I may be the only one...

[jparadigm 14]

I believe in my heart I may be the only one doing this to myself...or even able to muster up the courage to talk publicly about it.

I'm not getting my Protein in.

I'm not getting my Water in.

I haven't been taking my Vitamins.

I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks.

I eat what I want, to the point of making myself puke with intolerable food.

I gave up. I drink alcohol. I'm lazy.

NO i'm not looking for pity, i'm genuinely curious to know if anyone else is or has been in my shoes..

I'm almost 5 months post-op, down 40+ pounds. Losing 1-2lbs per week SOMEHOW.

If you've been here, how did you get out of this fog? I'm petrified to address this with my doctor in fear of being judged. I'm in the closet with all this. Scared/anxious i'll just regain my weight over the next year. I feel im in concrete and have ABSOLUTELY NO motivation to change habits very disappointed in myself. Disgusted really.

Recently went to a gathering and seen myself in pictures and I am way bigger than i thought i was. im just all over the crazy table!

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,474]

The first step is to admit it, which you're doing. We all get in moods where we slip. The trick is to catch it, admit it, and start to correct it. You can still fix this, but you say you're not wanting to. So are you just wanting to vent about what you're doing to yourself or do you want to actually start fix it?

If you want to vent...ok. But there's not much we can say or offer you if you truly don't want to start over and correct it. If you want to correct it, then we have something to work with. You know the rules, you know the diet, you know what you can and can't eat, drink, and do. You know you need to focus on Protein, lower carbs, get in veggies and healthy fats, get in your fluids, cut out alcohol right now, cut way down or even out (for now) salt and sugar. Move your body more. Swim, walk, ride a bike, work out, do things that increase your movement more than you normally do every day. Cut way down (or out for now) soda. Start over and get yourself back on track and ease yourself back into things.

You're only 4 months out from surgery, so you're still in the sweet spot of losing weight. So you can still turn this around and get back to dropping weight. If that's what you want to do. Again, if you just want to vent about it but not actually change it, there's not much else I can contribute. You've lost 41 pounds, and that's fantastic over 4 months. Remember your "why" for doing the surgery to begin with. Remind yourself what this meant to you and get back to that and really decide for yourself if that "why" still applies to you.

[ShoppGirl 4,304]

@SleeveToBypass2023 pretty much covered what you need to change so I won’t repeat that. I will add though that I got to a simlar point a little later than you when I was discouraged I didn’t reach the goal I secretly had in my mind for myself. I had stopped losing and stalled about 18 pounds shy of it for about three months then I started letting bad habits slip in and I started to gain and honestly I never stopped gaining. 3.5 years later here I am pending revision. I was also embarrassed to see my dr or even post on here and that only made things worse. I could’ve nipped it on the budd before I got to this point like you still can. Go back to your team and explain your struggles. See what they have to offer you to help get you back on track. Maybe even talk to a therapist to try to work out why you feel this way. It sounds like you really have only been off track for a little bit and you’re still early enough out that it’s not too late to turn this around. You just have to start taking steps.

[summerseeker 2,030]

Do you think you are depressed ? To me you sound like it. You are sabotaging yourself. Do you believe that you don't deserve to be thin ?

My counsellor told me once - Do one thing every day that makes you feel better about yourself. So change something and be proud that you did. Little steps.

Drink your allotted Water, your whole body and mind will thank you.

If you want to chat privately, message me. You deserve this. You have reached out that's the main thing

[FifiLux 353]

Could you find the motivation to even start with a few small steps, like finding a way to get your Protein up even by way of including it in Water and that way two steps covered in one? Your body needs the protein and if you are not getting enough it could be contributing to your mood/fog.

So what if you haven't gone to the gym, I don't go, but I have made an effort to find a couple of fitness things I like to do. I know I could do more but hey I am doing more than I did pre-op so its a win win as far as I am concerned. I am not going to put unrealistic pressure on myself as I know I will fail, maybe that is the same for you?

For the alcohol you don't say how much or often you have a drink but if you can't go cold turkey could you even cut back or opt for a lighter drink? I have a drink (or three) when out with friends, its not the end of the world but I am realistic that it will probably impact the weight loss for a few days and I restrict myself to only when out, certainly not at home as that is a bad habit that I am trying to make sure I don't bring back.

Could you start writing a daily positivity list/journal of all the positives you are finding from the loss you have had so far? I started to do it to help me with the PTSD I am suffering from my surgery, I note just random things such as;

was able to jog to catch bus and not be mortified / was able to get through turnstile without turning sideways / so and so told me I was looking great / sun is shining and I feel energised / had to tighten jeans belt again

Small steps could help you out of the funk and get you on track as there was a reason you would have had the surgery and you don't want to get back there. It takes work but you have already made good progress but it will get harder to loose the lbs and you could end up with other health problems if you continue as you are. Does your doctor have a support team that you can reach out to? I think an honest conversation with them is needed and will help you, they can hopefully provide tools to get you in the mindset needed to continue. Don't feel ashamed to talk to them as I am sure you are not the only one how feels like you do.

[ShoppGirl 4,304]

Yes, please don’t be embarrassed to talk to your team. They understand onesity is complex. When I finally went back to my team I weighed more than when i started out before my sleeve and they did nothing but want to help me figure out a plan. For me the only option really was revision but you get to avoid that if you make the steps now. I know you can do this. Just take ONE step today. Even if it’s just setting a reminder to call the Dr. tomorrow.

Edited July 25 by ShoppGirl

[NickelChip 1,113]

I'm right at 5 months, and over the past few weeks, it has become HARD. In the beginning, I was dropping weight, had zero interest in food, and was totally motivated. But since the beginning of July, I've lost a pound. Actually, I've lost and gained and lost and gained that one pound multiple times. I've started feeling hungry sometimes again, and that's triggering all sorts of bad behaviors like getting up when I'm trying to avoid work (I work from home) and looking in the cupboard for a snack, not to mention craving sweets. It's been a constant fight. Not getting that reward of watching the scale dropping all the time kind of saps the motivation, I think. And the novelty wears off and you start to realize that you're in this for the long haul and maybe you start to rebel a little. You're not alone.

You say you're afraid of being judged, but you are judging yourself every time you do things you know you shouldn't do. You said it yourself. You're disgusted by what you're doing, but there's a reason you're doing it, and figuring that out is going to be the key to stopping it and changing.

I feel like there is probably a voice you hear in the back of your head telling you that you can't do this. Maybe there's literally someone saying it to you in your life, but most likely it's a voice in your head from a long time ago, one that sounds like you but probably was someone else when you first heard it. For me, it's my grandmother, and to some extent my dad. Never happy, never praising. Expecting perfection and scolding "for your own good" over every little thing. Ridiculing my weight despite being overweight themselves, but also overfeeding me because that's what they knew. Food was the enemy, but also a reward from emotionally stunted caregivers who had no other way to show affection.

When you can never fully meet expectations at a young age, you learn quickly that you will always fail. That may be the role you've played in your family. Maybe it's everything, or maybe just one thing, like being overweight. And when you start to succeed, it feels frightening because it challenges everything you have been taught to believe about yourself. If you're not "the fat friend", who are you? Or maybe being "the fat daughter" kept a jealous family member happy because you weren't "competition" that way. There are so many reasons we get into these patterns. But the point is, the patterns feel normal and safe. So you make sure you don't succeed and change too much or for too long. You're used to being disappointing to yourself. You can live with that. But admitting you're capable of succeeding and changing is really scary. Allowing yourself to challenge the roles other people want you to fulfill is the hardest thing you can do. At least that's my experience.

As for how to change, my first suggestion is talk to your team. That's why they're there, and they know what's going on because they've seen it before. Face it head on. Nothing they say is going to be any worse than what you are saying, and doing, to yourself. If you can get set up with a therapist, even better.

Second, get every source of temptation out of the house. The alcohol. The junk food. Whatever is making you stumble, get rid of it. Do your shopping online from now on, or curbside pickup because it is way easier not to give into temptation that way. You can't binge on what you don't have.

But skip the gym. It's really only about 10% of your success, anyway. Focus on Water, Protein, and Vitamins. You don't need the false guilt of the gym to make everything worse.

And third, get help from people you trust who are close to you if you can. Accountability is key. If going out to eat is an issue, tell your friends or family that you need their help not letting you go out to eat. Explain why you can't be around Snacks, or why you won't be ordering alcohol, and ask for their help. If you trust even one person in your life to tell what is really going on, tell them. You need another voice cheering you on instead of just your own head bringing you down.

Bottom line, something about what you are doing right now feels comfortable to you. It's a pattern that you can live with, even if you hate it. Something about what you were doing when you were following the rules was making you uncomfortable. Figure out what and why. You can't change your habits until you change that voice in your head, and until you can love yourself and cheer yourself on instead of being your own worst judge. But you have to believe you're worth it and be willing to do things that scare you in order to get past this fog and get to where you want to be.

[JennyBeez 280]

Not to beat a dead horse, but as others have said, consider therapy. Look for one on your own (or see if your program has one / can refer you to one) who specifically deals with eating disorders.

I haven't done had this experience Post-Op, but I've fully been there before during diets I've attempted in the past. For me, there were so many things at play: ongoing depression, feelings of low self-worth were helping me further sabotage myself. I punished myself with food, even while logically knowing better, because it was what I was used to. I hid myself behind my weight, because it became my norm and was easier than dealing with a lot of the trauma and mental health issues lurking in the shadows.

It's so, so hard to break these cycles all on our own. Having someone to talk to about it -- a friend, a counselor, support from your program, or us here on the forum can make a world of difference.

[jparadigm 14]

I can't express how much I truly appreciate the honest and careful feedback from all of you...

I DO want to change, and I know exactly what I'm doing to myself.

NICKELCHIP you are an angel and reading your response touched my soul...leaving me pretty speechless at the moment.

I do feel very alone in my journey and It's ok, but sometimes it would be nice having someone in my life who can understand the depth of my journey and what it really means to be a supportive person. I'm not asking or expecting of it, and I'm very grateful to have come across a lot of genuine and kind people on this website. Having some reassurance and affirmation DOES go a long way though.

I think therapy and speaking with my team is my best option at this point. Group therapy will help with accountability and having people around who understand. It's just the act of actually doing it. LOL

As NickelChip said in her response about being comfortable in failure...I felt that. Seems when I do something good for myself, I give up on continuing it. Or sabotage it completely.

Thank you ALL again SO much ❤️