Celebrations

[LAzouz 5]

Hiya Everyone!!

I am 6 months Post revision from VSG to GB, and doing great, but my birthday is friday and I am wondering from others..How do you Celebrate when you don't like to go to restaurants anymore because it is a waste of money and you are off sugar?

I realized this morning while getting ready to go to work, that my entire life all celebrations of any kind has revolved around food. Not that this is truly a revelation of any kind, but damn...it feels like without eating the celebrations don't happen. And that's not a great feeling! Like, if we don't go to eat for my birthday, then my family isn't creative (or supportive) enough to think of an alternative way to celebrate.

What have you guys done? How do others handle this? I am truly at a loss...

Thank you in advance and lets all be kind to one another... MUAH!! Sending hugs!!

[Bypass2Freedom 711]

Heya!

My surgery is next week, but my birthday is about 3 and a bit weeks after that, so I have been asking myself the same question!

My plan is to make everything as non-centered around food as possible. I am hoping to go to an animal experience so I can pet some capybaras, and then just see my family and watch some movies or something!

Don't get me wrong, it feels weird that this will be the first birthday in like 28 years where I haven't had cake, but at least I should be feeling happier for the first time in many years! Where I have lost something, I will also gain!

Happy belated birthday ❤️

[ms.sss 15,580]

are you able to go to a restaurant or other food-focused venue without feeling the need to eat beyond your limits?

you are right, social events are almost always centred around food and drink..i learned early on that i enjoyed the company more than the food back during my weight loss phase (i'm 5+ years out now and i have to say i like the food just as much as the company, lol...but i digress...). if you can be around food and other eating said food without causing you angst, then i say just go to that restaurant or bar or party or whatever and enjoy your friends and loved ones. they can stuff themselves... you don't have to join in.

if being around food is too much of a temptation for you, how about a hike, or a dance class/exercise class, the theatre, a spa day, afternoon at the beach, pottery/painting/kayaking/karaoke/climbing/omg the possiblities are endless! HOWEVER, i will say that even with the aforementioned activities, people are eventually gonna get hungry/thirsty and want to go somewhere or pick up something to eat, and then you are back where you are started.

personally, i would push for trying to train yourself to be around food and not go to town, as its probably easier (and more realistic) to adjust yourself vs. adjusting everyone around you..

*HAPPY BIRTHDAY* in advance! hope you figure out a way to enjoy your day!!!

[Shanna NYC 148]

Congrats on your revision.

I do agree that most big celebrations are centered around a dinner, drinks and dessert historically. I don't personally have too much issue with still involving food as I either split a meal or just take home leftovers for a meal or two. (my boyfriend is a fan of my small capacity as he just gets to eat more), but I understand separating that out at this time.

I would say, depending on where you are/what you are into, there should be events/activities that don't center around food. Pottery or a painting class. An art show. Museums. The zoo or aquarium. A movie (and bring your own snack). Amusement park or local fair. An escape room (those are fun). A walking tour of some kind.

I'm in NYC so there are so many varieties of things to do especially now that the weather is getting warmer.

I also just like to have friends over and have a game night - board games or Jackbox game on the tv. Food may be optional, just not the focus and if it's at home you can control the healthy options you need to have on hand.

What type of activities are you into? Hope this gives some spark of inspiration and happy early birthday.

[LAzouz 5]

I feel like my intentions weren't exactly clear when I wrote the original post..

Its not really about if i can be around food without over eating or if there are other things out there to do...It was more about does anyone feel like if the celebration doesnt revolve around food then the celebration seems to not actually happen?

Like, if my family cant treat me to a meal then why bother celebrating type of thing...

[ms.sss 15,580]

2 hours ago, LAzouz said:

It was more about does anyone feel like if the celebration doesnt revolve around food then the celebration seems to not actually happen?

lol, ok i get the gist now!

ok, so my updated response is:

yes, i feel that way. if there is no food (or drink) it didn't happen.

unless its like an exercise class or something, there is ALWAYS food involved if im out with more than just myself, celebration or not. and if its a celebration, the food always outnumbers the people like 10 to 1.

i mean can u have a party or large gathering of people without food? ive never been to one without it in my 50+ years, now that i think if it...

[Arabesque 7,240]

Why do you feel you can’t go to a restaurant? Do you worry there’ll be nothing you can eat i.e. not on your plan or may compromise your weight loss?

Scope out menus on line & then suggest where you go to eat? (I still check out menus online before I go out & make my choice before I go & work out what I may need to ask the restaurant to change.) Choose an appetiser or share a main with a friend or family member. Most places offer Soup which is always a pretty safe choice. Many places will allow you to make small changes to what you want to order. Make the best choices you can in the situation. You don’t have to eat everything on your plate & you don’t have to have dessert or choose fruit or cheese.

Remember this isn’t something you’re doing every day. You have to be able to enjoy your life.

At almost 3 weeks after my surgery I went to a casual back yard joint 60th birthday. Took my shake & sipped away. At around three months went to a canapés & cocktails 40th. Sipped a G&T for hours & nibbled on a cheese croquette & a tartlet. At 7 months went to a 21st at a formal restaurant & ordered a fish dish. It can be done.

Happy birthday.

[Shanna NYC 148]

17 hours ago, LAzouz said:

Like, if my family cant treat me to a meal then why bother celebrating type of thing...

Ah ok so yeah i see the difference in what you were initially intending to get across and my initial response.

It is disappointing when your family is unsupportive and/or uncreative. Do they ever at least ask what you'd like to do? Do you have another support system around? They might just need a nudge.

I typically spend my time with my friends over family, though my family is overall supportive, I am beyond the age of birthdays with them. Long before my surgery, my immediate family stopped with the typical cake celebration. Now it's usually a text or phone call and a card with some cash lol.

I think in your case you'd have to guide your family to do something different if that's what you'd prefer. It's such an ingrained thing that celebrations equals food for a lot of us and they may need some help breaking that pattern at least every once in a while.

[ShoppGirl 4,785]

Maybe you just need to be the creative one. Come up with something else you would like to do and ask for it. And if they aren’t willing to do it then treat yourself to something nice. Birthdays to me for adults are all about splurging on something you would otherwise not buy for yourself because it’s kind of a waste of money. Could be a material item or an experience. Otherwise we are just passing the same envelope of cash back and forth for years.

[ms.sss 15,580]

2 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

Maybe you just need to be the creative one

Agreed!

Speak up and lay out what you want. If others aren't on board, do it for yourself! (and find people who would be on board )

side anecdote: i have different groups of friends and family. as my interests and lifestyle changed since surgery, i have found that so too did the groups of people i hung out with the most changed. the group of friends that i spent the most time with before are eaters and sitting-around-ers. the group of friends and family that i now spend more time with are the ones who are more active and down for whatever. i still hang out with the former group, just not as much i used to. i also made a whole bunch of new friends/acquaintances (from all the stuff i do now) that i share common interests with.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that you are going to change. it may be a little unfair to expect all those around you to change as well. if they do, awesome! if they don't, its unfortunate, but don't let it stop you from doing what you want to do (with those that want to do it with you :).

good luck! ❤️

[ripburn 30]

Maybe have your friends and family come over to watch a movie and skip the food.

Edited May 31 by ripburn

[Lilia_90 450]

I am 5.5 months out and at 3 weeks out I have been out to dinner at least once a week/twice sometimes. I traveled at 3 weeks out, 3 months out and at 7 months out (upcoming), and what I can tell you is this:

- It never hindered my weight loss, on the contrary, I weigh in every Sunday and I see the weight melting off the morning after being out on date night and having yummy food.

- It is truly enjoyable, I get to try a little bit of this and that and not stuff myself. A bite or two is enough.

- I TAKE MY TIME. I have been a fast eater my entire life and since surgery I am forced to slow down and actually savor what I am eating. This has turned date night dinner from a 1.5 hour affair to at least 3 - 3.5 hours and I would have lengthy deep conversations with the hubby which also forces him to slow down (the connection and conversation part can apply to whoever your companion is).

- SHARE - I order one salad/entree with the person I'm eating with and I portion out what I'm having.

- I make good food choices, I scan the menu and choose the best option of Protein & Veg. I always start with my protein, a salad/veggies, then if I can I'll have a bite of a fun thing, either a tiny bit of carb or a bite or two of dessert (not always, whenever I'm feeling like it). But generally meals out don't get in the way of how I eat and what I eat.

I think it is important to train your body and mind to be okay with eating out without it being a hurdle or a trigger.

Living after weight loss surgery should include experiences like travel and food because it's a lifestyle and not alienation from what life used to be. I knew early on that I would not stop myself from eating out (I love love love dining out and trying different cuisines and restaurants) and traveling, it's just how I would do it in a way that doesn't involve losing control and hindering my progress or causing a negative mind shift.

Happy belated birthday, I hope you had a blast!

Edited June 3 by Lilia_90