differential is almost too much. I realize over and over again just how invisible I am when I am overweight. Surprisingly women are actually this way too if you pay attention. And what’s worse is once you lose a lot of weight and start to look really hot, some Women start to treat you differently again. The women will find you a threat and the men will assume your a beyotch. I guess we have to look good but not too good to deserve respect and consideration in todays society. I have said it over and over again. Life is a fashion show. I honestly don’t think this will change in our lifetimes.

You have worded this perfectly!! It is like you are in my brain 😂 It is such a difficult thing to feel, and people who haven't gone through this process won't fully understand it! So to explain it is even harder 😂 I wanted to tell my boyfriend about the compliment I got, but I knew I'd cry, and I didn't know how too explain that so I just left it haha.

It definitely won't change, and that is a horrible but true realisation. I am slowly realising it!

[MrsFitz 377]

Speaking from my own experience, I’m not the same person fat as I am thin. When I’m fat I am miserable. There’s a little cloud of…I don’t want to say unhappiness but maybe dissatisfaction I guess, that follows me around like that character of Charlie Brown (can’t think of his name, too lazy to look it up!) Like you @Bypass2Freedomthe bigger I am, the more invisible I become. I don’t maintain eye contact, my head is down, I barely smile at others, I feel very much an introvert which isn’t me. I hang back from things and lose my spontaneity. My clothing is dull and drab, anything to not call attention to my fat self. When I compare this to the person I am when I am thinner, well it’s like chalk v cheese. My head is up, I feel happier in myself, I can maintain eye contact, I talk, I laugh, I wear colourful clothing and makeup, I’m proud of myself because I know what an effort it took to get to be that person, to get that confidence back. I believe in myself once again, which is a very powerful thing I think, especially after spending years and year’s doubting myself. I can’t wait to feel all that again and to hold on to it very tightly this time around 😉

[AmberFL 631]

7 hours ago, Bypass2Freedom said:

😂 My sister feels exactly the same now that she has a little man! And yeah I fully get that side of things - my boyfriend loved me at my heaviest weight, and he told me from the start that me losing weight won't change how he feels about me, because he always thought I was beautiful. They are nice sometimes

It's so strange isn't it - like I am used to just walking with my head down, but I try to keep my head up now to show I am confident, and some men try to catch my eye just to smile, and it is very weird.

Thank you!!

It is very weird!! women are nicer, men are more flirtatious and pay attention more. Or even go out of their way to say hi and open the door. I think it will get easier and we will get used to it lol I think ? But we should enjoy the attention. LOL

[ms.sss 15,181]

On 8/19/2024 at 4:41 AM, Bypass2Freedom said:

"you are annoyingly beautiful".

ok.

i may be in the minority here, but this statement does not sound like an actual compliment. it a backhanded one, really.

you deserve an actual, genuine compliment, without a subtle dig nor veiled criticism in it, given freely, honestly and all that.

you are beautiful. not annoyingly, but ACTUALLY.

[BlondePatriotInCDA 407]

1 hour ago, ms.sss said:

ok.

i may be in the minority here, but this statement does not sound like an actual compliment. it a backhanded one, really.

you deserve an actual, genuine compliment, without a subtle dig nor veiled criticism in it, given freely, honestly and all that.

you are beautiful. not annoyingly, but ACTUALLY.

Agreed, but I'd act/take it as a compliment to annoy the person saying it either way. If its not a heart filled compliment, the dig is on them..not the person hearing it. People are mean and spiteful at times unfortunately.

I find the best way to deflect "digs" is to ignore the dig and act as if its a compliment, it will annoy them and to others if they see it will see the person as petty and mean.