A Bit Of An Emotional Week

[MrsFitz 367]

The scales have bounced around all over the place this week 😬 These things happen so I won’t stress out about it…

I’ve been trying to sort out what clothes I’m taking on our 3 day trip to London. It’s a 5* hotel with restaurants to match, plus we’re going to the Royal Opera House too so want to look as though we’ve made an effort. I don’t actually have any ‘nice’ clothes. I seem to have a wardrobe of ‘it fits, it will do’ plus a load of holiday/summer clothes that are too small at present. I bitched at hubby (not his fault, he was just there in the firing line) and then freaked out. Hubby wanted me to have a look for some new clothes. I’m totally no good at spending money on clothing for myself, I just don’t see the point. I won’t try anything on in a store, so that was out. So, it’s online shopping. I found a couple of sites but I was getting myself in a state and I just balked at the whole thing. I was snapping at hubby and, to be fair, he took it quite calmly. Anyway, I finally got myself calmed down. I found something I liked, he found something he liked, both were in the sale at Phase Eight so I’ve ordered and they are due to be delivered this afternoon. Hubby knows not to be around me when I’m trying something on. Hopefully things will fit (gone up a size from what I think I am, just in case) but if they’re too big, they will go back and if they’re too small hubby wants me to keep them to wear when I do lose some more weight. I’ve also ordered a nice combo from good old M&S too, ready to pick up tomorrow.

Clothing really does stress me out. Being fat is one thing but I don’t want to look like a clown as well. I feel shamed and embarrassed when clothes that should fit no longer do. It’s just that, for whatever reason, the shame and embarrassment doesn’t transfer into positive action in reducing my weight. Ridiculous I know. I’m a grown woman who can tell you all the ins and outs of a low carb/high Protein diet plus a fair few others so why can I put that knowledge in to long term action?? Why is it taking WLS to motivate myself?? Maybe it’s because I will be answerable to someone else ie the hospital? Something to discuss anyway when I have my dietitian appointment in August.

Anyway, Endoscopy tomorrow and knee X-rays on Wednesday. Off to visit the grandchildren on Saturday so that’s definitely something to look forward to 🙂

Hope everyone has a positive start to their week.

Onwards and Downwards!

[ShoppGirl 4,308]

I think it’s hilarious that after so much time together our husbands learn when it’s best to get out of the way or hide. I hate to try clothes on in the store as well. Plus they usually don’t ever have my size in stock no matter what size I am at the time (they just carry so little inventory anymore). I have learned that it’s best for me to shop the retail stores so that I can really see the fabrics and cut of things. Then I go home and order a few things online in a couple of different sizes if I am not certain which I’m usually not (the larger purchase amount usually qualifies me for free shipping So it works out). Then I immediately return whatever doesn’t fit. Usually something works out for me this way though and I get to avoid exchanging over and over which drives me crazy. Ooh and when I do get stressed out because clothing fit is such a challenge thing, I buy myself an accessory. Cute boots, new sunglasses, even a pair of inexpensive earrings. Just anything I can see and know that if I love it on the rack then I will most likely love it on me and I will love it at any size so I don’t feel it’s such a waste or money. Also, accessories are another tip for your trip. If you know you aren’t going to stay that size and these clothes aren’t ones you will wear much after, maybe buy some things that are a bit more casual or basic and Dress them up with accessories that at least you will be more likely to get use out of after.

i don’t think that its true that surgery is the only thing to motivate us. I think we all have been motivated to try diets many times in the past. I think it’s just that it’s hard to get motivated again for something that we have tried and failed at already so many times. Surgery is something we have not yet tried so there is hope. Hope is a motivator. Also, We know that the surgery is actually successful for people like us. Unlike yo yo diets which for the most part do not work. I know it’s hard to wrap your mind around it pre surgery. I have also started to think if I have to make all these changes anyways then why can’t I just make them without having to do surgery. The thing is it’s like a joint effort. The metabolic changes from the surgery are supposed to make it attainable while you still have to do the work.

Edited July 8 by ShoppGirl

[Bypass2Freedom 474]

1 hour ago, MrsFitz said:

The scales have bounced around all over the place this week 😬 These things happen so I won’t stress out about it…

I’ve been trying to sort out what clothes I’m taking on our 3 day trip to London. It’s a 5* hotel with restaurants to match, plus we’re going to the Royal Opera House too so want to look as though we’ve made an effort. I don’t actually have any ‘nice’ clothes. I seem to have a wardrobe of ‘it fits, it will do’ plus a load of holiday/summer clothes that are too small at present. I bitched at hubby (not his fault, he was just there in the firing line) and then freaked out. Hubby wanted me to have a look for some new clothes. I’m totally no good at spending money on clothing for myself, I just don’t see the point. I won’t try anything on in a store, so that was out. So, it’s online shopping. I found a couple of sites but I was getting myself in a state and I just balked at the whole thing. I was snapping at hubby and, to be fair, he took it quite calmly. Anyway, I finally got myself calmed down. I found something I liked, he found something he liked, both were in the sale at Phase Eight so I’ve ordered and they are due to be delivered this afternoon. Hubby knows not to be around me when I’m trying something on. Hopefully things will fit (gone up a size from what I think I am, just in case) but if they’re too big, they will go back and if they’re too small hubby wants me to keep them to wear when I do lose some more weight. I’ve also ordered a nice combo from good old M&S too, ready to pick up tomorrow.

Clothing really does stress me out. Being fat is one thing but I don’t want to look like a clown as well. I feel shamed and embarrassed when clothes that should fit no longer do. It’s just that, for whatever reason, the shame and embarrassment doesn’t transfer into positive action in reducing my weight. Ridiculous I know. I’m a grown woman who can tell you all the ins and outs of a low carb/high Protein diet plus a fair few others so why can I put that knowledge in to long term action?? Why is it taking WLS to motivate myself?? Maybe it’s because I will be answerable to someone else ie the hospital? Something to discuss anyway when I have my dietitian appointment in August.

Anyway, Endoscopy tomorrow and knee X-rays on Wednesday. Off to visit the grandchildren on Saturday so that’s definitely something to look forward to 🙂

Hope everyone has a positive start to their week.

Onwards and Downwards!

I feel you on the scales front! One minute I am losing and the next it is a gain! Hard to keep up with it, and after years and years of being absolutely devestated by that number on the scale, it is hard not to slip back into old thoughts.

Motivation is THE hardest thing, and I think you have picked up on a really key point here, and one that I feel we may all have struggled with - why is it that the things that "should" motivate us to lose weight, do the opposite? I always found that this related directly to my emotional eating. I also never try clothes on in-store, and on the rare occasion that I did, and it didn't fit, I'd be in meltdown mode, and I'd seek food as a comfort. I don't think it is ridiculous lovely, I think it is a lot harder than just: "I know I should do something about this, so just do it". It runs deeper than that, and it is why so many of us struggle with losing weight without surgical intervention.

Please give yourself some grace, and know that you are doing all you can for yourself, no matter the pace you are at. You have got this ❤️

[JennyBeez 280]

4 hours ago, MrsFitz said:

It’s just that, for whatever reason, the shame and embarrassment doesn’t transfer into positive action in reducing my weight. Ridiculous I know. I’m a grown woman who can tell you all the ins and outs of a low carb/high Protein diet plus a fair few others so why can I put that knowledge in to long term action?? Why is it taking WLS to motivate myself?? Maybe it’s because I will be answerable to someone else ie the hospital?

Maybe, willpower / motivation isn't what your problem has ever been. Maybe this is that point for you when you begin to realize that whatever shame you've internalized over the years, your weight is not your fault.

There are always, always, always so many different things at play: hormones, body chemistry, mobility / physical limitations, mental health, self-sabotage, camouflage, etc etc.

I mean, at what point in your life did you choose to be fat? Did you sit yourself down one day when you were feeling in perfect health and say," you know what, I'm going to eat and eat and eat until I weigh 304lbs. I want to hate myself or feel shitty about myself." Cause I bet there are very very few people who can say they made obesity or being overweight a conscious decision.

Are there times in all of our lives that we've made **** decision, knowing how unhealthy they are for us? Oh gods yes. Plenty, I'm sure. But did we make those decisions coming from a place of balance and peace, or did we do it to punish ourselves, or sooth ourselves, or because this is the way we were taught to deal with any negative emotion?

Did / do we all exacerbate the issue with our choices? Most definitely. I'm not saying we're all innocent lambs. But if it were just a matter of willpower, of not wanting to be unhealthy or overweight, etc, we would all already be at our ideal weights -- we never would have left that weight to begin with.

It's definitely important along the WLS journey to hone our willpower, to make healthier choices for our own benefit, etc. It's still going to be hard. For some of us, it might always be hard. But it's not that it "takes WLS to motivate" ourselves -- it takes WLS to give us that needed jumpstart into our weightloss journey. It takes WLS to change our hormones and gut biome. It takes WLS to give us physical restrictions --or to give us a clean slate when learning how our body physically responds to certain foods / nutrients etc, and re-teaching our body what 'enough' feels like. It takes WLS for many of us to, I dunno, learn how to prioritze ourselves? How to give ourselves the right kind of self-love -- like NOT eating the cake if you don't want to just in order to be polite. Like setting the boundaries we need -- and/or desire -- in order to stay in a healthy mindset.

[MrsFitz 367]

Thank you @ShoppGirl @Bypass2Freedom and @JennyBeez for you lovely, thoughtful words. I really do appreciate your comments.

The clothes came - the shift dress that I thought would be OK is massive and the jumpsuit that I thought would be too tight fits perfectly so go figure 🤷‍♀️ Annoying though when you buy the same size from the same brand and there are massive discrepancies. So, dress is going back and I’ve ordered a couple of things from the sale at Roman for less than half the price of the dress I’m sending back 🙂

@ShoppGirl I have to say that my hubby is being fully supportive. There are obviously times when I want to smother him with a pillow but not over this. He is onboard with what I am trying to do so no complaints from me over that. He just wants me to feel good about myself and get some confidence back I think. I did take your advice and ordered some new, dressy shoes (backless so if my feet do shrink again, it won’t matter!) I hope that the metabolic changes from the op really do kick in and work in tandem with the other changes we make. I know the op is a positive thing that we’re doing both for our physical and emotional wellbeing.

@Bypass2Freedom Definitely seek food to ‘soothe’ when in meltdown mode. It is difficult to lose weight and keep if off. I hate, with a passion, those that patronisingly say “oh, you just have to eat less and move more”…OH REALLY?? 🤬🤬🤬 Well tell my metabolism that you arsehole. Continually dieting just screws your metabolism up, I’m sure of it. I’m hoping that the op acts as an internal reset button so my body stops acting against me and works with me for a while. I do know I need to stop being so harsh on myself…old habits and all that 🙃

@JennyBeez Yes, to camouflage, yes to self-sabotage. I know what started my weight issues and disordered eating. Food was used as a punishment when I was growing up (amongst other things) I won’t go in to detail as I don’t want to trigger anyone but I have undergone counselling etc. I did lose approx 100lbs around 12 years ago and then immediately started with Rheumatoid Arthritis which threw a massive spanner in to my works! My focus went from weight and gym visits to meds, hospital visits, X-rays pain and tests. Weight went back on, Osteoarthritis decided to join the party and then recently Fibromyalgia because why not?? Did I choose any of that? NO! Looking at it all dispassionately, I can see that I was angry with my body - I’d done the major weight loss, I was at the gym 5 days a week because I loved it, I was happy with myself and then I felt that I was kicked in the teeth without rhyme or reason. I know that WLS won’t make everything go away but hopefully it will make things easier to handle and get me moving once again. I miss the gym like you wouldn’t believe and I’m just hoping that I can get going to it once again for my physical and mental health. Working on my mindset is definitely a work in progress.